creeping into your heart
I waited until midnight, no call, no warning. I finally said fuck it and passed out in his bed. Maybe sleeping beside eachother will settling something small. Its a start.
Okay this time I made sure I got up before he left for the studio. 6:30 in the morning. He wasn't beside me. Something is wrong. I got up worried and checked the other 3 bedroooms, no Gerard. I walked down the stairs and saw him passed out on the couch. He still had his leather jacket on, shoes, everything. I walked down quietly. His hand hung off the side of the couch. A bottle of alcohol was being clutched. Oh fuck... I tip-toed over and took the bottle from him gently so he wouldn't wake up. He stirred a little, but didn't wake up. I poored it all down the kitchen sink and threw the bottle away. I returned to Gerard's side and kiseed his cheek lightly. His eyes shot open. It scared me a little and I ended up on my ass. He laid there staring at me, not saying a word. "Are you okay?" I asked. He still stared. "Gerard...damnit...answer me." "Fine." he answered coldly. "Look damnit. I'm sorry okay. You scared the fuck out of me when you weren't in bed this morning." "Oh, so you decided to actually sleep in there." "Yes....why?" "I figured you thought I fucked someone else in there too." I just looked at him. I got up and brushed tears away. "Fuck you" I said before running up the stairs and crashing on the bed. I cried myself back to sleep.
Gerard showed up later and rubbed up and down my side. I woke up. "Kaiden..." he said my name softly. "What? What do you want?" "I'm sorry....I shouldn't have shot at you like that." "Too late for that now isn't it. I thought you quit drinking." "Some things make you wanna start again." "Oh...real nice fucking answer" I laid on my back and looked up at him. "Would you want me to lie to you Kaiden? Is that what you want? You want me to be just like fucking John and probably every other boyfriend you've had? You want me to fucking throw you around and treat you like shit? Well guess what, I'm not gonna fucking do it. You have the wrong guy." He got up and walked out. Jesus fucking Christ.
I laid there contemplating on weather or not I should even get up today. I heard the front door slam shut, leaving for work. I bolted down the stairs and out the door. I stopped him before he got into his car. I hugged him tight and cried against his chest "I'm sorry...I love you Gee." "I love you too Kai" he kissed the top of my head then pulled me back to look in my eyes... "You gotta stop making this shit difficult for me to love you though..." I nodded lowering my head. He pulled me into another tender hug "I'mma go to work alright? I'll see you when I get home. And I love you, and I'll call you when we take a lunch break." "Alright...I love you too." He kissed me and I started to walk away. He pulled off and I walked back into the house. Now that this fight is over. Ugh if feels so good having that weight off my chest.
He called a few hours later
"Heyyyyyy Baby. Whats up?"
"Not too much...just laying around...cleaned a little."
"Oh..you don't have to do that."
"I did anyways"
"Well alright then. So you feeling better?"
"Good. Well I'mma get off here and do this recording shit. I'm trying to be home early tonight."
"Okay...I love you"
"I love you too. see you tonight."
I laid back on the couch again. Gerard came home around 7:30. I was passed out on the couch. He laid ontop of me and just stared down at me. That scared the hell out of me. I took in a sharp breath and my eyes went wide. "HOLY SHIT!" He just laughed and kissed me. "Ass!! You just about gave me a heart attack!" "You love me." "Yes...But I wanna live to see this out." He got up and sat normally beside me. We cuddled up together for a little while. Eventually we went out to dinner then came back and had some sweet, sweet make-up sex.