FicWad

Gackt Camui, how I’m beginning to hate that man.

It’s suiting that his name refers to God, considering that is what he thinks he is.
I’ve watched for far to long now as his fans bow down to him, worship him, they would lick the dirt from beneath his feet if he asked them to.

It’s sickening…

Truth be told he does have a wonderful voice… and a very nice physical appearance.
That’s not surprising though, not when you think about the money he has spent on voice lessons and plastic surgery.

He’s spoiled, proud, and more often than not cruel.

This is the man I have to work with everyday.

......And he truly drives me insane.

Yes, I did ask him to join my band. He is outgoing and beautiful, the perfect cover boy. His voice and much practiced charm has gained us many fans.

Despite all this what I hate most is the way he looks at me… I know he wants me to crawl to him like so many others do. He doesn’t understand though that it is my game not his… I’ll make him understand. I’ll use his pride against him… When I’m done he will be hollow and full of self hate.

…he’ll never trust another living soul ever again.

“God damn it Camui, can’t you do anything right?! Or are you just intending to fuck everything up for the rest of us since you can’t have your way?!” I scream at you.

You have really made me angry this time. My voice feels rough in my throat and I know I’m not acting demure anymore, but at this point I don’t care.

Yu~ki and Kozi exchange worried looks. I hate that they have to see this. I’ve spoken with them both and I know that they long for the days when there wasn’t all this fighting, before we started to make a name for ourselves in the music world. They get up and head out the door, Yu~ki nods once my way before disappearing from site. Kami sits a moment longer staring at Camui. I hate the way you look at each other, Kami has already been caught in this blue eyed spiders web… I can’t stand to watch. Yet, another thing you will have to pay for. Kami too leaves the room after setting down his drumsticks ever so carefully.

Silence.

Finally, we’re alone. Now my plan starts.

I’m regaining my composure, porcelain mask slipping back into place, when I speak. “Well what do you have to say for yourself Gackt?”
I look away from you, hiding the smile creeping into the corners of my mouth.

“Well?” I demand as I turn and walk toward you. I could control the way my hips move and how my way too short skirt swishes around my thighs, but I don’t. You Gackt darling are sexual by nature and I know it will distract you. The light is causing my now blonde hair to become almost white, and I’m watching you, watching me.

“Mana…,” You say almost under your breath.

I can see fire in your eyes, you think you’ve got me where you want me… you’ll learn. With practiced ease my face shows no emotion, positive or negative. I know you hate it when I do this.

“…why don’t you quit bitching and moaning and act like a man for once?” you finish, smirking.

I stop moving.

You have no right to talk to me this way! I gave you a place in this world and a way for you to be seen! Have you forgotten that? Ungrateful bastard!!

I pull back my fist to punch you, just before I make contact with your sneering face you catch my hand. That was much faster than I thought you would be. You’re cocky now I can see it in your stance. The look on your face.

We stand there like this, you hand holding my fist. I take a breath and calm myself inside, then I push my silver studded rings into your hand. I can feel it as your hand twitches and you try not to let go. After a moment you move your hand to my wrist holding there so that no more damage is done to your own hand.

“Now what were you going to do with this, Mana dearest? Hurt me?”

I start to jerk away and then think better of it. I might be able to use this situation to my advantage if I play my cards right. I shake my head to make it look as if I’m trying to get away, hoping that a few curls might come lose to frame my face. It works and you begin staring at me again.

“…..fuck you Camui,” I whisper, I bow my head as if in defeat. One would think after seeing me on stage as many times as you have, you would notice better when I’m acting.

Stupid, prideful man.

You reach out your other hand quickly and grab my hair. I can feel you twisting your long fingers into the blonde curls at the back of my head. You pull my head towards your own.
My face is so close to yours now, I can smell rancid cigarette smoke on your breath. Your hand in my hair hurts but I refuse to give in just yet.

I’ll let you think that I’m trapped, that I’m weak.

I’m keeping my breathing even and trying not to gag on the smell of your breath. Your eyes are searching my face and I’m having a hard time seeing what’s going on behind those glassy blue orbs. The thought of breaking free crosses my mind. Maybe I should. Gackt, you seem to forget at times that I too am male and do work out to keep these lean, graceful, legs and arms. I resist the urge though. I’m playing the weak damsel tonight.

I look up at you doing my best to seem passive and hurt. I let some of the pain I’m feeling play across my face. It’s working I can tell by the look that you give me.

You lean closer still, your cheek lightly touching mine. You press your body to me and I can feel your hot, stale breath on my neck. Your lips are actually touching my ear when speak.

“Mana love,” you whisper pressing your lips ever so softly to my skin, “don’t you ever, ever talk like that to me again….”

Then you pause as if you’re waiting for something. What is it you want me to do? I turn this situation over in my brain. Do you want me to show pain? Awe? Hate? I decide on pain and let a small gasp slide past my lips.

“Gackt... you’re... hurting me...” I whisper.

You pull your face away, giving me fresh air, and look at my wrist. You notice that the color of my wrist is changing, turning an angry shade of pink. You seem to stop for a minute, thinking of what to do. Slowly, one finger at a time you release my wrist, at the same time you let go of the death grip you have on my hair. I look a the floor and think of what to do next.

I can feel those blue eyes watching me, judging me.

I turn from you quickly, spinning around to face the door in my platforms. It takes only 5 steps to reach the door. Behind me I hear the very audible click of your lighter as you light a cigarette. I huff, disgusted at the thought of you smoking another one of those things, and leave, making sure that the door slams in my wake.

I walk to my dressing room glad to be rid of you for a little while. When I get inside I smile to myself and wonder how well my plan worked.

I sit down in front of the overly ornate mirror and begin wiping off my makeup. I’m taking my time, waiting to see if you will come to me.

It doesn’t take long. Soon I hear a light knock on my door. I’m not going to answer, if you knock again I’ll think about speaking to you.

And you do, you knock again, harder this time. I wait a minuet before answering.

“......Who is it?” I ask sheepishly.

The doorknob turns. You stop just before walking in, like you were not expecting the door to be unlocked. I bet you think I left it that way because you upset me. Humph, I left it that way just for you, because I knew that you would come to me. You never could give up a fight.

“Who....,” I say irritably and stand up. I turn to face you as you step over the threshold. The lock clicks into place as you shut the door behind you.

I look at you for only a second, making sure that the expression on my face is one of slight worry. I wait a minute til I’m you that you have seen the look on my face. I then very slowly sit back down. I turn my attention back to the mirror and begin to apply my make up once more. I refuse to be the first to speak and I hand the game over to you for a moment.

“Mana....,” You begin your voice is soft. Then you pause waiting for me to reply.

“I don’t feel like talking right now Camui,” I say, keeping my voice very low and cold. I will give away nothing.

“Mana....,” You murmur again, the tone of your voice has changed but I can’t place my finger on how just yet. I hear your footsteps, they’re quiet on the hard floor as you come to stand behind me.

“Camui, leave.”

You continue to stand behind me. You’re so close, I can feel your body heat on my back. I stop messing with my makeup and look at your reflection in the mirror.

“Please,” I add.

“Mana....” You say again, sounding like a broken record. I still can’t figure out what the tone of your voice means. “I’m sorry....”

“I don’t want to hear it. Just leave me alone.” I spat at you and close my eyes. I must say that I didn’t think you would apologize, you never have before. Maybe you are playing a different game now... guess I’ll have to wait and find out.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you....,” You say, it almost sounds sincere. Your hand is on my shoulder now, smoothing out the thin fabric there.

I keep my eyes shut afraid that if I look at you I’ll ruin the game.

“Camui stop it,” I whisper.

“We fight too often nowadays, don’t we Mana? But I don’t want to.....I don’t want to fight when it’s such a waste of our time together....”

What a strange thing for you to say, you really are starting to confuse me. One of your long fingers is tracing a line from my shoulder to my neck. You gently gather my hair and shift it to the other shoulder. My eyes snap open. Have you lost your mind Gackt?

“Camui, what are you...,” I start to ask, but I’m cut off as you run your fingers up and down my pale neck.

You think that I’m like everyone else don’t you? You think you can keep me quiet and under your control through sex?

You lower yourself so that your lips are once again very close to my ear. You look at our reflection in the mirror the smallest of smirks pulling at the corners of your mouth.

“I’m sorry I treated you the way I did....it’s just that....” you whisper, breath moving softly past my earlobe. You brush your soft lips against my neck.

“.....you drive me crazy ne.....”

So you really do want to play this game? Okay....and when we are done you will come to me again and again. I shudder up into the touch of your lips.

“Stop it. I know what I look like Gackt, but the reality of it is far different and you and I both know that....”

Your hand moves over my collarbone and you unfasten the first two buttons of my silky, black shirt. You then pull it open a bit revealing the alabaster skin just below my throat. That obtrusive hand reaches back up to pet the other side of my neck. It almost feels nice, but almost doesn’t cut it.

“.....You’re so beautiful you know....everything about you.....,” You whisper in that deep voice that you reserve for you fans.

I feel your tongue lick lightly up the side of my neck. The knowledge of what you are trying to do makes me want to turn and hit you....I don’t though. I’ll wait and see what your sick bastard self has in mind.

‘Camui stop it....” I protest weakly.

“....the way you talk, the way you walk....” You continue.

God you sound so stupidly cliche.

“Camui stop it or I’ll scream and drag everyone in here....”

I stop...That was probably a dumb thing to say to this voyeuristic little prick. God I want to string you up by your balls! How I hate you right now.

“No Mana I mean it....you’re beautiful..........I...,”

My god in heaven! You’re still trying!

“...........I want you.....” You whisper in a soft, husky voice. You run you lips over my neck again so softly this time I almost don’t notice.

I keep quite and still, waiting to see if you are as stupid as I think you are. I groan inwardly, please tell me you are not really going to play on the vampire obsession. It’s true that I do have a fascination with vampires. I like to dress the part and my music reflects my interest. It is also true that I have played little games with the women I sleep with. Sometimes I leave dark bruises on there necks...and others in more hidden areas. I talk to Yu~ki about my interest in such things. Often he will watch my newest vampire movies with me....then again I think he shares my beliefs that these creatures exist. What most people don’t understand is that I have had I few run ins with such beings. I don’t talk about it...no one would believe me anyhow. That is of course excluding Yu~Ki-kun.

I don’t really like marks left on me, so most of the time I’m the dominant one during my sexual escapades. Still it might be interesting to let Gackt continue with this charade. I have a feeling that you really are going to go through with this. I look at the you in the mirror and see a smile starting to spread across your lips. The light in your eyes is almost dangerous....

Freak.

I stay still, watching you as you take the opening I give you.

Your full lips part and I can feel your teeth press in lightly on my neck. You run tongue over the spot as if you are cleaning it.

I know that I could leave now, that I should. Maybe calling someone in here isn’t such a bad idea.... but I can’t, I know that if I back out now I’ll never live it down. You would win and I can’t have that.

Your teeth are pressing harder into me now, but not enough to hurt. You start suckling at my skin. My muscles lock and I straighten up, this feels better than I expected. My blood is pumping faster and your hand is stroking my exposed collarbone. You begin to suck harder at the bit of flesh in your mouth. You are very good at this type of game. You start really biting me now, massaging my skin under your tongue.

I gasp inadvertently. What you are doing feels rather nice...that makes my job much easier.

Almost lovingly you are sucking at the point on my neck. It hurts, but I don’t mind. I’m beginning to understand why females are so attracted to you. Your hand is moving lower, under my shirt now. Your nimble fingers find one of my nipples. You pause, I don’t think you were expecting to find them hard already....you start teasing them more, making any pain that your teeth are causing melt away into nothingness.

“.............Camui.......,” I say, trying to keep the pleasure out of my voice.

My breathing speeds up and your eyes flutter shut. I think you may be enjoying this more than I am, good....You pinch my nipple harder now and I let myself moan softly.

I will not scream for you though and I know you want me to.

Your hand moves fast as you rip open my shirt, fingers sliding downwards, sending my buttons flying. I cry out in protest. Great! I really liked that shirt too! Your hand moves even further now slipping under the skirt I was wearing due to practice. That elegant hand lands to rest between my legs, and you start to stroke me none to gently.

You seem slightly unsure of yourself as you caress the hard flesh in you hand. Could it really be that you’ve never done this to another guy before? Oh Gackt dear, I thought you were the wild one! I have to bite my lower lip to keep from laughing, even though what you are doing does feel very good.

“...........Camui.........” I moan as I reach up my hand push your mouth harder into my skin.

“.....harder.....” I finish, fighting to keep the mirth out of my voice.

You take your cue and dig you mouth into my neck to the point of blinding pain. I tense more, refusing to scream. I pet your hair gently coaxing you to continue your menstruations. I’ll have to cover the mark tomorrow, luckily people are use to seeing me with my face and neck painted white. I decide to moan for you again.

You must like hearing me like this, for you press your teeth into me just a fraction more and I can feel the skin break. I take a sharp breath. I’m trying to focus on your hand moving over the hardness between my legs, and not the blood now running into your mouth. If I pay to much attention to the later I become ill.

You stop biting me which I’m thankful for and take a breath releasing the pain. Your tongue is running lightly over the wound, licking up the thin red droplets that have formed there. Suddenly you stop and pull away from my neck.

Bending over me a bit more. Your mouth catches mine and I quickly move my tongue between your lips. I reach for you bringing you closer and clawing at your chest, trying to show eagerness, trying to be what you want. I let my myself explore your mouth, taking the last remnants of me from you. I can taste the tinniness of my blood on your tongue. I want none of me within you. You don’t get that privilege.

You are the first to break our kiss as you slip your arm inside my shirt grabbing me around my waist. You whisper my name once more very softly, and I look at your smug face. My lips are parted almost in a pout. I’m breathing harder, mostly from pain, though I can tell that you don’t understand that. You are carefully pulling me up off the stool, walking us both to the middle of the room, and you sit. Your back is pressing against the drawers of one of my desks, your legs are spread wide. I decide to humor you and keel before you, doing my best impression of a proper Asian wife. My hair falls forward, only adding to my charm as I lean in to kiss you again.

You think I’ve fallen for you at this point, don’t you?

God you poor bastard. You really are that full of yourself, aren’t you? You most likely think that I’ve never done this before...your wrong. You smile against my lips and I pull my mouth away from yours, hoping to see what’s going on behind your eyes before I continue. However you beat me to the punch. You stroke the back of my neck and intertwine your fingers in my blonde hair. My head is pulled back slightly, and you lick and nip my at my neck. You only do this once but I close my eyes anyhow, enjoying the feeling.

Your hand on my neck starts pulling me towards you. You tilt your head to the side and give that ‘come to me’ look that you’re so famous for. Again I do as you have hinted at with no questions asked. I keep my kisses soft, barely touching your skin. I shudder not wanting to taste your Platinum Egoist bathed neck. Luckily I don’t have to. You move my head lower to chest level, and I kiss your nipple through your shirt. It’s better than the taste of your cologne. I have to keep myself from laughing as I get an image of you bathing in a tub full of your favorite sent. I move my hand across your stomach, all the while keeping my head down. My own long fingers slide up under your shirt, I’m surprised that my hand can fit under there with how tight it is. I force my lips back to your throat, taking care not to lick you. At that moment the muscles in your stomach flex and I pull my hand away. I brush your hardness through your pants by mistake as I pull away. Oops. I sit up and look down at my hand....damn nails.

You move fast again, your speed still astonishes me. You have grabbed my hand and placed it between your legs. I can feel that you are aroused, and you think I’m the sick fuck. I am taken off guard though, I can’t believe what you are doing. I’m sure that you can tell I’m disgusted by the look on my face.

“Mana.....can’t you see I need you? Can’t you feel it?”

My eyes widen. Of course I can feel it you idiot! What the hell! Does he think that I’m a blushing virgin?!

“Everyday you tease me, everyday you make me want you more.....”

Oh my god! Tell me you don’t mean that...this is part of your game right? You sound too sincere. Your eyes are staring deeply into mine. Yup, I’m confused. My hand has gone limp with out me realizing it.

‘........are you going to end my fantasy so soon?”

Now it’s not a question at all, you.... have....lost....your....mind. I stare at you blankly.

“Please Mana.......”

This is not going quite the way I planned. I can feel you twitching underneath my fingers. I can’t bring myself to move yet though. This must be part of your plan. It makes sense. All of your baiting, arguing, and selfishness seems to have led up to this moment. Hmm....what is it you want? Do you really want me to bow down to you this bad?

Fine. I might could push it further. I think I may take you up on this games. Oh, how you will think you have power over me. You will crawl back to me and you will listen to me from now on. If not....well...I guess I’ll humiliate you, maybe fuck you over and leave you to suffer.

You think you will not lose face. This is my game, my world, not yours.

Egoist.

You will not create your perfect dream world, a world where everyone worships you.

Romanticist.

You know if you leave now you’ve lost this game completely. You also know that if you continue you will forever been in someway connected me.

Realist.

You release my hand. I take a breath and pull back. The wound on my neck hurts and I reach up to touch it as I take another breath. Lets do this you self-righteous ass.

I’ll never be yours.

This will not end well for you. I’ll let you think what you like for now though.

I crawl to you and you wrap you arms around me gently. We kiss once more, and I take it another step further. I press my body to yours, letting my weight fall against you, my hands cup your groin and I start to stroke you through your much too tight pants. I then start undoing the crisscrossing strings that hold your pants shut.

“Mana,” You say into my lips. I can’t believe you of all people have said my name that many times tonight. You leave a small kiss on my forehead as if thanking me for pulling down the zipper to your pants. I tug on your pants a little, moving them down a few inches. Good god boy! Why do you feel the need to wear such tight clothes?!

I really don’t want to do what will come next. I look you in the eyes once more just to make sure that this is what you really want. After a second I believe that you truly do want this......pervert. Your hand finds it’s way to the back of my head and you are agonizingly slow about pushing my head downwards, toward your lap. I have to keep repeating in my mind...I will not be sick. I will not be sick.

“Camui,” I say under my breath. I’m speaking into your stomach and trying not to puke. Some part of my brain is screaming at me. I ignore it.

You push me down so fast that it makes my arms give out and I’m forced to prop up on my elbows. I want to hit you so bad at this moment, but instead I focus on the fact the you have slipped through the slit in your boxers. I know this is driving you crazy. My mouth only inches away from your throbbing need. My hair is laying gently over your thighs. I stay like this for a few moments awaiting your reaction. As I thought you become impatient and push my head down a bit more.

I let my breath caress your skin, teasing you. Finally I lick you lightly, tasting you. I run my tongue over your length and you pet my hair softly trying to encourage me. You entwine your fingers into my golden ringlets as I tease you, licking and kissing softly. You probably think that I don’t know what I’m doing. That’s good though, it means that I won’t have to put much effort into this. I open my mouth to take the tip of you in and you thrust up forcing me to take all of you. I gag at your intrusion. Your hand on the back of my head keeps me from pulling away.

“Stay still baby, stay still....”you gasp at me.

You’re panting and I haven’t even done anything yet, except try not to choke. You are now moving your sex gently in and out of my mouth. I struggle a bit using my arms to push away from you. If I really wanted to get away from you though I would. I am by no means as weak as you seem to think I am. Struggling is a good effect though, it makes me look more helpless, more female. I refuse to use my tongue on you and I know at this point you don’t really care anyhow. You like the feel of my mouth. Warm and wet and welcoming.

“I said stay still,” You spat and tighten your grip on my hair.

I stop struggling and switch tactics. I use my stage skills and let a tear roll down my pretty face and land softly on your thigh. You believe I’m so proud, that I would never use tears to trap you, to make you think you have won. Well Gackt, dear, you are sorely wrong. I let my jaw go lose and all but lay down on you. Your pace quickens and you thrust yourself harder into my mouth. You really do like this don’t you? I’m docile, demure, beautiful, all that you could want in a lover. I can feel my saliva dripping down my chin, I have to force myself to not wipe it away. Tonight you will be mine and you don’t even know it yet.

“Mana......I’m almost.....”

I close my throat muscles around your member and suck on you as best as I can, considering how far you have pushed yourself into my throat. Your eyes shut and your head lulls to one side, you moan softly under your breath.

“.....more...” you breath out.

I repeat what I just did smiling inwardly.

“I....almost....,” You pant loudly. I really want to make you scream....but not this time....I need to wait.

One more time and this will all be over. I suck harder at you as you push yourself deep into my mouth. Your hips raise up as you cum. I feel your seed hit the back of my throat hot and thick. You keep yourself held there until you’re done, drained and satisfied.

I think I’m going to be sick.

You lay back and slip out of my mouth, you’re tired now. Your breathing is labored and your watching me as I jerk back. I throw my hair back being over dramatic, you love me now, I know you do. I let a little of your liquid trickle out from the corner of my mouth. I try swallowing it, but I choke on your taste. I really can’t stand you....any part of you. I cough and grab at my chest your excess seed spills out and onto the carpet. I try to catch it with my hands not wanting remnants of you left in my dressing room. It doesn’t work. There it sits....gross and slimy on the floor. I stare at it as if maybe I can make it burn up and disappear.

I’m sitting among this mess and you are looking at me now, it’s as if in your eyes, I’m the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. What is wrong with you? At least I know my plan has worked...you are totally enthralled with me.

“Don’t worry about it, the janitor will clean it up....” You say.

I look up at you. Are you insane, I implore with my eyes. God you’re disgusting.

I pause. I must look horrible, but I’m more worried about one of the other band members walking in and having to explain what just happened.

“What is it love? Come here and tell me,” You say in a very sweet, oh so condescending tone.

I guess we are still playing this game. I regain my demure act and look at you as if I don’t know what to do. I know I must look very pretty and terribly pitiful. You sigh deeply and stand up walking toward me a few steps. Ah yes, you are trying to be valiant.

Don’t strain youself.

“Mana-chan,” You say through smiling lips.

I stare at you my eyes fixed to yours. I move forwards now very slightly trying to look even more feminine. You’re staring at me again giving me a shit eaten grin.

I hate you.

I wonder how much further I will have to go in order to beat you. How long will it take for you to realize that you are mine and that I have given you so much? You will understand soon enough, this is just the first step.

You sink down into a crouching position in front of me, you’re at eye level now. One of your long fingers reaches out as you wipe the rest of your juices away from my mouth.

“......I cooked a lot for dinner last night but had no time to eat it....I’m dining all alone tonight and there’s enough for two if you care to join me....” You say quietly.

I want to laugh so bad. You have invited me to follow you into your own home. Do you know what that means? I open my mouth slightly and you slide your finger in, running it teasingly across my tongue once. Very slowly you pull it back out, my saliva clinging to it in a thin string.

“Will you come?” You ask, smiling at your own joke and tracing my jawline.

I stay silent while I watch you for a moment. You however seem to still be smiling over your sorry little joke.

I decide that this may be the best thing to do after all. I nod my head gently and continue to look you in the eyes. Your eyes are cold, but you are smiling a wide smile. It’s one of those grins you only give when you are actually happy. I’m wondering what the hell I’ve done to make you so smile like that.

This will end, tonight.