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Just a train of thoughts
The only thing I know is that it feels good to write but yet at the same time I feel stupid.
I never wrote something like this for others to read but tonight I feel like I want somebody else to read this.
I’m sitting at the open window on the windowsill writing these thoughts down in the notebook which I only a year ago used to make notes for my English lessons in school.
Feels strange to do this once again. The last time I wrote my thoughts down was when I was thirteen. I have not done this for six years or I rather did not feel I have to write my thoughts down because I always had my friends to talk to.
Tonight they are somehow out of my reach. None of them is online. Rather strange for a Friday night. Normally we spent this time chatting and planning what to do on Saturday night.
Actually I feel left alone at the moment.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not because they are not spending their evening in front of the computer screen. It’s more I have the feeling that there is something going one which none of us wants to say out aloud.
I have had that feeling for three weeks now. Since then we had not really talked neither online nor in person. It was just an uncomfortable silence where none of us knew what to say which is also very unusual for us.
When we met two days ago it was awkward and short like it was something which they did out of duty and not because they really want to spent time with me. I felt like they want to get rid of me as soon as possible. I already then felt like crying when I drove home.
Yesterday when I had decided to ask them what’s going on everything was back to normal. So I thought it was just my imagination.
Now I think my first impression was not wrong.
But how should I find out what is wrong when they are never there so I could ask?
I still feel stupid that I have written this but on the other hand I feeling better now.
The cold night air reminds me that it’s not summer anymore.
Time for bed now. Let’s see what tomorrow brings.