- I like this at first I wasn’t sure I would, but I do. I like the whole reverse of male and female roles. But I don’t think you have used it enough, or described. showed it well; Harry doesn’t interact with others enough. At least we don’t get to see it.
Also I am rather disappointed that, of all the girls and how aggressive they are, and how Harry is supposed to be male and just as aggressive he hasn’t done anything with any of the girls. He is just as reserved as the rest of the typical males of that dimension. It’s boring. Yes Luna is a great character and she is not completely twisted in this, but why dump Harry in the situation with aggressive females if you aren’t going to use it? it’s great if you want to put Harry with Luna but I think you did it to soon and all.
You keep having Harry blow the AU girls off (when you actually even tell about it) by saying they remind him of their male versions. That’s just wrong that they actually look like male versions of themselves. Let them be physically different. Let them be mentally different. You have taken deviations with Harry and his “sister’s” personalities and whatnot but haven’t allowed the same for the other character, and it makes Harry seem no different from the AU males.
Then there is the total missing interaction with Harriet and Harry. Harriet and Harry both want family so much then when they get their wish, what do they do? Separate themselves from each other, and don’t interact. Ridicules!
The names of people are also rather disappointing. This is my opinion mind you, but… I think it would have been a lot better if you had used actual female names for your AU females instead of using feminized versions of the HP cannon males. The AU guys seem to get new names though not all of them. I am sure you did it to keep things straight but I think you would have been better off using last names and school year to identify who was the alternant of whom. I find your version to be a bit confusing.
Anyway with all that I know it probably seems I am knocking on your story but, I do like it I just think it could be better. You did after all post all this stuff about sexual encounters and so far, there haven’t been any.
Not that it needs to consist of only that. It’s just that there seems to be pieces needed to sort of balance the story and make it more… I am not sure what the word is. Real, engaging maybe?
I liked the super speed up; I didn’t like that Harry quit pummeling the dumb-ass Defense Professor so quickly. She should have been worked around a little more.
Anyway, I like the story I hope you continue, and a new chapter is out soon.
- I like the story generally, but don't think that reviewer Wesley has as may good objections as HE thinks he does.
First off, Harry is still Harry, even though he has changed to an AU world, and he was never agressive in pursuing the girls before the change, so why would he change now. If Wesley just wants some Harry "smut" he should join "The Restricted Section" or other sites that cater to those areas.
Also you have him interacting with others about the same way he did in his home Universe, a la JKR. That too is good. Harry isn't OOC, just because everything is different here, Luna and Harry excepted.
Wesley's objections have more to do with how HE wants Harry to be than with how Harry WOULD BE in a different setting...i.e. "Still Harry". You do not need to change your style to satisfy one critic...you can never please everybody, and even JKR doesn't, witness the AU Fan fics that develop Harry totally differently from canon. You didn't start that way, please stay consistent within this story. If you decide to you can do a "Different Harry" story later and explore where you could take him, but changing direction within a story in progress should remain a "no-no".
(#) Terdwilicker 2009-03-19A number of your HP stories go almost directly into "Uber!Harry" territory. I suppose I can understand this when many of them are direct xovers with comic books. Considering the Deus Ex Machina frequency of Rowlings writing (multiple times in book one alone) its not so out of character. However, someday I hope to see you write one where HP isn't uber anything. He's not rich, not a lord, not possessing incredible powers and instead is just "lucky enough" to survive. Harry is a wizard-equivalent to the cockroach: fast, wily, and hard to kill. Playing to that strength will be your next challenge as a writer, if you're up to it. If you turn this down I can totally understand. After all, Uber is your preference, as is parody and humor. And you're good at those enough of the time that your work is well received. But do you understand the character enough to try the harder road? You'd be doing something even Rowling failed to do, and writing her character more truly and better than she did gets you a certain legendary status. Up to you.
Sign up to review this story.