Gonou pens a love letter to Kanan during a break in his day.
My Dearest Kanan,
I know you will think it silly of me to write this to you while on my lunch break, when I will see you again in a matter of mere hours when I come home. But I miss you so during these long days at the school, and so many thoughts of you run through my head like my unruly children when we are apart. The only way to keep them in order is to commit them to paper, so I may share them when I come home to you. When I are away from you, my only love, I miss you like I would miss breathing if I were a drowning man, and the time without you crawls so slowly I can hardly bear to look at the wretched clock, it taunts me so in your absence.
Oh my Kanan, if only I had adequate words to tell you what a difference your presence has made in my life, from that very first day when we found each other again. I was locked-up inside and lost to myself before you, condemned since early childhood to a bitter cold inner hell where I refused to smile, afraid if I allowed myself any emotion at all it would release upon the world and God Himself the rage and hatred that I had pent up inside for so long. Even as a small boy I was as sullen and silent as the stone statues of saints that surrounded the orphanage where I lived, holding their arms out to me and mocking me as I passed by them every day. The sisters there tried to coax me out of my solitude with their kindness and their catechisms, and tried to teach me of their young handsome God who spoke of loving and giving to our fellow man, but all I could see was his image savagely nailed to the crucifix in the chapel, and it just furthered my convictions about the essential brutality of man and the futility of existence. By the time I left the convent school I was in a very dark place indeed.
But then a light re-appeared in my life, a single glorious beacon that buried the sad and angry darkness beneath its brilliance. I found a woman named Kanan, and it did not matter that the blood in her veins made her my sister, because the wild thrumming of my heart told me that she was my true companion, my soulmate, my one true love.
The minute I saw you standing there that first fateful day the anger and pain of my life began streaming away like the scarlet and gold leaves raining from a solitary tree on a windy autumn day. The more our love grew, the more the dry leaves fell away, and soon all the hurt and cruelty were banished completely. With the falling away of my sad colors came the growth of a fresh new flowering of happiness and joy with you, my sister, my love, my wife.
The first time we made love was the blossoming of a desert oasis, Kanan. My dry heart was was falling to dust, and my neglected body was an empty husk before you. We both were virgins, yes, but you with your generous wellspring of a heart, you knew instinctively what to do and how to lead this poor sad traveler to drink deep. We now share the pleasures of love in all its variations from the sweet and gentle to the wild and explosive. We teach each other, and the learning is part of our joy. Every day I wonder what new delights we will find with each other come nightfall, and I trust we will still be drinking new draughts of pleasure in each other’s arms when we are quite old and gray, my love.
As I think about our table at home, Kanan, I have an image of our future that makes me smile, like so many things our life together do. I picture a New Year’s feast: we are older now, and I have grown as fat as the Pigsy character in your “Journey to the West” story you love so well. You are as trim and lovely as ever, and your long, silky hair is a beautiful braid of shining silver down your back. We are seated at this same table with our grown children, and they are all prosperous and well, and chattering merry as magpies with each other. You and I exchange happy glances with each other across the table groaning with holiday food. At smaller tables around the room are seated grandchildren of various ages, some squabbling and laughing, some quiet and serious. Some have your sweet beauty, some have my unruly hair and bad eyes, but all of them are missives from our little family to the next generation, and on into the future. This gives me more a more profound joy than I could ever express.
I see myself some years after this Kanan, I am in our marriage bed, and I am tired. You are stroking my unruly gray thatch of hair out of my eyes so very lovingly. Your gently-lined face is concerned, and I tell you not to be. I tell you that I am not in pain, only very, very tired. I say it is time for me to rest, and I take your hand in mine and hold it tight. I tell you I am going on ahead, and that I will be there waiting for you, my Kanan. I say that I will be there to greet you the minute you arrive, with your favorite cat, and a big smile on my face, so glad to see my beautiful girl again. Then I ask you for a kiss, which you give me, so lovingly as always, and I close my eyes to sleep at last, a truly happy man.
I’ll be home soon, Kanan. We have so very much to look forward to - a wonderful future together awaits us.
Your loving true companion,
True Companion by Marc Cohn –LYRICS BELOW
True Companion - Marc Cohn
Baby I've been searching like everybody else
Can't say nothing different about myself
Sometimes I'm an angel
And sometimes I'm cruel
And when it comes to love
I'm just another fool
Yes, I'll climb a mountain
I'm gonna swim the sea
There ain't no act of god girl
Could keep you safe from me
My arms are reaching out
Out across this canyon
I'm asking you to be my true companion
So don't you dare and try to walk away
I've got my heart set on our wedding day
I've got this vision of a girl in white
Made my decision that it's you all right
And when I take your hand
I'll watch my heart set sail
I'll take my trembling fingers
And I'll lift up your veil
Then I'll take you home
And with wild abandon
Make love to you just like a true companion
You are my true companion
I got a true companion
When the years have done irreparable harm
I can see us walking slowly arm in arm
Just like the couple on the corner do
'cause girl I will always be in love with you
And when I look in your eyes
I'll still see that spark
Until the shadows fall
Until the room grows dark
Then when i leave this earth
I'll be with the angels standin'
I'll be out there waiting for my true companion
Just for my true companion
Note: For any that aren’t aware of it, The Journey to the West that he refers to is the original 16th Century Chinese novel that Saiyuki is loosely based on, and Pigsy would be Hakkai’s counterpart. He is described as being a chubby man, unlike our Cho Hakkai!
I assume this must have been the reason for the bogus Hakkai being so portly in the Gensomaden episodes with the counterfeit Sanzo-ikkou.