(#) broken_wings 2008-03-13Beautiful, beautiful. You describe the feelings of love so wonderfully.
I only have two suggestions, very technical, picky stuff:
"other than the fact that the last words I may have said to you would have been in anger.”
You kind of lose me in this sentence...Try "do you honestly think I give a shit about some petty argument we had, other than the fact that our last words were almost said in anger?"
"Of course it wasn’t the first time they’re tongued, "
I think you meant to say "They'd" just a typo :)
Once again, excellent story. Really really good, and definately 1st-place-worthy ^^
Author's responseoh, I thought I deleted that bit
it really made no sense at all!
ooh, I will go and change that
and thank you for being honest, so many people just say 'that was great' when I know things could be improved
and I don't think I will win
but thanks anyway!
(#) IeroMyHero 2008-03-13I love your writing style. It's super awesome, especially in part one. Amazing job on that.
Can I be completely honest, though? I hope you don't get mad...
After reading the first part (the ending), I was kind of like, "Wait, Gerard's dead? Then what's in part 2?"
Except then you updated this chapter...but um...
I actually thought it was better without part two... it's more moving, more powerful, you know? Unless, you know, you're strictly against sad stories. It's your choice. If you wanted fluffy stuff, this is perfect.
that's an idea
I'm not personally against sad stories
though I'm not sure with this one
I shall think about that
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