Picking one up, i ran my thumb across the blade and let out a gasp as it cut my thumb. Perfect. Without thinking I dropped the razor onto the tiled floor and jumped on it, it broke straight away and pieces of it went everywhere. I stood still for a moment and glanced around the floor until a glinting caught my eye near the bath. I smiled and walked toward it, picking up the blade from the cold floor and sitting down on the edge of the bath. I had been shaking with anticipation, just to see what I do to myself is sickening yet.. addictive. I ran the blade across my wrist once, then twice, then three times. Watching as the blood slowly seeped out of the wounds, I closed my eyes and sighed in relief and anguish. I don't want to do this.. but I need to do this. I got up, slightly out of it, and wrapped a nearby towel around my bleeding arm. I got toward the cupboard again and was then able to wash it and the towel, before attempting to clean up the floor. I had to make sure I didn't leave anything behind./
"Oh fuck." I mumbled under the blankets. I was so fucking tired it wasn't funny. The alarm next to me was beeping softer than usual, though still managed to be annoying. I slowly brought the covers down from my face and wacked the alarm clock next to me. I sighed as it silenced and I sat up, rubbing my eyes and stretching slightly. I stopped though, when I noticed that my arm was hurting slightly and there was something wrapped around it. I took a look at it and reality hit me like a truck. I seriously had to stop doing this to myself.. this was bad.. and my feet hurt like hell too, but last night.. did I even bandage my arm? I looked over my arm again and suddenly my face became expressionless and I froze.
I jumped out of bed as fast as I could and opened my door. I jogged down the hall toward the kitchen and was stopped suddenly when someone ran over and embraced me in a tight hug. I froze at first, but when I realised he wasn't angry I hugged him back tightly. He kept holding onto me though, my head resting on his chest and I could hear his heart beat softly.
"Why?", he whispered in my ear. I stayed silent, lost for words. I didn't know why, I didn't even know why I was still alive anymore let alone why I make the decisions I make.
"How did you know?", I pulled back and asked him, looking into his hazel eyes.
"Various reasons. Though, you didn't clean up well last night Steph. There were bits of my razor on the floor, and blood on the sink.." He trailed off and stared softly just past my shoulder. I sighed and brought my hands up to his face, kissing him gently and kind of bringing him back to where we are now.
"I love you." I said, smiling. He moved his gaze to my own eyes and smiled even wider.
"Not as much as I love you.", then he kissed me again and without warning, bolted down the hall toward his room.
"School starts in 20 minutes!", I heard him yell. I laughed and ran back to my own room, shutting the door behind me and scanning the floor for some clothes. Umm.. Green Day shirt! I pulled the rest of it out from where it had been hanging out of my drawer, slipped off my pajama shirt and replaced it with my Green Day one. Screw that, I thought and picked up the same pair of black skinny jeans I had on the day before and my black studded belt. I put them on as fast as I could and looked around for my shoes.. now where are-. I looked up and saw them hanging my the laces on my fan. I gave them a puzzled look.
"Ok then.." I murmered, walking to my dresser and quickly putting on some thick eyeliner and straightening my long, layered hair.
"Stephanie! You ready?!" I heard Mikey yell from the hallway.
"No! Mikey come here for a second, I need your tallness." I heard him laugh and open the door to my room.
"What do you need me to get?" He asked. I pointed to the shoes on the fan and he gave me the same look I had on my face before.
"Don't ask." I said, shaking my head and going back to fixing my hair. He laughed again and stood on my bed, carefully picking up my shoes and throwing them onto the floor.
"Thanks Mikey!" I said, sliding to the side on my chair and putting my shoes on.
"No Problem." He said, walking then behind me as I struggled to tie my laces and fixing the back of my hair. I finally managed to get fully dressed so I turned and grabbed Mikey's hand.
"Thanks, C'mon." I said, pulling him through the hallway and stopping for a moment to pick up our bags. I opened the front door and stood with it open as Mikey walked out and I locked up the house.
He then held my hand again and we started down the concrete path to school, me still zipping up my bag. When I finally relaxed I felt Mikey let go of my hand and rummage through his messenger bag for something. When he found what he was looking for, he turned and handed it to me.
"Here." He said, pushing it into my hand. I looked down and noticed he had again, gotten me breakfast.
"I'm not hungry." I said, "That dinner was big enough last night.. I don't think i can eat anything more today." I lied, smiling slightly and handing it back to him. He shook his head and refused to take it back.
"Mikey." He closed his eyes and brought his hand up to his forehead.
"No.. Mikey.. I'm sorry." I said. He shook his head and put an arm around my shoulder, kissing my cheek.
"It's not your fault.", He said. I put the breakfast he gave me in my bag and gasped as I saw Frank walking next to us.
"Dude, where did you come from?", Mikey asked, looking as well. Frank put his hands in his pockets and gave me a sad smile.
"I've been here for about 5 minutes. Don't worry." He said. I pouted at him and he smiled slightly.
"Awww." I said, moving from Mikey and hugging Frank.
"I love you." I said,poking his nose. He gave a full smile now and poked my nose back. I giggled and turned to Mikey.
"Doing anything special today?" I asked. He smiled and nodded.
"I'm going to this meeting for the drama club before lunch, they need new props and I need to find out where the materials will be available from." He said. I smiled and then looked at Frank.
"What about you?" He shook his head and looked down. What was up with him?
I suddenly noticed Mikey and I's laced hands and I smiled, kissing his shoulder. He grinned back and kissed my head. Well la-di-da Mr. tall person. We reached the school gates and I looked beside me, but noticed that Frank wasn't there any longer. I frowned and looked around but couldn't see him.
"Well, I'll see you later." Mikey said, embracing me in a hug.
"Seeya." I said, smiling. He waved as he walked off toward first period and I headed off toward the library for science.
Fuck.. I was craving already.