Categories > Books > Harry Potter

My fair Voldy

by Flash-Flood13 3 reviews

Summary:Hermione challenges Lord Voldemort into entering the Little Miss Magical Herb pageant,but Voldemort doesn't have a chance of winnning it unless he learns how to smile.

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: G - Genres: Parody - Characters: Harry,Hermione,Ron,Voldemort - Warnings: [!] - Published: 2007-12-16 - Updated: 2007-12-16 - 1555 words - Complete

It was a normal cloudy day,a day when anything interesting can't happen.Harry James Miriam(a name Rowling didn't want to be in the book) Potter was eating breakfast
with his two best friends,Hermione Granger and Ron Weasly(I know you know that!).
But suddenly,the Great Wall of the Great Hall exploded,and someone entered the castle,and who would have tought it would be Tom Marvolo Jenny(another name Rowling didn't want to be in the book) Riddle,a.k.a.,Lord Voldemort.
Nobody,however,didn't react to his appearance,beacause Voldemort, entering the castle, was such a normal thing everybody got used to.Voldemort came to Harry and started hissing:
"Harry,I'm about to kill you..."
"Hi,Voldeknack!"replied Harry.
"That's Voldemort!Honestly Harry,you're giving Rowling a headache by constantly mispronouncing my name,and she has to correct it in every book!"
"Whatever Vodwenop."
"Voldehuju,right.So,Voldexaw,what are you doing here?"
"I'm going to kill you!Avada keda..."
Voldemort's...ooops!I mean,Voldemort's wand flew away into Dumbledore's soup.Then Voldemort growled:
"No fair,you used the counter spell!No fair,no fair,no fair,no fair,NO FAIR!!"
"Voldemort?"said Hermione.
"How would you like to be in the Little Miss Magical Herb pageant and win it?"she asked.
"Oh,I would love to be in a pageant!Even if it's for girls."said Voldemort happilly.
"Whaaaaaaa-aaaaat?!"cried Ron.
"Well yeah,since I was the most evil guy in school,back at my time,I didn't have any interest into entering beauty pageants."replied Voldemass,I mean,Voldemort.
"So it's settled then."said Hermione."Only,there's one problem."
"What?"asked Voldemort.
"Well,you can't actually win the pageant unless"
"Yeah,you never smile Voldacvdbuj."said Harry.
"Oh yeah...well,since I'm an evil wizard,I barely ever smile."said Voldemort.
"Then it's settled.Voldemort must learn how to smile,or he won't win the pageant."said Hermane,or whatever her name is.

Author's comment:Will Voldemort ever smile?Will he win the pageant?I don't care,I'm just writing the story.I'M JUST WRITING THE STORY!
Anyway,the first attempt to make Voldy smile was a comical sketch.

When Ron put the last banana peel on the wet hall floor,he gave Harry the sign to go,and Harry ran.He stepped on the banana peel,and selid of to the next peel,and then to the next,and then to the next 25.Finally,he fell into a hole filled with 2 tons of garbage,which made Hermione and Ron laugh.
Hermione asked:
"Any reaction?"
"I'm laughing on the inside,and if I laughed on the inside even more there would have to be two of me."he replied sadly.

Author's comment:The second and,thank God,the final attempt was a musical sketch.A LAME MUSICAL SKETCH!

Harry,Hermione and Ron were singing to Voldemort in a happy rap tune that goes like this:

"Yo,Voldy,you should smile,
And your face won't look so vile,
So,do it,in a happy style!"

Voldemort replied:
"SHUT UP!Let's just go to enter me into the pageant."
The trio entered Voldemort as Tammy Marvella Reeddlepants.Then,along came Luna Lovegood who started taunting:
"Well,well,if it ain't the mugly gang,and by mugly I mean monstrously ugly!You're not really gonna enter that sack of compost heap into the Little Miss Magical Herb pageant?I mean she could really win.And in case you didn't know,that was sarcasm."
Then,she went to the Hospital Wing to enlarge her lips,do her nose and do lyposuction.
29 hours later,Harry and Ron were waiting behind the stage of the pageant for Hermione to bring Voldemort.And then they came.Harry and Ron were stunned.
Hermione was wearing heavy make-up,golden-diamond-chipped earrings and her hair was lifted down so hardly,that it looked like a wooden board.She was also wearing
a long,wide pink dress with purple stars on it,and light pink high heels.
But Voldemort was the most stunning.His hair was wavy,he only had lipstick on his face,and he wore a light-blue prom dress with sleeves.He also had light pink high heels,and then,he said:
"I look ridicolous."
"You are ridicolous.Er, I mean,ridiocolously beautiful."said Hermione.
Then,came Luna Lovegood who was wearing yellow make-up,a yellow bow on her head,a yellow Cinderella-like dress, and yellow high heels,wich made her look like the Sun.She started:
"Eeeeeew,who released giant cockroaches into the room?Oh.that's just Hermassive and Tammy.Honestly,Reeddlepants,putting all of that on you is like putting diamonds on poo-poo.Which makes you look all so incredibly pretty.And in case you didn't know.that was sarcasm.
Besides,I was Miss Loud Voice in my second year.Miss Oral Gum Disease Prevention third year.And Miss Can't Think Of An Idea For A Beauty Pageant last year.
So.girl,I'm gonna be Little Miss Magical Herb this year,ya lucky winer!And in case you didn't know,that was sarcasm."
15 seconds later,Harry and Ron were in their seats and the pageant began.Dumbledore appeared on the stage and said:
"Welcome to the Little Miss Magical Herb pageant.The girl who wins this pageant will be a sponsor to a magical herb of her choice!It would be Mint-herb or Herb for your computer!
Now,let's meet our 3 uncool judges:Madam Pomfrey,the fake Prof. Moody and Lavender's mom!
Now let's meet or girls,dressed in evening gauns,by non-alphabetical order:Nenssy,Marinna,Romanna,Mirtta,Yvanna,Linna,Tamarra,Martinna,Damyanka,Ginny,Luna,
Hermione and Tammy.Now,let's see who of these girls looks more beautiful in;swimsuits.Then,cowgirl outfits.Japan ware.Working clothes.Space suits.Animal costumes.
Geek-girl ware.Ninja outfits.Paris Hilton-like ware.Medieval witch outfits.1562's clothes..."
By ten o' clock,Dumbledore announced the talent competition.
Ginny performed 3 succesfull laser-eye surgeries.
Luna got swallowed by a lion and got out in 3 seconds(don't ask how,you don't wanna know).
Hemione read a whole page from Horribly boring facts nobody can't read without falling asleep.
And then came Voldemort.He stepped on the stage dressed in a white T-shirt,a blue skirt,white socks and red high heels.Then he started singing to the tune of Over the
rainbow by Judy Garland,in a tone that sounded as tough he was extremely bored.And it goes like this:

"Somewhere,over the rainbow,
Way up high...
There's,a land,that I heard of...
Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere,over the,rainbow,
Skyes are-blue...
And the dreams that you,uch,
Dare to dream,really do,come

Someday I'll wish upon a star,
And wake up where the clouds
Are far behind me...
Where,troubles melt like lemmon
Drops,away above the chimney tops,
That's where you'll find me...

Somewhere-over the rainbow,
Blue birds fly,
Why then-oh why-can't I?"

Harry showed Voldemort,by sign language,this:You have to smile Voldetersway.Oops,I mean Voldemordawa.
Voldemort continued:

"If happy little blue birds fly,beyond the
Why,oh why,can't...

"Um,I think she's trying"noticed Madam Pomfrey.And she was right,Voldemort was moving his lips,trying to give the best smile he can,but couldn't.
Everybody was staring at Voldemort.And then...
One part of his lips moved up.And the other part moved up. It was a smile like no other.A few moments later,Ron said:
"Why do I have this distinct feeling that something really bad is about to happ..."
Then,the whole Great Hall was rumbling,as tough an earthquake was at its biggest point.Voldemort's smile was firing purple streaks at the public.
"So beautiful..."said Dumbledore and his eyes flew away.
Everybody was panicking and screaming becaus of the chaos.Luna's head turned into an artichoke.Lavender's mom turned into Lavender's dad,...
The purple streaks turned into a big one which was catching everyone.

Author's comment:You fools!You messed with the Natural Order!

The author's computer let out a big purple streak into our world.

Harry screamed to Ron:
"Reality is falling apart!"
"But what's gonna happen to us?"replied Ron.
"I don't knowwww..."
The purple streak finally "ate" the entire universe.

Now you can see,from left to right,Ron,Voldemort and Harry dressed as The Powerpuff Girls in their bed,which was in their room(Ron was dressed as Bubbles,Voldemort
as Blossom and Harry as Butttercup[including the hair-dos]).They were checking the room and themselves,in great astonishment.
Then,The Powerpuff Girls ' hotline phone rang.Professor Utonium entered the room and said:
"Girls?Girls,get up!Mojo Jojo has taken a fruit-basket of bananas without paying!"
"Yeah,yeah,we're on it Professor."replied Voldemort.
And with the tone of a Harry Potter-ish movie tune mixed with The Powerpuff Girls theme song,Harry,Ron,and Voldemort flew into the sky.Voldemort said:
"Okay,we keep flying,we just save the day,and we never talk about this ever again!"
"Yup."replied Harry.
"Aha."replied Ron,as they were heading towards the city.

And,so once again,the day is saved,thanks to Harry,Ron and Voldemort!

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