FicWad

Disclaimer: Don't own the characters, don't own the basic plot and quotes you recognise from Californication.

WARNINGS: This story is based on the television series "Californication", if you didn't like it or were offended by it, please do not read. I have changed a lot of the plot to suit my own wicked ways but it still includes a lot of swearing, alcohol and drug use, sex in every shape and form and some volgarity. Please do not read if this offends.

Chapter Sixteen - How'd the fuck I get here?

Mikey left, he had to. After a few hours of watching Sponge Bob and drinking beer, neither of them could ignore the constant phone calls from a still rather concerned Gerard. Mikey's mobile rang out in half hour intervals until they could both take it no longer.

"Look Frank, I should probably go and see my brother before he comes to hunt me down himself," Mikey explained, waving his phone around as 'Gee Calling' flashed across his screen.

"Yeah, good idea," Frank said far too eagerly.

Truth was, the more the two of them sat there in silence, the more Frank ran millions of depressing thoughts around in his head. The beer wasn't helping, what he needed was to get out of his fucking house and distract himself with loud music and large crowds.

"You'll be alright here?" Mikey asked cautiously as he collected up his car keys and made to stand.

"Of course I will Mikes," Frank practically laughed, rolling his eyes as though it was obvious.

Mikey just inspected him with a sigh before getting to his feet and hesitating a moment longer.

"You sure? You're not just going to sit here watching cartoons all day are you?"

"Not that it's any of your business," he stated jokingly. "But no, I'm not. I've got to go and get my car from the bar."

"Want me to drop you?" Mikey offered, but Frank just shook his head.

"Na, it's all good. Might get Adam to drop me there."

Frank doubted Mikey even knew the names of his new band members, but he seemed satisfied that he at least had a plan of attack for the rest of his day. Saying one last goodbye, Mikey left with the promise of returning the next day to check up on him. Frank protested, but Mikey insisted. He wasn't in the mood to argue the matter further.

With nothing left to do now that he had no company, Frank decided it was best that he followed through on what he planned to do that day. After all, he couldn't sit around thinking of Gerard any longer. It was fucking killing him.

Picking up his mobile from the kitchen bench and grabbing another beer from the fridge, he dialed Adam's number.

"Hey Franklin, what's the hap?" Adams overly cheery voice sung out from the mobiles speaker.

"How'd you pull up after last night?" Frank asked, remembering how drunk his friend had been.

"Terrible. Woke up with the mother, grand mother and great grandmother of all fucking hangovers. What about you? You just fucking took off," Adam explained and Frank distinctly heard him drinking something on the other end.

He had a sneaking suspicion that Adam had already started drinking again as well. Out of everyone in 'Pledge', Frank and Adam really did have a lot in common, that was probably why they had become fast friends.

"Yeah, got a call from a friend ... had to take off," he lied, not even planning to explain himself to the band at all. They didn't need to know about his night.

"Fair enough. You getting ready for tonight?" Adam suddenly asked, startling Frank slightly. Sure, he had been ringing Adam to see what he was doing, but what did he mean by his last question? Had they already made plans?

"Tonight?" he asked, forcing his weary brain to try and remember any important conversations he had had under the influence the night before.

"Yeah ... we've got a gig. You don't remember do you?"

Adam laughed as Frank just said a quiet, "No."

"Don't worry; neither did I. Kennedy just rang to remind me a few minutes ago, he'll probably call you soon to. You'll make it wont you?" Adam already sounded slightly drunk and Frank felt like asking him the exact same question.

"Hell yeah I'll make it." A gig was just what he needed to distract himself. "Where's it on at? I seriously don't remember us discussing a show at all."

"Yeah neither, but apparently we all did. Anyway, it's on at The Prince hotel."

"The fancy place?"

Frank was shocked. The Prince was a very expensive and exclusive hotel. They had live bands perform every weekend. If they were going to play there on a Friday night then it was a pretty big honor. Frank pushed his beer aside; he didn't want to be wasted for such an important show.

"That's the one. Lindsey even got us two hotel rooms so that we can stay there. Turns out we're actually making her some money after all," Adam further explained causing Frank to flinch at the mention of the women that was single handedly causing him so much pain.

"Sounds great," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Yes, he wanted to play and a hotel room was great because it meant he could get completely smashed and not have to worry about getting home. But the fact that Lindsey had organised it all for them made him feel slightly ill. "What time is it kicking off?"

"We take the stage at nine and play for like an hour or so. But dude, you have to come earlier with me. I've never been drunk in such a fancy place before, I want to make it a memorable night."

Frank had to laugh at that. If Adam was going to get as drunk as he had the night before at the bar then he was positive it would be a memorable night. He could just imagine the fancy hotel having a rude awakening when its talent for the night started picking fights with people over slot machines and black jack.

"You know you can count on me for that," Frank said. The sooner he got away from home and in the company of someone, who was oblivious to his current problems, the sooner he could get Gerard far from his mind. "One problem though. My car is still at the bar, any chance you can pick me up?"

"Hell yeah!" Adam exclaimed, his voice dripping with excitement. "I'll be around in an hour so you better have your ass ready by the time I get there."

With that he and Adam parted ways and Frank was left, once again, with an extremely quiet house. Instantly thoughts rushed back into his head. He shouldn't be going out to get smashed again, he should stay at home and write some lyrics, figure his life out, try and meet someone new.

Problem was, Frank didn't want to meet someone new, he didn't want to figure his life out now that the most important people in it would be missing and he certainly didn't want to write lyrics because he knew that all they would be about was self-loathing and pain.

"Fucking hell," he moaned, reaching out for his discarded beer.

Who was he trying to kid? He couldn't come to terms with all of this yet. He didn't want to come to terms with it; he wanted to continue living in that little imaginary world inside his head. The world where he was slowly winning and that any day now Gerard would simply turn around and say "My god Frank, I've been such a fool. I love you, always have. What was I thinking marrying Lindsey? I want to marry you!"

Finally Frank managed to scurry over to his CD player and desperately fumble with the buttons until 'Morrissey' started blaring out of his speakers. He couldn't trust himself to think anymore, it was getting him nowhere.

Finishing the last few drops of his beer, he picked himself up off the floor and away from the speakers that were single handedly blowing away every thought in his head with their intense sound.

He had to get ready to go out. After all, there was nothing else for it. If he couldn't have Gerard, then this was his life until he could figure something else out. Playing with the band and drinking away his problems.

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Gerard sipped at his coffee in quite agitation at his brother’s stubbornness.

"So did you go to Frank's place or not?" he asked, tired of Mikey changing the subject on him all the time.

He had called Mikey to see where he was and when he didn't receive an answer after the third try, he seriously considered giving up. All he wanted to know was what happened to Frank, was that so wrong?

It didn't matter that they weren't together, Gerard still cared about him, he was certain he had made that painfully clear last time. He was marrying Lindsey, yes, but that didn't stop his heart from longing for something that he once had but no longer could. His wife to be and his ex-boyfriend were always going to be battling for the top place in his heart; he was just fucked up like that.

So naturally, he wanted to know what the hell had happened to Frank. The guy had cried for fucks sake! Gerard could barely even remember the last time he had ever seen Frank cry like that. He was certain that it was never. Sure, he had seen him upset before, but never like that, the guy was broken.

Naturally, he felt entirely to blame, but the fact that they had fought and Frank was extremely wasted and therefore emotional, was not enough. Instinct told Gerard that Frank had wanted to talk to him, that was clearly the reason he had stumbled up to his doorstep and broken down. Gerard didn't regret following him home or staying the night there, not when Frank needed him so much.

However, he did regret it when Frank woke up and started acting like an ungrateful fuck! Gerard couldn't help him if he didn't know what was wrong. And fuck, he wanted to help him!

"I don't think they put an extra shot in this coffee," Mikey said, lifting off his take-away lid and sniffing the drink cautiously.

"For fucks sake Mikey! Just answer the fucking question!" Gerard snapped, louder then he had intended to. He was just so sick of Mikey's procrastination.

"Yes I went there! God, now everyone's staring," Mikey whined, putting the lid back on his coffee.

It probably wasn't best that they met up in a public place, but when Gerard and Jack had gone home that morning, he had been met by a slightly unpleasant surprise. Lindsey was back from her trip earlier then expected. Sure, he missed her company, but he was more concerned with Frank then the small ramblings about her trip she wanted to share with him.

So when Mikey had finally showed up at his door after all of his missed calls, Gerard merely grabbed his jacket and his keys, said a hurried and unexplained goodbye to Lindsey and pushed his brother out the door. He would rather every single person in the coffee shop overhear their conversation then Lindsey, she just wouldn't understand why he was making such a fuss over Frank's emotional breakdown.

When Mikey didn't proceed Gerard almost gave up. He was tired and he had fucking had enough of his brothers games.

"What? Why are you all shitty?" Mikey asked, causing Gerard to death-stare him in response.

"You're such a dumb-ass sometimes." He placed a thumb and forefinger at the top of his nose and shut his eyes tightly in annoyance. This was all giving him one big fat headache.

"Look, I don't think I should tell you, you'll just flip out and go marching off ready to give Frank a lecture - and let me tell you man, he doesn't need one! I'm positive he's learnt his lesson this time," Mikey explained, sighing loudly as he gave into his brother’s frustration.

Gerard moved his hand away from his face and leant forward in his chair eagerly. Now they were getting somewhere, Mikey was so close to telling him what he wanted to know, he just had to ask the right questions. Mikey was a terrible liar!

"What did he do? Sleep with some guys girlfriend? That why he got beaten up? Cause he told me it was over a game of pool, but that would make more sense," Gerard pushed, noticing how panicky Mikey looked now.

He couldn't wriggle his way out of this one. Gerard knew his brother to well and he knew the best way to trap him and have him accidentally giving away everything was to bombard him with questions.

"He didn't sleep with anyone's girlfriend! He told you the truth; he really did get beaten up over a game of pool. But from what I heard, he got in a few good punches himself," Mikey recounted, almost like one would a wrestling match on the T.V.

Gerard stared at his brother in irritation. He couldn't flaw him! He knew all of Mikey's ticks and tricks and he could tell that he wasn't lying. What the fuck? Maybe Frank really was just more out of it then Gerard thought. Perhaps he had only cried over their fight from earlier and the beating he got at the bar. Was he looking too much into this? Perhaps he was only going so overboard because he was looking for an excuse. What did he want to hear?

"So that's it? That's really all there is to it? Fuck ... guess he's gone soft," Gerard muttered, feeling slightly let down.

He seriously didn't know what he had expected? Did he want it to be worse then that? Or was he just looking for any excuse to think of Frank? Was all his worrying and concern just some pathetic excuse to dwell on and be around Frank more?

"Yep ... that's pretty much all there is to it. Guess he just must have been really fucking wasted," Mikey said, looking over Gerard's shoulder and then down at his coffee cup. Hastily he took a sip from it and casually leaned back in his chair as though thoroughly impressed with himself.

Caught out! He knew those signs.

"God you suck at lying!" Gerard practically shouted, pointing an accusing finger at his brother.

"It's because you're asking me too many questions! You know it confuses me!" Mikey quickly defended himself, realising his mistake. "Can't you just drop it Gee? Why do you want to know so bad?"

"Because no matter what Mikes, I still care about him! I just want to know what happened because he came to me for help and I practically pushed him away. I feel bad, alright? I feel like a fucking poor excuse for a human being because he came to me, drunk off his face, crying and desperately trying to talk to me and all I could do was mock him for getting fucked and getting into a fight just because we had an argument."

Gerard finished his speech and leant back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest in agitation. It was true, it was all true. He was a human-fucking-being, it was normal to be curious. Even if it was a bit late, he needed to know; perhaps he could make it up to Frank. Perhaps it wouldn't be serious at all and he could get over hating himself for pushing Frank away that night.

Mikey just sighed loudly as he lowered his head and, to Gerard's great surprise, slammed it down against the coffee table.

"What the fuck?" Gerard asked, staring at his brother in concern.

When Mikey resurfaced, his eyes were closed and he had a pained expression on his face. Gerard knew what it meant, Mikey was about to spill the beans, even though he had probably promised Frank he wouldn't.

"Some guy cornered him in the bathroom," Mikey said, each word apparently causing him some kind of pain.

"So?" Gerard pressed, waving his arms around in a 'so what' gesture.

"So ... they kind of - well, according to Frank they ... had sex," Mikey explained, lowering his voice and using his fingers to form quotations around the two words.

Gerard just continued to stare at his brother in annoyance. He wasn't making any sense!

"You're a bad liar and a bad story teller," Gerard said, shaking his head.

"Fine! Then forget it!" Mikey snapped, looking away from Gerard and glaring at the wall.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I just don't get it, Frank sleeps with people all the time. Mind you bit of a weird choice of location, I mean Frank was the kind of guy that would put toilet paper down on the seat in any public bathroom before he even considered sitting on it," Gerard reminisced, causing Mikey to nod his head and chuckle slightly at the same memory.

Gerard could still remember that one time when they were on Warped Tour and Frank had taken no less then half-an-hour to re-surface from the public toilets. When they had all teased him and asked why the hell it had taken him so long he had gone bright red and admitted his phobia of public toilets, in particular, the toilet seats. "You know how many people have had their asses on those things? I just fucking hate public toilets man ... they're so dirty!"

"Exactly, I think that all just added to the whole ordeal," Mikey said, finally stepping back into the story. "That and the fact that ... well, Frank said that he was kind of forced into it."

"As in he didn't want to screw the guy?" Gerard asked, making sure he understood.

"Exactly. I mean, I really don't think he wanted to at all. Apparently the guy kicked him around a bit afterwards as well ... but that's all I got, he didn't really want to talk much about it, we sort of just sat there in silence after that. Any time I tried to ask him more about it he just sort of shrugged it off," Mikey finished, sipping at his coffee a little nervously this time.

Gerard just sat there staring at his brother hoping to god he saw some signs that he was lying. He certainly hadn't been expecting that to be Frank's story. Yes, it sounded awful on it's own, but the memory of Frank crying and being so defensive about it that morning only made Gerard's shoulders sag and his blood practically run cold. It had clearly been quite a fucked up ordeal for the poor guy.

"Like I said, he doesn't need a lecture Gerard, so don't bug him on it anymore," Mikey quickly threw in when he noticed the look on Gerard's face.

Gerard just continued to stare at his coffee in silent anger. He liked to think that it was all directed at whatever fucking ass-hole had violated Frank in a fucking bathroom of all fucking places, but truth was, some of that anger was directed at Frank to.

After all, Gerard always warned him that shit like that happened to people who walked around like they were god's gift to men and women. Even when they were together, Frank would smile at anyone who passed by, just because he could. He wanted people to like him; he wanted everyone to love him, that was what Frank was like. And people did, but some people just took that the wrong way.

There was no reason for him to go marching off to some bar and getting so wasted that he couldn't even defend himself against some horny ass-hole who took Frank's outgoing personality to mean that he wanted it bad.

Then his anger changed again. This time, it was directed at himself. If he hadn't of fought with Frank, if he hadn't of told him to get out of his house, then he wouldn't have marched off and gotten so fucking drunk that he couldn't defend himself against some fucking moron who liked to assault people in bathrooms.

Fuck! He had even been a big enough dick head to tell Frank he wasn't allowed to see Jack anymore. What the hell did he expect him to do? Hadn't he also told Frank that he still loved him but could never, ever be with him again. All that in one sitting, how did he expect Frank to react?

"Gee ... what are you thinking bro?" Mikey asked, his voice snapping Gerard from his scattered thoughts.

"I don't fucking know ... it's all just so messed up," Gerard admitted with a sigh as he put his elbows on the table and rested his head in them.

What was he supposed to do with this knowledge? Apologize to Frank? Give Frank a lecture in getting drunk when out with people who didn't know him very well even though Mikey told him he didn't need a lecture? Hug Frank and tell him that everything will be alright despite the fact he will probably just push him away and state he doesn't need his pity?

It seemed that no matter what, the moment had passed.

"Is Frank still at home?" Gerard decided on asking. Perhaps he could go around there and just let their conversation and inevitable argument happen like it usually did.

"I think so, he was going to pick up his car, but other then that, I'd say he will probably take it easy," Mikey explained, shrugging his shoulders. "Want me to drop you there?"

Gerard thought long and hard for a moment. Should he go around there? Would Frank want him around there? Sure, he had been willing to talk to him the night before, but after their fight that morning; would he really still want him there? Perhaps he just wanted to be alone, it would be understandable if he did. What if Gerard couldn't help himself and gave him a lecture anyway simply because he should, if only to avoid Frank from being hurt like this again?

"I don't know ... what do you think?" He needed his brother; he knew Mikey would make the right decision.

"I think that, even though he won’t admit it, Frank really needs you right now. He seems a little lost, he actually even had me fucking worried and you know how relaxed I am," Mikey said, with a shrug of his shoulders.

That was enough for Gerard; he knew his place was with Frank. Who was he kidding, lecture or not, predictable fight aside, his place was with Frank. He couldn't just leave his best fucking friend at home to sit around in self-loathing. Besides, if he refused to leave there wouldn't be much Frank would be able to do about it. Gerard would force Frank to open up to him.

After all, apart of him knew that it was what he wanted to. He couldn't go home to Lindsey and Jack knowing that Frank was at home all on his own, wrestling with all of his demons. And Gerard knew, only because he knew him so well, that Frank would be blaming himself for everything that had happened. Gerard couldn't have that. He wasn't alone, he had to understand that.

"I'll take your silence as a yes," Mikey said, rolling his eyes at how his brother managed to so easily keep slipping off into his own little world. "Come on, I'll drop you there now. Just tell Linds you're visiting me or something."

That being decided, Gerard drank the last of his coffee and stood up, following his brother out of the shop. The worst part about doing anything in the middle of the city that time of day, even if it was just a cup of coffee, was finding a park. Mikey had had to pull up his car a good four blocks back. Gerard didn't mind the walk though, gave him time to have a smoke and think about what he was going to say to Frank.

"Fuck, it's only six o'clock and The Prince already has drunken lunatics hanging out the front," Mikey commented, dropping back a bit to walk by Gerard's side. He had a knack for being heckled by drunks.

Gerard just puffed on his cigarette as he stared at the grand hotel. It was such a classy spot, they had played their once when 'My Chemical Romance' was just starting out, it was a spectacular place and it had been a real honour to perform there, especially that early in their careers when they were just a bunch of homeless looking kids from New Jersey. It was a shame to see fowl-mouthed drunks already hanging out the front, all sucking on cigarettes. Gerard had to wonder though, did they look like that when they had played there all those years ago?

"Well I'll be," Mikey exclaimed, suddenly loosening up and stepping away from Gerard and the protection he must have felt whilst near him. "Speak of the fucking devil."

"Huh?" Gerard just looked up towards his brother in confusion, only to have him point towards the small group hanging outside The Prince.

Instantly Gerard felt himself groan and shake his head in annoyance. There was three guys he vaguely recognised as belonging to a band whose popularity was vastly growing. The fourth member Gerard knew all too fucking well.

There was no point going over to Frank's house anymore, it was clear he wasn't there. He was outside The Prince, smoking joints and drinking beer with his new band. Gerard felt livid. After all, if ever there was a time for a lecture, it was now. Frank was out drinking and getting high with the band again! Didn't he learn anything from the previous night?

"Hey Frank, aren't they your old band mates?" Gerard heard one of the band members say as they nudged Frank gently in the arm.

Instantly Frank looked up and his face broke into a drunken smile when he spotted Mikey and Gerard walking towards him. Immediately Gerard bit his tongue, Frank still looked awful. His face was still covered in cuts and bruises, one eye so swollen Gerard wondered how he could even see out of it. Guilt washed over him as he wondered what other injuries his clothes were concealing. How badly was he hurt? He didn't even ask him that morning, didn't even check to make sure nothing was broken! Should he even be out again? Wasn't it best he stayed in bed until he was better?

"Hey Frank, what you doing here?" Mikey asked, giving Gerard a look that clearly said to behave as he stepped up to his drunken friend.

"Got a gig in - um -" Frank grabbed a hold of his friends arm and squinted at the watch that was on his wrist as he swayed on the spot. "- er - three hours or so?"

He was drunk, they all were, Gerard seriously doubted that they would even make it onto the stage. Still, it amazed Gerard how strong the human body and mind could be sometimes. Even when he had been at his very drunkest and shot up on all sorts of prescribed and un-prescribed drugs, he had still managed to make it onto the stage every single show. Even if he did forget half the lyrics and spend most of it on his knees as his legs gave up on him.

"Right ... how you feeling?" Mikey questioned, flinching slightly as he looked Frank's face over much like Gerard still was.

"Never better!" he said as the rest of his band patted him on the shoulder or ruffled his hair in encouragement. It didn't go unnoticed that some of them had black eyes or split lips as well. It must have been some fight.

"Do you really think you should be getting wasted again?" Gerard finally snapped out, unable to help himself.

Truth was, he hated that Frank wasn't at home waiting for him to go over there and be with him. A part of Gerard almost felt needed again when he was following Mikey to his car, the prospect of comforting Frank not far from his mind. He should have known better because that just wasn't Frank Iero at all.

This was Frank, the stubborn moron standing right in front of him.

"Is it really any of your business?" Frank snapped, one of his band mates snickering by his side. Gerard just glared at them.

"You're still my friend Frank, you're still my business," Gerard said, shaking his head at how stubborn he was being.

"Well you know what," Frank began, stepping toward Gerard and placing his hands on his hips. "You can mark this as the day that I'm officially no longer any of your business."

"What?" Gerard had to ask, staring at Frank in confusion. Yes, he was drunk, but what he said still made some sort of sense and yet, Frank had never spoken to him like this before.

"I can't do it Gee," Frank admitted, the hint of sadness in his eyes as he just shrugged his shoulders. "I can't just be your friend anymore. I'm sorry, but I'm cutting you off."

Gerard just stood there staring at Frank, because he couldn't be fucking serious! This was Frank, the same guy who tried to make-out with him every chance he got, who looked out for him twenty-four seven just to show he still cared. The same Frank who flirted non-stop and who turned everything he could into some kind of sexual innuendo just to make sure that Gerard wasn't finally going to break and just give into him.

He knew Frank was drunk and yet he couldn't fault what he had said. Who was to say that Frank had officially had enough? Gerard had certainly played on his generosity long enough, why shouldn't Frank call it quits? Gerard had done nothing to keep the friendship going, at least nothing he could think of.

"Don't be stupid Frank, you're just drunk," Mikey said, stepping in when he realised Gerard wasn't going to.

Frank just stepped back to his new band and new friends. One of them was shaking his head as though clearly disagreeing with what Frank was doing; another was standing next to him and nodding his head as though completely on his side whilst the last one just stood there, beer in hand, watching on as though some fantastic T.V. drama was playing out before him.

"'m not drunk," he slurred, glaring at Mikey as though daring him to start on him as well.

"Are so," Gerard shot back, Mikey just clicked his tongue at them both in annoyance.

He knew he wasn't helping, but he hated what was happening. Deep down he knew that Frank couldn't just severe years and years of unfaltering friendship, but Gerard just felt guilty. He knew that Frank would wake up tomorrow and forget all about it, but Gerard wouldn't. He could not think of one single reason why Frank should still be his friend and that killed him. He was a bad fucking person.

"Whatever Gerard," Frank snapped, holding up one hand to silence him. "I'm done chasing you. When you want me, you know where to find me."

The guy standing closest to Frank raised his hand and Frank quickly high-fived it. That was it for Gerard, he had had enough. It wasn't fair that he was being ganged up on. Frank had all his buddies around for support and sure, Gerard had Mikey, but somehow he figured that even Mikey was finding some deep truth behind Frank's words.

"Night Mikey," Frank said, waving a hand dismissively at them, he didn't even acknowledge Gerard after that.

"Er - Frank ... you sure you don't want a lift home? Sleep it off, rest maybe?" Mikey tried one last time. Gerard almost laughed, Frank Iero rest? It wasn't possible.

"Told ya Mikey ... got a gig," Frank shot back, not even bothering to face Mikey as he spoke.

Each of them stomped out their cigarettes in turn as though they were part of some kind of gang before walking away and heading back into The Prince. One of them turned around and waved shyly saying, "er - nice to meet you Gerard," before disappearing with the rest of his band.

"I don't even know why I fucking bothered," Gerard said when Frank had disappeared back inside the hotel. Mikey just turned to him and frowned.

"Because you're a good person that cares," Mikey hastily snapped at him. "Come on Gee, you know he didn't mean any of that."

"Who cares, lets just go. I'm tired," he admitted, knowing that Frank's words were definitely going to keep him up all night.

To his great surprise Mikey just frowned as though deeply troubled before looking towards the entrance to The Prince anxiously.

"Gee ... Frank's pretty out of it." Mikey spoke quietly as he continued to stare at the hotel's entrance as though something was pulling him there. "I mean, he was really upset this morning - it was like he was asking me for help, to stop him doing this shit again - I dunno. But, we can't leave him Gee, what if he gets hurt again?"

All Gerard could do was stare at his brother in slight surprise. Sure, Mikey was a good kid and had a big heart, but this was Frank they were talking about. He always pulled this shit. They both knew he got hurt the night before, but that was one bad drunken night in a list of hundreds. And why was Mikey saying that Frank was asking for help? To stop him doing what shit? Drunken party shit? What was he missing?

"Franks a big boy Mikey, he can take care of himself. If he needed our help, he would have asked for it," Gerard said, knowing that if he asked his brother what Frank had said to him that morning that he wouldn't answer him.

Mikey just laughed. "Yeah right, we are talking about the same Frank here right?"

It was true; Gerard didn't even know why he had said it. If Frank needed help, he wouldn't ask for it, in fact this was exactly the sort of stunt he would pull if he did need help. He would go out and self destruct until someone finally took enough notice to make him stop. Mikey was right, but Gerard was to busy feeling sorry for himself at the fact that Frank was right and he didn't deserve his friendship to see it.

"So what do we do?" Gerard asked, finally giving in. After all, maybe this was exactly what he needed to prove to Frank that they were still friends. Despite their fights, despite him stating that their friendship was over, he would still stick around.

Plus, Frank was right to be worn out. He had always been there for Gerard, right in front of his fucking face! If Gerard wanted him, he knew where to look, Frank said it himself.

"I dunno Gee, you feel like going to a 'Pledge for the broken' gig? I hear they're pretty good," Mikey said with a smile.

Gerard just laughed lightly and nodded.

He wanted Frank, he wanted to help and he knew exactly where to find him.

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Frank played a great fucking show.

The best!

The beer he drank and the pot he had smoked restored all of the energy he had lost the night before. All of his anger and frustration merely fueled his performance and he jumped around the stage, spitting, kicking and rolling around on the ground just like old times. The crowd went wild. Frank even lunged for the microphone and startled Steven by screaming over and signing along with more then half the lyrics.

"You fucking rock Iero," Steven practically screamed at him when they were done, pulling him into a hug and ruffling up his hair.

When they left the stage the fans bought them drinks, took photos and begged for autographs. It was like 'My Chemical Romance' all over again. Deep down, Frank knew it wasn't the same, but he was drunk enough and stoned enough to stay with the illusion that it was just as good.

"You're a fucking god," Adam slurred as he slapped Frank playfully on the butt and turned to quickly pose for a photo that a young girl was trying to take whilst they were unawares. "Not fast enough for me."

Frank just giggled drunkenly as he clutched tightly onto his beer so that he wouldn't spill it. The night before hadn't gone as he had planned, but this night more then made up for it.

Still, there was this nagging feeling that told him he had been too harsh with Gerard. In no way did he think he was out of line, he had had enough and nobody had the right to blame him. Still, he knew he couldn't cut Gerard off, nor did he want to, and secretly he hoped to whoever the fuck would listen that Gerard didn't take what he said to heart.

What if Gerard just assumed Frank no longer cared and didn't speak to him again? What about Jack? They had far too many memories over the years to just sever ties like that.

But every word that Frank had said was justified and he was glad that he had said them. Even if they were a little harsh, they were called for and even though he was still dwelling on their latest argument slightly more then was healthy, he was still able to walk around chatting to fans with a smile on his face.

Unfortunately though, all good things did come to an end and eventually the crowd began to thin out and Frank was left sitting at the bar on his own, trying to convince the bartender that he wasn't that drunk just so he could get another vodka and coke.

"You do know you're room has a mini-bar full of alcohol in it don't you?" the bartender reasoned, desperately trying to not fall under Frank's charm, cave in and give him one last drink.

"Yeah but then I wouldn't have your fabulous company," Frank slurred, leaning over the counter drunkenly. Perhaps it was better if did just call it quits and go back to his room. After all, Lindsey was paying, he intended to drink and eat every single drinkable and edible item in his room.

"One more!" the bartender said, rolling his eyes at him but smiling nonetheless. Frank mentally high-fived himself, he was so good at charming people. "But if anyone asks, it's just coke, no vodka."

Frank glared at him suspiciously as the bartender merely laughed.

"Don't worry, I'll put vodka in it, but if anyone asks you're going to lie and tell them there's none in it. Got it?" he explained, preparing Frank's drink.

Watching him closely and noting that he did in fact put alcohol in his drink Frank simply smiled and nodded enthusiastically at him.

"Here. But it's your last one, I'm closing up," the bartender warned as he placed the tall glass in front of Frank.

"You're a good fucking man," Frank stated as he reached out and patted the man in front of him on the arm kindly.

It sucked sitting at a bar on his own, but he was so drunk it barely even bothered him. Not far from where he was sitting, in all directions, sat different members of his band, all enjoying themselves in their own way. Steven was sitting in between two women struggling to fend them off, no doubt thinking of the wife he had waiting for him at home. Frank admired him for not giving in to temptation; Adam and Kennedy were not so strong.

Neither of them had a wife or girl friend waiting for them at home, but that still didn't excuse the fact that both of them were forcefully making out with what could only be described as groupies. Frank had seen the two girls they were with at nearly ever single show. Kennedy was practically already on top of the young woman he was making out with whilst Adam was still upright but making a slightly more disturbing scene.

After all, like usual, Adam was just as drunk and stoned as Frank. Making out with people whilst you were drunk was fun for the people involved, but not for the others that had to watch. Adam was practically eating the girls face and Frank inwardly cringed. After all, he was sharing a room with Adam; he wasn't looking forward to heading back there just yet.

"Hey Frank, what say you finish that drink and call it quits?" Steven asked, taking a seat by Frank's side and startling him slightly. Moments ago Frank had seen him talking to the two girls in the corner of the foyer and now he was sitting right next to him, without the two cling ons. It was weird how time flied.

Frank wanted to protest, but he knew if he didn't take Stevens offer and allow him to help him to his bed, then he was never going to make it up the stairs and into his room. With that thought in mind he sculled the rest of his drink and slowly got down from the bar stool. He stumbled slightly but a laughing Steven just reached out an arm and steadied him.

"You're lucky you pretty much weigh fuck all," Steven stated as he carried Frank up two flights of stairs, down a long hall-way, through a door and finally dropped him on a lounge that he figured was in the room that he and Adam had called shot-gun on earlier. "You good here? You right to like get changed or whatever? You're not going to throw up are you?"

Frank just giggled as he nuzzled his head into the pillow Steven had strategically placed him on.

"All good Stevo ... go away," Frank said, waving his hand to signal he was fine on his own.

"Alright Frank, night," Steven called out as Frank heard him head for the door. Frank muttered a small thanks he wasn't sure was heard before letting his eyes close.

He had no idea how long he was asleep for but it felt like days, yet only seconds, as weird as that was. One minute he was just resting his eyes, promising to attack the mini-bar when he was more refreshed, the next his ears were assaulted by noise and he jolted awake.

"Hey Frankie buddy," Adam yelled at him from across the room. "Want some rum?"

Adam was crouched by the bar fridge, waving around a miniature bottle of rum. Frank's head was pounding, the beginnings of a killer hang-over no doubt, that was the problem with napping on a binge-drinking night. His stomach felt slightly off and he felt cold and clammy, just like he had that morning when he had woken up.

He looked around in disorientation, wondering whether that day had actually happened? Was it that night he had slept with that guy in the fucking filthy bathroom? Or was it actually the night before?

"You bet. Rum me!" Frank said, eager to drink away whatever brain cells he had left that were causing him to remember events he'd rather forget.

And then, Frank's already fragile mind was assaulted by another voice. This one far more high pitched. He even clasped at his ears in irritation and glared angrily at the doorway the voice was coming from.

"Adam!" a girls sung out from the bathroom. "You got any wine?"

"Er -" Adam stuck his head further into the fridge as Frank just tried to peer into the bathroom rather unsuccessfully. "Yep, got three small bottles and they're all yours babe!"

"Babe? Ew -" Frank said, turning up his nose. Adam just turned around and put a finger to his smiling lips, signaling for Frank to be quite.

Clearly he was trying to get laid. Frank just yawned and rubbed at his tired eyes as Adam approached him and handed him the small bottle of rum. He took a seat next to Frank and clashed his beer against his bottle roughly.

"Who's the chick?" Frank asked, in the best whisper he could muster in his drunken state.

"No idea ... but she's hot!" Adam stated, sloshing beer down his shirt as he waved it around.

"Oh careful there sexy, I think that shirt has got to come off now," the women in the bathroom stated as she finally appeared.

She was hot, but Frank had seen hotter. And that was saying something considering he had some serious beer goggles on. He figured he'd introduce himself, maybe help Adam remember her name.

"Er - I'm Frank," he said, watching the giggling girl closely as she sat down on the lounge in the middle of them. Frank wriggled away from her slightly.

"I'm Cassandra, nice to meet you," she greeted, sipping on her miniature bottle of wine as she looked Frank up and down.

Frank had no idea how long they had sat there for, all he knew was that the rum must have pushed him over whatever tiny edge between drunk and completely wasted that he had been sitting on. His head span, his body was warm and completely numb, he let his head fall back onto the lounge and his eyes closed for a moment of two before he drifted off again.

It was probably a bad idea getting drunk after the past rather emotional hours he had had. He dreamt, but only lightly. First he saw Gerard, he was yelling, telling him he deserved everything he got that he was a bad person, that Jess was only sixteen. Next Mikey was yelling at him, laughing when he told him what had happened to him in the bar stating that Frank had probably begged to be fucked by some random stranger, that that was what he would have wanted...

Then the image changed, he was in the bathroom again, looking at himself in the mirror. All he could see was the dirty toilets in the background, full of diseases and germs that his terrible immune system would be battling with for days to come. Then he looked back at himself as his face contorted in a confusing mixture of pain and pleasure as that dark haired guy from the pool table entered him from behind and nuzzled into his neck, biting down hard -

"Fucking - ow!" Frank shouted with a start as he jolted awake and moved away form the sudden pain at his neck. Immediately he was met by two laughing faces.

Adam was staring at him, laughing hysterically in his drunken state as the girl - what was her name again? Cathy? Cassandra? Cassandra, that was it. Why was she sitting so close? Why did his neck hurt? Did she fucking bite him?

"Dude, that was the best reaction ever!" Adam managed to get out between his laughter. Frank didn't find it very funny.

"Just relax," Cassandra said as she stopped laughing and moved in closer to Frank again.

Just relax? It was the bathroom all over again. Fuck, he couldn't do this. Images still rushed through his head. Mikey was right, he should have stayed at home in bed. He was far too old for all this shit now, he should have been settled and past all of this. It was all Gerard's fault.

Before Frank knew it, the girl that Adam had brought back to sleep with was in his lap, attacking his lips with hers, grinding her hips into his.

He was to drunk to really get hard, but it didn't stop his body from reacting to the feeling of pleasure. His heart was beating faster; his skin was already sweating in anticipation of what could possibly follow. Yet, his memory told him that he didn't know this person. Whilst his body longed for contact, his mind didn't want to have another name shoved into it.

Frank was officially done.

"'m gettin' ki'da 'leepy," he tried to get out as the girl continued to kiss him. Finally he just turned his head sideways causing her lips to slide off his immediately.

"Come on Frankie," she whined, her hands moving slowly down his body.

Adam was either passed out or apparently completely indifferent as his girl made out with Frank. Her hands continued to travel down Frank's torso, to his thighs and finally closing in on his crotch. They squirmed behind the waist line of his jeans and grabbed a hold of his rather pathetically in-active dick.

"Woah - no, no, no," he whined, the moment he felt the hands touch him.

He wasn't in a hotel room; he was back in the bathroom. Dirty, alone, drunk and, as much as he hated to admit it, scared. Where was Mikey and Gerard? He had seen them earlier that day, why couldn't he have gone home with them? Why did he have to be so stubborn? Why did he always turn them away, especially Gerard, every time he was ready to get close?

Why did he always have to be his own worst fucking enemy?

"What's wrong," the girl asked, pouting as Frank pulled her hands out of his pants and hastily rolled her off him. The contact wasn't helping, he didn't want this again. For the first time in a long time, he didn't want sex with just another fucking random person.

Once again, he was unsure if he had actually passed out or not. One minute he had been edging away from the chick who had been trying to make out with him, the next time his brain came back into reality, Frank was lying on the floor whilst a naked Cassandra and a pants less Adam had sex on the lounge that was now slightly higher then he was.

He was on the floor, a pillow under his head. He figured he had rolled off when they had started getting frisky again.

"Dude that's so fucking gross." Frank giggled as he turned over and away form the site that was going on his room. Watching others have sex was just awkward and fucking disgusting. How the hell did he always find himself in bad situations like these?

There was a perfectly good bed going to waste in the next room, but his legs refused to work for him and his brain wouldn't let him move without threatening to shut down again. So he covered his ears and desperately just tried to sleep.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So ... this wedding Gee, how's it coming along?" Mikey asked, sipping at his beer and yawning.

Once the loud music had ended and Frank and his friends has been whisked away to the bar by ecstatic and hyperactive fans, Gerard and Mikey had found themselves falling back into reality far too quickly to be allowed.

The loud, angry music had strangely soothed their bodies and cleared their minds. The moment it was over they remembered all of their problems in their slightly boring and mundane lives. It was a shame that somehow at sometime; the music always had to end.

"How does he do it?" Gerard had asked, staring at Mikey's beer for a few moments before shaking his head and looking away.

"Do what?" Mikey slid the beer out of Gerard's line of vision.

"Just, I dunno, let out all that energy?"

Mikey just shrugged as Gerard continued to stare at the table slightly mystified. It was amazing how Frank moving around on the stage with such energy managed to make him fell. He would never admit it to Mikey but he longed for that to be him singing on stage again. For that to be him that Frank was leaning into to scream into the microphone. For that to be him that Frank was pushing around and slamming his guitar against. As weird as it sounded.

Eventually the crowd began to thin out and whilst Gerard and Mikey were sitting miles away from the bar, he could still see Frank sitting there, ordering drunk after fucking drink. Part of Gerard wanted to be there with him, another wanted to run in there, pick him up and carry him the fuck home. He looked happy, but lonely.

As he just stared at Frank, thinking about the band, wishing that it had of been them performing tonight, he had completely forgotten that Mikey was even sitting there with him. Until he finally spoke up about the upcoming wedding, knocking any thoughts of Frank and the band so far out of his head that he was positive he would never find those wondrous thoughts again.

"Er - wedding is coming along ... good?" he said, more as a question then anything else. After all, what was the right word to use?

The last time he had married it was short and simple, no fancy clothes, no big crowds, no nothing. This time was something completely different, something so far out of his league that he felt smothered and almost confused at what the hell he was doing.

Gerard had no idea what he and Mikey continued to talk about, he was too busy thinking about the wedding, thinking about Frank, thinking about Jack, thinking about Frank, thinking about how much he fucking needed a beer, thinking about Frank.

"You think he'll be alright?" Mikey asked, once again breaking through Gerard's thoughts.

"What? Who?" he asked, staring at his brother in confusion.

"Frank," Mikey said, pointing off into the distance.

Gerard spun around and tried to find what Mikey was pointing at. He found it immediately. Frank was smiling and giggling, definitely drunk, wasted, so, so drunk. He was being carried up the stairs by the singer of his band. Gerard just looked on and relaxed slightly.

It was good to see Frank being taken care of, but part of him hated seeing Frank disappear from his site. Where was he going? Would he be alright? Would that guy make sure to put Frank on his side in case he was sick during the night? He was pretty drunk after all, mixing beer and vodka couldn't be good for him. Yes, he had been watching him all night.

"It's funny you know," Mikey said, causing Gerard to turn his attention, once again, back to his brother. "Frank's been the strong one all year. He's taken care of Jack when you needed him to, he's helped me when - well, when I was having a few problems -"

"What problems?" Gerard interrupted.

"Shut up Gee! It's personal!" Mikey protested, Gerard just rolled his eyes but let it go, he had a feeling it would have had something to do with Mikey being in hospital with a dislocated shoulder caused by being hand-cuffed to his wife. That had Frank written all over it.

"Anyway, I guess it just feels that he's been the strong one all the time and now it's our turn to make it all up to him. He needs our help Gee, this drunken, unresponsive Frank, can either last a few measly days or can go on for years until he eventually just burns himself out," Mikey continued to explain.

Gerard just watched his brother closely, taking in his every word. It was true, all of it, but how the fuck were they supposed to help Frank if he didn't want their help? He could be such a stubborn dick when he wanted to. Yet, Gerard didn't want Frank to burn out. He never, ever wanted Frank to burn out.

"So? What do we do to make this temporary?" Gerard asked, rolling his eyes at how into Mikey's insightful words he was getting. His brother was usually the straightforward one whilst he was the one to make up the deep sentiments. How their roles had changed lately.

"Hang on one sec," Mikey said, raising a hand to silence Gerard and getting up from the table.

To Gerard's great surprise, Mikey approached the lead guitarist of Frank's band. The one that had been busy, awkwardly making out with some fan or other for the past hour and a half. Mikey tapped the guy on the shoulder causing him to turn away from his girl and stare up at Mikey in drunken curiosity. They exchanged a few words; Mikey patted him on the shoulder, gave him a thumbs up and then finally made his way back towards the table.

"What was that about?" Gerard asked when Mikey sat back down at the table.

"Frank's in room 104," Mikey stated with a shrug of his shoulders as he finished the last of his beer. "Want another coffee?"

"Wait. Why did you get his room number?" Gerard just stared at Mikey in confusion; they couldn't just go in there and take Frank home, that didn't solve anything! Frank would still be as stubborn as ever and continue to fight them.

"To take Frank home," Mikey explained simply, saying out loud what Gerard feared. "But it may take a while, may as well let him sleep some of it off. So ... coffee?"

"Hold on Mikes," Gerard interrupted again, still not getting it. "Frank's not going to want to come home with us. He's got a night in a free hotel room with his band. It's like a fucking holiday!"

Mikey just sighed over dramatically, rolled his eyes and stared at Gerard quite smugly.

"Trust me Gee, in a few hours when those two head upstairs, Frank will be dying to leave with us. Now, answer me already, do you want another cappuccino or not? Because I'm up for one."

Gerard just nodded his head, still slightly confused, but deciding that if he accepted Mikey's offer for coffee, it would at least stop him interrupting his questions

Mikey disappeared to the bar, a smug swing in his hips. Gerard barely thought about anything but his brother’s weird behaviour the whole time he was gone. When Mikey got back and placed a coffee in front of Gerard before sitting down to sip at his own, curiosity finally nearly killed him.

"Mikey! What the fuck bro?"

"Gee! Just wait dude," Mikey shot back, shaking his head. "Trust me!"

Gerard waited impatiently for something that he didn't even completely understand. When he heard the last of the people leaving the bar and most of the couples left waiting around in the foyer disappear altogether, he had a feeling they were getting close to the moment Mikey had been referring to.

"You done?" Mikey asked, pointing to Gerard's coffee.

"Yes," Gerard said, still watching his brother closely.

"Good. Ready to go?"

Gerard nodded; he had been ready to go hours ago. Why did Mikey suddenly decide it was time now? And they still didn't have Frank; it had been a wasted evening. Yet, to Gerard's great surprise Mikey merely put his jacket on, pulled his car keys out and walked towards the staircase rather then the hotel's front doors.

"Um ... Mikes. Front door is this way," he said, pointing Mikey in the right direction.

"I know that Gee, but we got to get Frank. God, how many times do I have to say it?"

With that Gerard gave up on asking questions and followed Mikey up two flights of stairs, down a hall-way and to a door that had '104' on it. Frank's room. But were they seriously just going to barge on in there and take Frank home with them? Seemed a bit rude and intrusive, but apparently Mikey didn't mind as he merely put his hand on the handle and twisted.

What was in the room made Gerard stop and for a moment he thought that Mikey had betrayed him as a brother because he could have sworn that his heart almost broke in two. Sure, he knew that Frank had slept with many a man and a woman since they had broken up, but seeing it was something completely different.

To Gerard's great surprise, Mikey was smiling, almost laughing as the pair on the lounge continued to screw each other's brains out, apparently completely oblivious to the two guys standing there watching at the door.

"Mikey, what the fuck?" Gerard asked, feeling slightly hurt. What would make Mikey think that Gerard actually wanted to see Frank fucking some women?

To Gerard's complete and utter horror, Mikey merely grabbed Gerard’s arm and dragged him further into the room. He tried to pull away and protest, but Mikey was persistent. The moment he was so far into the room he felt slightly ill, he realised that the guy underneath the rather unpleasantly loud women on the lounge was oddly tattoo-less and far to large to be Frank.

It was then that Gerard also noticed a much smaller figure just lying on the hard and uncomfortable ground, crawled up into a ball and clearly trying to sleep whilst the rather noisy and ignorant couple continued to moan and grown on the lounge merely inches away from him.

"Go wake him up so we can get the fuck out of here," Mikey said, still giggling as he stared at the lounge in disgust.

On auto-pilot, Gerard bent lower to the sleeping figure and shook him until he groaned and slowly opened his eyes. His large brown eyes took a moment to focus but when they finally did they lit up in horror and Frank instantly raised his hands as though surrendering.

"I wasn't touching anyone of anything, not even myself," he slurred, causing the guy on the lounge to mumble something that sounded like "who's that Frank" before being smothered by the chick who was riding him enthusiastically.

Mikey just continued to laugh more loudly this time as Gerard somehow managed to drag Frank to his feet. His small body was like a dead weight in his arms, but eventually he started putting one foot in front of the other and attempted to walk. When they were outside, Mikey slammed the door shut and let out all the laughter that he had been holding in.

"Fucking hell! That was the single most disgusting thing I have ever seen. What the fuck Frank, how could you just sit there and listen to that?"

"I forgot how to walk," Frank stated simply with a giggle of his own.

Gerard just wondered how the fuck they could find what they had just walking in on funny as he tried to come to terms with the fact that it wasn't Frank having sex on the lounge. The poor guy merely had to sit there and try to sleep whilst it all went on around him. Still, it wasn't like Frank at all, lying on the floor like that, he had looked so small, so sad, so worn out, it bothered Gerard immensely.

"Fuck, he's heavy," Gerard complained as he stumbled slightly down the stairs, Frank clasping onto his neck and struggling to keep his eyes open. "Come on Frank, wake-up and walk man, you can sleep when you're in the car."

"I'm fucking tired," he slurred so harshly that it was barely audible. "Is past my bed time."

Gerard just rolled his eyes as Mikey watched on with a smile still on his face.

"Told you he'd be willing to come home with us," Mikey claimed proudly as he practically skipped out of the hotels doors.

"How'd you know?" Gerard asked, slightly jealous of his brother’s intuition.

"Honestly, I didn't really. I just figured that Frank would be to drunk to really care or hold a grudge. Either way, I was going to get him to come home with us, if only to prove a point. Still, it just felt wrong watching him sit at the bar on his own. I'm sure he'll be grateful in the morning when he wakes up in his own bed," Mikey stated with an air of superiority about him.

All Gerard could do was stare at his brother in amazement; he really was a smart guy, in a stupid, logical sort of way.

"So, where am I dropping you?" Mikey asked, watching Gerard closely.

It was then that Gerard almost froze on the very ground he was walking on. It was a good question. He hadn't even told Lindsey where he was, would she be waiting up for him? He couldn't take Frank back to their place and yet, he didn't want to leave him alone. It was wrong to even think it, but Frank felt so good in his arms. Warm, comfortable, familiar, he couldn't let him go tonight.

"Frank's place ... I-I think I'll just crash there tonight," Gerard said, lowering his gaze away from his brother, he didn't need a lecture.

"Okie dokie, makes it easier for me," Mikey said with a small shrug.

It was clear he didn't care what Gerard was doing, he just seemed far to happy and worked up about all the excitement they had had that night. Gerard simply helped Frank get into the car and climbed into the passenger seat, staring at his brother in quiet wonder as he hummed an unknown tune to himself as Frank groaned and told him to "shut the fuck up" from the back seat.

Gerard just stared at his brother incredulously, wondering how his day had turned out so differently then he had expected.

Mikey Way was an odd fucking kid.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"How'd the fuck I get here?" Frank said through a yawn as he stumbled into his own kitchen.

Sure, Frank may have been on his feet now and functioning as well as someone who had drank so much could, but that didn't stop Gerard from continuing to follow closely behind him, wincing and reaching out instinctively every time he drunkenly bumped up against something.

"Fuck Frank, you're going to be so bruised in the morning it'll be like you got into a fight all over again," Gerard commented as Frank bashed his hip against the kitchen bench, clasped at it, whined and then started giggling.

"What happened to the hotel?" he asked, suddenly looking around as though he had no idea where he was.

"Um ... we kinda kidnapped you and brought you back here instead," Gerard admitted, half expecting Frank to blow up at him.

To his great surprise, Frank merely giggled louder as he tugged at the collar of his shirt and scrunched up his facial features into that of discomfort.

“Good ... I’ve fuckin’ had enof Gee,” he muttered. Gerard was only just able to make out the words.

He sighed in relief that Frank hadn't yelled at him as to his great surprise, he began stumbling out of the kitchen and into the hallway with great speed. Gerard hastily filled up a discarded bottle in Frank’s sink with water before switching off the light and following Frank into his bedroom. The light was already on in there which meant Frank had managed to find the switch. He was walking around and managing to remember where things were, it was a good start.

“What are you doing?” Gerard asked as he walked into the room, placed the bottle of water on his bedside table and saw Frank tugging with one hand on the collar of his shirt whilst the other wrestled with one of the sleeves.

“Trying -”, he got his arm out of the sleeve, “- to -”, he abandoned the collar and tugged on the other sleeve until his other arm was free, “- get this -”, he used both hands to lift at the shirt and lift it upwards. It got stuck half way over his head and he tugged harder until it finally pulled off his head and he tumbled to the ground with the effort of it all. “- OFF” he finished breathlessly as he sat on the ground looking rather disorientated.

“Come on Frank, it’s time for bed,” Gerard stated simply, rolling his eyes as Frank lied flat on the ground, undid his pants and tried to wriggle out of them.

When they got stuck around his knees, Gerard bent down and grabbed a hold of the material at his ankles. With one tug, Frank’s pants went flying off with such unexpected ease that Gerard to fell straight onto his ass. Frank just sat up looking slightly worried about what the noise had been until he caught site of Gerard and started laughing.

It was his usual breathless, slightly high-pitched giggle and before Gerard knew it he was laughing to. Frank just sat there on the floor dressed only in his boxer shorts, laughing drunkenly at Gerard’s misfortune; the whole thing was slightly surreal.

“Alright Frank, stand up,” Gerard instructed when he finally managed to pick himself up off the floor. This was all ridiculously silly. He was tired; he just wanted to get Frank to bed so he could sleep in peace knowing that he was alright.

Frank merely moaned as though the whole thing was too much effort for him, shut his eyes and lowered himself back to the floor. Gerard sighed in annoyance. Frank was worse to put to bed then Jack. He could be such a fucking child when he wanted to be.

“No Frankie, up!” Gerard instructed as he moved towards Frank, put his hands under his armpits and lifted him up with all the strength he had left.

It was clear Frank wasn’t willing to help, he didn’t stick his feet out to support himself and help Gerard get that extra boost he needed to lower Frank gently onto the bed, instead Gerard had to use every muscle in his already aching arms to lift Frank as far as he could before tossing him sideways and allowing his upper body to fall rather unceremoniously onto the bed.

“Fucking hell!” he exclaimed, as he then crawled onto the mattress so he could drag the rest of Frank further up the bed so he could at least have his head resting on a pillow.

When he started to giggle again, Gerard had the sneaking suspicion that Frank was only playing dead to piss him off.

“You better not be fake passing out or I’m going to be seriously pissed,” Gerard warned as he wrestled the blankets out from underneath Frank’s limp body, just so he could be covered as it was a fucking freezing night.

“You called me Frankie again,” Frank stated in-between giggles, still not helping Gerard in his struggles.

When Frank was finally on a pillow, undressed and underneath the blankets, Gerard sat down next to him like he had earlier that morning and tried to catch his breath. For a small guy, Frank weighed a fucking tone when he wanted to.

“Frank, promise me that tomorrow, you’re not going to go out drinking again,” Gerard said, still gasping for air, he was exhausted. “I don’t think I can handle all of this again.”

To his great surprise, Frank shuffled around under the blankets slightly.

“You din’t have to come after me,” he slurred, his brown eyes now boring into Gerard’s.

“I-I know ... but you said that if I wanted you that I knew where to find you. I didn’t want our friendship to end and I knew where to find you so I did,” Gerard admitted. “And I figured that after last night, you wouldn’t want to be on your own whilst you were so wasted again.”

Once again, Frank moved around under the blankets, this time one of his hands snaked out from under the sheets and moved its way sheepishly towards Gerard.

“Mikes told you?” Frank asked, almost sounding annoyed. “I told him not to.”

“Yeah well he’s a bad liar. You should have fucking told me,” he shot out before he could stop himself.

Frank’s hand moved away at his harsh words but Gerard instantly shot his own out and clasped it tightly. At the contact, warmth seemed to spread through his body; Frank just looked up at him defensively, his tired eyes struggling to stay open.

“Fuck Frank! I’m just glad you’re okay,” Gerard admitted, knowing that everything he had been planning on saying would just be inappropriate. Mikey was right, Frank didn’t need a lecture; he had clearly learned his lesson. After all, he looked so small and almost scared when Gerard found him on the floor in the hotel room that night, had the chick come onto him, seemed strange that she wouldn't? Was he officially swearing off drunken sexual encounters? He could only guess at what was going through Frank’s head and he hated the thought of him being so troubled.

“Gee ... don’t go tonight,” Frank said, his voice week with on-coming exhaustion. “And even if we fight again in the morning, please don’t leave.”

Gerard took a deep breath as he watched Frank’s eyes finally just close. He was still awake, he could tell, his breathing wasn’t following the same pattern it usually did when he was sleeping. Gerard remembered these things.

"We won’t fight again," Gerard said, sighing heavily. "I'm done; it's all in the past."

As though satisfied, Frank’s breathing finally did settle down as he no doubt drifted off into sleep. His hand went limp in Gerard’s and he finally just let go, breathing a sigh of relief that he was finally knocked out. The whole night had been one emotional battle ground and Gerard was surprised that for once, he had been the strong one.

He hated to admit it, but it made him feel important. When they had been together, the only time Frank had ever let down his guard and allowed Gerard in was when they reversed the sex roles those few times and when Frank was deathly ill with whatever virus he happened to have that week.

Tonight he had ignored Frank’s petty bitterness, rescued him from a bad situation, helped him into bed and even sat with him and held his hand whilst he opened up a little. Gerard felt strangely accomplished and yet ... worst of all, he felt closer to Frank then ever before!

Before he even realised what he was doing, he was staring!

At Frank’s disheveled hair, remembering how he had looked clutching at his perfect, tattooed chest as he giggled uncontrollably on the floor; the offending t-shirt that had gotten stuck long forgotten about. He stared at Frank’s closed eyes, remembering how sad and frightened they looked when they were opened as he pleaded with Gerard not to leave him alone. He took in Frank’s body and remembered how weak it looked when he was curled up on the hotel room floor and how fragile it seemed snuggled into Gerard's as he was practically carried out.

And then he stared at Frank’s lips and remembered the ring that used to hug them so nicely, the way they used to always tighten up into a smile every time Gerard came close to them and how they felt pressed up against his.

Without even thinking, he lowered his own lips and brushed them lightly against Frank’s. He felt bad taking advantage of him when he was sleeping so peacefully but he knew that Frank wouldn’t have complained in the slightest. He was sure that the only thing about it Frank would have the shits with was that he wasn't awake for the exchange.

Pulling away, he ran a hand through Frank’s hair as he tried to remember the up and coming wedding, tried to remember the family he was trying to keep alive and tried to remember his soon to be wife who was waiting at home for him.

But they all slipped away as his eyes continued to take in every inch of Frank that he could see.

“I love you Frank,” Gerard said, unable to help himself. “I shouldn’t and it makes no difference now ... but I love you.”

He felt he was back at square one all over again.

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AN: Hopefully this chapter works properly this time. I'm sorry if the updates are hard to locate, ficwad is being so difficult its not even funny. Anyway, only about 2 more chapters (prob two parts in each, so maybe 4 or 3 or something) to go. I have notes for a sequal but I'm not sure. Should I just leave it with this one? The sequal will just be like another story kind of thing, it'll be like 10 years in the future with the guys in their fouties and Jack being 16 and the others and their kids - dunno, the notes are there anyway, up to you guys ... xxxx