Rating for language...I think =] Someone gets drunk, but its more than drink that spills...secrets spill too.
"I need a drink." I said immediately. I walked over to the table where all the drinks were, walking directly past (and completely ignoring) Brendon. I hoped that my out of sight, out of mind theory would be sucessful, the last thing I needed was someone like him ruining my party much like he ruined my life.
I picked up a glass of water and looked at it, stirring it around and looking into the bottom fiercely, half expecting it to tell me life's secrets.
Brendon had gotten more attractive over the years. I didn't even know that was possible but he had. He wasn't as skinny as he used to be, he was slightly taller than he was when he left, his hair looked softer, his teeth looked straighter and did I mention his arms looked far more muscular.
I chanced a look at him and upon noticing him looking right at me, looked right back into my water. I realised now I was going to need something more reliable, something stronger. This simply wasn't good enough and it definitely wasn't going to get me through tonight.
Putting down my glass of water I reached for an empty glass, filling it with Whiskey until it was only half empty and downing the entire contents. Hayley immediately ran over to me, taking the empty glass from my hand and setting it on the table.
"Honey, are you okay?" She asked, looking at me worried.
"Why did you invite him?" I said with disgust in my voice, too bad he couldn't hear me over the music. It was at that moment that Jon brought Cassie in. She looked at the banner, looked around the room and then her eyes fell on me. A smile broke out onto her face and she ran over to me faster than I knew was possible.
She hugged me quickly but with intense emotion, pulled back and then slapped my arm.
"What was that for?" I asked, my head and my arm simultaneously throbbing.
"For not telling me you were coming." She smirked, turning on Hayley. "And why didn't you tell me?"
"She's my present to you, to make up for the fact that I didn't get you a present for your bridal shower." Hayley shrugged.
"And what did you get me?" She asked me, hands on hips, turning back to me. She needed to stop spinning, I was getting a little bit dizzy already.
"A Maid of Honour." I retorted, reaching for my glass and some more Whiskey. "Nice drink this." I said, filling my glass and gulping it again. My throat burned but I didn't care. I hadn't been this close to Brendon in a while, close enough to touch and I certainly didn't want to be this close to him ever again.
I was lying to myself of course but no one had to know that. I was needed to give myself something to do other than just sit
"Be careful with that." Cassie said, laughing and wondering off, presumably to find Jon.
"Honestly, Elizabeth. Slow down." Hayley said, before Spencer whisked her away to the 'dancefloor'.
There were a lot of people at this party. At my party, but I didn't feel happy. Brendon's eyes were boring a hole in my head. He didn't love me, he didn't care about me, he needed to be rid of me, I only suffocated him, right? All I did was stop him from living his dreams just because I was too selfish to let him go.
He probably thought I was gone for good and was really upset to find me back her, back in his life again. But it didn't matter, because I was doing this for Cassie, and I will be gone again, just as soon as this wedding was over and done.
I looked over to where he was standing. It took my eyes a few seconds to focus but I was suprised to find he wasn't there. I closed my eyes and shook my head, trying to shake of the dazed feeling to no avail. He definitely wasn't there. I looked over to the 'dancefloor' to see him dancing with a girl I never knew, and didn't particularly care about. She was probably Ryan's girlfriend or something, I think I read about them.
I turned away. Even though I knew it was completely innocent I didn't want to see it, however, the image wouldn't remove itself from my mind. Looking at the table in front of me I picked up my empty glass. I then picked up some more whiskey, pouring it messily into the cup, I added some AfterShock, some Vodka, a little bit of rum and topped it off with a bit Tequila. At least I think it was Tequila, it could have been beer.
I licked the stray alcohol that had dripped onto my arm and took a sip of my 'cocktail'. It tasted disgusting, but it would at least help me forget the pain he put me through. That thought kept me going, kept me sipping, and then eventually gulping down the drink as if it was the exilir of life.
My head started spinning faster now, drinking on an empty stomach was never good. That's what my mother used to say. I spun around, trying to keep balance, and failing miserably, grabbing the sofa for support I walked forward as normally as I could. I grabbed the nearest guy to me, someone I didn't know, maybe it was someone from one of the bands that Panic were friends with. I didn't know, I didn't care. He was just going to have to do.
I dragged him to the 'dancefloor' and grinded on him. You couldn't play Ayo Technology and expect me not to grind, it was a grinding song.
All eyes were on me, I knew it. Everyone was waiting for my next move, shocked. Elizabeth never danced at parties. Well it's been four years, Elizabeth isn't the same Elizabeth you once knew.
I turned to face whoever it was I was dancing with and bit my lip suggestively, rotating my hips and bumping them into his. My arms were around his neck, my face in his chest and I was rotating my hips in sync with his. Whoever this boy was, he had moves.
"Mind if I cut in?" I heard a voice say from behind me.
"Why don't you just join in?" I slurred seductively, turning around to be faced by Brendon as the guy behind me disappeared back into the crowd. I think it was Brendon I was looking at, I didn't know, I was seeing double. His hands were on my hips and he pulled me away from the 'dance floor' and onto the sofa, forcing me to sit.
"What do you think you're doing? Trying to make me jealous?" He said, angrily. He was more than angry, he was furious and I knew it. Usually I hated conflict. But I was dead, the alcohol had killed me and replaced the Elizabeth everyone knew with a bold, brass woman with attitude and without inhibition.
"Newsflash Brenny, the whole world doesn't revolve around you, sweetie." I said, trying to stand up only to have Brendon push me back down.
"How much have you had to drink?" He asked suddenly. I stood up properly this time, lazily swatted at his hands and stumbled back towards the drink table, now all eyes were definitely on me. I knew I was making a fool out of myself, I knew all my words were slurring and mushing into each other but I couldn't care less.
"Too much." He said decisively, following me.
"Not enough." I slurred, picking up my glass.
"Drinking wont make your problems go away." He said. The glass suddenly seemed pointless.
I decided to instead pick up a new bottle of...I don't know what, but it looked strong, and break the seal. I started drinking directly from the bottle. I didn't stop even though I could feel my throat burning more than I thought possible and my head was pounding.
"Drinking wont make me go away." He said, softer this time. I immediately dropped the bottle from my lips, trying to put the lid back on with no sucess. I resorted to just laying it on the table, watching the drink pour down the table and onto the floor.
He was trying to put me on edge, that much I knew. Testing the waters. I know him better than he knows himself. And I wont let it happen. I wont let him get to me. I wont let him get to me.
I wanted to get away, I didn't know where but wherever it was I didn't want to be around anyone, around any drinks, around anything.
Maybe I wouldn't mind being around drinks. I thought in my head picking up a half empty bottle of Vodka.
Halfway through walking I spun around again.
"Why wont - Why cant...why don't...LEAVE ME ALONE!!" I screamed suddenly at him, blinking and trying to make the three Brendons I was seeing disappear, I struggled enough with one.
Everything stopped then. The music, the chatter, the laughter, the dancing. We had turned into the nights entertainment.
"Jesus." A voice came from out of the corner. It was Jon's. "He's trying to help you and all you can do is -"
"Well maybe I don't need any help." I slurred, trying to stop seeing six Jons and trying to keep the black that wanted to take over my vision.
"Maybe you don't deserve any help. Look at you! You're worthless. You're nothing! Brendon has been nothing but nice to you, even though you hurt him so much he still stuck by you. You pile all your problems onto him and when he tries to help you, you just..."
"Honey. Don't." Cassie said, putting a reassuring arm on his shoulder. He looked around the whole room before lowering his voice.
"Sorry Cass." He said. It was me that needed the apology. Not Cassie.
"So that's what everyone thinks of me, more trouble than I'm worth." I said, shocked. So it wasn't just Brendon who felt like that about me, everyone did. No wonder he didn't love me. No wonder no one phoned me all those years. They were all glad to see the back of me.
"No. We just think you're a jealous bitch who wont let anyone live their dreams." Jon mumbled. Even in my drunk state I could hear every word. "Just because Brendon was moving on to bigger and better things you took away the one thing that kept him going. You."
"Jon. I don't think that's necessary, off to the naughty corner with you." Brendon joked, looking at me, hoping I didn't hear. But I heard alright, I heard loud and clear.
"Oh." I smiled. Brendon's eyes pleaded with me to stop but I wouldn't. "It seems Brendon here didn't tell anyone what really happened the day I left huh?"
"He didn't need to. We could tell just by looking at him, he was heartbroken." Hayley said, Brendon shoved her and looked to the floor embarassed. Luckily I had managed to stop myself before I smiled.
"Not because of me." I said quietly, my eyes half closed as I remembered the events of our our break up. What really happened. "You want to know the truth? Can you handle the truth?" I said, partially quoting my favourite film of all time.
A/N: A semi-cliffy. I am cruel I am. On the edge of your seat? No?
Don't Panic...at the disco (that was lame) all shall be revealed soon.
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