Categories > Cartoons > X-Men: Evolution > X-men: Evolution of the Heart

Scott Summers

by slickboy444 2 Reviews

AU on how the X-men came to be. Major Jott and Kurtty. Scott, Jean, Kurt, Kitty, Evan, and Rogue have all had horrible lives. See how they ban together and become the future X-men with the help of ...

Category: X-Men: Evolution - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama, Romance - Characters: Cyclops, Jean, Nightcrawler, Shadowcat, Spyke, Rogue, Wolverine, Storm, Professor Xavier - Warnings: [?] [R] [V] - Published: 2005/05/10 - Updated: 2005/05/10 - 3331 words

Reviews

  • X-men: Evolution of the Heart

    (#) Camera_Doesnt_Lie 2005-05-10 12:57:41 PM

    First, I like the chapter, even though I'm not big on X-Men and I'm even less on tragic childhoods and abuse. Still, sounds pretty good so far.

    A few things, though. Putting FLASHBACK right in the middle of the story breaks the suspension of disbelief--it pulls the reader out of the story. It may work better if you can put the memory into a dream or, better, not use it until absolutely necessary, if at all.

    Next, you use a lot of passive voice, that is to say a lot of "was", "weren't" and "had been". It's been my experience that the passive voice weakens stories. Case in point, "The wind was blowing." That doesn't create the same picture as "The wind tossled her hair gently," or "The wind cut through her like a knife." It just makes it a little more... real.

    These are only suggestions--don't feel that you absolutely have to take them. I hope I was able to help you some.
  • X-men: Evolution of the Heart

    (#) Camera_Doesnt_Lie 2005-05-10 01:01:01 PM

    And, since I forgot it, one quick question. The lyrics to the song Scott sang. Did you write those?

Log in!




Register Lost password

Filter

You won't see stories with a lower score when you browse or search. Log in to adjust filter.
0

 

Featured Story

Site Stats

  • Authors: 481188
  • Stories: 40143

Recent Stories