Categories > Books > Harry Potter > A Different Way of Looking At Things

A Conversation

by radiofishlip

a thought provoking conversation and a surprise on the train

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: NC-17 - Genres: Erotica,Romance - Characters: Harry,Hermione - Warnings: [?] - Published: 2008-08-15 - Updated: 2008-08-17 - 2567 words - Complete

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Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related terms and characters are the property of JK Rowling. The use of copyrighted material is for non-profit entertainment purposes only, and in no way constitutes a challenge to the existing copyright.

A different way of looking at things

The summer had dragged on and on. From the slow start where harry had plenty of time to sit and obsess over Dumbledore's death right up until the express was about to pull out from platform 9 3/4 for a new year at school. Harry's mood this summer could only have been described as pensive on the upside he had managed to spend a large amount of time talking with Hermione both by Owl and in person and some of those conversations had been downright strange.

Thinking back, one conversation in particular kept leaping to mind. Harry and Hermione had been sitting together with the backs to the trunk of an ancient oak tree that sat in the middle of the open courtyard at number 12 Grimmuald place the topic of conversation had started out being about the tree and what it may have been planted in that location for.

"This tree is old enough that it may have been planted here for some of the early rituals I have been reading about. Did you know that up until about a hundred and fifty years ago some of the older families performed formal celebratory rituals in the nude about trees like this one?" Hermione asked looking over at Harry.

Harry looked up at the witch with a blush rising in his cheeks, "Um..." he replied, "must have slept through that part of Binns lecture. Though I have to say I'm not at all surprised I am guessing that a lot of things have changed in wizarding society and I always wondered whether the muggle myths about witches cavorting naked in fields had any truth to it!"

Somehow and if Harry was honest with himself this conversation had wound from one topic to another when somehow it ended up with personal relationships being discussed between the pair.

"So Harry... what's up with you and Ginny these days?"

"Nothing... nothing at all... as much as Gin would like otherwise I have come to realize that the feelings I have for her are just not as strong as she would like them to be. She is nice and she is cute as hell and honestly if I wanted to I could have shagged her... but I couldn't do that to her knowing I don't love her! Besides she doesn't love me, she loves who she thinks I am... who the public thinks I am... she loves the boy-who-lived."

"What about you Mione? How is your love life." Harry asked not really expecting an answer.

Hermione huffed in annoyance, "Love life... that's rich. Oh I know Ron means well and I know he loves me. And honestly he is trying to be more sensitive... he is definitely thinking before he speaks more often which is a good thing."

"But... "Continued Hermione pausing with a thoughtful look on her face. "He just isn't the man I need. The man I need is one that will take control of me. A man that will be strong and force me to put my books down and have a life. I need someone who will look out for me and love me the way I want to be loved."

Harry looked at Hermione thoughtfully. This was a side of her that he never knew existed and he was intrigued by it."So how do you want to be loved Mione?"

She sighed and laid her head back against the trunk of the tree her eyes fluttering closed for a moment the smile playing across her face making it obvious that she was seriously thinking about that question.

"Well its kinda complex" she replied, "this may sound odd to you becuse I'm so tightly in control when it comes to school and you have only seen me that way. What I want is for someone to control me. I want to be able to trust that person enough to give them my life, my body, my soul and too know that they will take me to places I will never go on my own. I want them to force me to do things that I would never do and I want them to have the confidence in me and in themselves to punish me when I fail to meet their expectations."

Hermione looked over at Harry with a passion in her eyes that he had never before seen and then made the most astounding statement Harry had ever heard pass her lips, "I want to be owned, to be a possession, to be a Slave. You know... all these years I have been working to free house elves yet within my own mind I have wanted nothing more than to be a slave myself, yet in telling you this I think I finally understand the elves. The only thing I want that they don't have is an out. I want to be a controlled more than you can imagine but in a strange way I would only be able to do it if I knew I had the ability to end it. To be controlled is one thing to be owned is a dream but I don't want to be abused."

Harry looked on with his mouth hanging open in surprise. To hear Hermione talk about it with such passion he knew it had to be true.

"Wow Mione that's deep and I have to say its really surprising but where is the line between being controlled and being abused. I can't help but think that it is a mighty thin line that is easily crossed unintentionally and once crossed it cant be uncrossed!"

"Love Harry... the line is all to do with love! If someone loves me enough to do this, if they love me enough to earn my trust, if they love me enough to earn my submission then they are incapable of crossing that line... Ok so I'll admit that may be an idealistic view of it but if a man came along that did those things for me with love in his heart, well I don't think he would be crossing that line. The thing is though if there was someone in my life that were to own me I would want him to dance along that line... without that I would think he wasn't trying hard enough and I think you know me well enough to know that I need someone that's not going to just go through the motions."

After that the pair sat under the tree shoulders touching for the rest of the afternoon both of them thinking about the conversation. Occasionally Harry would ask a question or Hermione would voice a thought but for the most part they sat sharing the company and thinking about life.

~*~

Harry was bought out of his thoughts as Hermione entered the Heads Compartment walking over she sat next to Harry at the head of the large table and smiled at him.

"Are you ready for the prefects Mr. Head Boy?" She asked him with a tease in her voice.

"Yes I think I am Mrs. Head Girl!"

"Good cause there on their way now. When they all arrive ill give them the speech I have prepared and their patrol assignments, and then we can answer any questions they may have and send them on their way."

Harry was about to say something but decided to just watch. Shaking his head with a slight smirk his attention was drawn away from his thoughts when the door opened and two red headed teens came in.

"Hi Harry. " said both teens together.

Ron looked over at Harry and Hermione as he threw himself into a chair, "Mate you must have been here early we didn't see you on the platform at all when we arrived. Mum was scared you had missed the train..."

Ron looked over at Hermione with a worried look on his face.

"Umm Hermione I want to say something and it will probably not come out quite right but can you please try not to get angry with me or interrupt me till I manage to finish?" Ron asked.

Hermione looked sharply at Ron then at Ginny who nodded almost imperceptibly. She was a little worried about what he had to say it was never a good sign when people asked you not to get angry about what they were about to say. It usually meant that they knew what they had to say was going to make you angry. In Ron's case though well he was trying to change and she appreciated that so for that reason she would do her best.

"Ok Ron I'm listening... I can't say I won't get angry but I will wait till you finish."

Ron took a deep breath he knew this wasn't going to be easy but it had to be said, "Hermione... I love you; I have loved you for a while now. I know I haven't been able to show it and I know I have been a right prat more than occasionally. I have been thinking over the last month and I have decided that I don't think my love is enough. Too often I have said something that has made you cry and in my thinking I realize that I hate myself for that and I know I hate that I have to say this to you but you likely already know this. I have been talking to Luna and she has helped me to see that we will never work as a couple but I want you to know I love you and I don't think that will change but as Luna has told me loving someone is doing the best you can for them even if it hurts you. I would rather you be happy with someone else than be unhappy and be with me!"

Tears were welling up in Ron's eyes as Hermione jumped out of her seat and prtically flew around the table launching herself into Ron's arms as her own tears came.

"see I have gone and made you cry again" Murmured Ron only barely loud enough for the rest to hear.

"Oh Ron... I'm not angry with you or upset with you. Knowing that you love me enough to say these things means the world to me. I came to the realization that we wouldn't work last year but I didn't know how to tell you. I love you too but I am not in love with you. I'm sorry that I don't love you that way but I can't change who I am for you and I don't think you would love me if I did."

Harry looked over at Ginny and smiled a sad smile nodding at Ron and Hermione he then looked back to Ginny to see her shoulders slump in defeat.

"We have the same problem don't we Harry" Ginny asked in a resigned tone.

Harry opened his mouth to say something then simply closed it and nodded to her his own eyes getting wet with tears.

"We can be friends though... right?" Ginny asked hopefully.

"Always Gin, always" Harry answered forcing a smile.

The mood was broken as the other prefects seemingly knowing that the conversation was done with arrived wandering into the compartment in ones and twos chatting with friends and housemates.

Harry zoned out at that point and the rest of the trip back to school was a blur of seemingly unimportant and unconnected events as his mind struggled to deal with the new realities of life and just what they could mean for him.

~*~

The train pulled into the Hogsmead station with little fuss and the quiet towns' platform was suddenly awash with activity and noise as a few hundred teenagers clambered off the train and started to try and organize themselves. Harry lost himself in walking up and down the platform looking for the lost faces of frightened first year students and calmly directing them to the imposing figure of Hagrid who was standing at the head of the train bellowing for the first years to assemble with him. Slowly order came from chaos as the head students and the 7th year prefects got all the first years to Hagrid and then got the rest of the students into the Thestral carriages for their own trip up to the castle.

With a smile Harry looked about and saw that everything was done before heading to the last carriage. Climbing up he sat next to Hermione and then noticed that Luna had joined them and was resting her head on Ron's shoulder.

"So Ron... is there something else you need to tell us mate?" Harry asked with a smirk as he watched his mate's cheeks turn a bit red and Luna smile on his shoulder.

"No Harry..." Luna replied, "Ronald doesn't have anything else to tell you... yet! But I'll be working on it and I'm sure he will let you know when there is."

Hermione and Harry looked at each other and smiled each of them realizing that Luna was going to be by Ron's side weather he knew it or not.

Arriving at the castle the 4 friends walked into the great hall and stopped to look about. The sight of the hall never ceased to amaze Harry or Hermione. with a shake of his Harry's head the trio broke away from Luna and headed for the Gryffindor table while the blond Ravenclaw moved to join her housemates.

To Harry the sorting and the rest of the welcome feast was a blur of motion, a sea of swirling color that for the first time in seven years held little interest for him. He didn't notice the funny looks he was getting from Hermione and Ron who both chalked it up to Harry thinking about the conversation on the train with Ginny.

In time the feast was over, the Gryffindor students were in their tower and Harry and Hermione had retreated into the heads suite for the night. Harry was sat on a couch still thinking his own thoughts when the couch moved and a voice startled him.

"Ok Harry what's wrong... You have been off in your own world since we got on the train and you barely said ten words at dinner. I'm here for you if you want to talk about it... you know that right?"

Harry looked over to see Hermione looking worriedly at him and smiled at her, "I'm fine Mione... I have just been thinking about a bunch of stuff from the summer. I know your there for me to talk to and I really do appreciate that but I think I almost have it worked out. But I'll let you know if I need help!"

Standing Harry bent over and kissed Hermione on the forehead saying "I'm heading to bed I'll see you in the morning."

Hermione watched him head to his room and wondered what that was all about. Harry was sometimes quiet but when asked about it he either got angry or he talked about it. What happened tonight was new and frankly, new was disconcerting.

~*~
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