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Shopping list
________________


Hmm.
What to buy?

Hey.
xWhat?
Help me.
xWhy I'd be delighted to.

Okay what do you think I need.
xWell how are you gonna do it?
I don't know yet.
xWow.
Shut up.
xBe nice.
No.
xThen I won't help you.
Fine.
I'm sorry.
xIt's okay Ryan. I know you're still a little sore from that butt thumping you received a while ago.

A feel my cheeks grow bright red.

xAwwww. You're blushing.
Am not!
xYou're fucking adorable. Anyhoo, first and foremost you'll need duct tape.

Duct tape

Want guns?
Do you think I do?
xYeah.
xWith a silencer.
xAnd some knives.
xEight inch minimum.
x'Cus your dull ass knives can't puncture a Vienna sausage.

Gun-silencer
Big knives

xLocks and chains. Do you have coffee grounds?
Yeah.
xGood because you're gonna need it.
Why?
xYou'll find out later.

I look over the list in my lap.

Shopping list
_________________
Gun-Silencer
Big knives
Locks
Chains

It seems a bit short to me.
xThat's okay. It'll fill up later.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lowe's.
Home Depot.
Lowe's.
Home Depot.
Lowe's.

"Home Depot." I whisper as I discard the useless flower.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I stare nervously at the glowing orange letters.

xSo are we going inside or are we just gonna stand here?
Stand here.
xRyan we already discussed this. Just go in, pick the things you like, buy them and walk out.
Easier said than done.
xOkay how about this, what are you gonna do about your little problem?

Hesitantly I stepped into the store.

But can you blame me for being at least a little afraid?
xI guess not.

I zip up my jacket and look around. Shoppers pushing around orange carts, minding their own business, not noticing me one bit. Good. Maybe that might-

"HI!"
"AH!!"

I blink several times and notice I'm on the floor hiding behind a chain of shopping carts.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you!"
I look up and see a girl about my age in a tacky orange vest with a nametag that reads the usual "Hi! My name is".

Dalina. I read silently. Cute name.

She reaches out her hand and I grab it. As she pulls me up she flashes the brightest smile I've seen.

Once I regain my composure I was able to give her a quick once-over.

Long brown hair, light green eyes, cute button nose, nice body shape, even nicer ass,

"So what can I help you with?" She says, interrupting my thoughts.
"Um. I'm doing a.. um..

xHome renovation.

"Yeah, I'm renovating my house and I need some stuff."
"Okay, well, what exactly are you renovating?"
"Um.."

xYou'll see as you walk around.

"I don't know exactly but I'm sure if you show me around a little, I'll get some ideas."
"Okay! Great! Follow me!"

Does she have to be so fucking hyper?
xJust be nice. Like you told me.

I grab a cart and follow "Dalina" as she walks briskly ahead of me. She stops at the aisle nearest to us and says, "Are you planning on painting your walls?"

I open my eyes wide. Never have I seen so many goddamn colors.
There are so many.
Too many.
On the wall in front of me, kabillions of little colored pieces of paper were lined up probably 100 in a row, 200 rows in total, all different colors, all color coordinated.

I pick up a bright square.
"Majestic mountains".

I pick up another one.
"Bubblegum rose."

"Oh hell no."
She giggles. No, I mean really giggles. "Alright, moving along!"
I push my cart slowly behind her. Trying not to run her over despite that constant nagging that's telling me to.

xOh like you don't want to do it.
I don't!
xAnd I don't believe your lies.

The next aisle interests me.

Chain saws, hammers, and a whole assortment of power tools.

xHello!
I leave my cart and approach a power drill.
I pick it up and nearly drop it on my fucking toes because it's so damn heavy. I inspect it.
Shiny, smells of rubber, super sharp tip.
I'm sold!
"I think I'll get this."
Dalina raises her eyebrows and shifts her weight onto her other foot.
"You sure?"
"Yeah," I say not even bothering to look up from the drill in my hands.
"That one's $100."
I wince.
"Got anything cheaper?" I say my face still contorted with pain.
"This one's", she says picking up a bright blue one, "is $40."
"I'll take that one," I reply as I put it in my cart.

Money.
That should be a really big concern, huh?

xYa think?

I take my time in this aisle, carefully choosing hammers, screwdrivers, and screws.

We pass over certain aisles, for instance 3,5,8, and 9. We turn into aisle 10 and all I see is green.
Everywhere.
In this aisle there is no escape from it.

I look up at the sign above my head.

Gardening

That explains a lot.

In this aisle I go bananas.
Shovels, yards of plastic tarp, about 20 bottles of gardening chemicals, and hedge clippers (I already know I'm gonna have bucketfuls of fun with that) go into my cart.

We go to the last aisle and I get a couple of items I think I might need. I take garbage bags, the locks and chains as mentioned earlier and two first aid kits.

Alright. I think we're good to go!
xNo you're not.
What am I missing?
xKnives?
Oh yeah.

I go to the kitchen appliances and nearly pass out upon looking at the prices they put on them.
200 some even 300 dollars!
That's a bigger rip-off than gas!
Okay, maybe not, but it's still a rip-off!
Instead I take a blade sharpener that was on sale for $10, leave the aisle, and go into the shortest checkout line.

xCheapo.
I just saved $190-$290 on something that can get me the same result as new ones and you're calling me cheap?!
xThat's right you frugal poopyhead!
Poopyhead? Oh real mature!
xI don't have to be mature, old man, I'm only 19.
And what am I?
x79.

I was so caught up in my... "conversation" that I rammed right into the butt of the guy that was in front of me. He turns around and glares at me, stomping away with the bag of his purchases in hand.

I ignore him, move ahead and begin to put my things on the pulley, rubber thingy, I think they call it a conveyor belt.
Whatever.

As I place more and more things on the "conveyor belt" and as the cashier checks them out, I notice her eyebrows move higher and higher up her face.

Once she finishes she looks over at me, then the items.
Me.
The items.
Me.
The monitor.
Then me again.
I count the number of times she repeats this.
Two.

My heart races and I start fidgeting.

xDon't lose it. DON'T

"And what are you planning to do with those?"
I stare her in the eyes and suck in a deep breath.
"Hello?"
I keep staring, my mouth dry. My mind struggling to come up with the words.
"Sir? I said what are you planning to do with those?"

I feel a long bony finger poke me in the middle of my back, thrusting me back into reality.

"Umm... Uhhh.. H-home r-re-renovation," I manage to stutter out.
She looks at me suspiciously.
"How old are you?"
"22."

Liar.

"Why, you don't look a day over 16."
I give her a skin tight smile. Kinda like the one I gave him the other day.
"Yeah, I get that a lot."

She stares me down until I feel like cowering into my jacket.
Or into Jon's arms...

Still with the same stare she says "$102.56."

And you wanted me to get those knives.
xI still want my guns though.
Don't worry about that.
I know where I can get them.

I hand her my credit card and she swipes it. After signing my name over and over again because the dumbass machine doohickey refused to be cooperative and work, I finally get my receipt and my items.

Placing them all in the cart I walk quickly out of the store and to my smelly, rental car.

I load them into the trunk, push the cart into any random direction and get in the car.


That's when I let go of my breath.