Categories > Original > Humor > Deconstruction
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(Emal, Sillene, and Amlah are interrupted by a skidding sound as Jedd, Hatri and Oranfh come tumbling into the magma cave.)
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JEDD: Oof!
HATRI: Hot in here or is it me?
ORANFH: (mumbles)
EMAL: Wood brigands! (Steps in front of Sil)
HATRI: Boss!
EMAL: Boss?
JEDD: We didn't mean to fail you, boss! We're here to help!
SOOT: Boss?! You're that evil snark who had me kidnapped!!
SIL: (Smacks self in head) So much for subtlety.
SOOT: (Eyes very wide) Amlah! Get out of here! Take Emal and get out of here!
AMLAH: I am left perplexed... Surely Soot must then gain his power over fire from his male parent...
SOOT: She put a spell on the fire to keep me in the cage! Ask her, Emal: If all she wanted was to keep the Flame Orb from falling into the wrong hands, then why not just kill me? Why keep me prisoner?
SIL: (under breath) Oh crud.
SOOT: Why not just leave me where I was? Auntie K was infuriatingly good at keeping me out of trouble!
EMAL: Auntie K? (To Sil) Okay. Why were you and your brigands keeping him prisoner?
SIL: You mean you don't -- I'm sorry; I was expecting you to be more surprised that my henchmen are brigands. I mean... (gestures to Jedd, Oranfh and Hatri) It is a little wierd.
EMAL: Not really. (Points at Amlah) Look who I work with.
AMLAH: Master Emal! Who/M/!
SIL: Okay; I give up! Yes, I want the Flame Orb for myself. With it, I can restore my family line to its former glory.
EMAL: And you were holding Soot prisoner until he agreed to get it for you?
SIL: (Cringing) Well...
SOOT: She was waiting for me to get bigger so that she could make a flamesuit out of my skin!
EMAL: /Yuck!/
SIL: Sue me. Like you've never wanted to do that.
EMAL: You've got a point. ...but yuck!
SOOT: Well fat chance trying that now! (His hand closes around the glowing rock, which pulses and sizzles in his unharmed hand.) Wohoo; yeah!
HATRI: Oh spoon!
JEDD: "Spoon?" What the crud kinda' curse is "spoon?"
HATRI: You need to surf the net more, man.
ORANFH: (mumbles)
JEDD: What the heck is "leet"?
HATRI: 133t, man, and you never will be.
SOOT: Wow! I hope I can learn to use this thing!
(Soot aims the jewel at the river of magma, and opens a pathway just wide enough for a flame-retardant child to walk through)
SOOT: Well that answers that question. (Begins to walk across) Amlah? Can we go for toastie cakes on the way back?
EMAL: (To Sil) Sure. There's a demonic threat.
AMLAH: /May/, little master, and you put that apocalyptic power jewel back this instant!
SIL: He's more dangerous than he looks! I've begun to speculate upon who the creature's father may have been. I reviewed the paninfernon and a number of male fire-demons struck out, but it doesn't account for the way he's able to disguise himself as human--
SOOT: (Rolls his eyes) Dad can be kind of lame, but he's certainly no demon.
SIL: Nonsense! What other being could have that much command over flames?
EMAL: Wait a minute... The Flame Orb is the "hidden thing," but the "thing of value..."
SIL: Thing of value?
AMLAH: Master Emal was commanded to find the hidden thing and also a thing of value.
EMAL: Soot! Who's "Auntie K"?
SOOT: Dad's kinswoman; duh! Just a minute, I think I --crud! (SCHLOOP! The magma tunnel closes in. Soot's head bobs to the surface) Darn it! Don't quite have the knack yet. (Swims)
HATRI: He hasn't yet mastered its power. We can defeat him!
EMAL: (Puts hands on Sil's shoulders) Where did you find him?
SIL: What?
EMAL: Where was Soot when you kidnapped him?
SIL: He was...
EMAL: It's important!
HATRI: We nabbed the kid from Lorelin, to the south of the Mount. He was in the temple of the goddess Kojiia.
EMAL: (Lets go of Sil and stands agape)
AMLAH: The message from Stormcloud to her kinsman...
SIL: What are you saying?
(Soot, Flame Orb clenched firmly in his small fist, has reached the near shore. He dusts himself off.)
EMAL: I'm saying that Soot isn't a demon on his father's side.
SOOT: (Walks up to Amlah) Can we go back now?
EMAL: ...he's a god!
(/Music sting/.)
HATRI: Well that sucks.
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An evil cookie to everyone who saw this coming!!
(Emal, Sillene, and Amlah are interrupted by a skidding sound as Jedd, Hatri and Oranfh come tumbling into the magma cave.)
.
.
JEDD: Oof!
HATRI: Hot in here or is it me?
ORANFH: (mumbles)
EMAL: Wood brigands! (Steps in front of Sil)
HATRI: Boss!
EMAL: Boss?
JEDD: We didn't mean to fail you, boss! We're here to help!
SOOT: Boss?! You're that evil snark who had me kidnapped!!
SIL: (Smacks self in head) So much for subtlety.
SOOT: (Eyes very wide) Amlah! Get out of here! Take Emal and get out of here!
AMLAH: I am left perplexed... Surely Soot must then gain his power over fire from his male parent...
SOOT: She put a spell on the fire to keep me in the cage! Ask her, Emal: If all she wanted was to keep the Flame Orb from falling into the wrong hands, then why not just kill me? Why keep me prisoner?
SIL: (under breath) Oh crud.
SOOT: Why not just leave me where I was? Auntie K was infuriatingly good at keeping me out of trouble!
EMAL: Auntie K? (To Sil) Okay. Why were you and your brigands keeping him prisoner?
SIL: You mean you don't -- I'm sorry; I was expecting you to be more surprised that my henchmen are brigands. I mean... (gestures to Jedd, Oranfh and Hatri) It is a little wierd.
EMAL: Not really. (Points at Amlah) Look who I work with.
AMLAH: Master Emal! Who/M/!
SIL: Okay; I give up! Yes, I want the Flame Orb for myself. With it, I can restore my family line to its former glory.
EMAL: And you were holding Soot prisoner until he agreed to get it for you?
SIL: (Cringing) Well...
SOOT: She was waiting for me to get bigger so that she could make a flamesuit out of my skin!
EMAL: /Yuck!/
SIL: Sue me. Like you've never wanted to do that.
EMAL: You've got a point. ...but yuck!
SOOT: Well fat chance trying that now! (His hand closes around the glowing rock, which pulses and sizzles in his unharmed hand.) Wohoo; yeah!
HATRI: Oh spoon!
JEDD: "Spoon?" What the crud kinda' curse is "spoon?"
HATRI: You need to surf the net more, man.
ORANFH: (mumbles)
JEDD: What the heck is "leet"?
HATRI: 133t, man, and you never will be.
SOOT: Wow! I hope I can learn to use this thing!
(Soot aims the jewel at the river of magma, and opens a pathway just wide enough for a flame-retardant child to walk through)
SOOT: Well that answers that question. (Begins to walk across) Amlah? Can we go for toastie cakes on the way back?
EMAL: (To Sil) Sure. There's a demonic threat.
AMLAH: /May/, little master, and you put that apocalyptic power jewel back this instant!
SIL: He's more dangerous than he looks! I've begun to speculate upon who the creature's father may have been. I reviewed the paninfernon and a number of male fire-demons struck out, but it doesn't account for the way he's able to disguise himself as human--
SOOT: (Rolls his eyes) Dad can be kind of lame, but he's certainly no demon.
SIL: Nonsense! What other being could have that much command over flames?
EMAL: Wait a minute... The Flame Orb is the "hidden thing," but the "thing of value..."
SIL: Thing of value?
AMLAH: Master Emal was commanded to find the hidden thing and also a thing of value.
EMAL: Soot! Who's "Auntie K"?
SOOT: Dad's kinswoman; duh! Just a minute, I think I --crud! (SCHLOOP! The magma tunnel closes in. Soot's head bobs to the surface) Darn it! Don't quite have the knack yet. (Swims)
HATRI: He hasn't yet mastered its power. We can defeat him!
EMAL: (Puts hands on Sil's shoulders) Where did you find him?
SIL: What?
EMAL: Where was Soot when you kidnapped him?
SIL: He was...
EMAL: It's important!
HATRI: We nabbed the kid from Lorelin, to the south of the Mount. He was in the temple of the goddess Kojiia.
EMAL: (Lets go of Sil and stands agape)
AMLAH: The message from Stormcloud to her kinsman...
SIL: What are you saying?
(Soot, Flame Orb clenched firmly in his small fist, has reached the near shore. He dusts himself off.)
EMAL: I'm saying that Soot isn't a demon on his father's side.
SOOT: (Walks up to Amlah) Can we go back now?
EMAL: ...he's a god!
(/Music sting/.)
HATRI: Well that sucks.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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An evil cookie to everyone who saw this coming!!
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