You say we are evil? Look around you! There is nothing good anymore!
I suppose it's as much as you can expect right?
You only get what you give and all that Karma shit that goes with it.
Fuck Karma. It never did anything for me anyway. We each get through this life our own ways. Be it in a calm organised dare-not-have-a-hair-out-of-place kind of way that Tseng seems so fond of. Or a hyperactive ball of nervous energy, that has too much of a conscience to do this job and a fear of screwing up. That just fits Elena like a glove...
Rude, well Rude it MR Stoic and silent. I'm never sure if he just doesn't give a fuck or maybe gives too much of one. His thoughts are unknown to anyone but himself and yet we seem to have this understanding and unwavering bond to each other.
I'd suspect everyone in the world before I'd suspect Rude of anything. I think he's there to just look scary, I bet he has a heart of gold. Yeah right I thought that until I saw him crush a guys skull without even breaking into a sweat. I think that was the first time I saw him crack a smile.
He's all too comfortable with the fact that he is a monster.
We all are in our own way. I think it just comes with the job description.
Rude can handle it with a kind of control I envy him for having, I don't think he was born with a conscience, he just does what he is told when he is told to do it. No questions asked he doesn't care and I doubt he ever will. I think he really gets something out of the murder of penny pinching bastards in the slums, says they deserve it and that we shouldn't feel guilty about getting rid of them.
This is where Elena would argue. Come back into the mix with a "What about their family's, they may be stealing but it might be to feed their kids". A typical response, from some one that has lived on the plate her entire life.
There are no 'kids' in the slums. Once you can walk your put to work. Be it picking pockets or selling scrap metal, hell if you live to see puberty you know the only life you have from then on is to join a gang and get yourself picked off quick, or to sell yourself until you really and truly wish that you were dead.
"There is no life in the slums, Elena. Just existence" Rude had growled that at her from across the table one lunchtime and she had looked so confused.
Part of me wanted to drag her down there and show her what kind of existence it was. Rude and I had existed down there for way too long until we got a lucky chance to fight our way up onto the plate.
Everything comes with a price and its always much too steep.
Tseng keeps our eyes open to that fact. The whole thing being that, okay we are the devils in the blue suits, but our murder of slum dwellers isn't evil. If anything we are doing them a favour. Taking away their fear that this day may be their last, or that tomorrow may not bring another hot meal.
By killing that drug-riddled mother of four, in the back of a sleazy motel, ensures that she won't see her four daughters raped and murdered by a teenage gang. Imagine the pain that would cause her that we prevented.
So okay we got paid a nice sum of money for picking her off for the money she owed Shinra but hey we helped her too.
The angels with the black wings, or the devil's in the blue suits, your choice.
You ask me why I turned my back on the world, why I gave up and stopped caring?
You see everything I've just said is true. I've come from a slum life and I know that it holds nothing. I got up on the plate and all I do now is exterminate the people I once existed amongst. Hell I dropped an entire segment of the plate on them and acted like I didn't care about it.
The screams I can still hear. I know I did them a favour and I know that someone I classed as a friend at some point in my life must have been there when it happened.
I'm a murderer with a conscience, how many of them do you hear of? I know I'm only here because I'm too much of a coward to cut myself free of this world. There is no 'good life' in this world; the only life I can bring myself to exist in is an alcohol clouded nicotine filled dreamland.
It's my way of dealing; each Turk has their own way.
What you see is what you get. I have the 'don't give a fuck' attitude because I don't.
I drink because it numbs my haywire brain and stops me thinking of what the results of my actions are.
I smoke because it gives me something to do with my bloodstained hands.
I'm single and a user because I couldn't bear the thought of bringing a child into this world that I hate so much.
I couldn't bear the possibility that I could turn into my father. The devil himself as far as I am concerned.
So I bring myself down to this level of employed scum. I'll do my job and hide in Rude's shadow. The shadow of a man so much more capable than myself.
Someone that in control of everything...
Inside I'm 7 looking up at the stars and still believing I could take them from the sky and make them my own.
Inside I'm 14, teeth gritted and allowing myself to be violated knowing it will result in a few gil to feed me for the day.
Inside I'm 18, being dragged out of a gang fight by my arm and thrown into the back of a black car.
I spit a mouthful of blood at Tseng in anger of being held by a strange man. I get a broken jaw as reward.
I'm 23 and I'm tired of life. Sitting in a helicopter and looking at the three other Turks sitting beside me and wondering what keeps them going.
I'd like to say hope keeps them going but they are all as empty as I am.
The optimist that lives deep, deep inside of me tells me to go with hope.
We are all doing this in hope that the world will one day give a fuck again and that the devils will be laid to rest.