A Patrick One Shot
Crying Cos I Care
She could hear the music from where she sat, secluded in the creaky wooden benches of her garden that sat behind the small forests of grass. Sarah folded her knees and placed the warming cup of lemon tea upon her lap and felt the bristle of the hot air spiral around the flesh that peeked from her clothes. She sighed and let her eyes drag themselves to the party within her home, her own 21st birthday party, to which she smirked then fell back to expression of despair. She could feel the wishes of the past spindle inside her and release old pain as though she had picked at wounds with frustration. Sarah knew that tears had begun to line the eyelids and she placed a shaky hand to one of them and dried them, willing them to never spill or show themselves to the cruelty of the world. She cursed herself, feeling the cold hand of despair take hold of her and for once feeling like she does not deserve to feel sad. She had everything in the world; the glory of her words, stability of life, friends she had dreamed about and fortune beyond her and yet she had emptiness. Her heart was alone and this was the greatest gold she could ever have grasped and she watched it dissolve away.
Sarah gazed into the swirls within the tea cup and wondered if the future could really be seen, could really be predicated and could really be felt. She thought back to the past and how many times she had pictured herself sat alone and sat afraid with nothing but her fantasies to keep her company. The amount of stories she stayed up late drumming into the blank pages of a computer screen. The times she poured her guts to an entity that would never be hers and sleep trying to reach into his arms. She raised her hand to her forehead to stop the array of moments crash around her and counted the number of times she had tried to let go, when he'd pull her back. She was close to him now and not some fanatic across the borders of water and ice, but still she would never have his heart while he would always have hers and that was something she would have to deal with, no matter how hard it scarred the flesh of her soul.
Sarah heard the music from her home get louder as the door to her garden was slid open and then shut again. She refused to tilt her head upwards to know who it was crunching up her garden to find her because she knew exactly who those footsteps belonged to; him. She let a breath release from her tight lips and felt the atmosphere change in temperature as the heat of his skin made his presence near. She kept the silence for as long as she could, trying to pretend that she had not noticed him but a sly smile came from her mouth and she rose it to him, staring straight into his eyes.
"Hey Patrick," She said with a haze in her tone, one that told him that perhaps she was better left alone.
"Hey" Patrick replied reflecting the smile that she was showing then watching it die, fade with the night. Sarah lifted the hot cup to her lips and took an instant gulp no matter how boiling it may be.
"When did you get here?" Sarah asked afterwards, frowning at him. She drank in the appearance; the blazer, the tight jeans, the loose top that clung to his teddy bear frame, the sideburns that were elongated along his jaw and finally the hat that sat comfortably upon his head. Her breath faltered secretly as her pulse made rhythmic pressure against her system. She thanked the night for hiding the instant blushes upon her cheek.
"Just now," He said to her, he let another smirk find its way to her and she pulled up one side of her jacket that began to fall, feeling suddenly self away of her body. The heaving breasts to the weight that surrounded her torso. She dared to flicker her eyes closed for moment and pray she would open them in beauty. "I asked where you were and no one had a clue, so I guessed you'd be out here."
"Yeah," She chuckled and opened her eyes again, "The amount of times you have found me sat out here feeling sorry for myself, its bound to be the first place you'd look."
"Yeah go figure," Patrick said and took one of his arms and reached it out to her, leaning down and kissed her on the cheek. He placed a gift in her hand and stood in the same stance he had before. "Happy birthday."
"Thank you," Sarah replied quietly. "But you didn't have to get me anything, I don't like people spending money on me."
"I actually took your advice, I gave the money I was going to spend on you to charity," Patrick said and watched as a beam emanated from her, "That is home made."
"God you really do know me too well." She sparkled, a glint in her eyes reappearing as though she had lost it years to neglect. She placed her finger onto to the sides and was about to open it;
"No no" Patrick stopped her with a force in his tone. She looked up bewildered at him and stared as he giggled nervously. "I mean, don't open it with me around. It's kind of private and I want you to open it alone. "
"Oh okay," Sarah said and placed her cup down beside her so that the present could fid its place within her lap. A silence had hit the air that was caused by Sarah's new found anxiousness to open the gift and Patrick's new found anxiousness to her reaction. He coughed to cause a noise in the quiet of the night.
"I'm just gonna grab a drink," He said pointing his thumb in the direction of her house.
She nodded at him with a secret "ok" and he again smiled at her and made his way to her door and slid it open to a chorus of cheers. She sighed and felt her curiosity rise. She removed herself from her Buddha like position and followed the scent he left behind, only detouring around the house and to the front door again, in which she pushed open and headed straight for the stairs, knowing that no one would dare glance upstairs to find her, she had banned all from daring to destroy the upstairs furniture. Sarah entered her bedroom and closed the door, leaning upon the wood as she peeled open the gift. There was a CD in a case and a letter fell to the floor. Sprawled on a post it on the CD was a note telling her to listen to the CD first and then read the letter afterwards. She leant down and grabbed the note whilst making her way to the sound system in her room. She inserted the CD and flung her body down on her bed and let the notes of a strumming guitar filter throughout the atmosphere. She felt her spine tingle as the perfection of the playing caused smiles to radiate around her. She waited with bated breath and the tingles increased in intensity as Patrick's voice came streaming into her room. She closed her eyes and let the words he was singing encase her. It was at that moment her eyes snapped open when she truly listened to the words he was singing. It was not ones she had never heard before but ones she recognised. Not just that, these were ones that she had written when she was 17 and ones that she had written for him, she had never shown the Hollywood world them and only kept them hidden in the depths of her online journals. A tear river spread delicately along her eyes and she reached down to the letter and began to unfold it.
I thought that I would choose your birthday to show you something, one that I have been keeping from you for a while. I guess if you have read my instructions properly you have listened to the CD and are wondering what the hell is going on. I want to admit that I made this before I knew you and before we had ever met. I was enthralled by your words and I had to put music to it. And I had been hoping to show you ever since, just as we met and got to know each other it became harder to do so. That is because I found myself falling for you perhaps moments before I knew you. I guess these words then found a place in my heart and I knew who you had written them for. I wanted to show you them now because I fear I might loose my chance to tell you.
Tell you that I love you.
Sarah gripped upon the side of the letter with her mouth fallen open. The words had become smudged with tear stains as she let the note fall to the floor. Her heart thumped hard against her as it swelled with passion and desire. She slowly and in dream movements made her way out of her bedroom, the world lighter around her. She made intricate paths down her stairs and throughout her hallway and into the mass of bodies. Her eyes were red and still shining with the water of a thousand tears. No one noticed her there but she guided her eyes across the room and found Patrick sat in the sofa at the opposite end, while friends were talking to him. His eyes were wide and empty of concentration. He nodded at a few recognisable sentences and cocked his head up as though he knew Sarah entered the room.
Their eyes met and she could sense a fear in his as he sensed she had listened to CD. Sarah began to push her way through the torso's and those around him stopped the conversation as they tried to see what he was staring at. Sarah worked her way across the room and she was getting near, his stomach twisted into nerves. Patrick stood up unconsciously as Sarah made her final lap to be stood directly in front of him. Without a word she placed her hands upon his cheek and followed with her lip upon his, pressing deep into them. His arms smoothed across her waist and pulled her closer against him. She knew the room had turned to them but she didn't care. She broke away from the kiss with him and pressed her forehead against his.
"I love you too," She whispered to the hushed room, "always have and always will."