This is the story I did the casting call for.
- Okay, so I must admit that the beginning explaining everything kinda bored me, but I dod agree that it's important to get facts like this down. But after that, it actually got started, even though you used "They all" too much in my opinion. But that's the trouble with using a whole bunch of characters, and I'm extremely guilty of it, myself.
Overall, I enjoyed it, and I know that I might sound nitpicky, but I really did enjoy it, and can't wait to see more of it, especially Jamie!
it takes me about a chapter or two get into the groove of writing. I promise the later chapters wil be better!
and there will be more.
(#) Disenchanted 2008-01-03 01:17:33 PMCool, cool. Pretty OK.
I have to nitpick and make a suggestion, though. You're just saying things too plainly. It kind of bores the reader before anything actually happens. I know this is just the intro chapter, but I think you could definately do something more with it.
Like...add more similes/metaphors in your writing, even simple ones can make the sory so much better. Work on the imagery some more. Instead of saying, "Leigh was drawing" you could get more creative and go, "Leigh sat, leaning over a sketch pad with her pencil scratching against the paper furiously." Or something like that.
I think you should try those things for the next chapter, but maybe that's just me. To me, the chapter's like a song that goes, "There was a boy. There was a girl. They went out. They broke up. The girl cried." Don't make your story like that, it's just...blehhh.
Author's responsehey...thanks i needed that!
I know this chapter was bad. I wanted to just state some things and then i back myself into a corner. I needed to get myself out. It will get much better.
(#) MyChemicalDependency 2008-01-08 04:03:39 AMHey! I liked it...even though I'm not in it lol! I found the names to be a bit confusing, but that's probably just because the only one of the bands I listen to is Panic! so yeah. Just wondering...you know how you said I didn't fill the application thingy in properly? Well do you still need to know stuff? Cause if you do I can send it to you :D
Good luck with the story!