Well there was a time when you let me know what's really going on below but now you never show that to me do you? But remember when I moved in you and the holy dove was moving too and every breath ...
It had been about a month and a half since that night at Pete's house. Shortly after Pete walked out on her, again, Emma rushed off to find Patrick and made him take her home. He held her as she sobbed her eyes out, only saying "Why?" Once she had fallen asleep, he laid her in bed and left, going to console Pete, whom he knew would also be a mess. Emma had avoided Pete since that night, not being able to even look at him. It was the middle of February, just after Valentine's Day. Emma stared at the roses sitting on her kitchen counter. They were from her parents, trying to make her feel better. Then she looked at the small bouquet of yellow roses next to them, from Patrick. They made her smile, she didn't know why. The yellow made her happy. The red made her think of love, and that only made her feel worse. She sighed, wishing she could pull herself out of her slump. She glanced at the CD case that was sitting on the counter. She reached for it. It was the CD Patrick had given her for her birthday. She still hadn't listened to it. She stood up and carried it into the living room and popped it into the DVD player and turned the TV up. She sunk down on the couch and closed her eyes, absorbing every word that she heard. She got chills as she listened to it. She felt tears spring to her eyes as she heard 2 songs that could qualify as love songs. She laid there and listened to the entire CD before she stopped crying. She laid there and listened to the silence as the CD finished. She stared up at the ceiling, enjoying the silence. She jumped as she heard her phone begin to ring. She rolled over onto her side, glancing around for her phone and fell off the couch. She jumped up and dashed into the kitchen where her phone was. It was Patrick. She snatched the phone up and hurriedly said "Hello?" She heard crying and commotion in the background. "Patrick, are you ok?" she began to panic. "Emma..." she heard. Patrick sounded distraught. "Patrick, what's wrong?" she asked again, trying to get him to talk. "He almost died..." he whispered. Emma's mouth dropped open and she was lost for words. "Who almost died? What happened?" she screeched. "Pete...he overdosed...come to the hospital, please. We need you..." he said before the phone clicked and she knew he had hung up. She stared at her phone, in shock and sunk down to the floor. It took her about 15 minutes to realize that she was still sitting with her back against her refrigerator. She jumped up and dashed off to find her keys before dashing out of her apartment and down to her car.
She sped to the hospital and ran into the ER looking around for anyone she knew. She saw Patrick, Joe, Andy and Dirty sitting in a corner, talking. They all look shocked. Emma rushed over to them and sunk into the chair next to Patrick. "What happened?" she blurted out. Patrick's head snapped up and she saw his bloodshot eyes and blotchy face. He shook his head; "We don't know really, other than he overdosed in Hilary's car at a Best Buy...that's all we know...he's still out of it..." was all he said. Emma sat, stunned, staring at a spot on the wall. She didn't know for how long they say there until Pete's parents came back to the waiting room. They slowly walked over to the small group and stood there quietly. "There is a smaller, private waiting room we can go to, that is closer to his room..." Peter, Pete's dad said quietly. They all stood up and followed them down the hallway to a doorway. Pete's dad pushed it open and everyone filed in. Andrew and Hilary, Pete's brother and sister were already inside. They looked somewhat surprised to see Emma, but they didn't say anything. Emma sat next to Patrick and waited with everyone else. Pete's parents sat down together across the room, before his dad realized something. "Oh, you can go back to see him, just two at a time though...hospital rules..." he said. Patrick immediately stood up and so did Andy and Joe. Patrick dashed out the door and Joe followed, leaving Emma, Andy, and Dirty in the small waiting room with Pete's family.
No one said a word; no one knew what to say. Emma's mind raced. She couldn't begin to understand why Pete had done what he did. Patrick had said he overdosed, but on what? She didn't remember Pete being on any medicine to overdose. Yeah right, quit kidding yourself, she thought, that was 3 years ago. There is no telling what he could be on now, he is in a band, that stuff does happen. She felt her stomach twist and turn as she thought of what could possibly be wrong with him. She wrung her hands, beginning to worry. It had felt like forever since Patrick and Joe had went back to see him, but it had really been only 10 minutes. She wondered if she should go back to see him. She debated about it and finally decided that if he was still asleep, she would go see him. But if he was awake, she didn't think she could handle talking to him, in fear of what he might say. She worried that he would blame her, that everyone would blame her for what happened. But she knew it wasn't her fault; it had been almost 2 months since she saw him, how could it be her fault? She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall, almost falling asleep. She heard the door open and a sniffle and she opened her eyes and saw Joe coming back in. He looked at her and jerked his head in the direction of the door. She sat there, confused for a moment. "Patrick's in there, waiting for you..." he said, quietly. Emma shot up out of her chair and dashed out the door and down the hallway to the door where Patrick was standing, waiting. She stared at the door for a moment before Patrick pushed it open and ushered her inside. "I'll be right outside if you need me..." he said, before closing the door.
She put her back to the door and stared across the room at Pete, lying in the hospital bed, IV hooked into his arm, heart monitor hooked on his finger, various other tubes coming from him. She stared at him in shock. She couldn't make herself go over to him. He looked so pale, so weak. He looked nothing like the boy she remembered. He looked nothing like the best friend from what felt like a lifetime ago. He stirred in his sleep, Emma didn't know if it was drug induced or not. He turned his head towards the door and sighed. It was then that Emma knew he was awake, just not willing to admit it. She made a small noise in the back of her throat, on accident and his eyes flew open. Her eyes bugged out, she hadn't meant to make her presence known. He stared at her for a minute before quietly saying "Hey Emma..." like he didn't have a care in the world. She slowly walked over to his bed, grabbed his hand, and stared down at him, trying to find the right words to say. She abandoned the search and blurted out "Why did you do it?" He stared at her and closed his eyes. "I had so much going on in my head and I needed to get a break. I needed to forget you..." he said, quietly. Her mouth dropped open. She dropped his hand and backed away. It really was her fault. He shook his head and reached out for her, saying, "Emma, please, no don't leave..." She shook her head and held her hands up, as if to protect herself from him, even though he couldn't move. "No...."she mumbled, "Why am I even here? You wanted to forget me..." He shook his head. "Emma, please, let me explain...I've been thinking about everything, just listen to me." She shook her head violently. "No!" she almost shouted. She backed up against the door, feeling her heartbeat racing and her vision blurring. He tried to sit up and finally lay back against the pillows in defeat. "Emmie...please.." he said. She threw her hand up and said, "Don't you ever call me that again. EVER. When you say that, it makes me think you still care. And you don't care, so stop saying it!" she shouted. She saw pain flash across his face, not sure if it was because of her words or not. She dropped her hands and stared at her feet. "I have to go..." she mumbled, turning and fumbling with the door knob. She heard him sigh and quietly say, "I love you, Emma..." She sobbed and threw the door open, running outside, bumping into Patrick, who grabbed her and stared at her bewildered. She shoved him away and shook her head, and bolted down the hallway through the ER outside to her car.
She had to get away. She had to. She could feel herself believing him and she didn't want to get hurt again.
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