Frank goes to find Keira.
I groaned at the shooting pains erupting from my arm and rolled over in the bed to take some of the pressure off of it. Furring my eyebrows, I pulled the blankets up on me higher, hearing someone enter the room.
“Frank?” They whispered. I grunted and rolled over to face the wall, god I was tired.
“Fraaank.” Fuck you Gerard. I opened my eyes and sat up, watching as he tiptoed in and put his bag down.
“I’m awake now idiot, no use in that.” I said, making him jump as he noticed that I was finally awake. He smiled and walked over, sitting down on my bed.
“Are you okay?” He asked. I nodded, confused. Why wouldn’t I be?
I could feel my breathing quicken as I picked it up in my fingers, examining it’s pointy tip in the light and smirking slightly at my addiction.
He shifted on the bed and started tapping his hands on his pants.
“You look a bit sick, you sure you’re alright?” He asked, observing me carefully and frowning.
I fastened the belt around my arm, already feeling the blood pulse on one side of it and my fingers begin to turn numb.
“I’m fine Gerard, why? Do I look funny?” I asked, cocking my head to the left. He nodded and put his arm up, pressing his palm against my forehead and wincing.
“You’re really hot..” He said, sounding concerned.
I breathed in sharply as the familiar feeling on metal against skin hit. I groaned as I pressed down on the syringe even more, I needed more. I deserved it.
“And you’re really pale..” He continued. I shook my head, noticing a wet cloth on the bedside table and I picked it up, wiping over my forehead and already feeling a difference as the skin cooled.
I pulled it out of my skin, every last drop of it I could feel running through my veins. I slid down off the bed and to the floor, dropping the object as I began to feel my chest tighten.
“I’ll be fine.” I said, “Maybe it’s just a cold.” He nodded and got up off the bed, moving to his closet and pulled it open to reveal his many clothes. I looked on as he began his hunt for some pajamas.
Letting my arm go, I groaned again. The pain was unbearable.. yet in some sickening way, I liked it. My eyes shut tight as I tried to block out the guilt that was overwhelming me. Fuck you Frank. You deserve this.
“How was Keira?” I asked. He stopped rifling through some clothes and turned to look at me.
“Didn’t she just come up to see you?” He asked. I shook my head, puzzled.
Suddenly I felt nothing. I heard nothing, I saw.. nothing.. I felt my breathing slow as I drifted off.
“Well she ran past the rest of us earlier, when we were coming up the stairs. I think she went to go outside or something. I dunno. It’s pissing down rain, so I have no idea why..” He shook his head and went back to holding up a pair of flannelette pants and an oversized t-shirt.
”I still love you..”
My eyes widened and I threw the blankets off me, shooting up out of bed and noticing my clothes in the laundry basket. I shook my head and went through my own closet in search for some clothes, finding a pair of faded jeans and a Nirvana shirt plus a hoodie, I slipped them on and raced to put on some shoes.
“What the hell man?” Gerard was slowly getting changed and thanks to his short attention span, just noticed my mad dash for clothing.
“I need to go.” I said, tying up my last shoe and running to the door. I heard Gerard mumble something along the lines of whatever as I pushed the door closed and bolted down the hallway. I felt my arm burn and I bit my lip, trying not to think about it as I raced down the stairs. My head was pounding. I jumped the last few steps and could hear my feet echoing at each contact it made with the tiled floor. I reached the large oak doors and grabbed onto the handle, yanking it open and cursing under my breath as I was met with pouring rain. I let the door close shut behind me as I ran out into the cold, feeling the rain pour down against my face as I tried my best to look around for some sort of life.
“Keira!” I yelled, feeling my hair stick to my face as I stood still, slowly becoming drenched. I yelled her name again, louder. Still though I heard nothing. I jogged through the muddy grass, feeling my shoes fill with water. I didn’t care though. My first thought was the tree we sat under at lunch, I silently prayed that she was there as I started to quickly jog toward the large willow.
It was at that very point in time, that I hated myself. I hated everything I’d become, everything I was, everything I will be. My mind, running at a mile a minute, began to think back to my previous encounters with my addiction, and to think, I still wanted it. I loved the feeling. The feeling of pain, the feeling I get when I forget everything, all my worries, all the guilt. I loved to feel anything at all.
But I was selfish. Fuck, I think about her all the time. I think about how she would react if she ever found out my secret, if she would still love me after knowing what I did to myself. I needed her though, I needed her more than she could fucking imagine. She helped me though, being with her was like my fortnightly drug abuse. She was my new drug, the one that made me feel alive, like I had something to finally live for in this fuck hole of a place. I loved her more than life itself.
I sighed in relief as I saw her small frame, hidden under the low branches of the tree. I could feel my clothes dripping as I neared her, bending so as to avoid the branches. I knelt down on the grass and slowly moved closer, noticing her shivering as she didn’t bring a jumper with her. My heart shattered, just watched her, her knees pulled tightly to her chest as she shivered furiously in the cold, wearing nothing but her thin uniform. I moved even further and moved my hand up, softly pushing some hair behind her ear. I watched as she lifted her head up to see who had made the contact, looking around slowly until her eyes met with mine. I felt tears of my own as I noticed that she had been crying, but as soon as she realized it was me she burst into tears again.
“Shhh.” I moved beside her and wrapped my arm around her, pulling her onto me and gently stroking her. She kept crying, holding onto my hoodie for dear life.
“I’m sorry..” I whispered, pulling her onto my lap where she absent mindedly curled up and held onto me tighter.
“I’m so sorry.” I said again, kissing the top of her head and trying my best not to cry myself. I felt her hold on even tighter, as if I was leaving and she kissed my chest through my clothing.
“Why..” Was all she managed out through sobs, “Why?” She made me want to kiss her all over. I wanted to tell her it was okay. I wanted to tell her that everything was going to be alright. But it wasn’t. I’m a fuck up, and you can’t live with fuck ups. You just can’t.
“I’m sorry..” I said again, holding her closer and moving my hand up to hold her head closer to me.
“Just tell me why..” She whispered, not wanting to look me in the face. I sighed, looking out into the rain as it hit the ground hard.
“I deserve it Keira..” I said carefully. I felt her shake her head and begin to cry again.
“No, please, baby.. don’t cry.” I said. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head again.
“You can’t.. I love you.. Just.. don’t leave me..” She managed to let out. What I felt was now indescribable. I wanted to kill myself for what I made her feel, yet .. she made me not want to die at all.
“I’m not going anywhere.,” I said. I kept rubbing her back, noticing she had calmed down.
“I love you more than the world itself Keira, don’t ever forget that.” I said. She sniffed, nodding and tightened her grip on me.
“I could have done it..” I said. She finally looked up at me, her eyes staring into my own, water dripping down her face.
“Done what?” She asked softly. I put my forefinger and thumb on her chin, lifting her head higher.
“I could have killed myself Keira. I could have overdosed ages ago, and I would have too.” She went to put her head down again, but I pulled it up.
“But then I met you..” I said. Her eyes sprung tears again, and I smiled, feeling my own eyes fail on me. “You’re the first thing I think about when I wake up, the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. You keep me at a normal dosage, you keep me as normal as I’ll let myself be.” I said. She smiled slightly and leant up, pressing her lips against my own softly.
“I still think about you even when I sleep Iero, you want to know why?” She asked. I nodded. “It’s because I worry about you. I know you’re hanging on by a thread, I know you don’t see yourself the way I do, But love you. And I’m not going to let you let go, as long as you still hold yourself up that tiny bit, I can help you.” I froze. I couldn’t say anything. My heart was overwhelmed. I suddenly held hold her face and kissed her hard, leaning down and letting my body weight fall onto hers softly. I held her closer, deepening the kiss and just wanting her to know how much I appreciated her. How happy she made me feel.. yeah.. I said happy. She needed to know that I loved her, that I was prepared to go around the world and back again if she asked me too. I pulled away slowly, letting our lips brush as I opened my eyes to look at her. I smiled and started to stand up, helping her up with me and taking her hands in mine. I noticed she was still shivering and I unzipped my jacket, taking it off and helping her put it on.
“I know it’s wet, but it’s better than nothing.” I said. She nodded, smiling softly.
“Thank you.” I grabbed her hand and led her out from under the tree and into the pouring rain, soaking us both for a second time. I smiled and pulled her close to me, reaching behind her neck and pulling her toward me as I kissed her in the rain. I felt her smile against my lips, so I deepened the kiss. I could feel butterflies in my stomach as she placed her hands on my hips and pulled me closer if it was even possible. I pulled back for a moment, our faces barely apart so we could breathe.
“God you’re beautiful.” I said, meaning every word. I watched as her eyes lit up and I kissed her again.
I watched from my window and out into the grounds where Frank and Keira were furiously making out in the rain. I smiled and txted Gerard back to tell him that they were okay. Detention was uneventful, cleaning up rubbish in the playground never is. The true punishment though was the fact that we weren’t even allowed to go within 5 ft of each other. I smirked, teachers are assholes. I jumped slightly as my phone beeped, picking it up and reading the message.
‘I’ll be there in 5 minutes, I love you so much.’ I smiled at this, feeling my heart jump as I sat down on the bed in front of my mirror and picked up my brush. I mose well kill some time. I unclipped my new hair and let it cascade down my shoulders, touching it slightly. I loved it. I began to brush it, taking my time and making sure I got all of it. I held onto one side of it though and picked up the small remote on my bedside table, turning on the dvd player where I had a CD in and let the sounds of the Smashing Pumpkins fill the air. My roommate, Kate, was having a dorm sleep over at some other chick’s tonight. Probably bitching about me. I’ve had nothing but shit said about me ever since I got together with Gerard. But fuck, it was worth it. He’s fucking amazing. I heard a knock at the door and I switched off the music, setting my brush back down on the small table.
“Come in!” I said. I smiled as he opened the door and snuck his head in, peeking and moving in. He locked the door behind him and looked at me, raising an eyebrow.
“What?” I asked. He grinned and I looked down, noticing I was in nothing but pink boyshorts and an A7X tanktop. I smiled and laughed.
“You perve.” He moved over and pushed me onto the bed, growling and kissing my neck. I giggled, holding his shoulders and rolling my eyes.
“Well hello to you too.” He smiled, moving up and kissing my lips.
“God I’ve missed your touch.” He said. I kissed him again and ran my hands up underneath his shirt.
“Ditto Mr. Way.” He pulled away slightly and kissed along my jawline.
“I need you so bad.” He said, kissing even further down my neck. I smiled.
“I’ve wanted you for 7 years.” He continued. I held his face and pulled it up to face with mine.
“And again, ditto Mr. Way.”
a melody, a memory, or just one PICTURE? - Courtesy of RedDevils_4_Life