“I’m on the wrong train. It’ll take you ages to get to where I live.” I kept repeating. But he didn’t seem to mind the thought of a long drive.
“I have nothing better to do and you’re in need of help. I don’t mind at all. Or ...” He added allowing his voice to trail off.
“Or … what?” I asked, caution mixed with curiosity, I was unable to stop myself from grinning at the look that was coming from his face.
“Well ...” He started, but didn’t continue until I nodded as a way of urging him to carry on. “You could stay at mine tonight and I’ll drive you to the station tomorrow.” Staring at me hopefully, “At least you’ll avoid the snow” He added.
“Good idea. Are you sure? I mean you don’t even have to do anything ...” my voice trailed off leaving me to sigh contentedly because I now had somewhere to go. I was incredibly thankful and it made me drawn to him like magnets in a thunderstorm. We talked for a while as the train slowly drew into Jared’s station. As the train drove on I became distracted by the heavily falling snow. At every stop before ours it would gather on the rim of the window, with every stop it became heavier; I was worried that we would never make it to Jared’s stop.
“This is us” He said as he rose up out of his seat and headed to the door.
We searched the car park for a sign of Jared’s Hummer. To begin with his SUV was red but the sheet of snow that covered it made it white with a hint of yellow thanks to a passing dog. As I opened the door I froze my fingers and was thankful when we got to his house. Normally it took five minutes to get to his house but the heavy snow meant it took half an hour instead. He drove his car up the driveway and stopped. I still remember the way he turned to me and gave me that childish grin. He became excited quickly, opened the car door and ran around the car to my window “Let’s go play in the snow!”
I’d only known him an hour or so but it felt like I’d known him my whole life in some form or another. We spoke about everything that night. We spoke about previous relationships, about our family, childhood, everything. Later I’d found out that our families had both visited the same holiday resort in Canada every year at around about the same time.
We spent hours out in the snow making snowmen and snow angels. We regressed to children and giggled as we put rude parts on the snowman. We stayed out so late that by the time I tried to get up every part of my body ached from the cold. I kept trying to stand up but my feet had become so numb I ended up falling on top of him.
“Whoa ... Calm down ... We just met!” He said while laughing at my temporary paralysis. I’d never known anyone that seemed so energetic in any situation. Not even my friend Frankie could match that ball of energy.
Everything seemed quiet for a while as I lay there half on top of him, half in the snow. He had a look of wanting in his eyes that I didn’t recognise at the time but know very well now. The look was completely new to me. He turned his head and leaned in. His icy soft lips touched mine and our tongues met in the middle.
Suddenly he pulled away. “I’m sorry ... Your probably not even gay, I know you don’t feel the same, I’m sorry” He repeated his apology which just made me smile. It was strange because we’d only known each other for a few hours but we were inseparable and my feelings were mutual to his.
“I don’t mind. I would’ve done the same thing if you hadn’t.” I said, reassuring him that he wasn’t treading on dangerous ground. In fact he was treading on what could be called home territory. He was safe to do as he pleased because I was smitten with him. I leaned in and kissed him again before adding, “Let’s get out of the cold.”
We spent the rest of that evening talking and kissing one another, each kiss growing more and more passionate. This meant I had to use every ounce of self-restraint that I had to not take things further with him, constantly reminding myself we had just met. It was one of the most magical nights I had ever experienced and now it seems to all be crashing down around me as he prepares himself to tell me the news.
I can see how nervous he is which makes me nervous as well. He seems to be shaking which makes my heartbeat increase and makes my palms sweat. I’m scared that this is the end for Jared and I. Thinking back, I know what we have is special but he seems to be gearing up to end it.
“Gerard, don’t react badly to this” He said as if preparing himself more than me “I need you to understand that I love you but the thing is ...” What he said next shocked me more than anything I could have expected. I was devastated.