Yes I was burned but I call it a lesson learned. *Patrick One shot*
I feel so crazy about it. There were days where I had stood infront of his door the Want just to see him and hear his voice getting to me and I was so close to knocking. So close to answering his call to running back to him but I couldnt.
I remeber going back to my best friend the night I left. All she could say was I told you so. She saw then end long ago she knew he had to go. I didn't want to believe her, I wanted to stay blind to the facts and signs around me. Patrick loved me...
he told me so. And that's all that mattered to me.
I finally came around though, i got back on solid ground now I've moved on from him and I cant let it get me down
its alright, I'm alright now.
Still on this night though I couldn't help but think of him and our life together. My mistake overturned in my head, sometimes though some lies can take a minute to fully realize. A year ago he sat infront of me after yet another and it was always the same thing with him. It was always about her, Anna, the Ex he swore up and down he still didn't love, 'how could I' he would say. 'When I have the most wonderful woman on earth here with me now.' But even with that said he had called me her name. Which wouldn't have been so bad if it was the first time or if he hadn't done it while he was making love to me.
Its still burned into my mind.... just as I was about to orgasm he leaned ran his hand down the side of my face before he kissed my lips and it came out just as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
"I love you Anna" and then I froze and so did he.
I pushed him off covering myself in the process. He stumbled back before it finally clicked in his head what he'd just done. All I could do was stare at him and that's when he came up to me begging for forgiveness. Saying it was a mistake, he didn't know how it came out. He loved me.
He loved me. I looked at the door and that's when they started.
All so sencire. He was on his knees in front of me.
This had to mean he loved me. After all it only took him thirty seconds to apologize that night.
I stood dressed 30 minutes later with my hand near the door. I told him if he loved her then he should go back to her. I didn't want to stand in the way of his hapiness. This wasnt his first time calling me her name. But it was his first time while we were being intamate. I told him I was leaving but he cried and begged and pleaded, told me I was his everything. I should have seen through that. I should have known. Who am I kidding I did know but I turned a blind eye and I gave him one more chance just like the times before. I think he already knew that at that point in our relationship I would have given 100 more.
And I did. All was fine...
Until that night in bed, it was the night before our wedding. I woke up in a cold sweat crying hysterically. I looked at him laying with his hand on my hips and my stomach turned. I gently pushed him off of me and I raced to the door. I had to get out.
I couldnt take it anymore.
Just like that, after almost 2 years of lying to myself it seemed I had finally woken up from the daze I was in. I saw it so clearly then, he didn't love me. When he looked at me he saw someone else. He was using me as a replacement. And I let him. I let him for almost 2 years. I let him talk me into a wedding so soon into our relationship. I see now it was only because he heard she got engaged and was to get married soon after. When he woke up that morning after I left he went on as planned. He got dressed in his tux and went to the church and waited. He waited for an hour before he called. When I answered I told him I couldn't be with him anymore. That he didn't love me and I don't think he ever did and that's when he began the normal routine. The tears, the begging and pleading it took all that I had to not give in and hang up on him.
I got up from the window where I sat remenicing and shook those thoughts out of my head.
Yes, I was burned but I call it a lesson learned. They say falling down isnt fallin down if you don't cry when you hit the floor. Boy did I take our breakup hard. I think I cried for days just laying in bed not able to do anything but cry. but it's called the past because i got past
and now I am nothing like I was before.
I wish he he could see me now.
My soul has returned and Patrick was my lesson learned.
sorry for the spelling errors but I wrote this on my sidekick and we'll that mean no spell check which sucks cuz I'm ESL. So yea. Also this story is based on a song my alicia keys by the same name. Check it out if you haven't heard it already. Also Happy Christmas or whatever it is you kids celebrate.