Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Can I make beauty stay if I take my life?
Can You Put Your Hand In Your Head? Oh, No!
3 reviewsBreak it gently, Patrick. Easy does it.
1Exciting
A/N Title is from 'Dreamer' by Supertramp. No particular reason for choosing it, I've just been listening to them is all! THANK YOU, SUPERTRAMP! for giving us Cupid's Chokehold. Yet another excuse for Patrick Love! Shout out to Andrew Wentz, if you're reading...JUST PRETEND TO BE A JACKASS UNTIL THIS STORY IS OVER, KAY? I'm sure you're a nice guy, but I hope you understand creative licence, being a (blood) artist! Also, shout out to Mario's Italian downtown! You guys make carbonara to fuel my creativity.... Please Review. You know I'll be asking anyway. What can I say, I'm a shameless beggar...
"Patrick!" Janae cried, seeing me walk in the door. She threw her arms around me. "Where were you?"
"I'll tell you in a while," I said quietly, seeing who was in my living room.
Andy, Joe and Charley, Joe's girlfriend, were perched on our small sofa. Pete's parents were on the other sofa. Pete's older brother, Andrew, was sitting in an armchair. My brother, Kevin, was trying to restrain my nephew, Luke, who was on the verge of punching Vada, Andrew's daughter, in the face. My Dad was sitting in an armchair, and I could see my Mom, in the kitchen. They never could bear to be in the same room. How they made Kevin and I, I'll never know... They all, with the exception of the kids, looked worried and tired.
"No!" Janae protested. "Now. Tell me now!"
"Sit down, Jan," I motioned to the couch. "I have to talk to you all."
It was time. I had to do it. No matter how hard it was, I had to. I owed it to Pete.
"Patrick!" my Mom ran over, enveloping me in a hug. "Are you sick? I was so worried about you! No mother wants to see her son faint in front of paparazzi! David!" she berated Dad. "Get up and let Patrick sit there!"
My Dad reluctantly got up and I gratefully sank into the soft chair. Everybody was talking so loud, I couldn't hear myself think.
"Um..." I said timidly. "Guys? Guys?!? GUYS!" I screamed. Everybody turned and whipped their head towards me. "Um, I need to talk to all of you."
"Can't it wait, man," Kevin said, irritably. "Me and Andrew are talking about something here."
"This is way more serious than whatever you're talking about," I shook my head darkly.
"How would you know?" Kevin exclaimed angrily. "You haven't fucking been here!"
"Shut the fuck up, Kevin!" I yelled. "Just 'cos you're ten years older than me, you thought you could boss me around. Well now I want to talk! You're in my house, you follow my rules. So sit down, shut up and listen to me for once in your fucking life!"
"Fine..." he muttered. "What's got into emo kid..." I heard him murmur under his breath. I waited until everybody was sitting down (I noticed Mom and Dad shooting filthy looks from opposite ends of the room) before I let the bomb out.
"Um, I know where P...Pete is," I stuttered.
"Figures..." Andrew muttered. Andrew never did like me.
"I don't know how to say this," I whispered.
"Just say it!" Kevin said, angrily.
"Easy for you to say. You weren't there, you didn't...you..." I gulped down the tears threatening to escape, my voice wavering. "...you didn't see it."
"See what?" Joe asked. I tried my hardest to get the words out. Instead of words escaping my mouth, tears flowed from my eyes.
"Patrick!" Janae gasped. "What's wrong?"
"Pete...Pete...Pete's..." I stuttered through the ocean of tears flowing down my cheeks.
"Pete, Pete, Pete!" Kevin mocked me. "What, are you in love with him? Spit it out, already!"
"Shut up, Kevin!" Andy yelled.
"Yeah!" Janae agreed, wrapping her arms around me. I pushed her off gently. She looked at me, a hurt expression on her face.
"When I was onstage, right before I fainted, my phone rang," I said, this time with total composure, ignoring the tears.
"Well stated, Captain Obvious," Andrew muttered.
"Shut up, Daddy!" Vada berated Andrew. "Tricky is sad, let him talk!"
"It...it was the hospital," I revealed. "All day, all those private calls, it was the hospital."
"Why, Patrick?" Mom asked.
"Is there something wrong, Patrick?" Janae wrapped her arms around me again. Again, I pushed them off. "Are you sick?"
"I'm not sick," I whispered.
"Well then who cares?" Kevin yelled. "What's the big significance, Emo Kid?" That was it. The last straw. The end. Game Over.
"HE'S DEAD!" I screamed. "DEAD! HE'S DEAD!"
"What?" Kevin whispered. The colour drained out of everyone's faces.
"Are...are...are you sure?" Joe stuttered, his lisp showing through.
"He..." I sobbed. "He's dead. Pete. I saw him with my own eyes."
"What?" Andrew said in a calm, level voice. Too calm and level... "You're saying you KNEW Pete, my big brother, was dead? And you didn't tell anyone?"
"I...I had to make sure!" I stuttered. "Remove all traces of doubt. Pull out every trace of hope."
"DON'T GIVE ME YOUR POETIC EMO BULLSHIT!" Andrew stood to his feet, screaming. "You fucking knew, and you were too selfish to tell his own family, his own Goddamn flesh and blood!"
"No, no, no, that's not how it is, that's not who-" I was cut off by a flying fist to the side of my face.
"I hate you!" he screamed, punching me repeatedly.
"Daddy!" Vada sobbed. "Daddy, stop! Stop! STOP IT NOW!" Andrew finally stopped.
"Get your jacket, Vada," he whispered, breathing heavily. "We're leaving."
"Yes, Daddy," she whispered, following Andrew outside. He slammed the door shut, making the glass shake.
"Patrick!" Janae sobbed. "Are you okay?"
I just stared around, wide eyed. Well, as wide as my swollen eyes would open. Mom pulled me onto her knee. I felt exactly like I did the day my parents told me they were getting divorced. Numb. I remember sitting on Mom's lap, just cuddling into her. Her patting my hair soothingly. Me dousing her shirt in tears. It was no different. Except for the blood mixing with the tears. I was too old for this. I'm twenty-three...I should have be comforting Mom. Mom was like a second mother to him. Wait. Mother...Rachel. Pete's Mom. I stood up and went over to her.
"I'm sorry!" I sobbed. "I'm so sorry!"
"Patrick!" she exclaimed through her own curtain of tears. "You have nothing to be sorry about!" She opened her arms, and I accepted her hug gratefully.
"It's my fault! I should have known...all the signs were there. His lyrics, they were darker, he was more reclusive..." I paused, realisation dawning on me. "He said it. On Tuesday. 'Take care of Mom and Dad when I'm gone.' He said it..." I bent down over the coffee table and began hitting my head. "Stupid, stupid, stupid..."
"Stop, Patrick!" Joe pulled me back. He pulled me into a hug, but it wasn't awkward at all. "How could you not tell us something like this?"
"I know," tears trickled down my cheeks, like everybody else in the room. "I'm sorry." I had said those words so many times that night, they'd lost all meaning.
"No," Joe shook his head. "How could you go through something like that, with no moral support?"
"No wonder you fainted," Dad said, sympathetically. "I have no idea what must have been going on in your head."
"Rick, man..." Kevin said awkwardly. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. If I knew, I'd never have acted like such a massive jackass."
"Yeah, yeah, you did," I agreed. "But I acted like a jackass too."
"No, man, you didn't," he disagreed. "I would have done the same. I'm your big brother. I'm supposed to protect you from pain like this." He was the next one to pull me in for a hug.
"You didn't know," my words were muffled due to having Kevin's hoodie between my teeth (he got all the tall genes). I pulled away, noticing the streaks of blood on the hoodie.
"Patrick, that cut looks bad, man," Kevin shook his head.
"I'm fine," I stated, but I was starting to get kinda dizzy.
"Lie down," Janae pushed me
onto the couch, "and hold this to your head." She handed me an ice pack, which was wrapped in a towel.
"Thanks," I whispered. "I love you, you know that?"
"Yes," she replied simply. "Now, take this." She gave me a pill and a glass of water.
"Okay," I gulped it down. "What is it?" I looked at the bottle. "Dammit, Jan, Dozail*?"
"It'll be good for you," she promised. "You need a rest."
"I guess you're right," I yawned. "Maybe this is all some crazy dream..."
*Dozail is a mild sedative that you use to put people to sleep when they're in pain. Or on babies when they're on planes. Come on, what's worse than a screaming baby on a twelve hour flight? Nothing, that's what. Oh, and my Mom's a nurse, hence the knowledge of drugs.
"Patrick!" Janae cried, seeing me walk in the door. She threw her arms around me. "Where were you?"
"I'll tell you in a while," I said quietly, seeing who was in my living room.
Andy, Joe and Charley, Joe's girlfriend, were perched on our small sofa. Pete's parents were on the other sofa. Pete's older brother, Andrew, was sitting in an armchair. My brother, Kevin, was trying to restrain my nephew, Luke, who was on the verge of punching Vada, Andrew's daughter, in the face. My Dad was sitting in an armchair, and I could see my Mom, in the kitchen. They never could bear to be in the same room. How they made Kevin and I, I'll never know... They all, with the exception of the kids, looked worried and tired.
"No!" Janae protested. "Now. Tell me now!"
"Sit down, Jan," I motioned to the couch. "I have to talk to you all."
It was time. I had to do it. No matter how hard it was, I had to. I owed it to Pete.
"Patrick!" my Mom ran over, enveloping me in a hug. "Are you sick? I was so worried about you! No mother wants to see her son faint in front of paparazzi! David!" she berated Dad. "Get up and let Patrick sit there!"
My Dad reluctantly got up and I gratefully sank into the soft chair. Everybody was talking so loud, I couldn't hear myself think.
"Um..." I said timidly. "Guys? Guys?!? GUYS!" I screamed. Everybody turned and whipped their head towards me. "Um, I need to talk to all of you."
"Can't it wait, man," Kevin said, irritably. "Me and Andrew are talking about something here."
"This is way more serious than whatever you're talking about," I shook my head darkly.
"How would you know?" Kevin exclaimed angrily. "You haven't fucking been here!"
"Shut the fuck up, Kevin!" I yelled. "Just 'cos you're ten years older than me, you thought you could boss me around. Well now I want to talk! You're in my house, you follow my rules. So sit down, shut up and listen to me for once in your fucking life!"
"Fine..." he muttered. "What's got into emo kid..." I heard him murmur under his breath. I waited until everybody was sitting down (I noticed Mom and Dad shooting filthy looks from opposite ends of the room) before I let the bomb out.
"Um, I know where P...Pete is," I stuttered.
"Figures..." Andrew muttered. Andrew never did like me.
"I don't know how to say this," I whispered.
"Just say it!" Kevin said, angrily.
"Easy for you to say. You weren't there, you didn't...you..." I gulped down the tears threatening to escape, my voice wavering. "...you didn't see it."
"See what?" Joe asked. I tried my hardest to get the words out. Instead of words escaping my mouth, tears flowed from my eyes.
"Patrick!" Janae gasped. "What's wrong?"
"Pete...Pete...Pete's..." I stuttered through the ocean of tears flowing down my cheeks.
"Pete, Pete, Pete!" Kevin mocked me. "What, are you in love with him? Spit it out, already!"
"Shut up, Kevin!" Andy yelled.
"Yeah!" Janae agreed, wrapping her arms around me. I pushed her off gently. She looked at me, a hurt expression on her face.
"When I was onstage, right before I fainted, my phone rang," I said, this time with total composure, ignoring the tears.
"Well stated, Captain Obvious," Andrew muttered.
"Shut up, Daddy!" Vada berated Andrew. "Tricky is sad, let him talk!"
"It...it was the hospital," I revealed. "All day, all those private calls, it was the hospital."
"Why, Patrick?" Mom asked.
"Is there something wrong, Patrick?" Janae wrapped her arms around me again. Again, I pushed them off. "Are you sick?"
"I'm not sick," I whispered.
"Well then who cares?" Kevin yelled. "What's the big significance, Emo Kid?" That was it. The last straw. The end. Game Over.
"HE'S DEAD!" I screamed. "DEAD! HE'S DEAD!"
"What?" Kevin whispered. The colour drained out of everyone's faces.
"Are...are...are you sure?" Joe stuttered, his lisp showing through.
"He..." I sobbed. "He's dead. Pete. I saw him with my own eyes."
"What?" Andrew said in a calm, level voice. Too calm and level... "You're saying you KNEW Pete, my big brother, was dead? And you didn't tell anyone?"
"I...I had to make sure!" I stuttered. "Remove all traces of doubt. Pull out every trace of hope."
"DON'T GIVE ME YOUR POETIC EMO BULLSHIT!" Andrew stood to his feet, screaming. "You fucking knew, and you were too selfish to tell his own family, his own Goddamn flesh and blood!"
"No, no, no, that's not how it is, that's not who-" I was cut off by a flying fist to the side of my face.
"I hate you!" he screamed, punching me repeatedly.
"Daddy!" Vada sobbed. "Daddy, stop! Stop! STOP IT NOW!" Andrew finally stopped.
"Get your jacket, Vada," he whispered, breathing heavily. "We're leaving."
"Yes, Daddy," she whispered, following Andrew outside. He slammed the door shut, making the glass shake.
"Patrick!" Janae sobbed. "Are you okay?"
I just stared around, wide eyed. Well, as wide as my swollen eyes would open. Mom pulled me onto her knee. I felt exactly like I did the day my parents told me they were getting divorced. Numb. I remember sitting on Mom's lap, just cuddling into her. Her patting my hair soothingly. Me dousing her shirt in tears. It was no different. Except for the blood mixing with the tears. I was too old for this. I'm twenty-three...I should have be comforting Mom. Mom was like a second mother to him. Wait. Mother...Rachel. Pete's Mom. I stood up and went over to her.
"I'm sorry!" I sobbed. "I'm so sorry!"
"Patrick!" she exclaimed through her own curtain of tears. "You have nothing to be sorry about!" She opened her arms, and I accepted her hug gratefully.
"It's my fault! I should have known...all the signs were there. His lyrics, they were darker, he was more reclusive..." I paused, realisation dawning on me. "He said it. On Tuesday. 'Take care of Mom and Dad when I'm gone.' He said it..." I bent down over the coffee table and began hitting my head. "Stupid, stupid, stupid..."
"Stop, Patrick!" Joe pulled me back. He pulled me into a hug, but it wasn't awkward at all. "How could you not tell us something like this?"
"I know," tears trickled down my cheeks, like everybody else in the room. "I'm sorry." I had said those words so many times that night, they'd lost all meaning.
"No," Joe shook his head. "How could you go through something like that, with no moral support?"
"No wonder you fainted," Dad said, sympathetically. "I have no idea what must have been going on in your head."
"Rick, man..." Kevin said awkwardly. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. If I knew, I'd never have acted like such a massive jackass."
"Yeah, yeah, you did," I agreed. "But I acted like a jackass too."
"No, man, you didn't," he disagreed. "I would have done the same. I'm your big brother. I'm supposed to protect you from pain like this." He was the next one to pull me in for a hug.
"You didn't know," my words were muffled due to having Kevin's hoodie between my teeth (he got all the tall genes). I pulled away, noticing the streaks of blood on the hoodie.
"Patrick, that cut looks bad, man," Kevin shook his head.
"I'm fine," I stated, but I was starting to get kinda dizzy.
"Lie down," Janae pushed me
onto the couch, "and hold this to your head." She handed me an ice pack, which was wrapped in a towel.
"Thanks," I whispered. "I love you, you know that?"
"Yes," she replied simply. "Now, take this." She gave me a pill and a glass of water.
"Okay," I gulped it down. "What is it?" I looked at the bottle. "Dammit, Jan, Dozail*?"
"It'll be good for you," she promised. "You need a rest."
"I guess you're right," I yawned. "Maybe this is all some crazy dream..."
*Dozail is a mild sedative that you use to put people to sleep when they're in pain. Or on babies when they're on planes. Come on, what's worse than a screaming baby on a twelve hour flight? Nothing, that's what. Oh, and my Mom's a nurse, hence the knowledge of drugs.
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