Categories > Anime/Manga > Sailor Moon

Purpose Built to Not Feel Guilt

by Lord_Raa 0 Reviews

What if the Negaverse called in a ringer? Caution: Crackfic one-shot from your fiend.

Category: Sailor Moon - Rating: R - Genres: Crossover, Humor, Parody - Characters: Ami (Mercury), Beryl, Haruka (Uranus), Jadeite, Makoto (Jupiter), Michiru (Neptune), Minako (Venus), Pluto, Rei (Mars), Saturn, Tuxedo Kamen, Usagi (Moon) - Warnings: [!!] [?] - Published: 2007/06/04 - Updated: 2007/06/04 - 5163 words - Complete



Purpose Built to Not Feel Guilt


By Lord Raa


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Disclaim-me-do: Share and enjoy!


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Dark Schneider blinked as he tried to make sense of the unfamiliar surroundings. While he was no stranger to unusual goings on, he was surprised to see a woman in charge of what looked like a demonic army.

Standing up to stretch, the wizard scanned the room for exits and started to formulate a plan of action.

"So, the wizard awakes at last," Queen Beryl said from her throne. "They tell me that you're a powerful magic user."

"You could say that, toots," Schneider smirked. "So, where is this place? You got anything to eat around here?"

Jadeite frowned and stepped forward. "You will show Queen Beryl the respect she deserves, mage!"

The blonde wizard's smirk grew into a smile, which turned into a chuckle and then into a loud laughter that filled the room, making some of the lower ranks feel uneasy.

"I love it when the little people tell me what to do," Schneider said after a further minute's laughter. "It makes breaking them into tiny pieces so much more fun. So then Queenie, what's the deal here?"

"You," Beryl started, already tiring of the insolence displayed before her, "have been summoned to deal with our greatest foe."

"And that would be?"

"The Sailor Senshi."

"Meh, and why should I do anything for you?" the wizard asked as he watched the generals beside the monarch seethe with anger.

"Because Queen Beryl commands you!" Jadeite insisted.

Schneider rolled his eyes. "Look, Queenie, you're not ugly or anything, but you gotta do a couple of things before we can get it on. 1) Lose the tiara thing on your head - it makes you look like a mono-browed transvestite. 2). Tell your dogs that if they don't stop barkin' at me, I'm gonna show them what bitches they really are. And 3) tell me who or what the fuck the 'Sailor Senshi' are."

"..." the room fell into a stunned silence.

"A little arrogant, aren't we?" Beryl smiled. "What makes you think that you can get away with talking to me like that?"

The summoned wizard smiled as he moved his arms above his head before pointing at Jadeite.

Less than a second later, the blonde general was turned into a gooey red mess on the stone floor.

"Now, where were we, Queenie?" Darsh asked as he strutted up to the queen. "Ah yes, we were talking about your dress sense. Personally, I think that you'd look a lot better naked, writhing around in ecstasy on my bed."

"You dare talk to me like some common woman of loose morals?" the suitably outraged ruler demanded.

The wizard laughed again as he reached out and stroked Beryl's cheek. "But you are my woman of loose morals."


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Several hours later, Darsh turned to the naked woman next to him on the bed and smiled.

"So then, what was it that you wanted me to do for you?"

"Make love to me again," Beryl replied happily.

"I was talking about the original reason you brought me here, Queenie."

"Oh. Well, there are these reincarnated warriors that are standing in the way of my plans for the conquest of Earth."

"Reincarnated warriors? Pah, they always take a while to get their edge back," Darsh snorted in derision. "So, what are these gimps like? They some kind of giant swordsmen with ancient magical weapons?"

"The Senshi were, are, the elite warriors of the Moon Kingdom," Beryl replied. "They each have an element that is the basis for their magical attacks."

"What do they look like? I mean, you are asking me to kill giants that wield great magical power, aren't you?"

"... Well, actually, they're teenaged girls."

The wizard blinked. "I'm sorry; could you say that again, this time speaking directly into my beautiful ear? It sounded a lot like you were having problems with teenaged girls."

"I'd like to see you defeat them!" Beryl shot back angrily.

"Oh, but I will, Queenie. And I'll do it with my rippling muscles and long flowing hair looking unbelievably sexy!"


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In Juuban, Setsuna Meioh was in a pretty good mood during the weekly Senshi meeting.

The girls were chatting, taking part in their usual banter and discussions about manga, boys (or the lack thereof of them in their lives), schoolwork and the banalities of adolescence. In fact, in general, things were going quite well for the teenaged vigilantes.

That was until Ami's Mercury Computer started bleeping.

"What is it, Ami-chan?" Usagi asked around a mouthful of home-baked cookie.

"I don't know exactly what, but..."

"But what, Ami-chan?" Makoto asked her blue haired friend.

When the resident genius didn't respond, everyone became increasingly anxious.

"I think that we're going to be busy," Ami finally said. "I just picked up several dark energy signatures."

"What? Where?" Haruka asked, not happy about the fact that her hugs time with Michiru was being interrupted.

"It's near the shopping mall," the Ami answered. "I've never seen anything like this before - we'd better check it out."

"Agreed," Setsuna nodded. "Usagi, get everyone ready and I'll meet you there."


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Dark Schneider stood on a rooftop, his long hair billowing behind him as he surveyed downtown Juuban.

"Time to see what these Senshi chicks are all about," he smirked before casually tossing a fireball into the road.

It took another three fireballs to get the locals to start screaming hysterically as they fled the scene and only a further three minutes before the Sailor Senshi arrived.

"You there!" a blonde with a rather unusual hairstyle called out. "Urban business districts are for employing people so they can earn money to take their loved ones out on dates, not for rampant pyromania!"

Darsh actually stopped what he was doing to digest what he'd just heard. Shaking his head dismissively, he stepped off the building and slowly floated down.

"And just who do you think you are to ME tell what to do, little girl?"

"I am Sailor Moon, and in the name of the Love and Justice , we shall punish you!" the lead blonde declared.

"Better women than you have tried and failed to punish me, child," the wizard mocked. "But you're all welcome to try. After all, it's early enough in the day for me to deal with all of you, get freshened up and head out to pick up women."

The Senshi didn't have much time to let Dark Schneider's comments get under their skin as roadside debris was lifted up and hurled at them, a mailbox slamming into a short haired blonde and knocking her backwards through a shop window.

"Damn crossdressers," the mage grumbled loud enough for Sailor Uranus to hear.

"I. Am. Not. A. Man." the aggressive woman growled as she climbed out of the toyshop window.

"Really? And I suppose that you're going to prove it by stripping off now?"

"What? No!" Uranus protested, shocked at the very notion of such exhibitionism.

"Oh. Well, tough shit. I still think you're a man," Darsh shrugged before dodging a fiery attack from Sailor Mars. "Oh, you're a feisty little one, aren't you?"

"Just who are you?" Mars demanded when she saw one of her attacks shrugged off with little more concern than that of a snowflake.

"Why, I'm hurt that you don't recognise me," the long haired man replied pompously. "Who is it that stands before you, immortal, all powerful, with rippling muscles, long thick, lustrous hair and enough raw sex appeal to seduce Queen Beryl and count her among his conquests? It is the one, the only, Dark Schneider!"

To punctuate his introduction, a bolt of lightning slammed into ground, not six inches away from Sailors Jupiter and Venus, knocking the two boy-hungry girls to the ground.

And incidentally giving the lecherous magic user a look up their skirts.

"Hmm. Not bad at all," Schneider mused as he sidestepped to avoid a joint attack from Sailors Uranus and Neptune. "Unlike the some others around here, I'm pretty sure that you two are actually girls."

"How dare you!?" the short haired blonde protested, her outrage reaching epic proportions.

The wizard just stepped into Uranus's personal space and picked her up by the throat with his right hand.

"Hmm, no Adam's apple; I guess you are a woman after all, just one with small breasts."

"My breasts are perfectly fine!" the angry lesbian ranted.

"Maybe, but the time of judgement isn't yet here," Darsh replied, casually throwing Uranus into Mars as an attempt to stop the fireballs being cast his way. "Haven't you got anything better to do?"

"It's my duty to fight evil!" the raven haired Senshi insisted. "So no, no I haven't!"

"Well, that's because we've only just met."

"What?" Mars asked, the comment surprising her enough to make her stop what she was doing.

"I said 'that's because we've only just met'," the mage repeated in a patronising tone. "But a little foreplay is good for the soul. I think. I'm not sure if I have a soul or not. Oh well, back to the fight!"

Sailor Moon turned to Mercury. "What can you tell me about him?"

"The data from the scans is still being processed. I've never seen anything as powerful as this," the blue haired Senshi answered.

"But of course not, my dear," Darsh said behind the two sailor-suited warriors. "There is no-one that can compare to me, the great Dark Schneider."

"AAARGH! Don't do that!" Moon screamed. "Wait, when did you get here?"

"I was here before you arrived. You know, causing property damage, making the peons flee in terror. It's what I do, you know."

"That's not what I meant!" the blonde shouted angrily. "I was talking about you sneaking up on us."

"It wasn't hard. I mean, your friends are all over there, not being exactly useful. Though, that one with the brown hair - I think I might have to have some fun with her," Darsh said as he pointed to where the other Senshi were being restrained by magical bonds.

"Let them go!" Moon demanded.

"Make me."

"Moon Healing Escalation!"

Darsh blinked when the magical attack bounced off him, tearing his robes enough to reveal how muscled he was. "If you wanted to see me naked, then all you had to do was ask."

The two Senshi blushed heavily as the mage shed himself of his tattered clothing.

"Impressive, but it takes more than a pretty face and nice body to defeat me," a new voice called out.

"And you are?"

"I am Sailor Pluto, and I'm her to give you a chance to taste a Dead Scream!" the green haired Senshi explained as she unleashed her attack.


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Ten minutes later, Dark Schneider looked at the people that had been causing Queen Beryl so much bother and shook his head.

"Well, I suppose that since some of you aren't ugly crossdressers, I'm going to let you live."

"I am not a man!" Haruka shot back.

"..." The rest of the Senshi sweatdropped at that comment.

The mage leant in to mock the short haired blonde yet again. "And just what are you going to do to prove it, Sailor Your Anus?"

Before Haruka could start her foul mouthed tirade, she was gagged by a piece of Darsh's cloak.

"Just what is it that you want, Schneider?" Pluto demanded.

"To rule a domain that shows me the love and respect that I deserve, a worthy adversary to vanquish and a harem of beautiful women willing do fulfil my every twisted desire. You know, the usual."

"..."

"So then, what makes you fight for Love and Justice ?" Schneider asked, taking a seat on a nearby burnt out taxi cab that had been caught in the crossfire.

"We're not telling you anything!" Mars spat back defiantly.

The mage smiled. "You say that now. But what if I was to take... you with me for some interrogation?"

Sailor Neptune frowned as she realised that it was her that had been singled out. 'I must be strong, the others are depending on me.'

With a wave of Schneider's left hand, Michiru found herself floating upwards and towards the troublesome wizard.

"Hey, what are you doing?" she demanded when she was turned upside down.

"I'm curious as to what kind of underwear you'd put on when heading out into combat. Ooh, they're nice, I've always liked lace. Though I think they'd look better on the floor of my bedchamber, don't you agree?" Darsh asked with his usual lecherous smirk.

"You bastard! I'll kill you if you put even one greasy finger on her!" Uranus shouted, having managed to spit out the cloth gag.

"Would that be before or after I reduce this town to rubble?" the mage asked. "I mean, there's this ugly building here."

There was a loud crash and Usagi gasped as a ten storey building covered with graffiti was razed to the ground in less than five seconds.

"Now, where were we?" Darsh said to Michiru. "Anything you want to say? I mean, it would be rude not to let you pray to your impotent gods, now wouldn't it?"

Haruka struggled under her bonds, trying to do something, anything to stop the long haired man from hurting her lover.

"Halt, Villain!"

Schneider looked to the rooftop of a nearby convenience store. He was pleasantly surprised to see what he thought was another magic user, though this one was obviously uglier than he was if the mask on his face was anything to go by.

"How dare you try to have your wicked way with the Sailor Senshi?" the tuxedo clad interloper demanded.

There was the sound of something cutting through the air close to the egotistical wizard.

"That all you got? Well, I guess that you would be a little ill-prepared, what with your trip to the opera being interrupted," the long haired man smirked.

Darsh realised that something was wrong - he felt something warm on his left cheek. After running his index and middle fingers through the dampness he glanced at the sample before bringing it to his nose and sniffing it.

"Hmm..." the mage mused as he tasted the red fluid on his fingertips. "It seems that you have damaged my beautiful face. Now, I'm pretty sure that there was a penalty for that. What was it...? No, don't tell me. Ah yes. A painful death."

"AAAAIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Tuxedo mask screamed as he was engulfed in a pillar of bright orange fire that started to burn the concrete he was standing on.

Finally, after nearly ten minutes of incineration, the now crispy boyfriend of Usagi Tsukino fell to the ground face first with a sickening splat.

While the other Senshi there shared Sailor Moon's feelings on the matter, they would have preferred her not to empty her stomach.

"Well, with that done, I'm going to take this lovely little thing back with me. You'll be freed in about ten minutes, so don't fret my playthings, we will meet again," Darsh winked at the thoroughly humiliated vigilantes.

"Hey! Put me down!" Sailor Neptune protested as she hoisted unceremoniously into a fireman's carry.

"Quiet, or Papa spank," the wizard ordered as the green haired woman struggled in his strong grip.


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"Hey, Queenie, look what I found."

Queen Beryl was not sure what to make of Dark Schneider's return to her castle. On the one hand, she was glad to see the handsome man again, but on the other she was surprised to see only one of the Sailor Senshi with him.

And the fact that she was still alive, as was evidenced by her struggling, was something that she was a little concerned about.

"Is there something that you want to tell me?"

"I brought one of these Senshi back with me," Darsh replied as he placed Sailor Neptune on the ground in a surprisingly gentle fashion.

"Why?" the queen asked. "I thought that you were going to kill them."

The mage shrugged. "I was going to, but you didn't tell me they were cute. Besides, it'll be more fun to keep them as part of my harem."

Michiru gulped nervously. 'This is not going to be pleasant...'

"But first of all, would you like some refreshments, Miss Nippletune?" Darsh asked. "We're not savages here, you know."

"..."

"That is true," Beryl nodded, "though I can't say that I approve of you being brought here like this."

"What is going on?" Michiru asked. "You've never resorted to calling in outside help before."

"Well, that's because they got tired of losing to a bunch of girls," Darsh smirked. "Oh don't look at me like that, girly, I've fought along side and against warrior women; and I can tell you that your band of cheerleaders are NOT warrior women."

"Oh. So what would you recommend that we do to fight against evil?" the green haired Senshi asked conversationally.

The wizard pulled out a new shirt from nowhere and dressed himself. "Well, for one, I would acquire the services of someone strong and skilled enough to train me. Of course, I'm not cheap."

"And what would you want as payment for your services?"

"I told you and your friends earlier - a kingdom to rule, a foe to vanquish and a harem to pleasure me," Schneider replied as he walked over to Beryl. "What do you think, Queenie?"

"What do you mean?" Beryl demanded.

"She is cute and I know that she has good taste in underwear. She could prove to be an interesting diversion, don't you think?" the long haired man replied as he put his arm around his conquest.

"I'm not into girls."

"But I am, and that's all that matters," Darsh chuckled.


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Several hours later, a disorientated and rather exhausted Michiru found herself back in Juuban. She looked at a bus stop that was two metres away and realised that she was in luck in that she was only a short bus ride away from home.

Eight minutes later, the green haired young woman knocked on the door to her house.

"Michiru! You're alright! What did that monster do to you?" Haruka asked with concern etched on her face.

"I'm ok...I think. I just need a hot bath, something to eat and to sleep for a week," the musically gifted lesbian smiled weakly.

"Ok, I'll start making something to eat, you get in the bath. Setsuna's with the others. I wanted to search for you, but they insisted that someone stay here."

"It's ok, Haruka."


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Half an hour later, Michiru was sitting down to eat her food. It wasn't anything fancy, but it was good honest fare that filled her up.

The doorbell rang, making the green haired woman sigh. "Could you get that...?"

Looking up, Michiru had seen that Haruka had already answered the door and was explaining the situation to the visitors.

"Michiru!" Usagi called out as she barged past her friend and embraced the returned woman.

"I'm fine, Usagi, I'm just a little tired, that's all. I don't mean to be rude, but I just want to sleep."

"Oh, ok. But you will tell us what happened, right?" the blonde haired girl said. Or rather, demanded.

"Yes, I promise that I'll tell you what we're dealing with," Michiru smiled.


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Back in Queen Beryl's bedchamber, Dark Schneider was feeling rather pleased with himself.

"So then, Queenie, what did you think to that nice Sailor Nippletune?"

"I think she's called Sailor Neptune, Darsh," the naked woman deadpanned. "Though I can see why you'd call her that. I can't believe that you tied her up and hung your cloak off her erect nipples like that."

"It turned you on to see her humiliated like that," the mage replied. "So, what now?"

"More sex?"

"Sounds like a plan."


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The next morning in Juuban, Haruka was smiling at her lover as she slept.

"I'm so glad that you came back to me," the blonde whispered as she kissed the sleeping beauty on the forehead.

"Hmm, Darsh... you're so manly...."

That particular comment caused Haruka to stop dead in her tracks. "What?"

"Yes, my dark overlord, spank my disobedient ass... let me taste your rod of manliness..."

"Michiru!" the blonde called out.

"What?" the green haired woman asked as she was shaken awake. "What's up? Is there an earthquake?"

"No, you were having a nightmare," Haruka replied. "I think you were remembering something that evil bastard did to you."

"I don't remember having a nightmare. In fact I think the dream was quite nice... err, I think that wizard put some kind of spell on me," Michiru replied after she realised just what she had said and to whom.

"Ya think?" the blonde replied acidly.

"Hey, it's not like I go out cruising for men like Minako and Makoto!" the green haired woman protested. "Besides, what about you and your roving eyes?"

"Hey, I always operated a 'look but don't touch' policy," Haruka shot back. "And that is distinctly different from having erotic thoughts about evil men that humiliate us in battle!"

When Michiru looked to the floor in shame, the blonde knew that there could only be one course of action.

"I'll just have to show you just why a _man_ just can never match up to a woman when it comes to lovemaking!"


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A pleasure filled hour and a half later, and the two Outer Senshi lay on the backs, sweat dripping off their naked bodies.

"So, how was it for you?" Haruka panted. "And be honest - I can tell when you're lying."

"T-that was the best sex I've ever had with a woman, Haruka-chan," Michiru replied.

"Heh. Wait a minute," the blonde said as she propped herself up on one arm. "What do you mean 'with a woman'?"

"I'm sorry, but Darsh was just better."

"I'll kill him. I'll kill him dead!"


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The next Senshi meeting was a more serious affair as most of the sailor suited warriors wanted to dispense some justice on the long haired wizard that had humiliated them in their last battle.

"I say that we use our most powerful attacks!" Haruka suggested loudly.

"Yeah," Rei agreed. While she would grudgingly admit under torture that she may have found the troublesome mage attractive, she was still angry about the way he had treated them like they were nothing more than something to amuse him. "We need to eliminate this threat as soon as possible."

Minako and Makoto were torn, while this was a fantastic opportunity to meet up with a suitable man, they didn't appreciate getting humiliated by their enemies.

'Even if he was damn sexy,' the boy hungry girls thought in unison.

"What about Mamo-chan?" Usagi asked. "Is he going to be ok?"

"He is," Setsuna nodded. "Hotaru is taking care of him as we speak."

"That's a relief. Hey, why wasn't she with us fighting that man?" the blonde asked.

"...You know what, that's a very good question, Meatball-head," Rei added. "So where was Hotaru?"

"She was... busy and I said that we'd cover for her," Haruka answered.

"Busy? How? Doing what?"

"She's..., her body is going through some changes at the moment," the short haired blonde replied, looking away from the intense glares directed at her. "Hey, you know what she's been through. How was I supposed to know that this latest menace was the most dangerous foe we've fought to date?"

"That's true," the Senshi of Time sighed. "And before you direct any snide remarks in my direction, the Time Gates do not make me omniscient. I can't see every little thing that's going to happen, you know."

"Oh," the Senshi sighed in unison.

"It's just that you've been able to tell us about certain things, that we sort of just took it for granted that you could see into the future," Makoto said.

"Well, I can't. I'm sorry if you had that opinion of me," the green haired woman shrugged. "Now, does anyone have any ideas how to defeat this Dark Schneider?"

"Maybe we could distract him while Hotaru strikes him with everything she's got?" Haruka suggested. "I know just where to insert my sword!"


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Dark Schneider reached for the ceiling, his well defined muscles rippling in a manner that Queen Beryl found enticing.

"So the, Darsh," the monarch smiled, "when are you going to deal with the rest of the Senshi?"

"All shall be revealed in good time," the wizard smirked as he started his naked stretching. "Speaking of which, do you remember what Sailor Nippletune had to say about men when we started our fun together?"

"Yes," Beryl nodded. "What are you thinking? Seduce the other lesbian?"

"More like seducing all of them and making them do unspeakably disgusting things for my amusement. Is there anything you wanted to do any of them in particular?"

"Like what?"

"I dunno," Darsh shrugged. "Maybe you want to make them do things that mock their names? You know, like walk Sailor Moon around on a leash with her bare ass hanging out?"

"Yes. Make it happen," Beryl smiled evilly. "Punish all the Senshi for getting in the way of our plans!"

The mage let out a laugh. "It sounds like you're getting excited by that idea, Queenie."

"I am, now take me, big boy!"


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Dark Schneider appeared in an alleyway in Juuban. The muscular man stretched as he pondered the best way to get the attention of his targets.

"Fire is a classic, but I did already use that. Perhaps I should try something else? Hey, you there!"

"What? Me? What did I do?" a hapless, academic looking young man asked in surprise.

"You will help me get the Sailor Senshi here, or I will tear you right leg off and beat you around the head with the soggy end. Then, I will peel you like an onion," Darsh smiled.

"..." the unfortunate youth just passed out.

"Damn, oh well, I guess that some property damage is the best way. Iron Lightning Anthem!" the wizard called out and destroyed the shop floor of a men's fashion boutique.

As Darsh strode forward to inspect his handiwork, he noticed a TV news crew nearby. "See something you like?"

"Err... who are you and what do you want?"

"I'm Dark Schneider, and I want the Sailor Senshi."

"W-what are you going to do with them?" the reporter asked, somehow finding enough courage to keep from fleeing in terror.

"Unspeakably perverted things," the wizard smiled. "I will make them my loveslaves and they will adore me for it."

"I think not!" Sailor Uranus called out.

"Men's fashion is a serious business and is there to make men look good while taking their girlfriends out on dates! In the name of the Moon, I will punish you!"

Schneider looked at the short skirted vigilantes. "Oh really? Well, what if I told you that I would be willing to stop this rampage?"

"Y-you would?" Sailor Moon asked.

"Yes, in fact, I think that we should all spend some time together to get to know each other a _lot_ better."

From behind the wizard, Sailor Mars unleashed her attack. "MARS FLAME SNIPER!"

Which Darsh calmly sidestepped. "A classic pincer movement? Well, at least you're learning the basics of tactics. Still, I guess that since there are still four of you on that building, EXODUS!"

The nearby shopping complex that Sailors Moon, Uranus, Venus and Neptune were standing on was obliterated in less than the blink of an eye.

The warriors of Love and Justice fell awkwardly to the ground, the four of them somehow landing in a heap.

The wizard smiled as he approached his prey. "Now, what shall I do with you lovely girls?"

"MARS FLAME SNIPER!"

"JUPITER OAK EVOLUTION!"

"SILENCE GLAIVE SURPRISE!"

"SHABON SPRAY!"

"DEAD SCREAM!"

Darsh, feeling suitably charred, groaned. "That was painful. However, I think that a few blasts of Iron Lightning Anthem should redress the balance."

"AAARRRGGGHHH!!!" the still conscious Senshi screamed in agony as they were repeated blasted by magical missiles.

"Now, since we've all calmed down, why don't I take you with me to meet someone?"


@@@@@


"Hey Queenie," Schneider called out cheerfully. "Look what I found."

"..." Beryl blinked as she saw her enemies being led into her throne room on leashes by her lover.

"What? I got the whole set," the wizard winked lecherously. "So which one do you want to play with first?"

"We'll never submit to you!" Sailor Uranus sneered defiantly.

"That's what Sailor Nippletune said," Beryl smirked.


@@@@@


A few days later, Darsh led his latest conquests back to Juuban, though Minako and Makoto were unsurprisingly reluctant to leave their "hunky master".

"Please, Master Schneider, let us stay with you," the blonde whined.

"Yes, Master Schneider, it's rather mean to leave us like this," Makoto added.

"Who said anything about leaving you forever? You girls need to make your plans to bring about my new kingdom," the wizard smiled as he grabbed the girls' asses.

"Of course, Master Schneider," the girls giggled. "So, what do we do first?"

"First you let me save you," a male voice called out. It was the same tuxedo-clad man from the other day, only he seemed rather less carbonised.

"And what can you do to stop me? Give me a good reason why I don't incinerate you and this neighbourhood."

Tuxedo Mask gulped nervously, but stood firm.

The mage rolled his eyes before walking up to the man that had cut his face. Grabbing the man in the eveningwear by the lapels, Darsh smirked.

"I didn't think so," the muscular man sighed. He put a gloved finger right under Mamoru's left nostril and whispered a single word. "Exodus."

Dusting himself off, Schneider turned to his harem and smiled. "So, shall we begin with the removal of all the ugly people from my planet?"

"Yes, Master Schneider!" the Senshi chorused happily.


@@@@@


Six months later, Dark Schneider sat on his elaborate crystalline throne surveying his court.

"So, this is Crystal Tokyo, eh? Well, I'm glad I was called up for this," he smiled as he looked at his harem.

The nine Sailor Senshi were dressed in gauze-like layers that did little to hide the delectable flesh from their master. What little modesty they had was protected by the skimpiest of lingerie that was colour-coordinated to match their old uniforms.

"So what's next on the itinerary, Mercury?"

"After lunch, you are expected to declare the time to be 'orgy o'clock' and then we're to be pleasured within an inch of our lives," the blue haired girl replied after consulting her computer.

"Excellent. While it's good to be the king, it's even better to be the Emperor," Darsh smiled broadly.


@@@@@


The end...



There you go, a crackfic from your fiend that was pre-viewed and pre-read by the usual suspects. I know that there are probably several dozen things wrong with this, but I don't care. It's a parody and it was intended to make you laugh.

If it did that, then it is a success.
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