Haha. ReAd? Say yes. For me on my birthday? =]
But now, the room is silent and is cast into a world of shadows. I had pulled the curtains closed that way the sun wouldn't disturb her slumber. I wanted her to sleep soudnly. And from what I can tell, she is. The room is peaceful and the constant hum of one of her machines makes me drozy, but I want to be the first thing she sees when she wakes up. I want those beautiful green eyes to open and lay themselves on me. Then she will remember who carried her bloody body from her own demise and caried her down the staris. She will know who she needs. She will awake and be unafraid.
She gently shifted, only about an inch, to the left and rolls her head to the side, to where it faced me. Her eyes twitched then fluttered open.
"Ryan..." she whispered my name and outstretched her hand. Around her wrist was gauze, heavy and thick to cover her self-inflicted wounds. I could see the blood that had seeped through the cotton wrap. I took her hand.
"Oh, A.lena," I whispered, bringing her hand to my trembling lips. "Oh, sweet Alena."
"Ryan, I'm sorry," she said, tears rolling down her lovely face. "Oh, Ryan. I didn't want to die. I thought I did. I really did. But now, now I see that I was so terribly wrong. That I was stupid and blind to everything... I..." She couldn't stop crying. Her voice choked and she began to cough. When she was done she brought her swollen eyes back to mine. I felt the tears on my face as well. "Ryan, I was so dumb. So fucking stupid. And if you hate me now, I understand."
I only answered by bringing my lips to hers. She tasted so sweet and soft, and I could taste her pain. When I puilled away I ran my hand over her bandaged wrist. And I could feel all her angst and hurt and self doubt. I could feel each cut, each little place where the razor had scarred, as if it were my own. As if I were the one, staring myself down and just going away. As if I were the one who had lost self control and didn't care where I was headed as long as it wasn't here.
"Ryan," she said with a sob. "Ryan, thank you so much. If you wouldn't have found me, I wouldn't be here right now. I would be somewhere else, somewhere where I wouldn't really care to be. Ryan, I owe you so much."
"No," I whispered. "You don't."
Our lips collided again. Kissing her was like kissing heaven, like finallly catching the little Lucky Charms leprauchan, like dancing in the rain, like hearing your favorite song on the radio when you've had it stuck in your head all day. She was like breathing life, like taking in something new. I don't think I can recall back to a time when something's ever felt this good, this wonderful. This was magic. I know how dumb it sounds and that it may be cheesy, but I felt something new, something wonderful, just having our lips touch. I told her that.
"Ryan..." she said, pulling away gently. "What about Brendon and I? Were we together? Are me and you together? I don't know."
"Alena," I whispered against her gentle lips. "It doesn't matter anymore. I know that you and him had something special, but Alena, please," I said, begging. "I want you too."
Our lips met again and in some kind of confused cluster, our tounges did as well. I've never felt this before, with a girl like this. She was so exceptional.
When we parted I placed my hand on her wrist. They were heavily wrapped and taped with gauze. Red blood seeped through to the other side where she had cut herself. I ran my fingers softly over he wounds. I felt each cut burn benath my touch, as if I were the one holding the blade. As if I were the oone hurting myself, letting everything I ever felt out, out in the color of red onto my skin, onto the floor benath me. As if I was the one with bottled up her and angst and pain. I was the one letting everything horrible I ever felt out. I cringed and pulled my hand away. I didn't want to feel it. But maybe if I took it, if I felt it all, she wouldn't have to. I brought my hand back to it.
"I don't know what I was thinking..." she started but then quickly stopped. "Really Ryan. I hate myself so much for doing it. I haven't done it in such a long while. My phsycatrist said that I was over that. He released me a couple years ago. That's when my dad passed away, that's when I started."
I nodded my head. As I removed my eyes from her wound and brought them to her face, I saw fresh tears rolling down her qigh cheek bones. I reached my hand up to wipe them away.
"I was supposed to catch all of her tears..." Brendon whispered from the doorway.
"Brendon, wait!" Alena called.
I quickly tore back the covers and put my bare feet on the cold floor. Where was he going? "Brendon!" I called. "Brendon!" But he didn't listen to me. He just started down the hallway. I could see the back of his beautiful head. i wanted him. I wanted Rayn. I wanted the world. I wanted them both. But even I knew that that was impossible.
I'm not looking back. I can hear the patter of her tiny feet on the floor behind me. And the sound of Ryan's Nikes followed suit. But I didn't want to see them. How could they do this to me? My best friend and the girl I thought I was falling for. Was this real? Or did I just see the wrong thing? Here I am, the biggest jerk in the world, walking away from the best things in my life.
I stopped and quickly turned around, causing Alena to crash right into my chest. She stumbled but I grabbed her wrists to prevent her from falling. She let out a cry of pain.
"Alena!" I cried. "Alena are you all right?"
She brought her eyes to mine. They met. It was cataclismic. Hers were wet and bright with tears. "I'm fine.." she whispered.
"Baby," I said. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I just didn't want you to fall..."
"Brendon, how could you hurt her like that?" Ryan asked, ripping us apart. "You know she's hurt!"
"Ryan, I was just trying to catch her. She was going to fall. I didn't mean to grab her wrists."
"Shut up, Brendon, you're an idiot!" He yelled, getting in my face. I saw a red color fill the skin beneath his cheeks.
I pushed him back, away from me. "Back down, Ryan! Right this minute!"
"No," he said, pushing me back. "You get down!"
"Ryan, Brendon," Alena said, placing a hand on each of our chests, "Both of you stop."
Both of us backed away.
"You don't understand anything, Ryan. Especially when I said that I liked her."
"Maybe," he said back. "You don't understand when I say the same exact thing!"
I looked over at Alena. Her face was pale and her eyes became dark. "Ryan..." she whispered.
Then she fell to the floor, her body going into a mass of convulsions.