- You throw words at the page like an impressionist painter. Like that genre, it takes a second and third look to understand, to get more than a general impression of angst, pain, sorrow. You might consider a tiny bit of specific details to give the reader something to anchor to. I was confused how Lu could be a little girl missing a Summoner -- Lady Ginnem? Is this when Chappu died? Or (I guessed on the third reading, finally) her parents? But I hesitate to offer even that gentle suggestion; this is a lovely piece, highly evocative and poignant, and I admire the way you splash powerful words like bold, stark streaks of color, letting the image emerge out of the shadows like a dream.
Author\'s Response: Thank you so much for such a kind review! dances Yeah, I see your point in this... I was kind of wondering myself how I might be able to make the piece less abstract and more concrete in structure. I do this thing sometimes where nothing I type makes proper sense. It's like an itch that you can almost reach, but your nails have just been cut, so you can't get at it. Your third guess got it - It was her parents. Sorry it took three readings to get that out! I'll try to fix this up a bit... Thanks so much for all your help!
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