Music. I used to love it so much. It was my life, my breath. I thought and felt, tasted and touched it. Now, I don't feel, my thoughts are blank. Sitting here, watching this other group play, I can see that we used to be like that. Maybe Nick and Joe still are, but I've lost it. Pete's quick jerking movements reminded me of my own. I wish I could be like that again. Just to be able to feel that love from before I went cold. To be able to feel the rhythm flow through my body like it used to. I wanted to scream again.
As the band's sound check finished Pete put his bass down and jumped off the stage. He ran to were I was sitting. He stared down at me making me uncomfortable.
"What?" I asked.
"How were we?" He asked eagerly. Why was Pete Wentz asking my opinion?
"You were good." I answered after a moment. His smile dropped for the first time that day.
"Just good?" He asked with disappointment.
"Ah…No?" I offered. His head perked back up.
"No…you were…outrageously awesome?" I said raising an eyebrow. He smiled again and clapped his hands. He reminded me of Frankie. A 27 year old reminded me of my 8 year old brother.
"Were we really that good?" He asked hopefully. I nodded slowly. He smiled wider. He was crazy for relying on my opinion. According to everyone I didn’t know good music if it waved in my face screaming 'HI I'M GOOD MUSIC LOVE ME!!!!!!!!!'. Those are all Joe's exclamation points I swear it.
Pete plopped down on a chair next to me smiling happily. Man was this dude weird.
"Kevin!" Nick yelled from the stage. "Sound check now." At least he was polite about it.
"Heehee! Now I get to hear your band play!" Pete said excitedly. I shook my head and stood up making my way to the stage. Nick handed me my guitar and told me a quick SOS. I started playing but just couldn't get my heart to go into it. In the middle of the song I noticed Pete smiling and nodding his head to the music. At the end of the sound check he bounded up to me.
"That was awesome! You guys rock!" I shrugged. It wasn’t very nice but I wasn’t in the mood. His smile sank abit but was still visible on his face. "What's wrong?" The question shocked me. I hadn’t been asked that for awhile. I just stared at him for a moment.
"Nothing." I finally answered.
"Why are you lying to me?" his smile was fully gone.
"Look I'm sorry dude, but I'm not sure what you want from me." I told him. "I just can't give it to you. Please if you care, just leave me alone." He stared at me looking as depressed as I felt. I felt sorry that I said anything. The need to apologize made my stomach turn. "Pete I'm-"
"No, your right." He said quietly. "It wasn’t any of my business. I'm sorry. See you around Kevin." He walked away moping. Now I felt like a real loser. I had hurt the feelings of the only person who gave a da.mn even if he hadn’t even known me for more than a day. Maybe there was more to Pete than meets the eye.