omg an update! haha
Crying is the soul’s detoxification, I swear. It seems that after you cry, you feel better 95% of the time. Sunday, I cried all day, I cried and cried. I didn’t know why, well I had a few ideas but no solid explanation of why I was crying. I couldn’t cry over my parents anymore, that was done with. My parents were the only thing I ever cried about and now that I didn’t have them anymore, would I still cry? The idea of never crying again, it scared me. To me, crying was good. There was nothing wrong with crying, just like there’s nothing wrong with burping no matter how many times your parents tell you its wrong. Why do parents always seem to be the root of problems kids suffer from? It’s like, you tell your kids not to do something but they do it and good comes from it or bad then they don’t do it again because you said not too. It’s like taking their fun away, and then they say ‘learn from your mistakes’ but they don’t let you make mistakes to learn from. I wiped my eyes and turned up the Bouncing Souls, uplifting punk music was sometimes hard to find but with the Souls, it existed. I sang along, “We are the true believers…” My voice cracked, I sounded like a 5 year old smoker. I laughed at myself and for the first time, though I was crying, somewhat alone, and totally unhappy, I was…happy.
Gerard, being a teacher, had to get there an hour and a half earlier. Frank insisted we go that early too so we could have more getting to know each other. Only an idiot would buy that, this meant Gerard was an idiot. I drove in my car while Frank and Gerard took his. I guess he and Gee were close, I mean they see each other in school when they talk at lunch, they’re in a band together, and they always tell each other how much they love one another. I turned up Journey as it came on the radio, I had completely forgotten I had put this on the mixtape. “Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world…” Wow talk about connecting to something, thank you Steve Perry. I continued singing “Strangers waiting, walking down the boulevard…” I was getting into it, a little too much. At the stop light I pulled up next to Frank and Gerard, I saw Frank out of the corner of my eye laughing his ass off.
The school looked more inviting without the hundreds of students standing outside of it. I pulled in my normal parking space and waited by the front entrance for Frank and Gerard. “Anyone want coffee?” He asked pointing to the Starbucks across the street. Frank and I both nodded, “Ok well I have to go in but you can go in, get me a latte and something for yourselves and then come to my room ok?” Frank nodded and grabbed the money from Gerard. “You want to go to his room.” Frank said when we were safely across the street. I pinched his arm, “Ouch!” He shouted. “Frank, it’s hard enough we’re living with the guy now. I’m trying to start over remember?” “So you don’t like him anymore?” I shook my head no; well I still did but not as much as I did before. “Ok good, because…” He looked away from me. “What Frank?” “I kind of…I mean…” “Frankie are you gay?” I asked. “WHAT!? No I am not gay.” He snapped, if he wasn’t gay then why was he acting like this. “What then?” I asked. “I told him that you did.”
I was always 4 steps in front of Frank when we came back from Starbucks. How could he do that? I mean, best friends doesn’t mean throw me under the bus, you’re supposed to keep secrets when you’re asked too. “I’m sorry.” He pleaded. “I don’t care.” I said, halfway down the hall now. “Come on, you don’t even like him anymore, no big deal.” “No Frank, huge deal.” I stopped. “So you do still like him?” I shrugged, “He’s there and he’s hot and sweet and…I don’t know. I guess I can start over parent-wise but not Gerard-wise.” “Gerard-wise?” My heart stopped, I turned around. “Miss. Bliss, hi.” I said. Frank almost dropped the coffee. “What’s going on with you and Gerard?” She asked, she started backing me into the corner. “Nothing, I don’t mean that Gerard. He’s not the only guy with that name you know.” She backed up, “See you later in class Veronica.” Her eyes burned my flesh and she peered at me all the way down the stairs. “I hate you Frank.” “What!?”