Paul learns the hard way what it's like to lose someone close to you. [Paul/OMC]
You showed me how
You promised me you’d be around
I took your words
And I believed
You said to me
Jakob sniffled as he answered the front door, to see Paul standing there, automatically showing concern when he saw the bruise that threatened to swell Jakob’s right eye closed. “Paul!” he cried out, flinging himself into Paul’s arms, his arms going around the older male’s neck. “Paul,” he whimpered, crying softly into Paul’s shoulder as the other male put his arms around the slender frame.
“Baby boy, what happened to you?” Paul whispered, rubbing his back softly. “Who hurt you?”
Jakob shook his head against Paul’s shoulder, sobbing softly. “He said I deserved it Paul,” he whispered before a sob racked his small body. “He said it’s what I get for being a disgusting little fag!”
Paul closed his eyes tightly, willing his anger to go away since him getting angry was the last thing Jakob needed. He needed his love and comfort, not his anger towards the person who had the nerve to lay their hands on his angel. “Baby, lets go inside and lay down so you can calm down.”
Jakob quickly looked up, fear in his eyes. “No! No! No! He’s still here Paul, he’s not supposed to leave for another three hours,” he said, wincing when the cut on his lip reopened and start to slowly bleed. “You have to go. You can’t stay here or he’ll hurt you too!”
Paul restrained the tension that almost took hold of his body when he realized who Jakob was talking about. “Baby, come on. Come home with me until your Dad goes to work,” he whispered, brushing away the tears from Jakob’s cheeks before he tore off a small piece of his shirt, which had a few scattered holes anyway. He spit on it before he gently wiped at the blood on his boyfriend’s lip, frowning as he winced and closed his eyes.
“I can’t go over there, not like this,” Jakob whimpered as he opened his blue eyes to look into his boyfriend’s deep brown eyes, that were filled with concern. He saw the hidden anger and smiled slightly, even though it caused him to wince, because he was thankful Paul was holding back for him.
“Come home with me Jakob,” Paul said, looking into his boyfriend’s eyes. “You need to get out of here until that man in there goes to work. You’ll be safe, if only for a few hours.”
Jakob bit his lip slightly before the two quickly made their way to Paul’s car as Jakob’s dad came out of the house. Jakob’s eyes widened as he and Paul quickly jumped in, as his dad came towards the car, but Paul turned on the car and peeled out backwards before the older man could come within five feet. Jakob watched in the side mirror as his Dad faded away as they got further and further down the road.
Paul frowned as he reached over and gently took his boyfriend’s hand in his. “I promise you baby, everything is going to be okay. This will all be over soon enough, okay? And I’m not going anywhere until it’s all fixed. Okay?”
Jakob gave a slight nod as they pulled onto the highway, headed towards Paul’s house. It wasn’t that far away, but the highway was the quickest way. “Paul... Am I disgusting?” Jakob whispered softly, looking at his hands.
Paul frowned as he looked at Jakob for a moment before looking back to the road. “Jakey, you’re not disgusting,” he answered softly. “You’re so beautiful and no one else see the true handsome guy that you are inside and out baby boy.” As he pulled off the highway and came to a stop at the exit’s light, he looked over and brought his hand to Jakob’s chin, gently making him look at him. “Jakob, you are handsome, you are gorgeous, and you have the sweetest, most brightest smile anyone has ever seen. Anyone who calls you disgusting is just jealous because I have you and they don’t. Okay?” He smiled.
Jakob smiled and nodded before he leaned over, kissing Paul softly. “And you’re the best boyfriend anyone could ever ask for,” Jakob said, smiling when Paul kissed his cheek.
The rest of the ride to Paul’s house was silent as Paul drove, keeping his hand on the gear shift, though the car was an automatic, so he and Jakob could hold hands. When they finally pulled into Paul’s driveway, Jakob’s heart was pounding so hard in his chest he was sure Paul would hear it.
“Are you sure they’re okay with this?” Jakob whispered as they walked up to Paul’s front door, holding hands since Paul knew it would be okay. He looked at Paul when they stopped walking, right before the door. “Paul?”
Paul smiled softly at the soft, timid voice coming from his boyfriend of four months. “Jakey, just because you’re parents don’t understand, doesn’t mean all parents are the same,” he said before he placed a soft kiss on Jakob’s pierced lips. “Mom and Dad already know I’m gay. They already know I’m with the most beautiful boy in the world and they don’t care.” He kissed Jakob again when his boyfriend smiled. “There you go baby, show the world the smile I fell for.”
Jakob giggled softly, blushing slightly as some of his worries faded away, which he knew was exactly what Paul was striving for. “Okay,” he said as Paul took his hand again. “You’ll stay by my side, right Palsy?” He asked, using the pet name for Paul he’d picked up.
Paul smiled and gave Jakob’s hand a gentle squeeze. “I’ll stay by your side forever baby boy,” he said before giving Jakob a soft kiss. “Stay with me forever?”
“Forever and ever Palsy,” Jakob said before Paul opened the door and both slowly entered the house.
If someone said three years from now
You’d be long gone
I’d stand up and punch them out
Cause they’re all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
It was three weeks after that day that Paul’s parents suggested that Jakob move in with them and get emancipated from his family. They had grown to love him since they met him and neither parent had an objection about the love their son had for Jakob. Constantly they took him with them everywhere they went, even if it was a family night out since they saw him as part of the family now.
His parents’ reactions couldn’t have made Paul happier since Jakob living with him meant his Dad could no longer hurt him. They were both there for each other and no one in the house questioned anything they said or did since it was all okay. They could even hold hands and his Mom wouldn’t turn her head in disgust like some people did in the town. Quite often they were thrown rude comments or rude gestures, which they just shrugged off now since no one else mattered. His band mates even let Jakob come to band practice since they pretty much didn’t care anymore.
The only person that had an opinion that seemed to affect Paul or Jakob, was Benji, since he was their close friend. He was still bothered by the whole gay thing and actually seeing them even hold hands got a sneer from him sometimes.
As they drove to the twin’s house, however, Paul put all of this from his mind as he held Jakob’s hand while resting his hand on the gear shift again. He smiled as he looked over at Jakob who now had his head shaved minus the row of hair in the middle of his head. He had wanted a mohawk since they were just friends and last night Paul’s mom had done it for Jakob and now the younger male was practically beaming.
Paul smiled as he pulled into the driveway and was greeted by Sarah, the twins’ younger sister. “Hey Sar,” he said with a smile as he gave her a hug. “Your brothers in the garage already?” He asked.
“Uh-huh!” She answered, looking at Jakob when he got out of the car. “Jakey!” She yelped when she saw his mohawk. “Where did you put your hair!?”
Jakob chuckled and went over, kneeling down to give her a hug. “I shaved most of it off,” he answered as she reached up and touched the short mohawk. “Do you like it?” When Sarah nodded, she giggled and kissed his cheek before she ran inside, screaming for her mom to see Jakob’s hair. “I think she likes it,” he chuckled, looking at Paul who just smiled and shook his head.
- - - - -
It didn’t take long for practice to get underway and during the practice Jakob sat inside with Sarah and Robin. He was helping the twins’ mother clean up a small mess the twin terrors had made that morning when they had a small fight. Robin looked embarrassed to be asking him for help, but he knew it was because she was feeling sick again today and he had no problem helping her.
“Thank you for your help Jakob,” she said softly as he put some broken glass in the trash can she had brought into the living room. “You really didn’t have to agree to do this.”
“I know Mrs. Combs, but I have to,” he said with a sweet smile. “Ever since I was introduced to you and your family you have been like a mother to me. It feels nice being able to help someone I care about.”
Robin gave a soft smile as she looked at him with slightly misted eyes. “Jakob, you’re the best boyfriend our Paul has ever had since he got to know the twins. And I’m glad he found you. You’re the first keeper he’s brought around.”
Jakob smiled and got up, hugging Robin tightly, but not too tightly. “Thank you Mrs. Combs,” he said as he sniffled and wiped away the tears from his eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt loved by his own Mom and to feel loved again brought a few tears to his eyes.
“Paul get off of him!”
Jakob and Robin pulled away from each other when Billy’s scream pierced through the moment. Jakob bolted out to the garage to see Paul and Benji on the ground, wrestling each other, both screaming obscenities at each other as Billy, Aaron, and Joel tried to get them to break up their fight.
“Paul get off!” Jakob screamed, automatically regretting it when Paul looked at him and Benji took the moment to uppercut him, making him cry out and fall off of him.
“Benjiman Levi Combs!” Robin yelled from the doorway of the garage, her hand to her chest in shock. She stepped aside as Jakob helped Paul up and into the bathroom inside since he was bleeding from his mouth, and Jakob figured it was from possibly biting his tongue. “I demand to know why you took such a cheap shot on your friend and while you’re at it you better tell me why you two were fighting in the first place!”
Inside the bathroom, Jakob frowned as Paul spit a small amount of blood into the sink before he cupped some water in his hand, swishing it in his mouth before spitting it in the sink as well. “Baby, as soon as you can I want you to tell me what happened,” he said quietly as he put his hand on Paul’s shoulder.
Paul looked at him with a guilty look in his eyes, but a confident smirk on his bloody, split lip. “I was defending our relationship,” he answered before doing the water treatment again, wincing slightly this time. “He was talking shit saying it wasn’t going to last long.”
Jakob frowned as he gently turned Paul’s head so they were looking at each other. “Open up, lemme see if it’s your tongue,” he said and Paul did as he said, sticking out his tongue. He frowned when he saw the cut on the side of Paul’s tongue. “Yeah, you got yourself... Baby, you shouldn’t have let him upset you like this. Now both of you fought for no reason-”
“Jakob baby, he was saying we’ll break up soon since we’re nothing but a couple of fucking queers,” Paul said, interrupting Jakob.
“But Paul, you know yourself that’s not true,” Jakob said with a soft smile before he grabbed a small bit of toilet paper, wetting it down, before he used it to start wiping the blood from Paul’s busted lip. “We’re going to be together forever and ever, remember?” He smiled. “No matter what, or what anyone has to say. Because I see everyone’s mouth moving, but all I’m hearing is blah, blah, blah. And what they say doesn’t matter to me, because I love you Palsy, with all of my heart.”
Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you a friend
I’d give anything
When someone said count your blessings now
For they’re long gone
I guess I just didn’t know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
As his band’s tour bus rolled down the highway, on it’s way to the next stop, Paul thought back to that day seven years ago. He frowned as he remember the love in Jakob’s eyes when he said the three words he had been dying to hear since they were even just friends. He felt his jaw clench as he tried to block the memory from his mind since it always did what it was starting to do now, make his eyes tear up.
He sniffled softly as he looked down the side of the mountain they were driving on, wondering just how far down it was. He wasn’t thinking suicide, he was only curious of how high up they were since he could see the small town down below fading as they slowly went further up. He could hear the laughter from his friends coming from the back room, but he didn’t want to join them at the moment.
He had lost Jakob four months after that day, when they were both put into the hospital due to an accident that should never have happened. Paul was driving, obeying all the rules of the road that day and everything changed that day, when they came across the usual train tracks they went over all the time. Jakob was laughing at something Paul had said and the car was almost all the way over the tracks when suddenly the car’s back bumper was hit by the train, the force turning the car sideways against the train.
The accident on the back road wouldn’t have happened if the train track bumpers had been working and had been lowered when they should have been. The county didn’t take the blame of course, not caring that a queer was killed by their mistake, but Paul knew that even if he had won no amount of money could have saved Jakob. He had been killed instantly when the force of his head hitting his window smashed it, several shards entering his brain.
He sniffled and laid down across the couch as Billy came from the back room, frowning when he saw his friend’s bloodshot eyes. “Hey Lil Billy,” he said softly as the youngest band mate came over and kneeled down infront of Paul.
“Hey man, how ya doing?” Billy asked, putting his hand on Paul’s forearm.
Paul shrugged slightly, shaking his head. “Just thinking, that’s all Billy,” he answered quietly, looking into the caring blue eyes of his best friend. Billy had been there the entire time at the hospital, before and after Paul woke up.
“Are you going to be okay Paul?” Billy asked, somehow knowing what had Paul down the past couple of days since the anniversary of Jakob’s death was coming up. “You know you can always talk to me, about any of it. I swear I won’t tell you to get over him like the others do.”
“I know you won’t Billy,” Paul whispered, giving his friend a weak smile as his eyes filled with tears that he quickly wiped away, sniffling softly. “But right now I just need to be on my own... I know you understand,” he said as his friend opened his mouth to speak.
Billy gave him a soft, comforting smile before he kissed his friend’s forehead and stood up, giving him a small wave before he returned to the back room. He was bisexual, this was true, but he only showed Paul friendly affection since he only had those feelings for him. He knew Paul never got the wrong idea by the times he held him while he cried, or rubbed his back until he could fall asleep. He felt sorry for his best friend for having losing someone so close to him.
In the front room, Paul sighed and got up from the couch, moving to his bunk. He crawled in and curled up to the pillow Jakob had used so long ago. It no longer carried the scent that clung to it for almost a full month, but it was still a comfort for Paul, to still have a piece of his true love.
Through their relationship so many people had told him to cherish everything, never take anything for granted, as if they knew he would lose the person he lived for. He had tried once to kill himself, but as he lay on the bathroom floor, the pills slowly being digested by his stomach, he could swear he heard Jakob begging him to puke them back up. The pleading tone in the disembodied voice made Paul force himself over the toilet before forcing up the pills he had swallowed.
He looked back on that day at times, wondering if he would have been better off ignoring what was obviously nothing but a hallucination brought on by the pills. But he was almost glad he didn’t do it since he had just about everything he could have ever wanted when he was younger. The only thing, the only person missing, was Jakob.
I’ll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we meet again
And I won’t forget you my friend
If someone said three years from now
You’d be long gone
I’d stand up and punch them out
Cause they’re all wrong
That last kiss
Until we meet again
And time makes
I wish I could remember
But I keep
You visit me in my sleep
I miss you
“Jakey, I’m hungry,” Paul groaned from the couch, where he was stuck for the day due to sickness. The sickness had crept up on him overnight and was keeping him from going to school and Jakob had stayed home with him to play doctor.
“What do you want baby?” Jakob asked as he came into the living from the bathroom, needing to leave long enough to take a leak.
“I want your specialty,” he answered, pouting.
“Palsy, if you have that, it’s going to make you pukey and you won’t be able to enjoy it,” Jakob said, sitting by Paul’s hip, rubbing his boyfriend’s stomach softly, not wanting to upset it.
“But I’ll die if I don’t have it,” he said with a much bigger pout than before, which made Jakob giggle.
“Palsy, I don’t want you puking all over the place, now tell me what you want,” Jakob said with a smile. “And make sure it’s something I can actually give you.”
“Can you give me a kiss and your heart?” Paul asked.
Paul looked around as he looked at the scene before him, seeing that it froze. How does a dream freeze? He thought to himself as he looked at Jakob’s loving eyes, finding himself jump back, realizing for the first time that he’s standing on his own as a separate body watching. Jakob turning his head to look at him is what had made him jump back. What’s going on? He thought.
“Paul, don’t be afraid,” Jakob said as he slowly turned from how he looked that day, to how he looked the day he died, before the accident.
“What’s going on?” He whispered slowly, uncertain if he would actually be able to communicate with the dream Jakob.
“I wanted to talk to you baby,” Jakob whispered as he came closer and slowly touched Paul’s cheek. He smiled slightly when Paul closed his eyes, pain washing over his face as he turned his cheek into Jakob’s palm.
“H-How is this possible? I don’t get it,” he whimpered as he brought his hands up, hesitantly touching and then cupping the hand that was still pressed to his cheek. “I’m so fucking confused.”
Jakob chuckled softly and moved closer, sliding his hand from Paul’s grip before he wrapped his arms around his neck and found Paul’s arms wrapping around his waist. “I miss you baby and I needed to see you. I needed to be in your arms one more time.”
Paul let out a shuddering breath as he buried his face in the crook of Jakob’s neck, a few tears slipping from his tightly closed eyes. “I don’t want to wake up. I have you again, I don’t need to wake up,” he said, his voice breaking.
“Oh come on baby,” Jakob said, his own voice wavering slightly. “If you cry, I’ll cry, then we’ll all cry,” he chuckled softly, trying to keep from crying himself. “But God, I’ve missed you so much Paul. Watching you isn’t the same as having you always in my arms. It’s Hell having to watch you live such a miserable, lonely life.”
“I don’t want anyone but you though,” Paul whimpered before he sniffled and a small sob escaped his throat. “I can’t look at someone else without seeing you. Please don’t tell me to move on Jakey. I can’t do it,” he sobbed softly.
Jakob didn’t say anything, but merely hugged Paul close, rocking him slowly from side to side as they enjoyed the long missed embrace. “I’m not asking you to move on baby,” he finally said after what seemed like hours of holding each other. “I just want you to be happy Palsy.”
Paul opened his mouth to try and speak but frowned when he realized he couldn’t move or speak.
He whimpered as he slowly opened his eyes to see Billy lightly shaking his shoulder. “Billy... Why...?”
Billy frowned. “I’m sorry Paul, but we’re at the next venue... I had to wake you up.”
Paul whimpered as he crawled from his bunk with a sigh, pushing his hair from his eyes as he went to the bus bathroom, leaning against the door once he shut it. He frowned as tears came to his eyes. He had been with his Jakob, had held him and actually felt it, heard his voice, and they had to go and wake him up. He didn’t know when his next chance for that would be and he hated to think of how long it would be.
“Fuck I miss you Jakob,” he whimpered, leaning his head back on the door. “Why did it have to be you? Why couldn’t I have died with you or instead of you?"
[Author's Note: Am I the only one who noticed my obsession with depression? lol. Yeps, the song and some lines are from P!nk. And although we all knew what was going to happen, I had to write it.]