She stared at me intently. I could tell she was thinking about something. What ever she was thinking about was tearing her apart. She looked so sad, so angry, so torn. Her body shook from the cold. I reached out to her. She pulled back and tears rolled down her perfect face. I did this to her. I made her life a living hell. All I wanted was her to be happy. I made her happy, but according to her father, not happy enough. Her father took the one thing she longed for and kept her living; me. I reached out for her one more time. This time her body moved closer to mine. I held her close to me. Our breathing was in sync. I loved her more then anything else in the world. I didn’t want to see her like this. I proved to her father as much as I could. I didn’t know what else to do. He hated me because of the way I looked. He didn’t realize I was the only person that could make her happier then anyone else. I just don’t understand why he hates me. She pulled her body away from me and placed her hand on my cheek.
“I will always love you Bert.” She cried. Her blue eyes glittered and my heart skipped a few beats.
“Don’t leave me Caylin.” I begged her. She smiled and more tears graced her pale face. She turned away from me and ran. She ran as fast as her small legs would let her. Her long black hair flew behind her like a kite. I wanted to run after her, but I knew she needed time alone. I watched her run back to her broken family that forbade this love. This love that kept me alive. This love that made me wake up each morning and look forward to seeing her. This love was heart breaking and tear dropping.
I almost heard her cry out as I left her far behind
and knew the world was crashing down around her
I walked aimlessly around the neighborhood. I wanted Caylin back in my arms. I gripped my thin hoodie closer around my body. The frigid air nipped at my face and I shivered. I walked around unconsciously, not aware of where I was going. I found myself standing outside her house, hoping she’d emerge and tell me everything’s okay. I stood there patiently counting the seconds in my head. I waited and waited. The TV flickered in the dark room. I imagined Caylin sitting on the couch, her knees to her chest, thinking about me and wishing her life ruining father would leave and never come back. I shifted from foot to foot impatiently. I felt warm tears fall down my cold face. I stepped closer to the house. I just wanted once last glimpse of her. As I got closer to the house I thought about knocking on the door. There was no car in the driveway, maybe I could just say ‘hi’. My feet insisted I keep going, which I did. I reached the door and stopped. I lifted my fist and knocked hard on the hardwood door. I heard mumbling from the other side. My heart raced and my knees buckled. I couldn’t wait for her to open the door and just look at me. All I wanted was to see her. The door slowly opened. I got more and more impatient. The time seemed to slow down and my anticipation was getting the best of me. The door opened a crack and two hate filled eyes peered out. Her father stared back at me furiously.
“Go home before you regret coming here.” He hissed. I planted my feet firmly on the ground.
“No.” I said firmly. He opened the door completely and stood in front of me. I saw Caylin standing behind him, her eye was black and blue and she was crying. I tried pushing past him. I needed to save her.
“Don’t you get it?!” He yelled pushing me back. I held my ground and stood up straight. I took a deep breath and kept my cool. Maybe if I was nice, he’d consider talking this over with me. Yeah, who was I kidding?
I sink now to the ocean floor because I know that we are more
He pushed me hard and I went crashing to the ground. My body hit the ground hard and I winced in pain. The cold concrete scraped against my face. I tasted blood. I couldn’t believe he just pushed me. I heard her scream from behind him. I looked up and saw Caylin trying to push past him. He pushed her back and sent her straight into the grass, only inches away from me. I tried pushing myself off the ground and crawling toward her. My body ached and wouldn’t let me move. Pain shot through my body every where. I could only imagine how Caylin felt. She was much smaller then me. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye. She was crying hysterically and gripping her body in pain. This was my entire fault. I caused her all this pain. Would she still love me after all this, let alone want me?
But I've made this mess. I built this fire, Are you still mine?
I looked up at him. His tall stature stood above me. I held my arms over my face to protect myself for what ever he was planning on next. I peered out between my arms and looked at him. He wounded up his fist and it collided with my already aching stomach. I gasped for my next breath and heaved over onto the ground again. More tears poured from my eyes. I closed them tight and wished all this would be over. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I just wanted her to feel loved and happy. I loved her unconditionally. Her not loving me hurt more then every hit her father took. I opened my eyes tried getting another look at her. I heard the hardwood door slam. I looked around; I didn’t see her father anywhere in sight. I pulled my pain induced body off the ground and made my way to her. Every step I took was more painful then the last. I stared down at her broken body. I collapsed onto the ground and held her in my shaking arms. She cried hard into my chest. I held her tighter. I kissed her forehead. Her small frail body convulsed in my arms.
“Don’t leave me baby.” I cried into her ear.
“I won’t.” She replied.
'Cause baby I'm not alright when you go I'm not fine, please be all mine. I never want you to go because I am all yours, so please be all mine.
I sat up, pulling her with me. Her face was bruised and blood seeped from her small lips. I wiped away the blood with the back of my hand and kissed her. I pulled myself up off the ground. I didn’t hurt as much as it did. I lifted her off the ground and cradled her in my arms. She could barely breath she was crying so hard.
“Babe, it’s okay.” I assured her.
“I’m so sorry Bert.” She sobbed into my chest. I kissed her again, assuring her none of this was her fault, what so ever. I held her tighter and started walking. The cold wind blew and burned my face and stung my eyes. This is by far the worst day of my life. I was literally walking through hell. I felt like I was just going to crumble into millions of pieces any second now. I can’t even imagine how she feels. I held her as tight as I could as I carried her to my house. I looked down at her. Her eyes were puffy and red. They were filled with pain and sadness. I still can’t get over the fact I caused all this. I insisted on seeing her, knowing her father wouldn’t approve of it. I just couldn’t help it. I couldn’t bear seeing her so distraught and miserable.
She had an earthquake on her mind apparently the kind that would bury us alive by putting all this weight on us forever.
We reached my house and I walked in. my mother ran to the door as soon as I walked in. my mother was always conscious about who was coming in and out of our home. She saw me and gasped.
“Robert Edward McCracken!” She scolded. I glared at her, hoping she’d get this wasn’t a good time to lecture me. She reached out to my scraped up face. She sighed. “Let’s get you two cleaned up.”
I set Caylin gently on the ground. I wrapped my arm around her waist to help her stay standing. I guided her slowly into the living room to wait for my mom. I collapsed onto the couch, after she was sitting. I held her cold hand in mine. How could I fix this? She laid her head on my shoulder, her long black hair cascading over it. I twirled a piece in my finger.
“Bert,” She mumbled.
“We can’t live like this.” She said softly.
“Stay here.” I told her. “You can’t go back.” She nodded and moved closer to me.
I lie here on the ocean floor broken castle by the shore and I made this mess
I built this fire, Are you still mine?
My mom entered the living room. Tears were built up in her eyes, threatening to pour out. I reached out to my mom, touching her arm. She smiled and pressed her warm lips against my cheek. She placed an ice pack on my girlfriend’s bruised eye and told her everything was going to be okay. I wanted to protest and tell her no, everything is not going to be okay, but I was too weak. My mom poured some peroxide on a cloth and pressed it gently on my battered cheek. I winced as the liquid bubbled and cleansed my cuts.
“No need for a band aid.” She insisted taking the cloth off my face. I nodded and gripped my girlfriend’s small delicate hand that still shook from the trauma. I glanced up at my mom. She was staring down at us; the tears finally escaped her eyes and rolled down her cheeks.
“Mom,” I choked. She smiled as more tears rolled down her cheeks. “Can she stay?” I asked. My mom looked over at Caylin. My mom was always willing to do something for someone else, at all costs.
“Of course.” My mom answered. “There’s no way she can live like that.” I smiled and kissed Caylin. “I’m going to call the police.”
“Are you okay with that?” I asked Caylin.
“Yeah.” She replied. I stood up.
“Let’s go upstairs.” I told her picking her up and holding her in my arms.
Let me save us, I've slaughtered us, I've murdered our love
We laid on my bed, perfectly still and quiet. I listened to my mom explain to the cops what happened. In a little bit she’d walk up the stairs slowly and dread coming into my room to tell me I had tell the cops my story. I listened some more. Caylin was fast asleep; they’d probably want her to tell her story too. I started thinking. I might get in trouble. Since her father warned me to stay away, but I went there anyways, he could press charges. But then again, he didn’t have any legal reasons for me not to show up. I was straining my brain for no reason. I knew he was the one in trouble not me. I wrapped my arms tighter around Caylin. Even with her face all banged and bruised, she was still the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen. I kissed her on her forehead and closed my eyes.
I can taste it, this blood in my mouth, this knife in my lungs.
I ran as fast as I could. She was so far ahead of me. I needed to catch her. I looked behind me, he was gaining speed, he held the shotgun straight ahead. My breathing got heavier, damn why do I smoke?! She ran faster, I ran faster, he ran faster. I saw her collapse onto the ground. I needed to save her. He shot the gun in the air. I jumped at the loud sound. I felt a large hand grasp my shoulder and pull me down.
“Don’t chase her.” He hissed. He pointed the loaded gun at my face. He cocked it and was ready to fire…..
Have I murdered our love?
“Bert!” Caylin shook me hard, pulling me from my nightmare. I was drenched in sweat. I sat up and tried catching my breath.
“Babe,” She said tucking some hair behind my ear. “Did you have a nightmare or something?”
I nodded and laid down. She stared down at me. Her eyes weren’t puffy anymore, they were crystal clear.
“How do you still stand to look at me after all this?” I questioned, sitting back up. She looked at me like I was crazy. “I’m serious Caylin.”
“I will love you no matter what.” She said holding my face in her hands. She ran her fingers slowly over the cuts. “I should be sorry.”
“No, don’t ever blame yourself for any of this, ever.” I told her. We kissed softly at first, and then it became more passionate. She pulled away for a moment.
“I’m scared.” She whispered.
“He’ll be put away.” I assured her before pressing my lips against hers.
Please be all mine.
I heard my mom climb the stairs. We pulled apart and waited for her to enter. I held on to her and prepared myself for the worst. What if Caylin’s father was here to take her? Or what if the cops believed him over us? My mom slowly turned the door knob and walked in. She stifled a laugh.
“What’s so funny?!” I demanded.
“Robert, calm down.” My mom said stepping closer to us. “You both looked like I was coming to kill you. That’s why I laughed.” She sat on the bed. “I’m sorry if I scared you two.”
“I’m sorry I yelled.” I apologized. She smiled.
“Good news,” My mom began. Caylin griped my arm and moved in closer to me and my mom. “He’s in jail and she can stay.” Caylin jumped on and held me tight. I hugged her back. I turned to my mom. ‘Thanks’. I mouthed. She smiled and left my room.
‘Cause baby I’m not alright when you go.
“Looks like you’re stuck with me for a very long time missy.” I joked.
“Great.” She said sarcastically.
I never want you to go because I am all yours, so please be all mine.