Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Losing You Would Just Crush Me

Plan A

by Silver-Vampiress 0 Reviews

Severus falls in love with one of his students. How can they possibly be together without everyone knowing?She graduates this spring will he finally ask the question that has been bugging him since...

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: PG - Genres: Action/Adventure, Drama - Characters: Dumbledore, Harry, Hermione, Poppy Pomfrey, Snape - Published: 2007/07/01 - Updated: 2007/07/02 - 4056 words

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When we last left our Heroine:
When I came around, I was in familiar surroundings. A fire was lit in the fireplace and it was the only source of light in the room. I looked around expecting to see the person who obviously brought me here. And then a shadow in the corner of the room moved and came towards me.

Severus stepped into the light and looked me directly in the eyes.

"We need to talk," he said.


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Chapter 7
His hands were behind his back. He moved a chair so that it was directly in front of me. I could see the concern in his eyes. If he purposefully let me see his emotions, or if it was a slip of his mask, I'll never know.

"Are you okay Miss Granger? I found you unconscious."

I nodded my head in response. I didn't expect him to address me as Hermione after what happened, but I never thought about him calling me by my title again. That stung tremendously. My heart broke for a second time.

"Miss Granger you have not been attending my class as of late and I demand to know why. I also hear that Hogwarts' star pupil has not been turning in her homework. Why this sudden lack in your studies? Are you not usually ahead by a semester?" He leaned forward slightly as he questioned me. I sat sideways in the comfy chair and just stared into the fire, ignoring him completely.

"Miss Granger, answer me."

"How can you? How can you just act as if nothing ever happened between us? How could you just leave me standing there in the corridor without so much as an explanation? How could you be so...so cold?" I whisper, turning my head to face him. Tears swelled up in my eyes as I looked directly into the bottomless pits of his black eyes.

"I do not want to talk of this. What I saw was an explanation in itself. It was enough for me to get the hint. And how dare you even think that I was cold to you when I was the one who caught you cheating on me?" He stood up abruptly, causing me to jump.

"Just listen to me now that we are alone," I demanded and stood up myself. I walked up to him so that I was merely a meter away from him. "I went to Professor Lupin's office intending to receive answers to my questions about my N.E.W.T.'s. He was the one who insisted on having tea and a chat instead. I was reluctant because I remembered what you had said about him. How it sounded suspiciously like he fancied me. Well, Severus, you were right. He took my gesture of friendliness and kindness as a sign that I fancied him, and just as you burst into the room, he leaned in to kiss me. I had no time to react or even back away. I did not kiss him back! How could I? I love you. I was happy, until all of that happened and in a matter of seconds, my world was turned upside down.

"You stormed out of there in rage and wouldn't even hear me out. How do you think I would feel?! And now you just expect me to skip around the castle with a huge grin plastered to my face as if nothing happened and it was all just a game?! Did you even really love me or was that just temporary? Was I just another one of your play things? Because if you loved me as you claimed too, you would have had the decency to hear me out, and even if I was cheating on you, you would have fought for me...if you truly loved me. But that all must have been a hoax, because you didn't even think about fighting for me. You...you coward!!" I was at the point of screaming at him, and as I did this, I got closer to him with each sentence until finally he was backed up against the wall and our bodies were merely centimeters apart.

I did not back down even though I knew I should have. I wanted him to understand what he was putting me through. I wanted to make him feel as awful as he had made me these past four days. I wanted him to feel my pain and agony. I wanted him to feel the hole in my heart that had been growing bigger with each passing day without him in my life. I wanted him to tell me that he was sorry and that he would never leave me without hearing my side of the story first. I just wanted him to take me into his arms and promise to never let me go, and to always love me no matter what and that he would fight for me now and forever. Yet, I knew I could make him do or feel none of these things. And I knew that I had to move on after this, no matter the outcome.

My gaze was intense. I silently vowed not to say anything until he spoke. However, he just stood there looking at me. He had this quizzical look on his face, as if he was contemplating something. With each passing minute of silence, I could feel my eyes begin to tear up.

I couldn't take the silence anymore. "I will always love you Severus, no matter what," I barely whispered and turned away. I put my hands over my face to quell the tears and I started to walk faster towards the door exiting his chambers. With tears freely falling down my face, I placed my hand on the door handle and prepared to turn the knob when I felt a gentle touch on my forearm, stopping my motions. I looked up.

"You were right. It was cowardly of me not to fight for you, but you must understand the agony I was in. For once in my life I thought I knew what it meant to love and to be loved. For once I thought there was hope. You taught me to trust and to love and to feel. But that all just stopped when I found you. I could not handle the scene before me.

"For the past four days that same seen of you and Lupin has been all I've thought about, no matter what I tried to rid myself of the image. I was a broken man. I thought you had betrayed me and I didn't want to hear you out because I was afraid that you were only going to confirm what my eyes saw." He put a finger over my lips to stop me from saying something. "Yet, the more I thought about it, the more I believed you would be better off. Being with a spy was more dangerous than being with a werewolf. I didn't...no don't deserve you, but I find myself lost without you. I cannot live without you in my life. You are the reason I exist. You are the reason I want to live. It is you that keeps me alive during my meetings. And it is you and only you that I love. You see, losing you would just crush me." He held my face in his hands and brushed my tears away with his thumbs.

As I looked up at him, I could openly see the sincerity in his eyes and did not wait any longer. I stood on my toes and kissed him thoroughly and passionately. I poured my whole being into the kiss and I could feel the same intensity coming from Severus.

We stood there, just kissing, for the longest time of my life...and I didn't mind it one bit. My life was back. There was a purpose to live again. I was whole once more, and in that perfect moment, I knew that all would be well, that in the end, everything would work out and we would be together for now and always.

Soon after, though, Severus pulled back, clutching his left forearm. I knew he was being called. I looked at him and couldn't help but let the new swell of tears fall down my face.

"Severus, I love you. Come home safely," I said.

"I love you too. You should leave. There's no need on waiting up for me. Who knows when I'll get home." He ran into his bedchambers and gathered his Death Eater outfit. As he was leaving, he stopped to give me one last kiss before he rushed out of the door.

I turned around and flooed Dumbledore.

"Hermione dear, so good to see you! Please, come through. What brings you to my office at this hour? Take a seat, child," Dumbledore motioned to the overstuffed chair in front of his desk. I looked around for a clock. It was now midnight. I had lost all sense of time after I had left the Great Hall that evening.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you Professor Dumbledore, but I thought you should know that Severus was summoned."

"Severus?"

"Yes, oh. You don't know. Well...um...let me see..."

"Don't fret child. I already know. However, I wish that either you or Severus would have told me sooner. It would have made it easier on the both of you. Yet on the other hand I'm glad you didn't tell me, because your relationship would have been illegal if you had confided in me or if anyone found out. But by keeping it quiet and never confirming my suspicions, there are no legal actions anyone can take.

"Now, to matters at hand: you say Severus has been summoned?"

"Yes Headmaster. And I was wondering if I could have permission to stay in his chambers until he gets back, so that I may help him if he's badly hurt. I worry so much when he leaves. I'm scared now. I have a bad feeling that the worst is to come tonight."

"I see. Yes, you have my permission to be out past hours. If anything happens, floo me immediately. Good night Miss Granger."

I quickly left after that so that I could be waiting for Severus in his quarters when he returned.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

There was a loud swooshing noise that startled me awake in the chair next to the fireplace. I sat up, alarmed. I could just barely make out a tall dark figure through my sleepy eyes. He was limping towards the bedroom. I quietly followed, hoping it was Severus. The man fell down onto the bed and did not move. I put my hand over my mouth to keep from gasping. I silently prayed to whatever god was out there that this man-especially if it was Severus-was not dead.

I crept closer until I was merely a thirty centimeters away from him. With a wave of my hand, I lit a candle on the night stand, careful to seal myself within the safety of the shadows in case it was an intruder who lay on the bed.

I could see the slow rise and fall of the man's chest. I brought my gaze to the man's face and could see several slashes all over. His eyes were closed, but when I looked more closely, I could see that this man before me was indeed Severus. I gasped and rushed to his side.

I lifted his legs onto the bed and tore his clothes off of him. There were several fresh wounds on his chest. His was bleeding profusely. I summoned my wand and started to heal the less serious wounds. Madam Pomfrey would have to look him over later; right now my main goal is to keep him from bleeding to death.

A coughing sound emerged above where I was working. I looked up to see Severus staring at me.

"You shouldn't be here," he whispered.

"I wanted to make sure you were safe when you came home. I don't want you to die when I could have been there to save you." His head lolled to the side and he closed his eyes.

"I don't want you to witness what I go through. I'm trying to protect you but you won't let me," he said and looked back at me. I moved up and lightly kissed his forehead.

"Severus, you can't shelter me if we are to be together. We have to work with each other. I know there is something else to this. I can see it in your eyes. Tell me." I looked at him and I could see him give in.

"I am to bring Potter to the Dark Lord and you too. He wants to strip you of your power and keep you as his concubine. I have asked him to rethink about making you his concubine and to give you to me as my reward. I need to speak to Dumbledore, please summon him." I nodded and took off to the fireplace. I flooed Madam Pomfrey first and then Professor Dumbledore. Madam Pomfrey quickly made her way to Severus to heal his wounds and to give him some strong pain killers.

"No. I will not take those muggle drugs. I need to keep my wits about me during this last battle. Ah, Dumbledore! We need to formulate a plan by three. I have to have Potter and Hermione back by then or the Dark Lord will come here himself and destroy the castle until he finds them and me. I would rather keep him away from the rest of the children if at all possible."

Dumbledore nodded and sat in a chair nearby. He put his hand to his chin and started to rub his beard in concentration. In that moment, his age finally showed. One could see the wrinkles that permanently scarred his forehead and the crow's feet by his eyes. Freckles speckled his face lightly and his light blue eyes lost a little of the shimmer as he thought of a plan.

"Hermione dear," Dumbledore said still staring off into space.

"Yes Headmaster?" I asked, jumping off the bed-where I sat by Severus-at the sudden sound of his voice. I did not expect him to speak to me, of all people, in this critical moment.

"I need you to go and wake Harry. Bring him down here. Oh, and try not to disturb the other boys. I don't want them trying to play the hero and put themselves in danger, especially Ron. Try to keep him here if you can." Dumbledore never looked away from the spot on the wall where his concentration was fixed on.

"Yes Professor Dumbledore." I made my way over to the fireplace. Giving Severus one last look, I said, "Seventh Year Boy's Dormitory, Gryffindor," and stepped into the fireplace.

I still could not get used to the feeling of being spun around in all different directions and every fireplace in Great Britain appearing before me, and then the boy's fireplace finally came into view and I went sailing towards it. I landed on my feet, for once, and I hastily brush the worst of the soot off my clothes. I needed to get Harry out of there as quickly as I could, without waking the other boys.

I ran to Harry's bed and opened the canopy's curtains. Harry sat in his bed, hugging his knees, wide awake. He looked as if he had just seen...well, in muggle terms, a ghost. He was pale like Sir Nicholas and he just stared off into space.

I took hold of his arm and gently shook him. "Harry, come quickly. Get dressed!" I whispered vehemently. He didn't move. "Harry!" I said a little more loudly. "Come on Harry! We can't wake up the whole dorm. Dumbledore can't wait any longer!" I shook him again. He finally turned his gaze towards me.

"I knew someone would come for me, I just didn't expect it to be you Hermione. I could feel that something big was happening tonight. My scar burned." His eyes were filled with unshed tears. "I don't want to die Hermione. This is the first time I've been this scared of dying. I don't know what to do."

"Harry, this is no time to panic! You'll be fine. I swear. We have Severus on our side and Dumbledo..."

"That bastard won't help us! He's too self absorbed. He'll switched sides in the middle of the battle...depends on who's winning! The slime-ball has secured his place on both sides. All that's left to do is to show his true colors."

I raised my hand and slapped him hard across the face. Only then did I think to put a silencing charm around his bed. I snuck a look at Ron's bed. He stirred but did not wake. He was a heavy sleeper.

"Quiet! I'm tired of hearing you go on about Severus. I know you hate him with a passion that it's an art, but get real Harry! If Dumbledore trusts Severus with his life, then don't you think that says enough about his true alliance? Ugh! I don't have time for this! Harry, we have to go now. Dumbledore is coming up with a plan as we speak. We need to move before Vold-" Harry covered my mouth quickly.

"He can hear his name through our connection. Be careful." I nodded. He waited a moment before uncovering my mouth. "You said, 'Severus'. Why?"

"No time to explain. We need to move before You-Know-Who comes here looking for us. Now," I threw some clothes at him, "get dressed and come with me."

"What about Ron?" He inquired.

"We can't take him. Too many lives are at risk already."

"I won't go without him." Harry said, once he was dressed.

"Oh, yes you will. I don't care if I have to petrify you! I have my orders." Harry made his way over to Ron's bed to wake him, but I moved faster and bound him with a simple spell.

"Sorry Harry, but I warned you." I dragged him over to the fireplace and took the extra floo powder I put in my pocket, and as quietly as I could I said, "Severus Snape's Chambers, Potions Master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

When we stepped out of the grate, no one was to be seen in Severus' chambers. So we headed towards the sitting room. No one was there either. Where could they be? I sighed heavily, trying to think where they might have gone, but I couldn't think straight with Harry trying to break his bonds. So I let him go.

"Geez Hermione! Did you really have to do that?"

"Yes, Harry. I was told to leave Ron at all costs." Just as I said this, Dumbledore's head appeared in the grate of the fireplace.

"Come to my office children," he said.

"What's the plan Professor?" Harry asked as soon as he came tumbling out of the fireplace. Dumbledore seemed to be hesitant in speaking. He moved so he was in front of his desk, next to Severus.

"Severus will escort the two of you to the Death Eater meeting. You two will do as you are told. At the opportune moment, I will show myself, along with the Order and a team of Aurors..." Dumbledore continued on with his plan. I can personally say that this plan was not one of his best, and with Severus, the two should have come up with something better than that. Something had to be wrong with this picture. There was something that they were not telling us. But what?

Professor Dumbledore had quit speaking and was now moving towards his fireplace. Severus hustled Harry and me out of the spacious room and into the corridor below. His legs carried him a far distance. I basically had to run to keep up with him.

"Why the hurry Severus?" I whispered.

"Running out of time. Here, take this." He handed me a bracelet. I kept up with his long strides but I staggered a bit when he handed me the piece of jewelry. It was beautiful. I was speechless. I looked up and could see the worry written plainly on his face.

"I think you're going soft. You're terrified. Why did you give me this?" I asked. Harry was at the back of my mind and I didn't care if he overheard our conversation at the moment. Who knew if I would see Severus again after we left. Stop thinking like that Hermione! Nothing will happen to him...or you.

"Going soft only for you, love. The bracelet belonged to my mother. I've made some adjustments. It now is a portkey. It will take you to the one place I know for sure is safe. You are to use it if you get in the least bit of trouble. I can't lose you, so use it, if only for my sake." I could hear the concern and love in his voice. One would not hear it if they did not know Severus well. I nodded. Our footsteps were in sync with each other. But the out of sync pair of feet reminded me that Harry was still with us.

"Do you have a portkey? I don't want to lose you either. Promise me you'll go to the same place if you're in trouble."

"Yes I have one and I swear I'll you it, if you do."

"I promise." Silence filled the halls after that. The only sounds were our shoes on the cobblestone floors and the occasional squeak of a mouse, running back into the shelter of the shadows.

We were on the grounds soon after. We walked past the gates and started on the trail to Hogsmeade. We were halfway there when Severus stopped. He beckoned us over to him and pulled a portkey out of his pocket.

"Potter, this will take you about a kilometer outside of the area the Death Eaters are to meet. There are a few bushes nearby. Take shelter in those. Miss Granger and I will meet you there shortly."

"Why are we going separately?" Harry asked. Severus gave him a glowering look and Harry quickly dropped his questioning look and held out his hand for the portkey. Severus activated it and handed it to him. In a few short seconds, Harry had vanished. We were finally alone.

"Did you think I would go into this battle without a finale kiss?" He inquired and raised his eyebrow.

"You talk as if you were going to die," I said. Not allowing him to kiss me just yet.

"I have never expected to live past the finale battle. But now that I have something worth living for, I am going to do my best to stay alive." He smiled and bent his head towards mine. His kiss was soft and light. However, I hastily changed it into a passionate and hungry kiss. He pulled away.

"I love you...my lioness," he whispered in my ear.

"I love you too," I whispered back and took hold of his waist, clinging on to him with all my might. He, in turn, held my waist and pulled me under his cloak and apparated.


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A/N: Hey! I am finally un-grounded. I was grounded for two months! I finished this a few weeks ago but I couldn't post it. I've started on the eighth chapter and I promised myself that I wouldn't post this chapter until I finished the eighth one...but I can't help it. I'm too excited about getting my computer back:D Thanks again for reviewing guys! It gives me inspiration. You are my muses. :) I was staring off into space one day, trying to think of a good ending (because the way the story was going, it would have had to end soon) when it hit me: a plot twist. It's a realllly good one (in my opinion) but I can't even give this slighest hint as to what it is because that would just ruin the fun! Please R&R and tell me what you think! Love you guys ssssooo much!!!

Ryann
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