5 boys, 1 girl, 1 camera and a shitload of mayhem. Hide your children, lock up your valuables and pray to your respective maker. Things are about to get messy.
01: w a k e u p c a l l
"Pete here. It's 2:30 in the morning in the city of Chicago..." he said into the camera. "And this is my friend Soap. We're going to give her a little wake up call."
He carefully climbed onto Sophie’s bed, careful not to make any sudden movements. While the mattress indented next to her stomach she shifted herself away from Pete’s feet and turned to her side.
"Dude, she's not going to like this." I pointed the camera at Pete, hoping to document Pete’s last moments on Earth.
"I know," he laughed. "That's why I'm doing it."
"RISE AND SHINE, SHITHEAD!"
Sophie’s eyes shot open and Pete bounced around on her bed, sending a barrage of Pepsi-filled water balloons at her head. She shielded her face from the carbonated liquid, but it didn’t do much good. Though some deflected off her hands, she was still soaked in soda.
"You fucker!" she screamed, kicking him in the balls.
The remaining balloons dropped from his hands, further drenching Sophie as well as her Ninja Turtles comforter. Pete doubled over in pain, landing across her legs. Joe, Andy and I couldn’t help but burst into laughter.
Pete’s a fucking moron.
With an ‘I-don’t-give-a-shit-that-you’re-in pain’ groan, Sophie shoved him off the bed. He landed onto the wooden floor with a loud thud. Holding the camera steady proved to be a difficult task because I was laughing so hard.
After hopping off her bed, and stepping over Pete as he rolled around on the floor, Sophie looked straight into the camera.
"Trick, you may be one of my best friends, but that doesn‘t mean that I won‘t kill you later."
She slapped the camera away, then directed her attention towards Andy and Joe. “Don’t worry. I haven’t forgotten about you two,” she said in a menacing tone. She may have been 5’4”, but Sophie was definitely a force to be reckoned with.
"What about Pete? He planned this shit," Joe said, somewhat nervously.
"Oh, don't worry. I'll get him."
She grabbed some clothes out of her dresser, then stormed off toward the bathroom. After the door slammed, I panned back toward Pete who was still curled up on the floor.
"Was it worth it?" I asked, pointing the camera at him.
"Yeah..." He sat up against the side of the bed. "But next time, remind me to wear a cup."
"Fucking assholes," I thought out loud. Making my way to the bathroom, I was beyond pissed off. "Sometimes I don't know why the fuck I'm friends with them..."
Once inside the bathroom, I made sure to lock the door. I quickly shed my soda-covered clothes and hopped into the shower. As hot water ran down my body, I couldn‘t help but picture myself choking each and every one of them. Yes, even Patrick.
Sure, they're my best friends, but that doesn't mean a little payback isn't in order.
After washing the Pepsi from my hair and skin, I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around myself. As I squeezed water out of my hair, someone knocked on the door.
"Hey Soap?" Pete called.
"Yeah?" I replied in an irritated tone.
"I'm sorry about earlier..." He sounded 5% remorseful. "Truce?"
Truce? Does he think I'm a fucking idiot?
"Uhh, yeah, sure," I said in the most convincing tone I had.
"Shake on it?"
"Hold up, lemme just get some clothes on." I slipped my shirt over my head and wondered what his motives were.
Ambush. This is definitely an ambush.
After I was completely dressed, I opened the medicine cabinet and for anything that I could use to inflict revenge. The best I could find was shaving cream. For once, I was glad that the guys left their random shit around my apartment.
I placed the can in the back pocket of my shorts and placed my hand on the doorknob. Pete was definitely up to something on the other side, so I had to choose my actions wisely.
Cautiously, I opened the door.
Pete looked anything but innocent as he extended his arm towards me.
The hallway was dark, but the lights in the bathroom illuminated his figure. I could see that he was holding something behind his back. At best, he was crossing his fingers. At worst, he had another balloon in his left hand.
Surely enough, upon shaking my hand, he pulled another water balloon from behind his back.
Before he could throw it, I rammed into chest, knocking him to the ground. The yellow balloon slipped from his fingers and popped upon impact with the floor.
"That was not a good idea, Wentz." I said, laying on top of him.
He tried to roll us over, but I had already straddled his hips. I grabbed the can from my pocket and covered his face in shaving cream. While he struggled underneath me, I put my free hand over his eyes, then shoved the other down his boxers, successfully getting him in the crotch.
Before he could get up, I scrambled to my feet and ran back to my room. Once inside, turned the lock and leaned against the door. Through the wooden barricade between us I could hear laughter in the hallway.
"Damn, Pete, she got you good!"
"You’re such a fucking idiot..."
"Holy shit, that was hilarious!"
"Damn," I said, plopping onto the dry side of my bed. "Touring with them is going to be insane."
Hate it? Love it? Wish it was real?
R E V I E W , Y O !
You'll get my first born and then some. ;D