(#) jabarber69 2007-10-02Hey this is outstanding. Its well written and has a great plot. It also grabs ahold of you to the point where you dont wanna let go but sadly so far there is only this one chapter I guess.
I always like the grouping of Tracy Davis, Daphne Greengrass and (fem) Blaise Zabini. I dont know I always thought of them as best friends and would make a good group of wives in a harem type story. So of course I also am looking forward to reading this story with Tracy as his betroth. I also think especially the way you sorta introduced her that she would make a great wife, her being a slytherin will help him greatly especially with bringing out his slytherin side.
Also this army of the ages sounds really cool, hope we hear more and soon!
- Definitely a good start from one of the usual Points of Departure for AU's. Still, you've blended the ingredients in a different manner and I'm looking forward to seeing what develops. snicker It'd be amusing if Draco's heritage made him part of the Army, but only after Harry & Tracey were a very firm couple. I suspect the mix of Tracey and Harry will temper the worst aspects of both Houses in them and produce a very strong and powerful union.
From the description of Harry's state of incommunicado, it sounds like you've got a Manipulative!Albus to deal with as well as Tome; I do hope both most thoroughly receive their comeuppances.
- Interesting start, and while you manage to avoid some of the major cliches, be careful about falling into an overpowered Goblin community: they may control the money, and may even have rebellions, but obviously haven't won too many fights as they have to put up with most wizard's treatment. Be careful about marriage contracts and things executed through them: goblins have no legal authority over wizards unless the wizards give it to them. I like where you are going, but just be careful.
Author's responseI am. Much of what the goblins have helped Harry with is for the most part financial. Also they have handled much of the paperwork Harry has had needed done.
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