New story. Frank Fic. (With a girl) Not good at summeries. Read? (:
I heard the loud tone of my phone go off on my bedside table and I groaned in agony. Why? It was 7:00 in the fucking morning! Then I realized, I had to leave at 7:30. Shit. I quickly sat up and rubbed feverishly at my eyes, grabbing my phone off the table and letting my magic fingers do their stuff. Okay, so according to Danny I had to get up and ready by 7:30, then make my way up to the station in a good 10 minute walk.
She fucking wishes. I pushed the quilt off my body with my feet and yawned, twisting out of bed and stumbling a bit as I made it to my feet.
“Too bloody early..” I mumbled, padding across to my desk and picking up my uniform from the floor. I held it up in front of my face and sighed, putting it down for a moment as I slipped off my singlet. Picking it up from the floor now, I slipped it over my head and did up the zipper up the back. I could hear screaming and yelling coming from the kitchen area and closed my eyes for a moment, blindly making my way to the dresser to find my brush. Why can’t they just get along? It’s not that difficult. I picked up my brush and stretched slightly, letting my layered hair fall in front of my shoulders, then slowly I began to brush it.
“/Are you up yet?!/” I quickly turned as my door was slammed open and I caught eyes with my father.
“Yeah Dad. I’ll be ready soon, just give me a second.” I said, turning back to the mirror and continuing the brushing of my hair. I heard him grunt and storm off down the hallway, leaving my doorway open and exposed for the world. Beautiful.
Letting my hair go, I walked to the door and shut it gently, hoping to god he didn’t break it. Thankfully, he didn’t. Maybe he just needs some coffee, he should be happy by the time he gets home, I thought, latching an abnormally large, black bow to the side of my hair and fixing it slightly in front of my mirror. I smiled at my reflection and quickly went on a hunt for my plain, black school shoes and white socks. I found them next to my chair, and carried them to the bed, slipping them on one by one and fixing my hair for one last time before jogging to the bathroom to wash my face.
I ran the water and quickly brushed my teeth, and then as I wet the cloth, had a go at my face. I folded the cloth carefully and placed it on the basin before pulling open the cabinet and finding some mascara. Okay. So I haven’t had much luck with this stuff, I can manage to put on eyeliner but it seems that every time I try to put on mascara I end up either killing myself or someone close by. As I pulled off the lid, and lifted the brush to my eyelash, I blinked onto it a few times and twitched slightly.
“Ow.” I breathed, poking myself in the eye and wincing. I did the same with the other eye, though poked myself twice and carefully put the mascara back where it belonged.
Bloody school, doesn’t let us wear eyeliner.
I ran out of the bathroom to the kitchen, opening drawers as I went and pulling out random, edible items and placing them in my lunchbox. I filled up my water bottle and quickly ran into my room, putting my lunchbox in and zipping it up.
“Okay. I’m leaving. Bye!” I yelled, slipping my ipod and phone in my pocket and walking toward the front door. No response, of course. Fuckers. I walked out into the fresh air and smiled, letting the sun take me in with it and starting my journey to the train station, it was only about 10 minutes later I finally made it to the crummy place and raced my way down the long flight of concrete steps and to the back of the station to find my friend, Danny.
“Ah, you made it. And my you look happy.” She said sarcastically, jumping up to give me a hug. I rolled my eyes and pointed to the oncoming train, forcing her to pick up her bag and follow me to one of the open doors.
“And how was your morning?” She asked. I shrugged, sitting my bag down and leaning on the closed doors.
“Shit. And yourself?” I watched her put her bag down too, and lean against the metal pole.
“Can’t complain, had to wait all by myself for you though bitch.” She said, smiling. I smiled back and looked out the scratched and filthy window at the passing bits of scrub.
“You probably deserved it. Karma darling.”, without even looking at her I knew she had scoffed and smiled.
“You and your bloody karma.”
“What goes around comes around m’dear. And you go around too often.”
“Oi!” She said, hitting me on the arm. I laughed, moving out of the way to let passengers from the next station up the stairs.
“I really am not in the mood for school.” I said, hitting my head against the wall and closing my eyes. I felt her touch my arm and I smiled.
“You okay?” She asked. I nodded and opened my eyes, picking up my bag since the doors were now opening at our stop. I walked out, Danny following close behind me and we made our way to the elevator, too lazy to walk up the stairs. I pressed the button and we waited until it came at a stop in front of us before getting in. The doors closed in front of me and I tapped at the bar next to me as I waited for the doors to open again. Once they did I quickly hurried out down the street, toward the school.
“Hey, wait up!” I heard someone yell from behind me. I stopped and spun around to see Danny chasing after me, panting slightly as she stopped next to me.
“What the fuck’s your problem?” She asked. I shrugged.
“I don’t know.” I said, continuing my walk. I heard her sigh, and turn to say high to our other classmates.
I knew what was wrong, but I doubt she’d understand. She was one of those happy people, the ones who went out every weekend and always got what they wanted, never having to work for it. Not that she was stuck up, I loved her. Just I doubted she’d understand, like everyone else.
I sat in class, staring at the board. My mind was blank and my hand moved along with the movement of my teacher’s at the board. I wasn’t thinking, or even trying to for that matter. I didn’t care anymore, weather I was to receive high marks or low. It wouldn’t make a difference for me. This though, is the mentality that scared me.
“Grace?” I heard my name called and I immediately look toward the front, only to see 20 or so heads, turned to look at mine and my teacher staring at me. I pulled my hand out from under my chin and tried to look awake.
“What was the answer to question 7?” She asked. I looked down at my paper and gulped. I hadn’t taken down any notes.
“Umm.. Sorry Miss I didn’t understand that one.” I lied. She smiled at me and turned to write on the board.
“Just tell me next time darling, don’t look so lost!” She said, laughing. I smiled slightly and looked back down at my blank page again. This wasn’t healthy, nothing I did was anymore.
“Alright, just complete the questions for homework and have a good weekend!” I heard the teacher say, I shook my head subtly and packed away my pencil case and books, zipping up my bag and slinging it over my shoulder.
“Grace.. You okay?” I looked at my friend Miranda, her hand was on my shoulder and she looked worried. Crap.
“I’m fine.” I said, smiling. She smiled back, nodded and kept walking. I’m happy she wasn’t persistent, these days when I smile people think I mean it. I’m not complaining, that’s for sure. I walked out of the classroom and made my way to lunch, sitting down under the shade of a small tree in the playground and switching on my ipod. Soon Danny, Miranda, Ashleigh, Renee and Christy soon joined me, talking to each other and exchanging food while I rested.
“Hey, Grace.” I felt someone shake my leg, and I opened my eyes and took out an earphone.
“You have any lunch?” Miranda asked. I nodded my head and lay back down.
“I don’t feel that hungry, big breakfast.” I lied. She smiled and nodded, gong back to her conversation with Renee. It’s not like I don’t know she cares, because she does. Just like the rest of the group and other people. But it’s sort of hard, when you yourself don’t even like who you are and your owns parents keep on contradicting you into feeling like that more and more. Then soon it bottles up and you just pop, quietly. While no ones noticing, then soon nothing seems real anymore. Nothing seems worth it.
Food becomes a daily want, and thinking requires a lot of effort. Those hundreds of muscles you supposedly use to smile start to feel harder and the thought of having someone that understands, and you know will listen to you seems far off.
Because you’re selfish, you push people away when they come too close. You fend for yourself, for your wall of silence. The one you built yourself, with each brick comes a new problem and with each new problem brings an issue. All you want, is to be happy, to go out like other people, to be able to have a mother that still makes your lunch for you. But by doing this, you ask for too much.
You want to be like those other people, who always look pretty and no matter what they wear they still look awesome and they regret nothing afterwards, like you do. Because that’s all you can think of, that’s all you know, regret. And then with regret, brings selfishness. Because you wanted your world to be perfect, you wanted to smile for real, you wanted that birthday card your parents gave to you on your 13th birthday to be read without making you cry and realize what you lost so many years back.
I stood up from where I was lying down and picked up my bag, slinging it over my shoulder and slipping my ipod back in my pocket.
“Where are you going?” Christy asked, looking up with the others.
“Bathroom.” I said, briskly walking away and across the concrete playground toward the girls bathrooms. They were the only bathrooms here, fucking all girls school. I walked in and noticed that there was a cubicle down the far end that was empty. I quickly made my way down, opened the door and walked in. I dropped my bag and locked the door, letting myself lean back on it and sigh. Slowly I slid down the cold door until I hit the floor and took my face in my hands.
“I’m worthless.” I whispered, feeling warm tears well up in the back of my eyes. Slowly and gradually the tears started to fall freely, and there I was. Sitting on the cold, tiled floor, crying. How fucking pathetic can you get?