- Overall, I think you have a very solid concept here. I like the characterization you have of Edge and Rydia, and I like the snarky aspect to their relationship that you bring out. However, there are some things that you could do to improve the fic a great deal.
The first thing I noticed is that you use a LOT of adverbs. The writing would flow better if you perhaps selected different verbs. Also, some of the adverbs are unnecessary.
The second item I noticed is more of a grammatical nitpick. When you end a dialogue sentence to add a tag such as 'he said' or 'she said,' the dialogue should end with a comma. For example, you tend to use the following construction: "It's a lovely day." She said. The correct way to do it would be "It's a lovely day," she said.
At the very beginning, you specified that Mist was built "snuggly" against the mountains. The adverb should be "snugly" in this instance; "snuggly" implies that either the mountains or the village enjoy cuddling, while "snugly" gets across the image that they are close together.
You have Rydia thinking "If this got anymore like pulling teeth...." In this case, the correct words would be "any more" rather than "anymore."
My last nitpick involves the sentence "Rydia tilted her head back, the dual moons pale orbs in the afternoon sky." Why is the latter part comma-spliced into the first part? There's nothing to link Rydia tilting her head back to the view of the moons. If you specified that she looked up, the bit about the moons would make a lot more sense.
As I said, overall you have a strong fic; I just think it could be improved with a few edits. I do especially like the interaction between Edge and Rydia, though.
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