FicWad

I woke up to the sound of a dog barking outside my bedroom door. I don't have a dog, nor have I ever had a dog. I winced as I opened my eyes and the brightness of the room I was in hit me. I groaned and looked around.

“Where am I?” I asked out loud. The bed I was in was disheveled and unmade; clothes were strewn across the floor. Some of the clothes happened to be mine. I looked down and realized I was naked. “No…” I mumbled, rubbing my forehead.

I got up and dressed myself and opened the door of the bedroom. A little dog that looked like someone given him a skin three sizes to big ran in and started jumping on my leg like a freak. I mumbled something even I couldn’t understand and shooed the dog away with my foot.

With the little bastard on my heels, I made my way downstairs, where I found my leather stilettos lying in the middle of the hallway. I grabbed them, holding them in my hand as I searched the house for my purse.

“Looking for this?” A voice said from behind me. I spun around, almost killing myself and the little rat following me, by losing my balance and stumbling into a near by table.

A red head with a lot a freckles, a pair of jeans and a grin as big as his face was holding my purse out with one hand. I nodded and regained my balance and walked over to him. As I was about to take my purse back, he pulled his hand away and left me in mid reach.

“Do you remember last night?” He asked. I shook my head and let my hand fall to my side.

“No, that's why I’d like my purse so I can leave.” I said, reaching for it. The fire crotch pulled his hand away.

“Not so fast Blondie.” He said with a smirk. I got mad because who the fuck is he calling me Blondie? I should have retorted with ‘Fuck you Fire-crotch, give me my damn bag and I won’t punch the shit out of your taint.’ But decided with a simple frown and a slight whimper.

“Listen, I’ve got a head ache, my stomach is riding a fucking roller coaster and I don't even know where I am, so if you would just kindly give me my bag, I’d appreciate it.” I said a little snottily.

He shook his head and smiled.

“Okay listen Matchstick, I’m about to get mad and you wont like me when I’m mad.” I growled. The red head laughed.

“What? Are you going to turn green and tear me to pieces?” He asked. I bit my lip and questioned on how far I could lunge. He was about five feet away and I could get him square in the chest if he had slow reflexes.

“I don't understand why you’re holding me hostage.” I groaned, I needed to pee and I wanted to throw up. If one happened, the other would most definitely follow close behind. “Why don't we brainstorm and figure out what happened and then I can leave.” I said, doing my potty dance over to the couch.

The guy walked over and sat down across from me.

“Alright, I went to club Rain last night.” He said, putting my bag in his lap like it was his. I shook my head and rolled my eyes.

“Me too.” I answered. He nodded and looked at me seriously.

“I don't remember anything after buying you you’re fourth Kamikaze.” He explained. I shook my head and chuckled.

“I don't even remember you buying me my first Kamikaze.” I said with a smile. “But I take it we came back here, had sex and passed out.” I said with a wave of my hand. “You couldn’t piece that together yourself, Ginger?” I asked. He frowned and furrowed his brow.

“I have a name.” He grumbled. I shook my head and frowned.

“I don't care. I want to go home and pee, take a shower and maybe make myself sick.” I explained angrily. I stood up, grabbed my purse and stormed towards the door. I felt a pair of hands grab my wait. I spun around and started beating the guy with my purse.

“What the fuck!” He cried out as I struck him in the face with my purse.

“Rape!” I screamed to no one. The guy just shook his head and chuckled a bit. “Now I’m going to turn around, Rusty, and hopefully I can trust you to not grab me again because I most surely will knee you right in the goods.” I spat. The guy held his hands up and took a few steps back. I reached for the door handle and turned around. “You don't have like, an STD or something, do you?” I asked, opening the door slightly. The guy shook his head. I nodded and pulled the door open.

“Maybe we should exchange numbers, incase we want…” He started but I shook my head and held my hand up.

“Red headed stepchildren aren’t my type.” I said before walking out the door.

Two weeks later


“You know you fucked Shaun White, right?” Amy asked as I stepped inside. I frowned and shook my head.

“What?” I asked, raising my eyebrow. She pulled me inside and pushed me into the living room.

“You and Shaun White left Rain together that one night.” She explained. I shook my head again and stared at her.

“Who the fuck is Shaun White?” I asked. She yanked me over to her computer and googled his name. A bunch of websites came up and so did some pictures. There was the guy I slept with, right there on the screen.

“No fuckin way.” I said with a groan. “You mean, I fucked a celebrity and didn’t even know it. God, I wish I had been sober.” I mumbled. Amy laughed and shook her head.

“Maybe now you’ll cut back on the drinking?” She asked, shutting her computer down. I shook my head and scoffed.

“Hell fucking no. First, the chance of me sleeping with a celebrity again is slim to none.” I explained. Amy looked at me like she was waiting for something. “What?” I asked.

“What's the second reason you won’t stop drinking?” She asked, unenthused. I smiled.

“’Cause I like it too much.” I smiled. She shook her head and rolled her eyes.

“Listen, I left with his friend Louie and we’ve been talking since then, he asked for your number so I gave it to him thinking Shaun had lost yours.” She explained and smiled sheepishly.

“You what!?” I asked angrily. “I didn’t give Agent Orange my number because I don't wanna talk to him again!” I shouted angrily. Amy just gave me the finger.

“Well now you know he's not some creepy rapist, he's a famous snowboarder!” She retorted. I shook my head. “He obviously liked you if he wanted your number!” I shook my head again.

“Well maybe I didn’t like him!” I explained. She rolled her eyes.

“How could you not like him!? He’s really cute!” She said, following me into the kitchen. I raised my hands and sighed loudly.

“He held my purse hostage for a half hour, discussing the events neither of us remembered the night before! What's to like, Amy?” I asked, leaning against the counter. She struggled for words.

“He’s famous, Kristina!” She finally said.

“I’m not like you! I don't just date guys for their money!” I hollered. She gasped and held her heart.

“Take that back!” She spat. I shook my head.

“You’ll suck my dick before I take it back.” I hissed. She shook her head and inhaled deeply.

“I understand that you’re saying things because you are frustrated. I’ll let this one slide.” Amy growled.

“Whatever Amy, I just don't wanna talk to him again.” I said quietly.

I was leaving her house when my phone vibrated. I looked at it and there was a text from an unknown number.

Hey, it’s Shaun…

I chose not to reply.

Not only did I fail to miss the fact that I was late with my monthly gift from Mother Nature, I missed the fact that the baby growing inside me was a fire-crotch.