Shinya wants Die, but he can't have him. He resorts to what he can to make himself happy, even if it's only temporary.
A few weeks later, Die was still with Reina, I was still alone. I still lay on my bed, imagining of him while I masturbated shamelessly.
I'd also taken up an even more shameful hobby, one that I knew Kyo did just for show, but God, did it feel so good. I'd begun cutting. I needed the proof that I wasn't just an empty box without him.
I knew it was bad, I knew how pathetic it was, but somehow, feeling the blade slice through my skin made me feel happy. I knew I was in some control of my feelings when I saw the blood slide down my stomach.
My whole sides were covered with healing cuts and thin white lines.
I put another line to match the rest and threw the small blade aside. I never cut my wrists; they were too difficult to hide.
I was about to cover the cut to stop the blood from seeping when my phone began ringing.
I quickly grabbed it, "Hello?"
Ah, my love, "Die... hi."
"What're you doing today?"
"Nothing really... why?"
"I was wondering if you wanted to hang out or something. I was kind of wondering if I could come over."
"Is everything okay?"
"Can I come over and talk about it?"
"Oh... yeah, sure, of course."
"Alright, I'll be over in about five minutes."
I stood quickly and rushed to the bathroom cleaning off my side and putting on a black shirt in case it should bleed again.
Die had soon arrived and we plopped down on the couch.
"What'd you want to talk about?"
Die sighed, "Well, I've been with Reina for a few months, you know, and I really, really love her, and I want her to marry me."
My breath caught and I stared at him, "W-What?"
"Isn't it great?!"
I blinked slowly, "You're going to... you're going to marry her?"
"Yeah," His smile faded, "Aren't you happy for me?"
"Of course! I mean... yeah, definitely."
Inside, my heart ripped itself in two. So that was it. He was getting married; I could never have him, easy as that.
"God... I'm so glad that you're happy for me," Die hugged me. My head fell to the side, my lips brushing his neck.
I felt him jump slightly, and his hand ran down my side. I gasped in pain and jumped back.
A look of confusion passed his face. The guitarist reached out and pulled my shirt up to reveal all that had been done in the past few weeks.
"Sh-Shinya, my God... you did all of these yourself?"
I looked down, my eyes stinging, "Don't hate me, Die; please."
"I could never hate you," he hugged me gently and looked back to my sides. "You just did this one..."
I nodded and wiped my eyes.
Die took my hands, "Why would you do something like this?"
I looked into his eyes and the tears quickened. "I love you," I choked, my head falling against his chest.
His arms wrapped around my back, but he stayed silent. "Shinya... I have to go. Will you be alright...?"
"Go... tell Reina, and I'm sorry."
"Shinya, no, if you want to talk..."
I shook my head, "No, no, just go, alright?"
He hugged me once more, and looked as if he would say something, but it seemed words failed him as he turned, defeated, and left.
Ahh, I'm a terrible person... and the rest of the story isn't like -EMOCUT- it's pretty much just this chapter... no worries.