Ceteris Paribus. A latin phrase meaning all things remaining equal. Because they are just two sides of the same coin, of the same coin, of the same...
I don't think you really want my thoughts on this chapter if you're so proud of it.
All I have for you are two questions.
Do you even know what Itachi and Orochimaru act like?
Do you know what a Mary Sue is?
I like the contrast between Amaya and Lyanvis a lot. Guileless/wicked, loving/bloodthirsty. Very pretty. You need to watch out for tense changes - there was a lot of that in the first part - and random capitalization. Other than that, I have no criticism. You really should just change the names and make it an original story, though.
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