FicWad

I sat up in bed and watched as Gee grabbed his pack of cigarettes. He lit one and continued to listen to Ray. Try as I might just hearing this one side of the conversation wasn’t making much sense. All I did know was that Ray was very upset and Gerard was trying to calm him down. I decided to use the restroom and grab a glass of water in order to give Gee a bit of privacy. When the conversation ended I hoped he would clue me in to what had happened.
Ten minutes later I reentered the bedroom and saw that Gee was sitting up in bed leaning against the headboard. A freshly lit cigarette was in his hand and the look on his face scared me.
“What happened?” I asked walking over to the bed and climbing back in.
“They arrived at the venue and Ray said he decided to go out with Bob to grab a quick beer. Christa stayed back at the bus. He said that when they got back Bob went in but he decided to take a short walk outside to smoke.” He paused and I waited. “He said he saw Merri.”
“What?”
Gerard nodded, “He told me he saw her walk out of the shadows a short distance from were the buses are parked.”
“Oh, shit.” I whispered. “What did he do?”
“Fuck, he’s so messed up right now. He’s trying to convince himself he drank too much but I can hear it in his voice. He doesn’t believe it. He knows what he saw.”
“But what did he do when he saw her?” I asked again.
“He said he was just so fucking shocked he didn’t know what to do. He kept going on about how beautiful she looked standing under the street light. Then she turned and walked away. He said he wanted to call out to her but he couldn’t speak. He said he was so fucking shocked but then he came out of it and started to go after her when Christa came around the corner of the bus and he stopped.”
“Wait, what was Christa doing and did she see her?” I was trying to picture what had happened in my mind.
“Christa had gone outside for a walk to get some fresh air. Ray said he knew by the way she was acting she hadn’t seen anything.”
“Did he tell her?”
Gee shook his head, “No and he doesn’t want her to know. He begged me not to say anything to her and for me to ask you not to say anything either.”
“He knew you’d tell me.” I guessed.
Again he nodded, “Yeah and he said he was okay with that."
"He shouldn't keep things from Christa. In the end it will backfire on him." I said sadly.
Gee nodded, "I agree but right now he's just so fucked up. I'm sure he realizes that if he told Christa it would end up sounding really bad. Shit, he kept going on about how beautiful Merri looked. That's not something Christa should hear."
That was very true. This whole situation was already hard enough on Christa. Since she had admitted to me was glad Merri was dead hearing Ray go on and on about her would be terrible. I leaned back against the headboard and remained silent waiting for Gee to speak.
"How terrible is it that I'm sorta happy he saw her?" Gee whispered in despair.
"Honey I understand. Part of you is happy he has seen what you've seen. Now he can't continue to think you imagined it."
"But it has fucked him up and I hate that." Gerard said before taking a deep drag of his cigarette. I noticed that his hands were shaking.
"What did you tell Ray?"
"Fuck I didn't know what to say other than he needed to calm down and get control of his emotions. He really has to if he doesn’t want to upset Christa."
"She'll know something is wrong." I predicted.
He sighed, "Yeah, I'm sure she will." He turned to look at me. "What the fuck is going on? Who is doing this to us?"
"Whoever it is has decided to escalate the game. At first just fucking with you was enough but now they’ve added Ray.”
“A game?” He snuffed out his cigarette and sat up.
I nodded, “Yeah, this is like a game. Think about all the things that have happened. It’s like a game of cat and mouse.” I added thinking out loud. “Only I wonder how many players there really are.”
“Laura, what are you thinking?”
“I’m just wondering how many people are really involved in this.” I sighed feeling a headache coming on. “There are just so many unanswered questions.”
He got off the bed and walked across the room to the window. Parting the curtains he looked out into the darkness, “This is all my fault.” He said so quietly I almost didn’t hear him.
Quickly I got off the bed and went to him. I stood behind him and enclosed him in a tight hug. “It’s okay, Baby.” I murmured.
“But it’s not really and I don’t think it ever will be.” He said quietly.
My mind was so full of unanswered questions I was having trouble catching one thought and holding on. For some reason I suddenly thought back to earlier tonight and asked. “Why did Carrie call you?”
His shoulders slumped and I felt bad about bringing up that topic again. “She called to tell me about the medical examiners final report on Troy’s death.”
“What was the cause of death?”
“It was a drug overdose but there were traces of a toxin.”
I was confused. “What?”
“The cocaine he ingested was laced with a poison.” He said flatly.
“He was poisoned?”
Gerard nodded, “Yeah.”
I was shocked, “Someone murdered him?”
He pulled out of my embrace and walked back over to the bed where he took a seat. “No one knows where he got the stuff. Carrie said she thought he’d given up the shit. He could have scored from a whole bunch of different sources. Fuck, she said the police aren’t even acting like they’re gonna investigate it as a murder. Troy had no family so no one will push the issue. His death will be ruled an overdose.”
As much as I’d hated the man I truly felt sorry his life had ended that way. “I’m sorry.” I whispered taking a seat on the bed.
Gerard leaned down and put his head in his hands. “I just want to shut my brain off and forget all of this.”
I gently rubbed his back, “Get into bed. I want to hold you.”
He looked up and the look in his eyes broke my heart. He looked so lost and afraid. Once we were back in bed I moved over and put my arms around him. He laid his head on my chest as I stroked his hair. “It will all be okay, Baby.” I whispered. I wished with all my heart I could say or do something to talk away his pain.

When we pulled up next to the bus Ray appeared immediately. As soon as Gee got out of the car he told him they needed to talk.
“Where’s Christa?” I asked momentarily distracting Ray.
He looked over at me. “She’s on the bus. Will you go talk to her? Keep her occupied for a while?” He looked so upset I wanted to hug him.
“Sure, no problem.” I said understanding the situation.
I found Christa sitting on one of the sofas in the front of the bus. She looked up when I entered. “Hey, Laura.”
“What’s up?” I said trying to sound as if nothing unusual was happening.
She sighed, “I’m just sitting here wondering what’s wrong with Ray.”
God, I was tired of acting. “Why do you think something is wrong?”
Her smile was sad. “Laura, I can tell the same way you can tell when something is wrong with Gee.”
I sat down next to her. “Hey, our guys are full of drama. Why don’t we go for a walk? The weather is beautiful and I really don’t want to hang on this bus.”
She shrugged. “Sure, why not?”
Once we were out in the sunshine she seemed to perk up a bit. “Ray asked me to marry him.” She said suddenly.
I stopped and gave her a shocked look. “That’s wonderful. When did this happen?”
“Last night.” She offered no more info and I wondered why she didn’t seem all that happy.
“Well what did you say?”
She started walking again and I had to hurry to catch up. “I didn’t give him an answer.”
Okay now I was very confused. “But you love him.”
She nodded, “Yeah, I love him.”
I put out my hand and grabbed her arm stopping her. “What is going on?”
When she looked at me she has tears in her eyes. “What if he’s just marrying me because of this whole mess?”
Her words confused me. “What? I don’t understand.”
“Last night when he asked me to marry him I knew he was upset about something. I kept asking him what was wrong but he wouldn’t say. Then all of a sudden he asked me to marry him.”
I still wasn’t following, “Christa, I don’t get it.”
She wiped away a stray tear, “I’m sure whatever is wrong has to do with Merri. If this all comes out about her death and Ray’s part in it if he and I are married I wouldn’t have to testily against him.”
“Oh shit. You think he wants to marry you to protect his own ass? Christa, that’s crazy. The guy loves you. He didn’t have to tell you about any of this shit. He trusted you because he loves you.” I took her hands in mine. “He wants to marry you because he loves you. There is no other reason.”
She looked at me and I could see how she was struggling to believe my words. “I love him so much.” She whispered. “But I’m not sure he loves me as much as he loved her. I don’t think I’ll ever be sure of that.”
I hugged her. “He loves you and he needs you. Just like Gee loves and needs me. Don’t doubt. If you love him then be with him. Be his wife.”

I didn’t see Gee again until right before the concert. Alicia, Christa and I spent the afternoon pigging out on popcorn and watching a movie. Actually I’d fallen asleep during the movie but my friends had understood. Pregnancy was making me tried much more than normal. I had also talked a bit to Jenny and Donna on the phone. Both had complained about the dreary wet weather. It was hard not to gloat about the beautiful warm weather I was enjoying. After I awoke from my nap Alicia and I walked over to the venue. Christa said she’d catch up with us in a few minutes. As soon as I walked in Gee grabbed me and pulled me in for a tight hug.
“How’s Ray?” I asked softly.
“Still freaked about the whole thing.” He answered sadly.
“Did he tell you he asked Christa to marry him?”
Gerard gave me a shocked look. “No, he didn’t tell me that. When did he ask her?”
I sighed, “Last night.”
He thought a moment before asking, “Hey, that’s good, isn’t it?”
He was concerned about the timing knowing how upset Ray had been after seeing Merri.
“I think it is but Christa knows something is wrong.”
“Did she agree?”
“She hasn’t given him an answer yet. She loves him but she’s worried that he doesn’t love her the same way.”
“Shit, she’s wrong. He does love her and he needs her.”
“That sound just about like what I told her. Still, she’s unsure.”
The guys were called together so that they could get ready to go on stage. Alicia and I took our seats on the side stage. Just when I’d gotten comfortable my cell vibrated in my pocket. Alicia looked over at me. “Important?’ She asked watching me check the caller ID.
“It’s Donna. I better take it.” I stood and walked towards the back stage area as I answered.
“Laura, can you talk a minute?” My mother-in-law asked. Something in her voice sounded wrong. I wondered what had happened since I had just talked to her a few hours earlier.
“Sure. What’s up?”
“I just got a call from Helen. She told me that a woman visited her today who was asking questions about Merri.”
I smiled at Worm who was following me. The guy was really good at keeping me in his sights. “I don’t understand. What kind of questions?”
“Evidently the woman told Helen that she was a friend of Merri’s and was trying to get in touch with her.”
My mind started to race. “Did Helen say who the woman was?”
“She told Helen her name was Carolyn and that she was an old friend of Merri’s.”
“Carolyn?”
I head Donna sigh, “Yes, she also told Helen that she was friends with Gerard.”
“Did Helen describe the woman?” I asked holding my breath waiting for an answer.
“Tall, thin, blond.”
“Carrie Long.” I guessed.
“I thought the same thing.” Donna admitted, “ but it can’t be. I’m pretty sure Merri had already disappeared before Gee ever brought Carrie around. I don’t see how they could have known each other let alone be friends.”
Shit, the thoughts that were filling my head weren’t good. Carrie was trying to figure out the connection between Gee and Merri. She had tried to pump Helen for information. “What did Helen say to her?”
“She told the woman that Merri had left town years ago and that she wasn’t able to get a hold of her.”
“So why was Gee’s name brought into this?”
Again Donna sighed. “Helen said this Carolyn woman told her that she used to hang out with Merri and Gee when they were dating.”
“Fuck.” I said without thinking.
“Laura, did my son date Merri? Were they seeing each other?”
Oh shit. Oh shit. What should I say? I tried to ignore the question. “Donna I’m sorry Helen is upset. She hasn’t heard from Merri again?” God, I hated lying like this.
“No and she’s really growing frantic about it. God, just think how this is for her. Merri disappeared years ago and Helen had just begun to accept she would never see her again when suddenly Merri contacted her. She promised to come home and see her mom but still hasn’t.”
“That must he so hard for Helen.” I said sadly. I felt tears threaten my eyes knowing that Helen would never see her child again. Knowing that her child was dead. Suddenly pure hatred for whoever was doing this filled me. I tried to calm down and keep my thoughts straight.
“Helen really wants to talk to Gee.”
“As soon as we get back I promise Gee and I will go visit with Helen.” I said tiredly.
“Laura you never answered my question. Was Gerard seeing Merri when she disappeared?”
“No.” I said forcing the word from my mouth. To be honest he wasn’t really seeing her then. Their relationship had happened before that time.
Donna sighed, “I’m sorry that I had to ask you this. I’m just so upset seeing how badly this is tearing up Helen. I just wish Merri would come back and talk to her mom. Maybe then this whole thing could be settled.”
Worm walked over and handed me a glass of water. I realized how upset I must look and he was trying to help me. I smiled slightly as I took the glass from him. My hands shook. I was so fucking tired of lying.
“Donna the concert is starting and I need to go.” I just couldn’t talk about this anymore.
She told me she understood and after I promised to call her back tomorrow we said out goodbyes. I disconnected and stood sipping my water and trying to gather my thoughts. If the woman who had visited Helen was Carrie what the hell was she up to?
The roar of the crowd pulled me back to the present. On shaky legs I started to head back to the side stage. As I rounded a corner I saw Christa standing in the shadows alone. I went to her quickly noticing she was obviously upset.
“What’s wrong?” I asked leaning close so she could hear me over the music.
She didn’t answerer instead she held out a plain white envelope bearing Ray’s name. My heart sank as I recognized the handwriting.
“Where did you get this?” I asked.
She had to shout to be heard. “One of the roadies said a woman gave it to him and begged him to bring it back stage. He gave it to me thinking I’d pass it on to Ray.”
“Will you?”
Tears filled her eyes. “I don’t know what to do anymore. Tell me what to do.” She begged.