Frank was found unconscious in front of his apartment door, this morning. They said it was a suicide attempt, thankfully it was a failed attempt. A whole bottle of sleeping pills washed down with almost a whole bottle of vodka. He wasn’t found until at least ten this morning. If he was left any longer, his attempt would have been successful. Losing Frank is my biggest fear, other then loosing Mikey.
A glowing new mother was being wheeled out holding her new bundle of joy, a couple held each other and cried as they walked out and others just rushed out to go home and pray for the best tomorrow. I didn’t want to be any of them. I didn’t want to be happy. I didn’t want to be sad and I sure as hell didn’t want to be hopeful. I didn’t want to feel anything. I wanted all this to be over and things go back to the way they were. At least to when I could have help him.
I wanted to go back to the day he needed me and I didn’t walk away selfishly. I unbuckled my seat belt and took a deep breath. I looked at Mikey out of the corner of my eye. He was reading an old comic book that he found on the floor of his car. He didn’t say anything the whole time we were here. He didn’t just drop me off and make me do this alone. Even though he was mad at me, he stayed.
“I’m ready.” My voice cracked and tears welled in my eyes once more.
I turned my head to face Mikey. He slowly put down the magazine and looked at me. He cupped his hand on my chin and lifted my face closer to his. He tucked some hair behind my ear, he always did that when I was upset. He kissed me gently on my forehead. Neither of us said a word, we didn’t have to. Actions speak louder then words. These small actions were Mikey’s way of saying sorry and I forgave him.
I opened the car door and got out quickly before I could change my mind. I slammed the car door shut and waited for Mikey. He held my hand in his as we walked towards the giant hospital doors. I dreaded every step. I breathed heavier as we got closer. Mikey pulled his hand from mine and set it gently on the small of my back.
“Come on.” He said opening the door and gently pushing me forward.
I stood alone in front of Frank’s door. My feet stayed firmly planted on the ground. Mikey left to get me something to drink. I couldn’t do this alone. I wanted to turn around and go find Mikey. I knew he would just make me turn back around and go back. I took one small step into the small room.
“Is someone there?” The voice startled me and I stepped back quickly. “Don’t be scared, come in.”
I composed myself enough to step into the room completely. A younger looking girl was in the first bed watching T.V. She looked about my age, maybe a year younger. She had long black hair that was pulled into two loose pigtails. She was very small and pale. There was about five machines hooked up to her. My eyes darted from each one curiously.
“You’re the one that’s been deciding whether or not to come in?” She asked.
I nodded slowly. How’d she hear me?
“You probably wondering how I heard you, am I right?” She continued to talk.
It was like this girl could read my mind. I nodded again.
“I listen.” She replied. “What you don’t talk?”
“I do.” I mumbled.
“Scared?” She continued. “It’s common. You know, coming in here seeing the person you love dying, you get scared.”
“Are you dying?” I blurted unintentionally.
“I was.” She replied. “The doctors saved me.”
She fiddled with an IV. “Oh yeah, my name is Alicia.”
“I’m Peyton.” I said. I stepped closer to the edge of her bed. “Why are you in here?”
“The same reason we’re all here.” She didn’t seem offended by my questions, so I kept them coming.
“That being?” I asked.
“Suicide mostly.” She pulled at one of her pigtails. “This is the psychiatric floor. Are you lost or something?”
“No, I’m suppose to be here.” I replied. “How’d you try?”
“You name it, I’ve tried it.” Alicia said sitting up more.
I looked over at the closed curtain that separated Alicia’s side of the room from Frank’s. “How long have you been here?” I asked still looking at the closed curtain.
“A week. Boyfriend?” Alicia asked.
I turned my attention back to her and nodded.
“He’s very lucky. By the way the nurses check on him, he’s not in good shape.”
Alicia continued to babble. I tuned her out for awhile.
“What happens after this place?” I asked cutting her off.
“If you’re well enough, you go home. If not, you go to rehab.” Alicia stated.
“What about you?”
“By the looks of it, rehab.” She replied nonchalantly.
“Oh.” I said simply. “I’m going to go see him.” I said.
“Nice meeting you.”
I smiled and walked quickly to Frank’s side of the room. I pulled back the curtain and quickly closed it behind me before Alicia said anything else.
There was no way to prepare myself for what I saw. Frank looked, well dead. There was no other way to put it. He looked like he lost all life and was fighting for his next breath.