FicWad

What a night for a dance,
You know I'm a dancing machine
With a fire in my bones
And the sweet taste of kerosene

I stumbled down the long, seemingly endless stretch of gray sidewalk, clutching my bruised arm in pain and feeling a renewed pain in my hip, knee and eye. I moaned miserably and fell aganist the wall of a nearby alleyway near a dumpster where I slipped to the ground. I looked around and suddenly felt, alongside a dawning of recognition, that I had no idea where I was.
I let out a whimper and moved my long brown hair out of my face. I sat there, trembling and looking around until it suddenly dawned on me. I was so worried about escaping Leo, that I had somehow wandered into Nathan’s neighborhood. I felt the fuzzy, warm fingers of hope and salvation and safety close around my heart as I stood shakily to my wounded legs and stumbled down the sidewalk towards Nathan’s apartment, leaning partly on the wall for the support I did not have.
God, I was so tired . . . and so hurt. I felt like my body had just been through a wood chipper and somehow, I had astonishingly survived. I moaned again as I gritted my teeth in pain. I could feel a bump forming in my head where the dried blood had stopped from when he grabbed me roughly by the hair and threw me into the bathroom mirror. I knew for sure that I had a black eye, and I knew he forced me to pull a muscle in one or both of my arms and legs. And don’t even get me started on my nether regions.
“With a fire in my bones, and the sweet taste of kerosene,” I murmured tiredly as I turned a corner and opened the door leading to Nathan’s apartment building.

I get lost in the night
So high I don't want to come down
To face the loss
Of the good thing
That I had found

I have to give them credit, they tried. They tried to fit me into their quaint family, tried to include me in their family outings, trips, and activities. It’s just that I’m tired of families. I want to have only Nathan, all the thoughts about, the wants, the urges, they all scared me.
As me and Leo’s relationship grew, so did my passion to posses Nathan. I wanted his body, his heart, his soul, I wanted him to be mine, and mine alone. I can’t stand him being anything less than that. All the innocent days of being, “just friends” all faded and our early friendship only fed my desire to be the owner of Nathan’s heart.
I wanted to be his entire world, the only person he would ever need. But, despite all of my passion to be his everything, I couldn’t. Leo’s jealous rage would find us, and I wouldn’t be able to protect Nathan, or he wouldn’t be able to protect me like only a few mere hours earlier. Our love would only destroy us in the end. I had to put all my emotions; desire’s and wants to save Nathan from him.
Before I became a junior in college, all these desires ate away at me. I guess with every passing year I grew more mature and realized that what I wanted wasn’t as important as protecting him. I’m not sure if my feelings were pure lust or if I had actually fallen in love with my best friend. I had a good reason to lust.
His body began to grow more muscular, while maintaining the same lankiness it always had. Nathan’s once naïve smoky gray eyes grew more mature and had the look of a sweet seduction. I found myself wanting to grab his waist and kiss him deeply, wanting to run my nails down his back, wanting to be more than just a friend to him. These feelings had to be suppressed so I wouldn’t hurt him. I couldn’t stand to be with myself if he got hurt because I couldn’t control my hormones.
I let out a sob as I rang Nathan buzzer and then found myself falling hopelessly downwards toward the floor. I saw the floor nearing me and waited for more hurt to come. But it didn’t. Instead, I found myself being lifted, being cradled to someone who smelled amazingly like Curve cologne and that wonder musky male scent that I craved for so long. That smell . . . oh how I needed that smell right now . . . the smell of Nathan.

As soon as I caught her, I felt an icy fear begin in my stomach. I had heard around the grapevine that Leo was famous for his jealous rages and quite obviously, he had figured out about our relationship.
I stood, her in my arms, and closed the door with my foot. I laid her gently on the nearby couch and bent down beside on her floor like you would in church, praying to God. In a way . . . I was.
I felt tears come to my eyes as I cradled her face in my hands. “S-S-Sovay?” It was then that she opened her eyes to me. Those insanely beautiful green eyes that made me melt into a puddle when I would gaze into them. She smiled a small smile and sat up with a painful grunt, but as soon as she sat up, her resolve crumpled and broke. She immediately broke down into sobs and I did the only thing that made sense to me . . .
I kissed her.

In the dark of the night
I can hear you callin’ my name
With the hardest of hearts,
I still feel full of pain

“So, you think you can love another man other than me in our relationship?” Leo asked stalking closer and closer to me.
I was speechless, how did he find out? Who told? And more importantly, what was going to happen to Nathan? His large, strong hand wrapped around my throat and he lifted me up off the ground.
“You’ll see that no one could ever love you except me you worthless little whore. I’m your boyfriend. The only one that should ever give you pleasure but no . . . you go to Nathan. All of my ex. Girlfriends had stayed faithful to me except you . . .” he looked down for a second but his grip didn’t loosen as he did. “You are the odd one out. Why is that? Do you hate me?” Leo’s sarcastic voice was very similar to my mother’s, but Leo’s was suddenly wrought with evil.
I closed my eyes mentally hitting myself for getting into this kind of trouble. After me, he’s going to go after Nathan, and I would never forgive myself if he were to get punished because I was too weak to my emotions. I will never forgive myself.
“You are such a troublesome little girl, you know that Sovay? You come slinking home smelling like your best friend, that Goddamned Playboy Nathan Michaels, blushing as red as a virgin that just got fucked six ways from Sunday after the football homecoming game. Did you honestly think that I didn’t notice?” He snorted, “Well you better cherish the memory of him bending you over the bed like a bitch in heat and fucking you from behind like a randy dog, ‘cause I guess I’m gonna need to teach you your place in this relationship Sovay. . .” he finished.
Leo backed up a little bit, while still grasping my throat, and threw me with such force it broke the mirror when I hit it. We were standing two meters away from the mirror, so the wait wasn’t long, although it felt that way; it was the velocity that hurt.
I was moving towards the mirror. It felt like I was falling through a black hole and I was never going to hit the bottom. I began to build my walls higher. All the walls that Nathan had effortlessly scaled became dangerously tall and there was no way anyone was going to hurt me now. I had to protect myself as well as Nathan, the only way I could do that was to distance myself from him.
I saw my silk hair flying around me, my hands were still reaching out as if some one would come and grab them and pull me to safety. My fingers actually started to wrap around the air as if some one’s hand was in front of me. The throw scared me to death, but also imagining what would happen once I hit that hard mirror made me close my eyes. It will hurt more than anything to not talk to Nathan or to kiss him, to have him anymore. Compared to not having Nathan, the throw was nothing more than a scratch. I wish I had enjoyed the throw more, because when I hit that ground, I couldn’t be with Nathan anymore.
All the days of kissing in the rain, spending hours talking, saying ‘I love you’ it would be all over. I hit the mirror, and it seemed as though I had aged a year because it was such a long throw.
My head retched back and hit the mirror sharply; I let out a sharp gasp of pain as I felt warm blood start to trickle down the back of my neck and into my shirt-

But, then I felt Nathan’s strong hands forming to fit my face and bring me up to his tender lips where he kissed me gently, lovingly. A shudder sped throughout my body. His body was overwhelmingly warm, like a fire that I longed to burn deep inside of me. Our lips had an air-tight seal; even so I let out a few well placed moans. His intense amount of concentration and passion focused into that kiss was so amazing. He broke apart and I immediately calmed down, my hands fisting in his shirt sleeves.
“Nathan I . . .”


So I drink and I smoke
And I ask if you're ever around
Even though it was me who drove us
Right in the ground

Woo hoo hoooo
Woo hoo hoooo

Nathan licked his lips then swallowed heavily, "Sorry . . . I had to kiss you," he smiled softly.
"I know because I am your angel of death." I gripped his neck softly. "Aren’t you worried about me getting pregnant?"
Nathan blinked. "You haven’t so far have you? So no I'm not really worried . . ." he laughed, grinning. “Wonderful answer isn’t it?”
"Yeah maybe your just shooting blanks," I giggled looking to him.
Nathan shrugged "Maybe, but that’s good isn't it?"
"Well unless you want children I guess." I looked away.
Nathan blinked, kissing her softly on the lips once. "I want kids with you, I was just thinking that you would hate to have a stupid Playboy’s baby, that just happened to fall in love with his best friend and renounce his Playboy ways,"
"The only thing I worry about if you knock me up is getting lost especially when I want ice cream . . ." She laughed looking up to him. "I know you better not get lost on the way to the hospital. If you do, I'm having you fixed when were there."
Nathan laughed then nodded "Yes Sovay."
She smiled then looked down. "Do you want one though?"
Nathan nodded and glanced down at the floor before looking at her again. "Yes, I do want kids one day"
"I don't know about kids with the way my body is right now. Could you just settle for one?"
Nathan blinked again, then nodded, although his eyes now held a weird glint, "Are you planning something with a kid Sovay? Why all the questions?"
"I'm just worried about Leo hurting you because of me."
Nathan shrugged "As long as he doesn’t hut you after tonight,"
She nodded lightly. "I'm just worried about you getting mad and something happening when or if I have a baby . . ."
Nathan shook his head, "I won't get mad Sovay," She nodded lightly looking back up to him. Nathan blinked "But if you don't want to do this relationship anymore without protection, we don't have to"
"I don't mind I like playing Russian roulette with your blanks Nathan," She grinned.

In the dark of the night
I can hear you callin’ my name
With the hardest of hearts,
I still feel full of pain

So I drink and I smoke
And I ask if you're ever around
Even though it was me who drove us
Right in the ground

He grinned back and leaned forward. “What will you do if you do become pregnant?” she grinned teasingly.
“It depends. If I do, will you marry me?” he grinned.
“Oh I don’t know, it depends if it’s a boy or a girl,” she laughed and playfully slapped him on the chest.
“Oh you bastard!” she shrieked playfully and he grinned and laughed as he pulled her close to him and snuggled her just under her chin.
“Oh no Sovay . . . I’ll marry you in a heartbeat,”

See the time we shared it
Was precious to me
But all the while
I was dreamin’ of revelry

I wanna run baby run
Like a stream down a mountainside
With the wind at my back
I don't ever even bat an eye

I felt Nathan’s hands race to my face and cup it gently the moment before his kiss came crashing back down onto my rose lips. It felt right to be on equal ground again, this kiss was the proof that we were equals again.
He picked me up, moving one arm underneath my legs and carrying me, honeymoon style towards the bedroom.
The door flew open as he came rushing through it. Our kisses were quick and passionate, nothing short of love-filled. I knew that. Nathan kicked the door closed with his booted foot and began to strip me down. I threw his clothes in all directions as our fragile bodies scrambled for the bedroom.
He lay me on the bed and all of sudden, earlier that night came rushing back to me and before I knew it, I was fighting him. Nathan! I was fighting Nathan! I slammed my fists aganist his chest and would not stop sobbing or fighting him as the scene came back, more vivid than anything,
I screamed and screamed, trying to fend off Leo, but it was useless. So . . . useless. I was like a tiny bird, trying to fend off a fox. I had no strenght left in me,
Fear.
What would he do to me?
I already knew.
The pain as he forced himself into me made me scream. I had not known it could be like this.
He forced himself deeper into me.
Do not scream, I told myself. Do not give him the satisfaction of knowing that you are in pain. Just think of Nathan and it’ll all be over soon . . . But I did moan quietly in terror, tears running down my cheeks.
When would the pain end? When would I see Nathan love again? When would he hold me in his arms? Would I ever see him again?
Pain.
Pain.
Pain.
Blood ran down my thighs. Sweat covered my forehead and back. I was beyond pain. I could scream no more. Tears were not enough. I remained quiet, and I turned my head away. Leo pulled it roughly back, “Look at me, Sovay!”
He can take my body, but he cannot take my mind. I thought desperately. I let myself remember, let my memories carry me away from that place of blood and pain. Nathan’s arms around me in the night. His mouth kissing me.
All of a sudden it stopped. Leo came, pulled out and collasped on the side of the bed next to me. It was then that I jumped painfully to my feet, threw on my clothes and ran from my apartment, sobs running down my face-

Nathan grunted and grabbed my wrists. “Sovay, listen to me! Sovay!” I struggled to a stop, tears going down my face and he gazed down at me, confusion in his eyes as he slowly let go of my wrists. I licked my lips and reluctantly shook my head.
“I’m sorry Nathan . . . but I can’t . . .” he nodded and gritted his teeth, as if in determination.
“Hit me,”

Just know it was you all along
Who had a hold of my heart
But the demon and me
Were the best of friends from the start

My eyes widened in horrific shock. Nathan was asking me to do the very same thing that I tried to protect him from. “Wh-what?” he nodded.
“You heard me . . . hit me Sovay,” I shook my head.
“No. And why would I?” he shook his head too and wouldn’t take no for an answer.
“Pretend I’m Leo and slap the fucking shit out of me. Don’t worry, I can take it. I’ve had my fair share of slaps before, and from a number of women. I’m pretty sure I can take it,” I nodded and reached out and slapped him. He grunted and moved his head to where the force of the blow forced it to. He slowly moved it back to face me.
“Are you kidding me . . . I’ve been slapped harder than Sovay. Now fucking hit me!” I reached back again and hit him, and suddenly, his face morphed into Leo’s. I kept hitting him with all the force I had, his face morphing from Leo’s to Nathan’s and back again.
All of a sudden it stopped. His face morphed back into Nathan’s. He had a slightly swollen cheek and the beginnings of a black eye but other than that, he didn’t look no different.
I grabbed him by his neck and moved him down for a kiss, that eventually melded together with my tears. He moved his weight so that he was supported by his forearms over me and tangled his fingers in my hair as he deepened the kiss.
“You feel better now?” he whispered, breathing heavily and I nodded.
“Oh God, I love you so much Nathan . . .” I whispered back as I wrapped my arms around his back and my legs around his waist as he thrust inside me.

So the time we shared it
Was precious to me
All the while
I was dreamin’ of revelry
Dreamin’ of revelry

His lips kissed me, bit me, and loved me. I kissed him, bit him, hit him, and loved him back. We didn’t have sex, oh no, we made love. Deep, satisfying, tender, beautiful love. This was the kind of love my body cried out for in those lonely nights in my bed which was always empty, even with Leo sleeping in the other side. This was the kind of love that most people can only dream about, and it was in my grasp. In fact this love was begging for me! I had this love from the start.
Why was I so blind to this before? I had him all along, I’m never gonna let go now. I thought as I stroked now rebellious strands of chocolate brown hair out of Nathan’s face and closed eyes. He was on his back, seemingly asleep, and I was laying beside him, yet hovering over him as I moved strands out of his face.
“Nathan . . . do you love me?” it was the same questioned I’ve asked a million times.

And I told myself boy away you go
It rained so hard that it felt like snow
Everything came tumbling down on me

He turned onto his side, wrapped his arms around my waist and moved me to him so that his face was buried in my shoulder. He pulled it out of its burrow to answer me.
“Of course . . . I’ll always love you, even if you left me cold, I could never move on. You’d always be on my mind and in my heart,” Nathan answered as his lips met min again in a battle of passion.
Oh dear God . . . I love you Nathan . . . more than anything! I’m willing to accept anything you’ve done just to be with you like this . . . just like this.
I wish that time had been temporarily suspended for only a few hours more. I needed all of him . . . nothing less . . . all of him. I need him more than I need to be alive . . . I love him.
I brought Nathan’s face to mine. A big, passionate kiss rewarded him. I turned his ear to where I could whisper naughtily in his ear while hiking my leg slowly up his,
“I think I need more soothing Nathan . . .” I finally said, bucking my hips aganist his while biting his ear lobe at the same time.
I could see him grin as his lips met the hallow of my throat.

In the back of the woods
In the dark of night
The Palest of the old moonlight
Everything just felt so incomplete
Dreamin’ of revelry