An imaginary friend, deep emotions and a friend that doesn’t really exist is too much for a 14 year old. [[SAME CHAPTER; EXCEPT FOR THE IMPORTANT MESSAGE I FORGOT LAST TIME]]
I just wanted to give out a very special message to a very special person. He, and a song, was my inspiration for this story. His emotions through music made this possible. It’s his birthday, and I wanted to say thanks. He deserves more then the world, and of course happiness. He gave me hope when it died; he showed me the light when it was out. Having said that, I just wanted to wish Gerard Arthur Way a Happy Birthday. I’m sure he will/had heaps of fun with the rest of the band and his family. Becoming 31 had never been so much fun, ;). He still is WAAAY too pretty to be 31 though. I didn’t want to have this as a chapter, as there are far too many already. I should leave on this note, as it is a good one. Once again, Gerard Way you deserve a Happy Birthday, and need to get it. As you changed the world around us, and made it special.
I own nothing except the plot. Which means, I do NOT own My Chemical Romance. It’ll never happen either. It’s all fiction. And maybe listen to It's Not a Fashion Statement, It's a Fucking Deathwish while reading this. Because I had it on repeat while writing this. It kind of helps set the plot and meaning of this story.
For what you did to me
And what I'll do to you
You get, what everyone else gets
You get a lifetime
I’m crazy. I know I am. You don’t have to tell me.
I’m a freak. You don’t have to tell me that either.
I’m already aware of both things.
“Gerard?” I asked no one in particular. You see I have an imaginary friend. He isn’t all that imaginary when you think about it. I can’t touch him, and he can’t touch me. No physically anyway. We have a connection, kind of like what twins have. Twin telepathy, that’s what they call it. But only I can read Gerard’s mind, he’s not capable of reading mine. It isn’t really twin telepathy after all. “Gerard, are you listening to me?” I asked aloud again.
“Yeah. I’m listening.” Gerard said turning to look at me. “I always listen.” He assured me.
I nodded. I wasn’t really paying attention to him, not like he listened to me. He was always there for me. When I closed my eyes, he’d be there. He’d be there ready to say what I wanted to hear. If I wanted to be told I was beautiful he’d tell me, if I wanted to be told I was smart, he’d tell me that to. He was more optimistic then anyone I’d ever met, yet I’d never actually meet him. He only existed in my mind.
That’s right he’s:
Do you remember back then when we met
You told me this gets harder
Well it did!
Been holding on forever
Promise me that when I'm gone, you'll kill my enemies
The damage you've inflicted, temporary wounds
I'm coming back from the dead
And I'll take you home with me
I'm taking back the life you stole
Gerard Way was my imaginary friend. That’s how sick I am. I’m 14 years old, and I have a pretend celebrity friend living in my mind. As weird as it sounds, it helps me. Knowing ‘my’ Gerard would be there whenever I called was rather nice. But, I couldn’t claim the real Gerard. The one I really wanted. The one that was married, famous and living life the way it should be lived. But here I am, lying down in my backyard, pretending the one and only Gerard Way was by my side.
“What do you want out life?” He asked me.
We never got that far
This helps me to think all through the night
Bright lights that, won't kill me now, or tell me how
Just you and I, your starless eyes remain
What do I want out life? I repeated the question in my head. It’s not like he’d run away if I told him the real answer. But still, I wasn’t taking any chances. I was so fucking terrified I’d scare my imaginary friend away. That’s how real I thought he was.
“I want to be happy.” I lied. Well I partially lied. I wanted the real Gerard Way for the last time. If I was with him, I’d be happy. I knew that. He probably knew that too.
“I want to happy too. A never ending emotion…Of happiness.” He said smiling.
“Yeah.” I mumbled.
Hip hip hooray for me, you talk to me, but would you kill me in my sleep?
Lay still like the dead
From the razor to the rosary
We could lose ourselves
And paint these walls in pitchfork red
I continued starring up at the sky. The stars were now out shining brightly. I never realised how many there were. I never took the time to appreciate stuff like this. Like watching the sunset. To be honest, I never thought the setting sun was beautiful, but the power of it still took over me. It only ever lasted about five seconds, but it was still wonderful.
“What do you think is out there, Gerard?” I asked, pointing at the sky with my right hand.
“I don’t know.” He said, pausing before looking over at me again. “What do you want to believe is out there?” He asked, confusing me a lot. How is it humanly possible for my imaginary friend to confuse me?
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Like…Don’t you want to believe that there’s something or someone out there? You know, just for /you/?” He questioned me.
His question really made me wonder. Yes, I did want to believe there was someone out there. But, I always thought that person was Gerard. Not my imaginary one, the real one. The living and breathing one that changed the world. But still, the Gerard by my side really had a connection with me. A connection no one could understand. It even confused some sometimes. But somehow the confusion helped us stay together.
“Yes, I do.” I told him sitting up and looking into his eyes.
I will avenge my ghost with every breath I take
I'm coming back from the dead and I'll take you home with me
I'm taking back the life you stole
“Really?” He asked, shocked and sat up in the same position as well. “Who?” He asked.
“You.” I said honesty. He was the one I wished was watching over me always.
“/Me/?” He asked, even more surprised. I nodded, replying to his question. “Why me?” He asked lying back down.
“You’re the only one who understands me.”
“No. You understand yourself too.” He said.
I looked down at him, and I knew he was right. I was answering the questions for Gerard. This whole time I was lost in a world I created, and I was trying to find a way out. I always thought the only way out was through Gerard. But if you work everything out…Gerard was me. This whole time I was confused about myself…I was running from myself. But I was receiving help from Gerard…Who was actually me. It was like a disguise of help.
This hole you put me in
Wasn't deep enough
And I'm climbing out right now
You're running out of places to hide from me
I ran out of places to hide from myself. It took this man to make me realise that. But it was actually him. It was all so confusing, and I was the only who started this whole mess. It was my fault. I created this life.
I looked down at Gerard who was still lying down. His eyes were closed but he had a smiled upon his face. “It’s about time you understood.” He said laughing a little bit.
“Understood what?” I asked, giving him a puzzled look.
“This whole situation you put yourself in.” He said simply.
“How do you know that I understand?” I asked.
“I know everything that’s on your mind. Every little fold in your brain is easily understood when you think about it. You aren’t as messed up as you thought.” He said chuckling a bit as he stood up.
“Where are you going?” I asked as he took a few steps back.
“I’m leaving.” He said, in an obvious kind of tone.
“What?! Why?!” I screamed leaping to my feet and throwing my arms around him.
“I’ve helped you.” He told me looking down into my eyes. “But I’ll always remember you.” He said smiling.
When you go
Just know that I will remember you
If living was the hardest part
We'll then one day, be together
And in the end we'll fall apart
Just like the leaves change in colours
And then I will be with you
I will be there one last time now
“You can’t leave though.” Tears forming in my eyes now. “I won’t let you.”
“It’s the end. I’ll always be watching you, though. I’ll be in your head, and you’ll be in mine. Just remember that.” He told me, softness begging to form in his tone.
I knew he was right. I wasn’t as troubled as I thought. I guess I was clinging onto the fact I had so many problems to keep Gerard by my side. I grew up within the time I was with him and he made me whole. I understood everything he was talking about. But at the same time, I didn’t want to. I wanted to be helpless so he would stay with me.
When you go
Just know that I will remember you.
“You’ll be fine without me. Just think of how hard everything was in the beginning, you even told me it would get harder. But it’s all over now.” He said smiling down at me after he let go of my now shaking body body.
“I don’t want it to be over.” I whimpered.
“I know. But you’re strong. I know you are.” He said kissing me softly on my lips, which surprised me a lot. I didn’t know how any of this was happening is he was…Fake. I mean, for a while I thought he was actually standing there with me, embracing me in a hug, and then rewarding me with a gentle kiss.
I've lost my fear of falling...
I will be with you
I will be with you!
“Goodbye.” He said, hugging me one last time.
“I’ll always remember you, Gerard.” I said.
“I will be with you.” He told me, before disappearing into thin air. I couldn’t believe that he was gone. Although he was still in my head…It wasn’t the same, not like it used to be. I sighed before walking back inside my house. My family was in the lounge room watching something on television. I’m sure they saw the tears in my eyes, but I ignored their comments of sympathy.
I walked into my bedroom where the stereo was now blasting my favourite song: It's Not a Fashion Statement, It's a Fucking Deathwish.
It was getting up to my favourite part. /”When you go”/. I was now walking up to one of my many My Chemical Romance posters. I ran my hand softly across Gerard’s face, and I softly whispered:
“I will be with you.”
Just so you know, the imaginary friend part didn’t happen to me. But I always pictured it in my head. I was actually on the verge of crying halfway through it, that’s how vulnerable I am when it comes to my emotions. So, review and rate please. I’ would REALLY love your opinions on this particular story, because it’s very close to me in a way. Thanks to all that read this, and all my other stories.
ILY all xx