Categories > Books > Harry Potter > The Big Box of Silliness
A/N: I don’t own Harry Potter and wouldn’t particularly care to. I would like a rental agreement with option to buy for Hermione Granger. A short term contract with Nyphadora Tonks wouldn’t be turned down. A Long-term agreement with Luna Lovegood would probably be a whole lot of fun. Any time Padma Patil wants to open negotiations, call me and oh for a weekend with Fleur. Oddly Lavender and Padma’s sister (despite being her twin) Parvarti do nothing for me…
A/N2: My deepest apologies to Al Yankovic. I’m sorry, but it needed to be done.
"Ferret Stomping Day"
“Enervate!”
Draco Malfoy suddenly found himself staring up into the faces of classmates he hated beyond all others, even Potter.
“Wakey Wakey Malfoy.” Hermione Granger said with a wide smile.
“What do you want Mudblood?” Draco found that he couldn’t move. “What have you done to me?”
“Why nothing Draco.” Said one of the other Mudbloods, the duffer, Finch-something. “Yet.”
“When my father hears of this indignity…”
“Draco, Draco, Draco” Granger said, patting his face lightly with each word. “You’ve got to learn to stand on your own two feet, and quit hiding behind your daddy. You’re a sixth year now, it’s gotten so that it’s embarrassing to even know you, you know?” She placed a winged Battle Helm on her head.
What the hell? Looking about Draco could see that the entire crowd around him was made up of Mudbloods that they were all dressed in chain mail and that most were wearing Norse Battle Helmets.
“We need your help Draco.” Finch-Fletchly said.
“Yeah Malfoy, you’re help will be invaluable!’ said the younger of the two annoying Gryffindor Mudblood brothers who were always flashing lights in everyone’s eyes… Creevy?
“There’s an old Muggle tradition for the end of May.” Granger explained. “We need you to help us celebrate a most important day.”
“A Great Day!” a female Ravenclaw Mudblood said.
Draco took immediate stock of his situation. He was outside the castle, the sun was shining, and he estimated the time to be late afternoon. He was partially petrified laying on the ground in some horrible greasy white paste that smelled of… eggs?
“What do you need me for?” He asked.
“Oh, you’re the guest of honor.” Granger waved her wand and Draco’s perspective changed as all the Mudbloods seemingly grew huge and formed a circle around him. “There’s even a special song to celebrate your contribution Draco.”
Granger waved her wand again and he was no longer petrified. Then the circle of Mudbloods began to sing, and Draco Malfoy’s blood ran cold.
Faces filled with joy and cheer
What a magical time of year
Howdy Ho! It's Ferret Stomping Day
Put your Viking helmet on
Spread that mayonnaise on the lawn
Don't you know it's Ferret Stomping Day
All the little girls and boys
Love that wonderful crunching noise
You'll know what this day's about
When you stomp a Ferret's guts right out
So, come along and have a laugh
Snap their Ferrety spines in half
Grab your boots and stomp your cares away
Hip hip hooray, it's Ferret Stomping Day
People love them down the street
Crushing Ferrets beneath their feet
Why we do it, who can say?
But it's such a festive holiday
So let the stomping fun begin
Bash their Ferrety skulls right in
It's tradition, that makes it okay
Hey everyone, it's Ferret Stomping
We'll have some fun on Ferret Stomping
Put down your wand, it's Ferret Stomping Day
Hip Hip Hooray, it's Ferret Stomping Day
Ferret Stomping Day
Hey!
---===oooOOOooo===---
Over at the Quidditch pitch Ron Weasley noticed the small crowd singing and laughing in a circle as he sat on his broom hovering forty feet off the ground.
“What do you suppose that’s all about Harry?”
Potter looked over and shivered. “Ron, trust me on this, you don’t want to know. Don’t look, don’t think about it, and never, ever ask them what they were doing. It’s just too fucked up, we’re better out of it.”
Ron gave the crowd one last glance. Anything that bugged Harry that much he didn’t want anything to do with. “Race you to the far side of the lake?”
Harry heeled his broom over to face the right direction. “You’re on.”
A/N2: My deepest apologies to Al Yankovic. I’m sorry, but it needed to be done.
"Ferret Stomping Day"
“Enervate!”
Draco Malfoy suddenly found himself staring up into the faces of classmates he hated beyond all others, even Potter.
“Wakey Wakey Malfoy.” Hermione Granger said with a wide smile.
“What do you want Mudblood?” Draco found that he couldn’t move. “What have you done to me?”
“Why nothing Draco.” Said one of the other Mudbloods, the duffer, Finch-something. “Yet.”
“When my father hears of this indignity…”
“Draco, Draco, Draco” Granger said, patting his face lightly with each word. “You’ve got to learn to stand on your own two feet, and quit hiding behind your daddy. You’re a sixth year now, it’s gotten so that it’s embarrassing to even know you, you know?” She placed a winged Battle Helm on her head.
What the hell? Looking about Draco could see that the entire crowd around him was made up of Mudbloods that they were all dressed in chain mail and that most were wearing Norse Battle Helmets.
“We need your help Draco.” Finch-Fletchly said.
“Yeah Malfoy, you’re help will be invaluable!’ said the younger of the two annoying Gryffindor Mudblood brothers who were always flashing lights in everyone’s eyes… Creevy?
“There’s an old Muggle tradition for the end of May.” Granger explained. “We need you to help us celebrate a most important day.”
“A Great Day!” a female Ravenclaw Mudblood said.
Draco took immediate stock of his situation. He was outside the castle, the sun was shining, and he estimated the time to be late afternoon. He was partially petrified laying on the ground in some horrible greasy white paste that smelled of… eggs?
“What do you need me for?” He asked.
“Oh, you’re the guest of honor.” Granger waved her wand and Draco’s perspective changed as all the Mudbloods seemingly grew huge and formed a circle around him. “There’s even a special song to celebrate your contribution Draco.”
Granger waved her wand again and he was no longer petrified. Then the circle of Mudbloods began to sing, and Draco Malfoy’s blood ran cold.
Faces filled with joy and cheer
What a magical time of year
Howdy Ho! It's Ferret Stomping Day
Put your Viking helmet on
Spread that mayonnaise on the lawn
Don't you know it's Ferret Stomping Day
All the little girls and boys
Love that wonderful crunching noise
You'll know what this day's about
When you stomp a Ferret's guts right out
So, come along and have a laugh
Snap their Ferrety spines in half
Grab your boots and stomp your cares away
Hip hip hooray, it's Ferret Stomping Day
People love them down the street
Crushing Ferrets beneath their feet
Why we do it, who can say?
But it's such a festive holiday
So let the stomping fun begin
Bash their Ferrety skulls right in
It's tradition, that makes it okay
Hey everyone, it's Ferret Stomping
We'll have some fun on Ferret Stomping
Put down your wand, it's Ferret Stomping Day
Hip Hip Hooray, it's Ferret Stomping Day
Ferret Stomping Day
Hey!
---===oooOOOooo===---
Over at the Quidditch pitch Ron Weasley noticed the small crowd singing and laughing in a circle as he sat on his broom hovering forty feet off the ground.
“What do you suppose that’s all about Harry?”
Potter looked over and shivered. “Ron, trust me on this, you don’t want to know. Don’t look, don’t think about it, and never, ever ask them what they were doing. It’s just too fucked up, we’re better out of it.”
Ron gave the crowd one last glance. Anything that bugged Harry that much he didn’t want anything to do with. “Race you to the far side of the lake?”
Harry heeled his broom over to face the right direction. “You’re on.”
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