Categories > Anime/Manga > Sailor Moon > Setsuna's Blind Dates

The Setup

by NeonProdigy 0 reviews

And some more stuff happens!

Category: Sailor Moon - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor, Romance - Characters: Ami (Mercury), Chibi-Usa, Haruka (Uranus), Makoto (Jupiter), Michiru (Neptune), Minako (Venus), Pluto, Rei (Mars), Saturn, Tuxedo Kamen, Usagi (Moon) - Published: 2007-06-23 - Updated: 2007-06-23 - 2892 words

0Unrated
Somewhere in America (a location that will remain unspecified to protect the ...innocent, yeah, heh, "innocent") Mamoru Chiba was smirking, as he made his way towards his date's house. After mailing the break-up letter to Usagi a few days before, he didn't have to feel guilty about anything. Going to college in the U.S. had been a great idea. The best part was, he didn't have to give up his "destiny" or anything. When he got back to Japan, he could just make up with Usagi and that would be that.

...Or so he thought...

Suddenly, he heard a gunshot. He turned around to see a man wearing a long coat and a fedora holding up a still smoking rifle.

"Damn it all! I missed!"

The Prince of the Earth looked up to see what the man had been firing at and blanched. Up in the sky was a winged horse, a Pegasus to those that are overly anal about that sort of thing, and the only one in this particular corner of the multiverse: Helios.

He quickly ran towards the man and grabbed the barrel of the gun. "What the hell are you doing?! Do you even know who that is?!"

"You're kidding, right?" the man asked. "Of course I know who that is! That bastard, Helios, I've been tracking him all across Europe until last week, and I've finally cornered him here in North America."

Mamoru started trying to wrench the gun out of the Pegasus Hunter's hands. "No, you can't kill him, he's supposed to marry my future daughter."

"..." The other man stared at him, until finally saying: "You want your still unborn daughter to be romantically involved with a /horse/?" He shook his head, muttering under his breath, before resuming trying to gain control of his rifle. "Will you just /let go/?

Unfortunately, Mamoru tried to get a better grip on the firearm further down, far too close to the trigger.

BANG!

Both men looked up to see a bird suddenly burst in a display of red gore and blood. It's remains eventually fell in front of, near, and on a passing group of girl scouts, frightening them so much that they started screaming and running away into a nearby street. Thankfully, the car that could have sealed their fates swerved at the last second, instead heading directly towards Mamoru and the Pegasus Hunter.

As the car neared the two of them, unable to stop and swerving wildly, it ran over an almost too conveniently placed nail, popping one of the tires. The driver swerved the car wildly from it's original course. The end result of this was that he only hit Mamoru, knocking him back several feet as he finally managed to stop the car.

People started to wander over towards the accident, natural human curiosity getting the better of them. The Pegasus Hunter gulped nervously, thinking: "I could get blamed for this, I better get out of here." He looked up to see the retreating form of Helios in the distance. "Aw, hell! He's getting away!" Looking around to see if anyone had noticed him yet, he stealthily moved away from the scene, before resuming his chase.

Back at Mamoru's body, a transparent form looked around at all the people nearby in confusion. He finally looked down to see his own body, lying in a quickly spreading pool of blood.

Glaring at him from nearby, was a strangely familiar looking bird. In fact, it was the soul of a very familiar bird, who'd died mere moments ago.

Mamoru's spirit's attention was suddenly brought to two... no one "voice" and something that could be called a kind of voice, only with a heavy finality to it. The kind of finality one normally associates with large slabs of stone, two dates in time, and the name of a person that, well, let's just say you won't be having a conversation with them anytime soon.

However, if you are, you should seek the services of a man with a chainsaw for a hand.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S "YOUR TURN"?

"You got the last one, and if the two of us are going to have to work in the same universe together, we'd better settle on some kind of schedule or something."

Mamoru didn't know quite what to think of the two figures. The one with the kind-of-voice was wearing a black cloak, his face hidden by a hood. His hands, he noticed, were bleached white bone, and holding a scythe. The other one, with a perky, chipper voice, was a pale girl dressed in black. Notably, there was an ankh hanging from around her neck.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY WE MUST BOTH EXIST IN THE SAME WORLD. ONE DEATH SEEMS ENOUGH TO ME.

From somewhere below them, a third voice said: SQUEEK?

The female Death added, "Yeah, what he said!"

Shaking his head, Death was glad to not have all those troublesome organs, arteries, and various accoutrements humans had to deal with, or he'd have already gotten a headache.

I HATE CROSSOVERS...

_______________________________________________________________

Some time later, at the Hikawa Shrine, you would have been greeted with the sight of a sobbing Usagi Tsukino sitting on the floor in Rei's room, clutching a letter. The Inner Senshi were trying to console the distraught princess.

"Sniff Wh-why would he do this to me?! Haven't I been a good girlfriend?"

Rei was patting the blonde's hand, trying to comfort her. "You haven't done anything wrong! That jerk doesn't know what he's giving up."

Cuddling nearby, Ami and Makoto would have agreed with the miko, but were a little too preoccupied with one another to pay any attention. Two certain Outer Senshi would have been proud, especially when you considered the brief and spontaneous shower of flower petals that swirled in the wind around them inside Rei's fully enclosed room. Minako was quite certain that bits of plant matter had managed to become tangled in her hair.

"Usagi, don't let him take advantage of you like that! He's probably planning on crawling back to you after we start Crystal Tokyo. You should move on and show him that he can't just play with your feelings, after all, there are plenty of other fish in the barrel!" said Minako.

Usagi looked at the blonde for a few seconds before leaping up. "You're absolutely right, Mina-chan! Well, except about the barrel. If Mamoru thinks that he can just leave me for some woman in America, and then come back expecting me to jump back in his arms, he's got another thing coming!"

"Yeah, there you go Usagi! There are plenty of other single people out there!" said Rei, but she mentally added: "Now if I can just get you to realize that I'm one of them..."

She blushed as Usagi suddenly hugged her. "Thank you Rei. You're not usually this understanding." "Oh, Rei" the blonde thought "I wish you'd show this side of you more often. I really love it when you're like this." She opened her eyes, noticing that the two of them were so near each other, their lips so close... Blushing nearly as much as Rei, she pulled away, laughing nervously. "Um, so, I think I should get going now. I'll see all of you later."

"Yeah, the rest of us should get going too," said Minako. She stood up to leave, and noticed Ami and Makoto, who had progressed rather further than just cuddling. "Hey, are you two coming or not? Don't make me throw a bucket of cold water on you two!"

"Rei, she can be so mean, but..." As she was leaving the shrine, Usagi's hand went to her lips. She smiled and blushed, lost in thought as she began her trip home.

Hiding outside of the shrine, having missed just enough of the conversation to get the wrong idea, the Senshi of the Wind and Ocean started plotting.

_______________________________________________________________

Later, at the Outer Senshi's house, a discussion was going on.

"Come on" Haruka said. "I'd jump at the chance to go out with her-" A glare from a certain aqua haired painter had her add: "-if I weren't already in a relationship, of course! I love you Michiru, honey!"

Setsuna shook her head. "No, I am not going to "catch Usagi on the rebound." Besides, there are certain... reasons that she and I wouldn't make a good couple."

Michiru scoffed at this. "Name one."

"I slept with her mother."

Haruka and Michiru simply stared at the Senshi of Time.

"What? What?! What is it?" asked Setsuna.

Michiru managed to collect herself enough to ask, "So, when you say that, do you mean..?"

She grinned. "Oh, several times with Serenity, and once with Ikuko while she was in college."

The two senshi stared at the Guardian of Time again. Haruka finally managed to ask her: "Exactly how many relationships have you been in?"

Her grin turned into a smirk. "Oh, a few. Did you know that Sappho was a screamer?"

"My God," Haruka said, "Setsuna's a time pimp."

"Hmm," said Michiru, "I suppose that it makes sense in a way, it must get pretty lonely at the Gates of Time." Setsuna grinned triumphantly and turned to leave, but Michiru stopped her. "However, you don't have to watch the Gates so closely anymore. How many of your past "relationships" have been one night stands?"

Setsuna nervously fiddled with a loose string on her shirt for a moment. "Okay, almost all of them. But one of them could have turned into something serious." Crossing her arms, she mumbled, "It's not my fault Joan went off to fight in the Hundred Years War."

"Well, there you go. You need to find someone you can have a serious relationship with. I-" She carefully went through Setsuna's last comment. "Hold- Hold on one second. Joan of Arc? Really?"

Haruka laughed. "Damn! If I'd known that she was a lesbian, I'd have paid more attention in History class."

"Um..." Setsuna coughed nervously. "Could the two of you please not repeat that to anyone? The historians are still convinced that it's not true, and I don't know what I'd do if you told the others."

Michiru grinned at her. It was the kind you would ironically associate with aquatic predators with multiple rows of teeth. "Oh, of /course/. We won't tell a soul- provided you do something for us. You've got another date for tonight."

Mouth agape, Setsuna stuttered, "How- When did you-" She sighed. "Fine. Who is it?"

_______________________________________________________________

At the Tsukino household, reality was beginning to realize that something was wrong... someone was dead, and that meant that someone else wasn't supposed to exist.

Unaware of what the future promised, Hotaru and Chibi-Usa were sitting on the floor, watching television. The two youngest senshi laughed as Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage tried to make a truck tire explode. "Now that's what I need." said Chibi-Usa

Hotaru looked at her in interest. "What? A shotgun?"

She laughed, replying with "Well, it would be great against youma. I meant, sometimes I feel like I could really use a weapon or something, you know, in my senshi form." She sighed, adding "I can't really do that much either as myself or as Sailor Chibi-moon, can I?"

"Th-that's not true, Chibi-Usa-chan!" the Senshi of Silence said. "You've done a lot of things!"

The pink haired princess gave her an unconvinced look. "Like what?" she asked.

"I-" Hotaru stopped short. It wasn't because she did not have a response. That was the problem, actually. "Not much," she thought "You've just been the light of my life and my reason for being, that's all." Unfortunately, she was far too afraid of what her friend's reaction would be to say this out loud. As a blush crept up her face, Hotaru seemed very interested in the bowl of popcorn that had been sitting, almost forgotten, between the two of them.

It was true, Hotaru was certainly in love with the girl from the future, she had stopped denying it a long time ago. She wasn't the most extroverted of the Sailor Senshi, however, and she hadn't yet worked up the nerve to tell her friend how she felt. She hadn't gone to any of the others for help yet, an intelligent move on her part considering how little help they would have been. Consider, for a moment, Haruka, Minako, and Usagi trying to give her love advice.

Are you done? Not a pretty thought is it? Continuing with Chibi-Usa and Hotaru...

"When we're senshi, I'm almost as bad as Usagi!" Chibi-Usa stuck out her tongue at the thought. She hadn't noticed Hotaru's blush, and continued talking. "I always need someone to rescue me when I get in over my head in a fight-" Her face reddened slightly when she paused, then added, "Although, it's kind of nice when you're the one saving me, Hotaru."

Hotaru looked up, blush intensified, at Chibi-Usa. Their eyes met.

"Actually, Hotaru-chan, there's something I've been needing to tell you." She repositioned herself so that she was sitting in front of the black haired girl. "I-" She stopped, and suddenly a pained look crossed her face. "I don't feel so good." She fell forward, unconscious, and was caught by Hotaru.

"Chibi-Usa-chan!!" Hotaru started to shout for the rest of the Tsukino clan. "Tsukino-san! Shingo! Anyone, help!" That was when she remembered that Kenji was at work, Shingo was spending the night at a friend's house, and Ikuko had gone shopping and was supposed to be gone "only a minute." That had been an hour ago.

She considered calling the other senshi, when she felt a chill go down her spine.

I DON'T THINK IT REALLY COUNTS.

"Well, how about we call it a "death by temporal paradox"?"

Hotaru turned to face Death, well, both of them anyway. She looked up into the empty eye sockets of the taller, skeletal Death and clutched at Chibi-Usa protectively. "Who- Who are you, and what do you want?"

The female Death opened her mouth to explain, but stopped just as she was about to speak. Blinking a couple of times, she turned around, mumbling "Hold that thought." and disappeared.

An uncomfortable silence followed, as Hotaru glared at Death. Attempting to strike a conversation, he drew upon one of the few topics his uncountable years of existence gave him any interest in.

SO, AH, DO YOU LIKE CATS? The senshi of death looked at him confusion. "Uh, they're okay, I guess." Death nodded, and she continued. "I know three that can ta- hold on," she pointed accusingly at him, "you still haven't answered my question! Who are you?! What are you doing here?!"

Before he could reply, the other Death reappeared. Grabbing onto the skeleton's robe, she pulled him out through the nearby door. "Excuse us one second, I need to talk to my associate here."

______________________________________________________________

"Mamoru-san is dead?!" Hotaru gasped at what she'd been told. After she'd left, Death had talked to her oldest brother about Mamoru, Chibi-Usa, and how neither of them were "destined" to die yet (he's in charge of things like that, after all). When she'd returned, Death pulled the other reaper from the room to fill him in. Afterwards, they began to explain the situation to Hotaru (starting with the fact they were personifications of death, but we skipped that thanks to the power of the flash forward).

"Right," Death responded, "and that means your friend there won't have a father, which means she won't be born. In a few hours, once the effect of that kind of paradox hits the moment she was supposed to be born, she'll cease to exist."

Hotaru looked at both of them desperately. "Isn't there some way to save her?"

Death grinned, as the other Death replied: WELL, HYPOTHETICALLY, IF YOU WERE TO FIND SOMEONE THAT HER MOTHER CARES ABOUT DEEPLY TO TAKE HER FATHER'S PLACE, SHE COULD STILL BE BORN. Throwing in her two cents, Death added; "I'm probably not supposed to say this, but considering some of the medical advances that will take place in the next few years, this replacement father might not even have to be male."

Hotaru nodded, picked up Chibi-Usa and stood up. "So I just need to find someone for Usagi-san to be with," She walked over to a nearby couch and laid the pink headed senshi down on it. "...and soon. I think I know someone that can help."

"Oh, one second." Death leaned down and whispered something to Hotaru, who nodded. "I'll ask her, but I can't promise anything."

With that, she exited the Tsukino home, and began running down the sidewalk. "Someone that can help... yeah, she knows more abut love and relationships than anyone. I just hope she's at home."

Back in the room she'd rushed out of, the skeletal Death scratched the back of his skull. SO, I SUPPOSE WE'LL JUST STAY HERE THEN?

______________________________________________________________

The scene with Chibi-Usa and Hotaru watching Mythbusters was partially inspired by writer-jm's story: The Competition for Serenity's Heart. His/Her(?) stories are all very good and funny. Read them. (In a completely unrelated note, I keep thinking of Hotaru wearing a beret and fake mustache, while she and a bespectacled Chibi-Usa test urban myths at the Hikawa Jinja... Quickly! Someone write that as a story!)
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