Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Her better half
Epilogue: Don't know who I am
9 reviewsKirsh attends a funeral and learns the truth from Dr. Morley. THANKS FOR HAVING READ (AND REVIEWED) THIS STORY. I APPRECIATE ALL YOUR SUPPORT! :) I hurried to post the final part of this fic ...
2Original
Epilogue: Don't know who I am
It was Wilson; but he spoke no longer in a whisper,
and I could have fancied that I myself was speaking while he said:
"You have conquered, and I yield. Yet henceforward art thou
also dead - dead to the World, to Heaven, to Hope! In me didst
thou exist - and, in my death, see by this image, which is thine own,
how utterly thou hast murdered thyself."
'Willliam Wilson' - E. A. Poe
- Kirsh's POV, a few days after she shot Phebe/ Pete -
At his funeral there were more people than I had expected. Obviously there was more to thim than just his difficult character and macho behavior. What we perceive about somebody else's character only seems to be the half-truth; or maybe even a lie? When can you really say you know someone? And when do you really understand yourself for that matter?
Human identity is one of the most difficult things to fully grasp. As far as I know, there are more open than answered questions. When you think about it, it's a miracle that not everyone of us suffers from a condition of split personality.
Or maybe we all do in some way or other, we just don't know it. Like Peter and Phebe.
At first I didn't even want to go to the funeral. I felt drained after what had happened just a couple of days previously. I felt like a monster, but what other choice did I have? She could have killed my baby. Everybody was telling me that I had done the right thing.
"You had no other option, Officer Kirsh," Maxwell said to me after I came to the station to file my report that night. "And you're a heck of a shooter. You saved your daughter's life."
Brian cancelled his out-of-town business trip right away and came back home. It was him who convinced me to go to the funeral. It was him who was standing next to me, holding my hand, while I was watching how the coffin was lowered into the grave.
Maxwell was there, standing with several of our colleagues and his wife. And his girlfriend was there also. The poor soul looked abandoned and lost. I wanted to walk over to her and say something comforting but the sole idea of it seemed too phony to me do actually do it. Everybody here knew how much I had detested Douglas when he was still alive.
I've been told that from the traces found in the half-burnt house of Wentz; the biggest part of the second floor had been thoroughly charred, the fire department arrived when the fire was beginning to spread to the first floor where Phebe had not spilled gasoline; at the time that Douglas finally woke up, most definitely due to the smoke quickly filling his room, it was almost too late for him to escape safely. What really made it impossible for him to get out of the room was not only the fire crackling outside of the door but also the fact that Phebe had previously blocked the two windows of the room from the outside. After the officials had finished reconstructing Douglas' actions I was told that he must have run frantically back and forth between the door that was already being eaten away by the flames and the barred windows. He had shot several bullets from his gun into the windows, had finally succeeded in smashing one of them and even destroying the blockage that the stalker had attached to it with a chair. He jumped out of the window and broke his left arm in the fall. He had survived escaping from his burning cell.
Two hours later he died from the severe burns he had sustained inside of the house.
His death didn't make the things he had said and done while he was still alive undone. He remains one of the most dislikable characters I have ever met in my life. But he didn't deserve this, finding his end as a human torch.
Maxwell prolonged my vacation for another week and told me to go somewhere nice with Brian and Fey. I stayed though, I couldn't put this case away before I didn't know all the facts.
On a Tuesday afternoon I went to the Helping Hand Institute, the mental home Phebe/ Pete had been admitted to after the bullet had been removed from their right shoulder. If the cirumstances had been slightly different, if the attacker had not been in the body of somebody who I cared about, who I had grown to understand a little bit during the last weeks, I would have aimed for the head and killed them. But there was still Pete in there somewhere.
Dr. Morley had fought fiercely do be involved in the therapy of Wentz and even though he was an external medic, he succeeded in being permitted regular sessions with the DID patient.
After the doctor had welcomed me at the entrance of the impressive building he took me to the cafeteria where he laid out the whole story to me:
A long talk with Pete's parents had revealed that the muscian had been in therapy for two years during his teenage years. Phebe had made her first appearance when the young man was 16 years old. When she stopped surfacing Pete was considered cured and taken out of psychological care.
Dissociative Identity Disorder or DID is defined as a condition in which an individual has more than one distinct personality, each of them with their own pattern of perceiving and interacting with their environment. In most cases there are more than just two indentities within the human being, but usually at least two may routinely take control of the person's behavior. When the one idenity is in charge of the body, the other(s) suffer from memory loss; they may feel that they 'lost time' while they were pushed into the depths of unconsciousness by the predominant personality.
This condition of disintegration of the ego usually springs in early childhood when the invidiual is not able to from a unified self-image. Babies are not born with a sense of a unified identity, it develops from many sources and experiences. DID is the result of the indiviual's inability to incorporate external events and social experiences into a coherent perception and to present himself/ herself consistently across those events or situations. Even though not always, the lack of sufficient nurturing and compassion in response to hurtful experiences as well as the lack of protection against further overwhelming experiences can trigger the disorder.
Dr. Morley is still seeing Peter Wentz's parents to discuss his early and later childhood to get to the bottom of the problem but it's a highly controversial psychological issue where concrete answers and obvious connections between single factors are hardly ever to be found. He explained to me that Phebe may have re-surfaced as a response to Pete's inability to cope with the stress and pressure that has come with his band's increasing popularity.
What fascinates him so much about this specific case is that the various identities are usually in charge of the protection the core personality. They should enable him or her to retreat and to have some time to relax. In this specific situation, however, Phebe actually posed a threat to Pete. The psychologist explained to me that he thinks Phebe's stalkerism is the result of Pete feeling constantly surveyed by the public eye, his fear manifested itself in a female identity who obsesses over him. During the bassist's teenage years Phebe was a 'normal' teenage girl who seemed to have been somewhat rebelious but in no case as deranged as the present-day Phebe, who interestingly, has not age since her first appearance.
When the psychologist told me that I remembered I had once watched half of a movie with Brian, 'Fight something', I can't remember right now, in which a man's other identity also posed a threat to him. He was even asking him to hit him, or rather hit himself. It was all very confusing in the end. I might go out and get the book today... But, of course, that was a pure work of fiction so I didn't bring it up in the discussion with the doctor.
It all makes sense to me now. How Phebe only conversed with Pete via writing; letters, online messages, e-mails. The one time she called him she left him voice messages. That's how she had his home address, had easy access to his house, got past Hemingway without difficulty. Only later did the poor animal sense that something was wrong with his owner and then he had to pay for it. It also explains how Phebe had Pete's cell and home phone number, his parents' phone number, how she knew where he keeps his favorite t-shirts, how she managed to kidnap Moe without being seen by Pete. That's how she knew exactly when I left and when Douglas took over for me, that's how she even knew our names. It was easy for her to get ahold of Pete's sidekick and to post his pictures. This is why there were only Pete's fingerprints found all over the letters, etc.
Dr. Morley told me he figured it out because of the headaches and memory lapses that Pete had told him about. The man's brain was being overused, couldn't deal with the different identities. (The psychologist suspects there are more than just Pete and Phebe because there's usually more than just two. Phebe might be oppressing the others and keeping them from making an appearance.) Pete always suffered from strong headaches right after Phebe had shown herself.
Ever since Phebe showed up at my house that night she has not vanished. Pete is still hidden somewhere, probably due to his fear and shock but maybe Phebe also keeps him from appearing, the psychologist isn't sure.
He's used the time to learn more about the teenager. Even though her feelings for Pete are honest, they are mostly superficial as she doesn't know more about him than other fans. She was able to access information like phone numbers and names in Pete's brain, but the private things she couldn't just retrieve like from a computer database. After the initial loving and caring letters her writing exposed her possessive and obsessive character. Her aggression towards other fans, Pete's girlfriend Moe, me and Douglas. Even Patrick who she suspected was jealous of Pete being the frontman.
At some later point Dr. Morley wants Moranne Sommer to come visit Phebe/ Pete, which could aid in the process of bringing Pete back to the surface. He also asked me if I would be willing to sit down with them. Of course. However, it is much too soon now, he said. And Ms. Sommer is not convinced she really wants to do it. After the stalker had been captured and admitted to the insitution the model had said in her statement that it had been Pete who had kidnapped, bound and gagged her, kept her for days in a shed on abandoned property not too far from the forest. Naturally the young woman was scared to see the face of the person who had done that to her, even if it wasn't her boyfriend who had really done it.
I caught a glimpse of Phebe/ Pete through the glass window of their room. They were sitting with their back to the door, staring at the wall. Due to the fact that she is being held highly aggressive and destructive, even has threatened to kill herself and Pete if they won't let her go and lead a life with him ("If I can't have him, noone will!"), there is hardly any furniture or other objects in her single room. Just a bed, a table and a chair. Once she starts being more cooperative she will be allowed to have books.
It was a sad sight and I prayed that Pete would come back soon, prayed that all the drugs and therapy would help him to get this condition under control.
I can't wait to get back home to Fey. I will give her all the love, understanding and protection she needs. No harm will ever come to her, neither from the outside nor from her inside.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
A/N:
I want to thank everyone who has read (and reviewed) this story. Your constant support has kept me going. :)
Special thanks goes to Katy, CeCe & Evie for being there for me when already having enough things to deal with in their own lives.
Hope this epilogue pulled together at least some of the loose strings. Please feel free to send me an e-mail or ask questions in the review section should you still be in the dark about something that you feel needs clarification. I love getting feedback.
I shall be back with a new freak story sooner or later. ;)
It was Wilson; but he spoke no longer in a whisper,
and I could have fancied that I myself was speaking while he said:
"You have conquered, and I yield. Yet henceforward art thou
also dead - dead to the World, to Heaven, to Hope! In me didst
thou exist - and, in my death, see by this image, which is thine own,
how utterly thou hast murdered thyself."
'Willliam Wilson' - E. A. Poe
- Kirsh's POV, a few days after she shot Phebe/ Pete -
At his funeral there were more people than I had expected. Obviously there was more to thim than just his difficult character and macho behavior. What we perceive about somebody else's character only seems to be the half-truth; or maybe even a lie? When can you really say you know someone? And when do you really understand yourself for that matter?
Human identity is one of the most difficult things to fully grasp. As far as I know, there are more open than answered questions. When you think about it, it's a miracle that not everyone of us suffers from a condition of split personality.
Or maybe we all do in some way or other, we just don't know it. Like Peter and Phebe.
At first I didn't even want to go to the funeral. I felt drained after what had happened just a couple of days previously. I felt like a monster, but what other choice did I have? She could have killed my baby. Everybody was telling me that I had done the right thing.
"You had no other option, Officer Kirsh," Maxwell said to me after I came to the station to file my report that night. "And you're a heck of a shooter. You saved your daughter's life."
Brian cancelled his out-of-town business trip right away and came back home. It was him who convinced me to go to the funeral. It was him who was standing next to me, holding my hand, while I was watching how the coffin was lowered into the grave.
Maxwell was there, standing with several of our colleagues and his wife. And his girlfriend was there also. The poor soul looked abandoned and lost. I wanted to walk over to her and say something comforting but the sole idea of it seemed too phony to me do actually do it. Everybody here knew how much I had detested Douglas when he was still alive.
I've been told that from the traces found in the half-burnt house of Wentz; the biggest part of the second floor had been thoroughly charred, the fire department arrived when the fire was beginning to spread to the first floor where Phebe had not spilled gasoline; at the time that Douglas finally woke up, most definitely due to the smoke quickly filling his room, it was almost too late for him to escape safely. What really made it impossible for him to get out of the room was not only the fire crackling outside of the door but also the fact that Phebe had previously blocked the two windows of the room from the outside. After the officials had finished reconstructing Douglas' actions I was told that he must have run frantically back and forth between the door that was already being eaten away by the flames and the barred windows. He had shot several bullets from his gun into the windows, had finally succeeded in smashing one of them and even destroying the blockage that the stalker had attached to it with a chair. He jumped out of the window and broke his left arm in the fall. He had survived escaping from his burning cell.
Two hours later he died from the severe burns he had sustained inside of the house.
His death didn't make the things he had said and done while he was still alive undone. He remains one of the most dislikable characters I have ever met in my life. But he didn't deserve this, finding his end as a human torch.
Maxwell prolonged my vacation for another week and told me to go somewhere nice with Brian and Fey. I stayed though, I couldn't put this case away before I didn't know all the facts.
On a Tuesday afternoon I went to the Helping Hand Institute, the mental home Phebe/ Pete had been admitted to after the bullet had been removed from their right shoulder. If the cirumstances had been slightly different, if the attacker had not been in the body of somebody who I cared about, who I had grown to understand a little bit during the last weeks, I would have aimed for the head and killed them. But there was still Pete in there somewhere.
Dr. Morley had fought fiercely do be involved in the therapy of Wentz and even though he was an external medic, he succeeded in being permitted regular sessions with the DID patient.
After the doctor had welcomed me at the entrance of the impressive building he took me to the cafeteria where he laid out the whole story to me:
A long talk with Pete's parents had revealed that the muscian had been in therapy for two years during his teenage years. Phebe had made her first appearance when the young man was 16 years old. When she stopped surfacing Pete was considered cured and taken out of psychological care.
Dissociative Identity Disorder or DID is defined as a condition in which an individual has more than one distinct personality, each of them with their own pattern of perceiving and interacting with their environment. In most cases there are more than just two indentities within the human being, but usually at least two may routinely take control of the person's behavior. When the one idenity is in charge of the body, the other(s) suffer from memory loss; they may feel that they 'lost time' while they were pushed into the depths of unconsciousness by the predominant personality.
This condition of disintegration of the ego usually springs in early childhood when the invidiual is not able to from a unified self-image. Babies are not born with a sense of a unified identity, it develops from many sources and experiences. DID is the result of the indiviual's inability to incorporate external events and social experiences into a coherent perception and to present himself/ herself consistently across those events or situations. Even though not always, the lack of sufficient nurturing and compassion in response to hurtful experiences as well as the lack of protection against further overwhelming experiences can trigger the disorder.
Dr. Morley is still seeing Peter Wentz's parents to discuss his early and later childhood to get to the bottom of the problem but it's a highly controversial psychological issue where concrete answers and obvious connections between single factors are hardly ever to be found. He explained to me that Phebe may have re-surfaced as a response to Pete's inability to cope with the stress and pressure that has come with his band's increasing popularity.
What fascinates him so much about this specific case is that the various identities are usually in charge of the protection the core personality. They should enable him or her to retreat and to have some time to relax. In this specific situation, however, Phebe actually posed a threat to Pete. The psychologist explained to me that he thinks Phebe's stalkerism is the result of Pete feeling constantly surveyed by the public eye, his fear manifested itself in a female identity who obsesses over him. During the bassist's teenage years Phebe was a 'normal' teenage girl who seemed to have been somewhat rebelious but in no case as deranged as the present-day Phebe, who interestingly, has not age since her first appearance.
When the psychologist told me that I remembered I had once watched half of a movie with Brian, 'Fight something', I can't remember right now, in which a man's other identity also posed a threat to him. He was even asking him to hit him, or rather hit himself. It was all very confusing in the end. I might go out and get the book today... But, of course, that was a pure work of fiction so I didn't bring it up in the discussion with the doctor.
It all makes sense to me now. How Phebe only conversed with Pete via writing; letters, online messages, e-mails. The one time she called him she left him voice messages. That's how she had his home address, had easy access to his house, got past Hemingway without difficulty. Only later did the poor animal sense that something was wrong with his owner and then he had to pay for it. It also explains how Phebe had Pete's cell and home phone number, his parents' phone number, how she knew where he keeps his favorite t-shirts, how she managed to kidnap Moe without being seen by Pete. That's how she knew exactly when I left and when Douglas took over for me, that's how she even knew our names. It was easy for her to get ahold of Pete's sidekick and to post his pictures. This is why there were only Pete's fingerprints found all over the letters, etc.
Dr. Morley told me he figured it out because of the headaches and memory lapses that Pete had told him about. The man's brain was being overused, couldn't deal with the different identities. (The psychologist suspects there are more than just Pete and Phebe because there's usually more than just two. Phebe might be oppressing the others and keeping them from making an appearance.) Pete always suffered from strong headaches right after Phebe had shown herself.
Ever since Phebe showed up at my house that night she has not vanished. Pete is still hidden somewhere, probably due to his fear and shock but maybe Phebe also keeps him from appearing, the psychologist isn't sure.
He's used the time to learn more about the teenager. Even though her feelings for Pete are honest, they are mostly superficial as she doesn't know more about him than other fans. She was able to access information like phone numbers and names in Pete's brain, but the private things she couldn't just retrieve like from a computer database. After the initial loving and caring letters her writing exposed her possessive and obsessive character. Her aggression towards other fans, Pete's girlfriend Moe, me and Douglas. Even Patrick who she suspected was jealous of Pete being the frontman.
At some later point Dr. Morley wants Moranne Sommer to come visit Phebe/ Pete, which could aid in the process of bringing Pete back to the surface. He also asked me if I would be willing to sit down with them. Of course. However, it is much too soon now, he said. And Ms. Sommer is not convinced she really wants to do it. After the stalker had been captured and admitted to the insitution the model had said in her statement that it had been Pete who had kidnapped, bound and gagged her, kept her for days in a shed on abandoned property not too far from the forest. Naturally the young woman was scared to see the face of the person who had done that to her, even if it wasn't her boyfriend who had really done it.
I caught a glimpse of Phebe/ Pete through the glass window of their room. They were sitting with their back to the door, staring at the wall. Due to the fact that she is being held highly aggressive and destructive, even has threatened to kill herself and Pete if they won't let her go and lead a life with him ("If I can't have him, noone will!"), there is hardly any furniture or other objects in her single room. Just a bed, a table and a chair. Once she starts being more cooperative she will be allowed to have books.
It was a sad sight and I prayed that Pete would come back soon, prayed that all the drugs and therapy would help him to get this condition under control.
I can't wait to get back home to Fey. I will give her all the love, understanding and protection she needs. No harm will ever come to her, neither from the outside nor from her inside.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
A/N:
I want to thank everyone who has read (and reviewed) this story. Your constant support has kept me going. :)
Special thanks goes to Katy, CeCe & Evie for being there for me when already having enough things to deal with in their own lives.
Hope this epilogue pulled together at least some of the loose strings. Please feel free to send me an e-mail or ask questions in the review section should you still be in the dark about something that you feel needs clarification. I love getting feedback.
I shall be back with a new freak story sooner or later. ;)
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