FicWad

Well, it looked like I made it through the day. Now to ditch all these books. I knew exactly where my locker was. It’s been the same one for four years now. Right between the science lab door and the water fountains at the end of the hall there were 5 lockers. Mine was first, then to the right of me was Melissa Walters. We use to be friends in the 6th grade; traded lip gloss and shit, the one day she comes spouting how she's gonna save the environment. Turned into this weird hippie chic girl. Made her own clothes and shit. She was still cool and all, but we only talked when we were both at our lockers at the same time. Next to her was Eric Wang, captain of the chess team, straight A's, I never heard him speak English, only in Chinese to his twin sister Carol Wang who was the next locker. Then right next to the water fountain was Gerard Way.

Every year they change the locker combos. I can’t stand it. Locks and I do not get along… I looked at my schedule, my combo was written on the top. 13-26-12. Well here goes nothing, I thought to myself as I tried it.

Holy shit it opened!! I can’t believe I opened it on the first try. That’s never happened to me before! I smiled and looked around for someone to tell but there was no one. I mean Gerard was standing there but he was almost done putting his books away and wouldn’t look up… Oh well...I tossed in the very expensive camera first. Then I threw my math book on top of it. Then the social studies book, I looked in my bag. I didn't need any of this crap.

Bang!

The noise startled me…I looked over and Frankie Iero just slammed into Carol Wang’s locker. He was holding some book in the air, trying to play keep away from some freshman. Might work better if you were taller Frankie I thought to myself. Someone was bound to get hurt. I threw all the rest of my crap into the locker and slammed the door shut as I turned around.

"Oh Fuck Me!!" I said loudly throwing my hands up in the air. Shit! I just locked the combo inside!! My mind went blank. I just fucking opened it. How could I forget it so fast…

"Okay" a guys voice said behind me. I turned, it was Frankie Iero.. I jiggled the handle on my locker praying it would still be unlocked but it wasn't. “So when we gonna do this Elle?" he asked me.

"When what?” I said and he grinned at me… “Oh come on Frankie, I just fucking locked my combination inside my locker." I tell him as I continued to jiggle the handle. But it was no use it was locked and no amount of jiggling was going to change it… “I'm never gonna get it open” I whined a little. “And I cant go back to the guidance office that bitch already told me not to come back..” I said sniffling a little.

Gerard sighed, he came over and started turning the dial "13...26...12" He says as he spins it around and it popped opened.

"How did you do that!" I cried out grabbing my bag from inside.

"You said it out loud when you opened it before..." he mumbled as he looked down at his feet, Then he grabbed his bag and started to walk off.

"Wow, can you say STALKER?" I heard Frankie tease him as he followed him away..

I made my way home without any incidents. Bobbi-Jo was knitting on the couch; my grandpa was sleeping in the chair. He was still wearing his coat.

"Did you go somewhere?" I asked her.

"Your grandpa insisted we go get some peanut butter.," she said

"Oh Bobbi why!?!" I cried out. "I can't eat that!!" I moaned. Bobbi-Jo knew I hated PB and J, actually I despised it… but papa always insisted on making it for me for some reason.

"Don't worry you wont starve, Ill make you something for tomorrow deary." She laughs and as she said it I realized I was starving. I didn't eat anything at lunch. I raided the fridge, then headed off to my room. The light on my answering machine was blinking...A lot...

I pushed the button. Lia's voice boomed out "Where ARE YOU???"...beep..."ELLE WHAT THE HELL?"...beep..."I know you're home CALL ME!!"...beep

I picked up the phone. Lia is not supposed to be home yet. Her school starts later and she shouldn't get home for another hour. The phone rang one time before she snatched it up.

"You need to get over here now Elle!!" Lia yelled into the phone and then hung up before I could even answer her. I grabbed my coat. Something must have happened, but with Lia something was always happening. Lia lived a block away from me, but in the opposite direction of the school. I got to her house and let myself in. Lia was sitting on the floor by her closet in a pair of jeans and her bra. There were clothes strewn all over the floor.

"What are you wearing? " she said looking me over. Lia loved to borrow my clothes. She'd even take them right off my back. She made a face disapproving of my outfit. Lia was a bit taller than me, she had really dark hair that was stick straight. She had a real boyish frame, with long legs and no hips. I had curves. We couldn't share jeans as she wore a 3/4 and I was a 5/6 but we both wore small/medium shirts. The only difference was Lia was barely a B cup and I was practically a D.

"Id take that shirt" she said pointing to me, "but the boobs are all stretched out" she said frowning

"Lia what the fucks going on? Why are you home so early?" I asked ignoring her comment. She picked up a black tank top and put it on. Her hair was soaking wet, she must've just gotten out of the shower.

"I got kicked out" she said matter of factly. She then went on to describe how the principal accused this guy she had a crush on of pulling the fire alarm.

"Well did he?" I asked her nervously.

"Well yeah. But only after he lit a fire in the garbage can..." she said "you should've seen how mean they were being to him, I mean he's a fucking hero if you ask me!!" She cries out.

"I bet you fucking told them that too.." I sighed Lia never knew when not to get involved.

"Well yeah…anyway they said I was like a co-conspirator or some crap cause he used my lighter- its not like we were trying to assassinate JFK or some shit!” She laughs.

"Ahh, I think you're a little too late for JFK? Didn't someone kill him already?." I asked.

Lia shrugged "I don’t fucking know… But I do know that my mom had to pick me up, she was pissed too, I mean she had to leave work." Lia smiled… She loved pissing her mom off.

I mean Lia’s house looked like a museum. There were chairs you couldn't sit in, towels you couldn't use and food that was not for eating her mom would say. The more rules she came up with the more determined Lia was to break them. Lia's parents always worked late in the city and they treated Lia like a burden.

"Well, where is she now?" I asked.

"Ah come on Elle, she went back to fucking work, you know her. Career before family..." Lia groaned "But the worst part- they said I can't take the GED exam until the end of the fucking school year. And since I am not allowed on school property anymore- they're gonna send a tutor to my house for home schooling!" She says and I gasp a little.

"fuck no! Can they really do that?” I ask.

"mm hmm" Lia nodded "some Indian lady named uh Ms. Shecta or some shit she's coming everyday at 3pm for 2 hours" Lia says and I sigh a little. “My moms gotta pay her a small fortune too.” She laughed.

"Well you'll be able to sleep in at least " I tell her laughing myself now.

"Not funny Ellie!" she said shaking her head a bit. "So uhh… when were you gonna tell me about Ray?" she said punching my arm.

I went blank for a second…. "Oh Ray Toro?!" I said and she nodded. I went on to describe everything that happened that day about the sky falling and me out in the rain and my locker. Lia just laughed. "But why are we talking about Ray anyway?" I asked curiously.

"Oh um he called me at lunch...and he's coming over." she said.

“When?” I ask as the doorbell rang.

“Mmm now…” She says as she gets up. "I promised Ray he could meet Ted" Lia said as she headed downstairs. I was speechless. Ted was not a real person, Fuck… what were you doing Lia?!?

Lia was a drug dealer. It started out innocent enough. We were just trying to get the best prices ya know. Everyone she bought from she would convince to introduce her to their dealer. That was how we met Carlos. He was Cuban. Maybe 30 years old. He wouldn't sell to teens, so Lia made up Ted. She said he was a medium time dealer she was sleeping with and she would do his runs for him. Carlos bought it and so did a lot of other people. No one would respect Lia if they knew she was dealing on her own but having Ted behind her..

She would always be like I'll have to check with Teddy. or I'll put in a good word for you with him. It was hilarious to watch. The fucked up part is she really was sleeping with Teddy. Her Teddy bear that was. He had a small hole in his back and she use to stash her dime bag in him. Now poor teddy had a tummy full of weed and a cocaine nose. His arms were full of angel dust. She hardly slept with him any more ever since that night she rolled over and his head fell off and she woke up covered in coke. She's lucky she even woke up, breathing that in that shit all night. So now Ray Toro is at the front door ready to make a deal with her teddy bear. I looked at the bear sitting innocently on her shelf. Then I headed down stairs. Lia was walking towards the sliding doors in her living room.

"Go wait outside on the deck guys, I'll go call Ted. " she said opening the door. Ray walked out first. Behind him was Gerard, and that kid in my math class. Oh they must be related I thought stupidly…Of course they're related Elle...I don’t know why I didn’t put that together sooner…Way/Way… Fuck…. The guys all sat at her patio table. I leant on the railing of the deck. Gerard lit a cigarette and stared off onto the yard... Ray was looking through the doors eagerly as Lia pretended to chat on the phone… Mikey was staring at me. Then Lia appeared in the doorway and peeked her head out.
"Hey how much money did you bring Toro?" she asked him and he reached in his pocket. "Oh that's Mikey, Gerard’s little brother she tells me nodding to him. “Isn't he just the cutest little thing Elle?" she said.

I didn't answer.

"uh I got like 35 bucks" Ray said scratching at his afro. "But uh where’s Ted?" He says. Lia grins.

"Oh he got a little tied up, but don't worry I'll take care of you. " Lia smiled at Ray. He smiled back. Oooh, bad move Ray. Getting involved with Lia wont end well.

"I'll be right back" Lia said as she took Rays money inside.

"This is bullshit" Gerard muttered.

Ray looked at him. "No man it's cool." Ray says as Gerard flicked his cigarette on to Lia’s lawn. I frowned. I hate when people do that.

"Is there even a fucking Ted? " he scowled. They all turned to me as I got up to go retrieve his trash.

"I can honestly say yes there is a Teddy. I've spoken to him many times. He really does exist." I said stepping onto the lawn and picking up the cigarette butt and frowning as I brought it over the trashcan on the side of the house. I wasn't lying to them either… I did talk to him, so did Lia…he just never talked back. Except for that one time when we were tripping a little too hard...

Lia appeared in the doorway. She held up a Ziploc bag. Gerard’s eyes lit up. He was a real druggie. I could always tell who was and who wasn't that into it. And he was into it. I never would have guessed either…

Just then my pager went off. It was Paul. He got me a pager last year. I hated it, it was like he was keeping track of me and he always knew when I was up to no good. I got up and headed towards the door. Gerard stood up and nudged Mikey "lets go" he said lowering his voice down.

"Bye Elle" Mikey said to me as I closed the glass door. I just looked at him and didn't answer. Lia was bringing them out the back gate.

I called Paul from the phone in her kitchen. He was going to come over to my house. Mind you he didn't fucking ask me, just told me he's on his way and hung up. Lia walked in smiling.

"I just kissed Toro!" she said giggling slightly.

"Fuck Lia why?" I cried out totally shocked.

"Why not?" she replied a little bored.

"Why not?!” I cry out. “You know what I cant do this right now with you I've gotta go Pauls coming over" I said grabbing my bag by the door way.

"I don't know why you're still with him Elle. He treats you like shit.." she sighed. I just looked at her like please don’t start… Lia doesn’t like Paul… Paul doesn’t like Lia… There was nothing I could say to change that so why bother… "Here at least take this-" she says as she hands me a altoids tin. "They sent me to the fucking shrink too.." She laughs as I opened it . It was filled with pills.

"Mmm, what are they?" I asked poking through them.

"Oh I don't fucking remember" she smiles. "But the lady did say not to mix two of them" She warns me.

"Well which ones Lia?" I say snapping the lid shut.

Lia thought really hard. "I don't know Elle you'll just have to figure it out..."

I walked up to my front steps and Paul was already there.

"Why do you always walk hun?" He asked me gesturing to my car, which has been sitting in the driveway untouched for God knows how long. I just shrugged. What did he want me to admit that I'm usually to fucked up to drive? I mean I know I make stupid decisions but if anything ever happened to me it would just kill my papa.

“I don’t know. Did you wanna go for a drive?” I say a little confused as I unlocked the front door.

"No um can we go in? I want to show you something.." Paul said grinning as he picked me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he reached up and unhooked my bra as he carried me down the hall and into my room. My papa wasn’t home. Bobbi had brought him to his doctor’s appointment. We were alone in the house and would be for a few hours but I shut the door anyway. He took his shirt off and was stretching his arms above his head.

"Aw, I think I've seen it all before.." I teased him and he laughed and pulled me towards him. He was kissing my neck and unbuttoning my jeans. I pulled him down on top of me on the bed. Paul towered over me. He was almost 6ft tall. He was really well built with broad shoulders and he was still tan from the summer. We were really getting in to it then he reached over and pulled out a condom from his pants pocket.

"You know I love you Elle.." he whispered in my ear.

"You know you don't have to say that." I tell him sighing a little.

"No I really mean it." He said and I shrugged. He stopped what he was doing and pulled my face close to his. "What we have is real..." He says squeezing my arm. I just looked at him. He squeezed harder…it started to hurt. "I will never lose you Elle" He tells me.

I strained and managed to pull my arm back. “I know baby" I said softly and I kissed him on the lips. “I love you too okay.” I reassure him… He smiled a little and kissed me again a little rougher…

Paul gets like that sometimes. For such a tough guy he's really emotional. He needed me and I liked that. It was comforting to know how much I meant to him… I just felt bad that I didn’t feel the same back… And I think he knew it too..

About an hour later I woke up. Paul was crawling out of my bed.

"I didn't mean to wake you" he said kissing my forehead "but I gotta get home.." I mumbled something that sounded like okay and I heard him leave.

I laid in bed for a few minutes. It was so cold with out him. I got up and put on a robe. Then I saw the altoids tin sitting on the floor. I had dropped my purse and all the crap spilt out on to the floor… I opened it up and examined the contents. All the pills were so strange looking. Nothing I recognized.

"Now which one of you will help me sleep?" I asked out loud. I picked out a clear capsule filled with blue and white dots. Hmmm, you'll do I thought as I swallowed it....

I laid back down and closed my eyes. It didn't seem to be working...Then I heard a loud noise. I jumped out of bed startled… My head was throbbing. What the fuck? I thought. I looked at the clock on the wall. It said 7:45. There was some faint light streaming in from the window. It was cloudy out. I could see the sun, but was it rising or was it setting? How long had I been fucking sleeping for? I stared at the clock on the wall in confusion.... How the fuck are you suppose to know if its am or pm on a clock with hands? Just then Bobbi-Jo knocked on my door.

"Are you up Elle?" she asked. I nodded. She knocked again. "You’re gonna be late for school child..." She says peeking her head in…

It was morning! Fuck! I was gonna be late again. I hated to go to school fucked up again, but I was so fucking tired. I opened the tin, well the blue ones were out....hmmm, oh I didn't notice this one before...looked like speed... I swallowed it and threw on some jeans and a dark gray shirt. I bolted up the block. Fuck, I should have drove. I walked in to the photography lab right as the bell rang. Gerard was already there. He had his head down drawing in his notebook. He didn't even look up as I sat down.

My heart was pounding way to fast. But otherwise I felt great. I looked around the room. Frankie wasn't here. Maybe he's absent today I wondered to myself. Then Mr. Edwards announced we were going into the dark room. I don't know why I was so surprised. It was a photography class, but a dark room? Everyone started to go in. I stopped in the doorway. It was soooo dark. Gerard was behind me.

He coughed.

I didn't move.

He sighed.

I still didn't move.

I turned to him-"I can't go in.. I'm scared of the dark!" I blurted out. He rolled his eyes at me.

"Figures.." he said wrapping my arm in his as he pulled me into the dark. You could see Mr. Edwards shadow faintly in the back of the room. He was demonstrating something but I couldn't see what. His voice echoed loudly in the small room. We were supposed to work with a partner to develop the film. He was rattling off a bunch of chemical names I can't even pronounce and he expects me to use them? In the fucking dark?! Is he nuts? I was starting to feel faint. Gerard was still holding my arm. I moved closer to him.

I had never stood that close to Gerard before. He smelled really good, like cigarettes and leather. It was strangely comforting to me... I took a deep breath of him. Oh God. What the fuck was I doing? I felt my cheeks blush in embarrassment... Thank God it was dark! How could I be crushing on Gerard? I mean Gerard Way?!? He couldn't like me? Could he? I mean he was being so nice to me now- holding my arm in the dark, but he was so nasty yesterday about my moon mouse. Oh shit I drew a moon mouse!. Man I was so fucked up. He probably thought I was fucking nuts, and I couldn't blame him. Just then Mr. Edwards flicked on the lights. Gerard dropped my arm instantly and took a step to the side. I felt my heart sink. You're so fucking stupid Elle! I thought to myself. So fucking stupid.....

I felt like such a fool. Thinking about Gerard like that! I was sitting with Heather, Lisa, and Marie in study hall, but I was looking across the room at Gerard. He was drawing in his notebook again totally oblivious to everyone around. He must think he's so much better than everyone else. I mean fuck; he sits alone like no one is good enough to sit with him... I think I hate him....

My heart was still beating a hundred miles a minute. I'm starting to think that that wasn't speed I swallowed this morning... Fucking Lia! This is all her fault. I was gonna go over and call her from the pay phone. Wake her up and piss her off but just as I was about to get up someone comes over to our table. They hand me a pink slip. I have to go to the office. Apparently they just noticed that I wasn't in English class yesterday.

Motherfuckers ! I thought to myself as I walked slowly down the hall. Some one could have grabbed me yesterday and fucking killed me and they're just realizing it now? I became hysterical in the office. I was locked out!, I could have been hurt! My grandpa would have collapsed if he knew! I carried on and on. Finally they let me go with a warning.

The next period had already begun and the halls were empty. As I walked to math class I wondered what fucking shrink would have given this to Lia. I mean she was already so high strung this would've made her blow her brains out. I took my seat. Mikey was staring at me. Okay now I'm not in the fucking mood for this.

"Do you have a problem?" I demanded

"You look pretty" he said weakly and turned back to his work. I gave him a nasty look and shook my head. I had had about all I could take of the Way brothers. I swear they are conspiring against me. Okay maybe you're just over reacting Elle. Take a deep breath. No one is out to get you. Or are they? I looked around the room. They all looked so suspicious. I heard someone whisper behind me. The hairs on my neck stood up. I was starting to freak out. I dug through my purse. I pulled out the tin. I needed to balance this out. Before they come and get me... I couldn't think straight..

Hmm, white pill, no clue- hmm another one that looks like speed- sorry I'll pass. Oh Mr. blue pill, you were so relaxing. Okay I choose you. I swallowed it with out water and instantly felt better. By the end of the class I felt like I wasn't on anything, which is fucked up cause why take shit then? Actually I felt better then ok I felt fucking great.

I stood up to walk out but before I left I turned to Mikey smiled as sweetly as I could. "Hey Mikey Way-you look pretty too..." I told him as I walk out…

I walk into Social studies and Ray is my chair.

"You're in my chair Toro." I tell him

"No I'm not" he says arrogantly leaning back putting his boots up on my desk.

"Uh yeah you are" I said snidely pushing his feet down off my desk. Then I smiled. He's so fucking lucky I'm in a better mood now.

"All right prove it" he smirks. He leans back and crosses him arms. He is not moving. What a bastard! I pull out my notebook.

"See I drew a picture yesterday.." I say sweetly showing him my drawing. "See that's me and that's my desk..." I say holding it up. He looked at me and smiled.

"You're one fucked up chick." he said getting up grinning a little at me as he sat down in his chair…"Hey uh what'd do yesterday?" he asked me. Oh ha ha Ray you're really funny. I thought to myself as I stared blankly at him.

"Nothing." I replied sighing a little.

"No you did something.." Ray insisted grinning at me.

"Uh no I didn't.." I replied.

"Fucking liar!!" He says and I look over and he was still smiling.

”Seriously I was at Lia’s and then I went home.” I tell him and he shakes his head no. "Ok Ray, then what did I do?" I asked him, giving up and he shrugged. "Well what did you do then?" I teased him.

"You know what I did" he said folding his arms on his chest and smirking. "Lia kissed me." He declares.

"Oh I'm sure she forced herself on you Toro!" I joked. He laughed.

"Well how bout you?" he questioned me and I just looked at him a little confused.. "Where'dya get that hickey from Elle?" He says and I was shocked. I quickly pulled out my compact. Fuck…sure enough Paul had left a mark on the side of my neck. Crap. Maybe that's why Gerard got all weird when the lights came on.

"Oh this," I said shrugging a little. "Don’t you know? I got it from Lia too." I say and Ray froze, he couldn't tell if I was kidding. "Aw, What’s the matter Toro are you jealous?" I say and he just laughed. But for the rest of the class he looked at me funny.

Okay Elle pull yourself together; you're being fucking cruel!!! First to Mikey now to Ray. Maybe Mr. Blue Pill was affecting me more than I thought.

The bell rang. Ray got up and stood in front of me.

"Are you going to lunch?" he asked looking down at me.

"Um yeah" I answered. He didn’t say anything he just followed me out the classroom and down the hall. Gerard was standing by the exit door.

"Lets go" I overheard Ray saying to Gerard. I walked out the exit door and towards the school gate. Ray and Gerard were close behind me. The monitor at the gate checked our IDs. I started to head down my block. Ray and Gerard were close behind. When we reached my house I stopped and turned.

"So its true then..." I said to Gerard. He took a drag of his cigarette and raised his eyebrow at me. "You ARE stalking me.." I said waving my finger at him scolding him. Gerard choked on his smoke. Ray just laughed.

"Uh Elle, this isn't Lia's house!" Ray said looking around.

"Well thank you Captain Obvious!" I sneered at Ray. "This is my house, Lia lives the next block down." I tell him pointing to the left. Ray looked down the street just as my papa came out.

"Elle dear?" he called out from the doorway " Is that you?"

"I'll be right there papa." I answered.

"Oh" papa said noticing Gerard and Ray. "Bring your... friends in too Ellie." He tells me and I nod politely… Is he kidding?

“Uh sure Papa.” I tell him as he goes back in. Gerard turned and was heading towards my front door. "Uh where the fuck are you going?" I snap at him.

"Inside..." Gerard says as he smiles at me. I look over and Ray shrugged his shoulders.

"No, no.” I say a little flustered. “I thought you were fucking going with him to Lia's?" I say looking over at Ray. He looked at me then at Gerard.

"Well if you're not fucking going to Lia’s then I'm not gonna go and fucking sit and watch them make out..." Gerard says harshly and he looked at Ray.

I crossed my arms and shook my head no. I mean what the hell? I looked at Gerard, he turned to Ray, and Ray looked at me and then him and then me and then tossed his hands up in the air… "You know what? fuck you both.. I'm going to Lia's" He says and he started jogging up the block.

“Ray!” I called out to stop him but he didn’t stop… Just then Papa appeared in the doorway.

"Is that your grandpa?" Gerard asked looking over at him. He was heading towards the door. I grabbed his arm and looked directly into his eyes.

"I'm warning you. Be nice." I say squeezing his arm. He just kinda smiled at me…. I never invite anyone over mostly because of my grandpas' condition. Gerard nodded. He walked up to papa and introduced himself. He was being so polite. What a fucking act! We followed papa inside. I saw Gerard looking around as we walked through the house, but he didn’t say anything…

He smiled as he sat at the kitchen table. Papa shuffled over and placed a dish in front of me. There was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on it. I poked it. It wobbled. I almost threw up. Gerard picked up his sandwich and took a bite. "Be nice..."he whispered at me and I couldn’t help but smile. I picked up my sandwich and forced myself to take a bite.

I was so surprised how well Gerard got along with papa. There really was something about him maybe it wasn't an act... As we walked out the front door Ray was stumbling up the block. He was obviously stoned and had a hickey on his neck too now... Fucking Lia, if anything she was consistent.

We walked back to the school together. As we entered Gerard held the door open. I was watching Gerard out of the corner of my eye and I walked into Jeff. I mean I literally walked right into him smacking my head against his chest. Second day in a row now I walked into him.

"Motherfucker!" I cried out. Gerard reached out his arm for me. Jeff shot him a nasty look and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"Elle baby, you ok?" He asked me still staring down Gerard. My head was spinning. I rubbed the side of it a little and looked up at him.

"Oh uh yeah Jeff." I said and I turned and looked as Gerard and Ray walked away. They didn't even say goodbye to me....

"Were you with those guys? " Jeff asks me scoffing a little.

"Oh uh. That's Lia's boyfriend" I told him. He shrugged at me… He didn’t like Lia much either I guess…

"Come on" He says tugging me along as we walked to the English classroom. I didn't realize that he was in the same class as me. But it made sense. That was how Paul knew I ditched yesterday. I sat down and Jeff sat next to me. He kept looking over at me. I could only imagine what he was thinking....