(#) JesusKetchum31 2005-12-30This is a really good story. It moved me to tears... I think you really captured the dark side of Sonic, and the competent side of Amy, in a way that very few people are able to pull off...
I do have some criticisms though. You need to show, not tell... Rather than simply state character emotions and thoughts, describe them. Also, you should try to mix dialog and description a little more. Straight he said, she said, he said is a little boring. Try adding some descriptions of their tone of voice, or their facial expressions, as they say those things.
Other than that though... Great story! Like I said, it made me cry. I've been trying to bring out that part of Sonic in my stories for a long time, and I've never been able to. Good job!
- I think the aftermath of SA2 has been done many times, but this one was done quite well, and in character.
The insite of the impact on Sonic and Amy was well done, and quite emotional.
Though I have played SA2, there are a few plot points exploited through this so I think you should think about at putting an exclaimation point in next time... just to be save.
You could see the improvement in dialog as the story progressed, since there were first a 'Hemmingway style' of just script type back and forth speaking to showing what the characters were doing as the spoke and how their actions conveyed their feelings.
Good luck in your future righting.
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