Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance
The Haury Jovich Show
Frank thinks Gerard is cheating on him. It couldn't be true, could it? There will only be two parts to this. Contains STRONG language, kids.
?Blocked
I do not own MCR. Heck, I don't own anything. The following is made up for your amusement. BTW, I have parodied a certain daytime TV show.
Haury Jovich was in high spirits. "The Haury Jovich Show" was pulling in millions of viewers everyday and it was the topic of conversation everywhere. His show was famous for doing lie detector tests on allegedly cheating partners, and the infamous DNA tests were in a league of their own. Some people accused him of exploiting desperate (and sometimes, just plain crazy) people for his own benefit, but he saw himself as a patron of truth and justice. The fact that he got paid millions of dollars was irrelevant.
Today would be no different. The topic was "Cheating Partners", and he had a whole host of people from all walks of life scheduled to appear. He was quite looking forward to helping them, he always looked forward to hearing what excuses some of them came up with. He then went home and put them to the test on his own wife. Bless her money-grabbing soul.
"Mr. Jovich? We're on in five," Informed his lovely assistant Janie, with whom he was having an affair.
He smiled at the curvaceous brunette. "Okay, I'll be right there," He took one last look at himself in the mirror and fixed his hair for the final time. "Time to get this show on the road,"
*
"Hello and welcome to The Haury Jovich Show! Today's guests are all convinced their other halves are cheating on them, and are here today to prove themselves correct. Let's bring out our first guest. He is a young man from New Jersey by the name of Frank and is certain his long term boyfriend is betraying him. Give a big round of applause for Frank,"
The studio audience all clapped wildly as a very attractive man, who was a bit on the short side but still very cute, strode out, clearly in a bad mood. He embraced Haury and plonked himself down on his seat. He was very pale, with dark hair and hazel eyes which flashed dangerously, indicating a fiery temperament.
"Tell us why you're here, Frank," Haury said, kindly. Though the answer was always the same.
"I think my boyfriend Gerard is cheating on me and I'm here to prove it! Then I'm totally gonna kick his sorry ass!" He threatened.
"Tell us more about yourself and Gerard," Coaxed Haury, patting him on the shoulder.
"Well, we met in high school and it was love at first sight. We were so close, our friends even gave us our own nickname. They used to call us Frerard," He sniffed before continuing, "After we graduated, we moved in together. Everything was going great until he got a new job at a comic book store. Now he comes home late and smells all funny. There are strange marks on his body that I certainly didn't put on him," He paused as the audience oohed and aahed. "He barely even talks to me any more and a few nights ago, some whore name Ray called our apartment and asked for him. He doesn't even know anyone called Ray!" Frank yelled, in obvious agony.
"Okay, Frank. Shall we hear what Gerard has to say for himself?" He asked the audience, who hissed their displeasure.
Everybody turned to look at the giant screen where a very slim, equally pale man was standing with a scowl on his cherub-like face. He was dressed all in black and when he realized he was on air, promptly flipped everyone the bird.
"Naughty Gerard," Scolded Haury, "Everyone please give him warm welcome!" But, as always, the audience booed and cursed as Gerard made his way to his seat. Not that he seemed to care, he cursed right back and even attempted to kick one audience member before he was dragged away by security.
"Up yours!" He shouted before taking a seat next to Frank. "Motherfuckers,"
"Gerard, how are you today?" Asked Haury.
"Not good. How can I be when Frank thinks I'm cheating on him?" Gerard turned to glare at his boyfriend angrily.
"You are!" Insisted Frank, giving him an equally dirty look.
"For fucks sake! How many times have I gotta tell you. Ray is just a friend," Gerard said, irritably.
"Is he really?" Asked Haury, slyly.
"Of course, man. We just work together," Gerard said firmly.
"Then explain the weird smells on your body and the marks on your neck," Frank demanded.
"Erm," Gerard suddenly looked awkward and rubbed his neck nervously.
"You see! I knew it!" Sobbed Frank.
Gerard attempted to console him but Frank slapped his hand away. "If you're cheating on me, asshole. I'm leaving!" The audience clapped in approval while Gerard continued to look pissed.
"Shut the fuck up, you clowns" He spat at them. They booed furiously at him.
"Well, there is one way to put an end to these allegations," Haury said, before pulling out the now famous brown envelope.
Everyone held their breath as they waited for him to speak. "Gerard," Haury started. "You were asked if you have ever had any sexual contact with Ray. You said no, the lie detector proved you were telling a lie," The audience went crazy with rage.
"Oh my God!" Screamed Frank, "I knew it!" He turned in his seat and attempted to slap Gerard across the face, who saw it coming and ducked.
"You were asked if you have had any sexual contact with anyone other then Ray. You said no, the lie detector proved that was a lie. You have had had sexual contact with more then 5 other people," Haury gave him a look of disapproval.
Frank on the other hand flew out of his seat and ran backstage, where he was followed closely by Haury and Gerard. He collapsed onto the coach and sobbed his heart out.
"It's not true Frank. I swear," Insisted Gerard.
"GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!" Screamed Frank, throwing a sparkly cushion at him. It bounced off his chest and fell to the floor. "I hate you, motherfucker!"
"Do you want to hear the rest?" Asked Haury sincerely.
"Haven't you done enough damage?" Snapped Gerard.
"Don't...talk...to...him...like...that," Sniffed Frank.
"You were asked whether you have cheated with women. You said no, the lie detector proved you were lying. More than 6 times,"
"BASTARD!" Frank jumped up and punched him straight in the face. Security waded in and pulled them apart with great difficulty. "IT'S OVER!" Yelled Frank. "I never want to see you again!"
"Don't say that Frank. I love you," Gerard spoke with such passion, everyone immediately believed him.
"Love me? If you really loved me, you wouldn't have slept with half of New Jersey," Frank spat, bitterly.
"I made a mistake," Gerard admitted, holding up his hands in guilt.
"Yeah, a mistake you repeated over and over again!" Frank struggled to get free but it was no use. The guys were on inhumanely strong.
"Look," Began Haury, "It's obvious Gerard regrets what he's done, right?" He glanced at Gerard.
"Totally, man. Totally," He nodded, lighting a cigarette.
"We can give you two counseling to help you sort out you're problems," Suggested Haury. "Would you be willing to take it?"
"Yes," Nodded Gerard, earnestly.
"Whatever," Shrugged Frank, with a strange look in his eyes.
As they were led away, Haury had the distinct feeling he would definitely be seeing them again. He was right.
It was raining, I was stuck in the house feeling dreadfully bored when it came to me. I was laughing so much when I was writing this, my mom now thinks I am crazy. Maybe she's right. Anyway, let me know what you think. The sequel, titled Franks Revenge, will be uploaded soon! You won't believe what the little munchkin has done...
Haury Jovich was in high spirits. "The Haury Jovich Show" was pulling in millions of viewers everyday and it was the topic of conversation everywhere. His show was famous for doing lie detector tests on allegedly cheating partners, and the infamous DNA tests were in a league of their own. Some people accused him of exploiting desperate (and sometimes, just plain crazy) people for his own benefit, but he saw himself as a patron of truth and justice. The fact that he got paid millions of dollars was irrelevant.
Today would be no different. The topic was "Cheating Partners", and he had a whole host of people from all walks of life scheduled to appear. He was quite looking forward to helping them, he always looked forward to hearing what excuses some of them came up with. He then went home and put them to the test on his own wife. Bless her money-grabbing soul.
"Mr. Jovich? We're on in five," Informed his lovely assistant Janie, with whom he was having an affair.
He smiled at the curvaceous brunette. "Okay, I'll be right there," He took one last look at himself in the mirror and fixed his hair for the final time. "Time to get this show on the road,"
*
"Hello and welcome to The Haury Jovich Show! Today's guests are all convinced their other halves are cheating on them, and are here today to prove themselves correct. Let's bring out our first guest. He is a young man from New Jersey by the name of Frank and is certain his long term boyfriend is betraying him. Give a big round of applause for Frank,"
The studio audience all clapped wildly as a very attractive man, who was a bit on the short side but still very cute, strode out, clearly in a bad mood. He embraced Haury and plonked himself down on his seat. He was very pale, with dark hair and hazel eyes which flashed dangerously, indicating a fiery temperament.
"Tell us why you're here, Frank," Haury said, kindly. Though the answer was always the same.
"I think my boyfriend Gerard is cheating on me and I'm here to prove it! Then I'm totally gonna kick his sorry ass!" He threatened.
"Tell us more about yourself and Gerard," Coaxed Haury, patting him on the shoulder.
"Well, we met in high school and it was love at first sight. We were so close, our friends even gave us our own nickname. They used to call us Frerard," He sniffed before continuing, "After we graduated, we moved in together. Everything was going great until he got a new job at a comic book store. Now he comes home late and smells all funny. There are strange marks on his body that I certainly didn't put on him," He paused as the audience oohed and aahed. "He barely even talks to me any more and a few nights ago, some whore name Ray called our apartment and asked for him. He doesn't even know anyone called Ray!" Frank yelled, in obvious agony.
"Okay, Frank. Shall we hear what Gerard has to say for himself?" He asked the audience, who hissed their displeasure.
Everybody turned to look at the giant screen where a very slim, equally pale man was standing with a scowl on his cherub-like face. He was dressed all in black and when he realized he was on air, promptly flipped everyone the bird.
"Naughty Gerard," Scolded Haury, "Everyone please give him warm welcome!" But, as always, the audience booed and cursed as Gerard made his way to his seat. Not that he seemed to care, he cursed right back and even attempted to kick one audience member before he was dragged away by security.
"Up yours!" He shouted before taking a seat next to Frank. "Motherfuckers,"
"Gerard, how are you today?" Asked Haury.
"Not good. How can I be when Frank thinks I'm cheating on him?" Gerard turned to glare at his boyfriend angrily.
"You are!" Insisted Frank, giving him an equally dirty look.
"For fucks sake! How many times have I gotta tell you. Ray is just a friend," Gerard said, irritably.
"Is he really?" Asked Haury, slyly.
"Of course, man. We just work together," Gerard said firmly.
"Then explain the weird smells on your body and the marks on your neck," Frank demanded.
"Erm," Gerard suddenly looked awkward and rubbed his neck nervously.
"You see! I knew it!" Sobbed Frank.
Gerard attempted to console him but Frank slapped his hand away. "If you're cheating on me, asshole. I'm leaving!" The audience clapped in approval while Gerard continued to look pissed.
"Shut the fuck up, you clowns" He spat at them. They booed furiously at him.
"Well, there is one way to put an end to these allegations," Haury said, before pulling out the now famous brown envelope.
Everyone held their breath as they waited for him to speak. "Gerard," Haury started. "You were asked if you have ever had any sexual contact with Ray. You said no, the lie detector proved you were telling a lie," The audience went crazy with rage.
"Oh my God!" Screamed Frank, "I knew it!" He turned in his seat and attempted to slap Gerard across the face, who saw it coming and ducked.
"You were asked if you have had any sexual contact with anyone other then Ray. You said no, the lie detector proved that was a lie. You have had had sexual contact with more then 5 other people," Haury gave him a look of disapproval.
Frank on the other hand flew out of his seat and ran backstage, where he was followed closely by Haury and Gerard. He collapsed onto the coach and sobbed his heart out.
"It's not true Frank. I swear," Insisted Gerard.
"GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!" Screamed Frank, throwing a sparkly cushion at him. It bounced off his chest and fell to the floor. "I hate you, motherfucker!"
"Do you want to hear the rest?" Asked Haury sincerely.
"Haven't you done enough damage?" Snapped Gerard.
"Don't...talk...to...him...like...that," Sniffed Frank.
"You were asked whether you have cheated with women. You said no, the lie detector proved you were lying. More than 6 times,"
"BASTARD!" Frank jumped up and punched him straight in the face. Security waded in and pulled them apart with great difficulty. "IT'S OVER!" Yelled Frank. "I never want to see you again!"
"Don't say that Frank. I love you," Gerard spoke with such passion, everyone immediately believed him.
"Love me? If you really loved me, you wouldn't have slept with half of New Jersey," Frank spat, bitterly.
"I made a mistake," Gerard admitted, holding up his hands in guilt.
"Yeah, a mistake you repeated over and over again!" Frank struggled to get free but it was no use. The guys were on inhumanely strong.
"Look," Began Haury, "It's obvious Gerard regrets what he's done, right?" He glanced at Gerard.
"Totally, man. Totally," He nodded, lighting a cigarette.
"We can give you two counseling to help you sort out you're problems," Suggested Haury. "Would you be willing to take it?"
"Yes," Nodded Gerard, earnestly.
"Whatever," Shrugged Frank, with a strange look in his eyes.
As they were led away, Haury had the distinct feeling he would definitely be seeing them again. He was right.
It was raining, I was stuck in the house feeling dreadfully bored when it came to me. I was laughing so much when I was writing this, my mom now thinks I am crazy. Maybe she's right. Anyway, let me know what you think. The sequel, titled Franks Revenge, will be uploaded soon! You won't believe what the little munchkin has done...
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