Following Harry's Birthday, things start heating up between the young couple. A dark plot from supposed friends are revealed.
- I really like this chapter. Harry being bold and making a move was nice. I like the little twist of Dumbledore trying to contract Harry to Hermione. Usually, most authors write it with him being with Ginny. So I like how Dumbledore was going to screw the Weasley's out of their One Big Happy Weasley Family. Can't wait to see waht happens next. Keep up the great work.
- Hmm, I like the way this chapter went. Harry and Tracey are starting to really care for each other, it shows in the care and concern they have for each other. I do love the manipulations by Dumbledore, making promises he doesn't have the authority to make. It's interesting that in addition to making a number of promises to the Weaseleys, he also made a contradicting one to Hermione; what a pity he had to mention that while everyone was in earshot, I don't think that's going to endear him to the Weaseleys. Somehow, though, that may not be soon enough to save Bill from getting terminated; I do hope that finding out how Albus' has played with them wakes him up.
It's a great read of a chapter, but it does need a bit of cleanup, mostly of homonym or near-homonym confusion. For example, "... head over heals ..." should be "... head over heels ..." and when describing Tracey's outfit, it should be "blouse", not "blows".
I'm looking forward to finding out just what Susan was talking to Padma about and what, exactly, Madame Bones was anticipating/dreading.
Author's responseAh yes those. Their a bit amusing when you point them out. Thats the downside of not having a beta. Looks for a pot of coffee plus it doesn't help being a bit tired before posting it up either.
- Interesting. I hope you tell the backstory of the Weasleys and Hermione's views on all this
Author's responseLove your work and I have already got the outline for that chapter that explains it. It all comes out when Tracey and Hermione get into it when their back in school.
- I like this variation on the Harry has a marriage contract plot line. It progresses a little too fast for me but then I was a bit slow in proposing myself.
The other thing I really enjoy is Bill getting into trouble with Gringotts I've always wondered just how he managed to be loyal to both them and the Order. There just had to be conflicts like you highlighted in this chapter. I can't wait for the next one... Maybe fast paced is good .
Thanks for sharing your vision with us.