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I slip into the warm water, the cuts on my arms stinging as the water touches them.
So this is what it feels like to be rejected. To feel unloved. To feel like your heart was dying.
Why had I told him? Why had I not left it unspoken?
The pain increases as I slip and hit into the wall. My arm starts to bleed again.
I ignore the pain, it'll go away soon...I hope.
I've never felt anything like this before. I felt like he had ripped my heart out and thrown it on the floor, then started to jump up and down on top of it. I felt like he was just sitting there laughing at me while the pain surged through my body.
Why did I do it? Why did I ever meet him? It would've been better if I had never done it, never told anyone I liked him, forgot about him and moved on to a new guy.
It was so confusing! I had told him that I liked him, he even told me he liked me as well. But after that nothing happened. I enjoyed knowing he liked me, then I found about her.
Another girl. And he was now "going out" with her. It didn't "feel right" to be with me but he could "see us together in the future". Yeah right! That was believable...Not!
He was just playing me. He was never honest with me. I wouldn't even be surprised if at the moment, he had blocked me or got a new email address.
He was a liar, a player. I should've listened to my friends, they said that he lied, that he played girls, they told me not to trust him. But stupid little me had to go and get myself in love with someone that I had never spoken to in real life.
The pain in my chest increases, I feel like I'm dying.
I had always told myself I would never cry over a guy, never let a guy cause me pain, but now look at me. Sitting in a bathtub crying my eyes out, wishing I had no heart and feeling like killing myself.
All over one guy, one guy who probably didn't even matter!
But I knew he mattered! I knew in my heart he couldn't be lying to me, he had always been honest to me.
How did I know. He was "emo" one of those black haired guys who were silent and only had a few true friends, well that was what he seemed like to most people. He had told me I was the only person who truly understood him, he knew how I felt when I said none of my friends understood me.
But how could I trust him? Anyone can lie over MSN. Its so easy. I had been doing it for the past few weeks, telling people I was fine when inside I was dying!
A song comes on the radio and I softly sing along
"Did you think you would be that easy? Did you think I'd be back for more? Loving you was a big mistake. 'Coz I don't miss you at all. Did you think I would wait forever? Loving you was my mistake. 'Coz I don't miss you at all."
But the truth was I did miss him! No matter how much I told myself I didn't miss him, that I hated both of them, it was so false! I loved him! I would never let him go!
I needed him.
I had never felt this before with another person. I had never felt this happy while talking to anyone else. Or sad when they got angry at me because of someone else. He had only known for maybe a week that I liked him and already he was through with me, already he had another girl.
I hated it!
I did have one chance to ask him "out" but no, of course I didn't!
I hated myself even more for not doing it.
The tears slide slowly down my cheeks as I remember it.
I had asked him what he would say if I "asked him out" he had said that he would probably say yes. But I had turned around and said I wouldn't, but only because we had never talked at school.
Why hadn't I asked him out? WHY?
I grab a knife and slowly cut my arm, the pain feels relaxing.
I knew I shouldn't be punishing myself for my stupid mistake, he never really knew how much I loved him, how much I needed him. He only thought that it was maybe a little crush.
Actually I didn't even know how much he thought I liked him.
But the truth was that I loved him, I wanted to punch the stupid girl that was now his girlfriend. I wanted her dead.
Never before had I ever felt these kind of feelings towards another person. And over a boy of all things!
How had I sunk so low? How has I brought this upon myself?
I had to end it, had to make the pain stop.
I look up on the wall and slowly smear words onto it
"Do you still love me now?"
As I sink slowly into the water I look up at them. Did he still love me now? Now that he had her.
The thought of her sickens me as my head goes under the water.
Slowly I run out of air, this was my way of finishing it all. Never again would he have to worry about me ruining their little relationship. Never again would he have to worry about me at all.
There would be no me to worry about at all.
This is what he had done to me, just by liking another person, he had brought death upon my innocent soul.
My life leaves me as I try to gasp for some air but only swallow water.
Now it is all finished, I am gone.
I need at least 1 review plz??