Susumu's thoughts after a tragic scene. Spoilers for episodes 18 and 19.
Disclaimer: I don't own PMK, although I wish I at least owned Susumu or Souji! Maybe even Saizo! grins Such a cute lil` piggy.
Ayumu's death had been a hard barrier to overcome in Susumu's mind. The pain was overwhelming, but then so was the guilt. The guilt at never really knowing her as his older sister. She was all that he'd ever had...and now she was gone in the blink of an eye. Maybe, if he'd listened to the puppy sooner, he could've reached her in time. The fact that he'd even went after her in the first place was a foolish action. If they'd have killed him then her death would have been in vain.
All of these thoughts, as inane as they may be, were the only things keeping him sane. No amount of saki or pain could keep him grounded...only the guilt. He could still remember Tetsunosuke's voice in his head, telling him how unworthy he was. Although he knew it was untrue, he couldn't help but agree for that single moment that he was an unworthy little brother.
Had he really failed his older sister? Ayumu had never told him such a thing...but maybe he had failed her and he just didn't know. He pulled his knee closer to his chest as he looked out at the setting sun. Everything reminded him of her. The wind blowing across his face and the gentleness of the sun set. Closing his eyes he thought about Tetsunosuke again...as well as Tatsunosuke.
"Unworthy or not...I won't let that lil` puppy suffer. He'll become apart of the Shinsengumi, even if I have to be the one to tell Mister Hijikata that his page his ready."
Author: Hm...yes, I know. Another one of my stupid oneshots, but it is here nonetheless. This is only my second PMK ficcy, starring one of my now favorite characters, Susumu. Anyways...please review! bows